by Lindsey Hart
“You know what I’m talking about.”
“I’m afraid I don’t.” He eyed up his chair, really wishing he could sit, since at the moment, his legs felt like they were going to give out, but he didn’t.
Chantara crossed her arms. “Of course you don’t. You’ve had everything given to you forever. You haven’t ever had to worry about anything. Ever.”
“How would you know that exactly?” His words were flat and betrayed nothing. He found it completely ironic, almost funny in a horrible kind of way, that Callie had pretty much accused him of the same thing the day before.
“Just look at you!” Chantara spat. “You probably got this job because your mom or dad or someone you knew pulled some strings for you. Unlike the rest of us who have to work hard for every single thing handed to them.”
“Actually, neither my mom or dad got me this job.”
“They paid for your college then, so it’s the same damn thing.”
“They didn’t do that either. I paid my own way.” He could tell that Chantara was getting more worked up as the seconds went on. It wasn’t a good idea to piss off the only person he might have on his side when it came to Callie, so he changed tactics. “I might understand what you’re talking about. I grew up in a good neighborhood. I definitely had advantages that other people didn’t.”
“Privilege.”
“I don’t know-”
Chantara’s jaw ground together so hard it was nearly audible. “Did you ever think that having money is a privilege? You have a reputation for-well- for the women liking you. Why do you think that is? Don’t tell me it’s just because of the way you look, because I’ll tell you right now, it isn’t. That whole thing- don’t think it’s not on Callie’s mind. I don’t know what you did or said to get her to- to sleep with you,” she lowered her voice for that part, “but it’s probably never going to happen again. She’s been hurt enough. She doesn’t want to be rejected by another guy. Ben threw her to the curb. She had to explain to people why he left her. Do you have any idea how hard that was for her? I mean, her family knew, but other people? His family? It was a fucking nightmare.”
He winced. “I can imagine.”
“Can you? Mr. Easy Ticket, Golden Boy, Whatever…”
“Okay-” he put up a hand to stem any further choice words, but also to cut Chantara off before she really got going and the whole office heard their conversation. The walls of his office were only so thick. “Okay. I can see this isn’t a conversation I would ever win. Not that I’m trying to. I’m trying to tell you that I never meant to hurt Callie. I know what you think. That I wanted to sleep with her as some kind of conquest and be done with it, but I told you before, that’s not what I want. I’m not going to lie. I haven’t set the best- example when it comes to that in the past. I can see how you both would think that and she’s right to have doubts, but I do care about her. She’s- she’s different. There is something about her, Chantara, that I can’t even explain to myself. You might not believe anything else, but believe me, what I told you was true. You gave me her address-”
“It’s my address too and you promised not to abuse it.”
“Yes, I know,” he sighed. He hadn’t known they lived together until that morning when Chantara talked about Callie not coming out of her room. He quickly put the pieces together. “I wasn’t trying to abuse it. If you don’t hear anything else, I need you to believe that I really wanted to help her. I still do. I- I am just at a loss here. I was not unkind yesterday, whatever you think. I read all these articles about grief and moving on in the past few days and I was just- just trying to- to help.” He knew it was lame. How many times he said help, but he didn’t know how else to put it.
“So even if she didn’t want to see you again and she doesn’t want anything more to do with you, you were just trying to be there for her?”
“I told you that before too.”
“I didn’t exactly believe you, but I’ve seen the way she looks at you and I’ve heard what she isn’t saying when she talks about you. Callie likes you. And she doesn’t just like anyone. She hasn’t been interested in a single person since Ben. She’s been closed off and shut down when it comes to guys or dating or any of that. I was really surprised when she started talking about you, even after the Christmas party. I was shocked when she said that she-”
“Yes…” Matt cut her off, afraid that the walls of his office really weren’t thick enough for her to mention that. “I know. I- I really don’t know what to do. I wasn’t trying to hurt her. Then or now. I know you don’t believe that. She probably doesn’t believe it. I was- I wasn’t trying to use her. I wasn’t trying to make her into a conquest. I knew it was wrong because we worked together. I should have figured out a different way, but she was… I don’t even know.” He gave his head a shake. “She’s- well, she’s just- she’s not like anyone I ever met.”
Chantara’s eyes narrowed further. Her lips parted in surprise. “Oh my god,” she breathed. “You’re really into her, aren’t you? And you have no idea what to do with that?”
“I-”
“No, don’t answer that. Callie is- well, she can be difficult. She’s my best friend, but she hasn’t had an easy past couple of years and that whole thing with the miscarriage and her family, she was young. Really young to have to go through that. I think it’s harder for her to let go of it and truly just be happy because she learned at such a young age how not to be. She’s carried all that guilt with her for her entire teenage and adult years.”
“I told her yesterday, that it was okay for her to give herself permission to be happy. I said that moving on doesn’t mean that she had to forget, but she deserves something more. And I told her that not everyone was like Ben. Because there are good people out there. Even if it’s not me, she deserves to be happy.” It would kill him if she was happy with someone else, but he wanted to see her smile. Those smiles of hers were too rare, too few and far between, but when they happened, they were dazzling.
“That’s what you said yesterday?”
“Yes. I only spoke with her for a few minutes. Seriously. I just wanted to-”
“I know. To help.”
To his surprise, he felt his face heat up. “Yes,” he said lamely. “I didn’t realize I was going to upset her so much. She was very defensive. She clearly didn’t think I was there to help at all.”
“Or maybe she thought you were a fine one to preach at her.”
“I wasn’t preaching- but- but maybe you’re right. I could see now how she would think that. I didn’t even think once that I was going there to try and be better than her or tell her that I had all the answers. I don’t think I gave off that vibe.”
“Yeah, well, you might not have, but Callie, when she gets in a mood- I shouldn’t say that. It’s not fair for me. I had a good family. I grew up and I was fairly happy for a teenager. I met Callie in college. It was hard to get to know her, but then she decided to let me in, and we’ve been friends for years. I know her well enough to say that she does have some dark times and when she gets into that, no matter what you say or do, she might take it the wrong way. It’s not because of you. It’s because of where she goes, in her head, or worse, into her heart.”
“I can tell she feels a lot of guilt. I said that she told me that stuff because she wanted to feel better and she thought she’d never see me again, so why not?”
“That’s weird. Because that’s exactly why she told me. She said she didn’t really know why she did it, she just wanted to feel better.”
“She’s obviously searching. Maybe she’s ready to try and get better, or at least, get some kind of help. I thought she wanted to move on, really, and I tried to tell her she could. She just needs to let herself.”
“She doesn’t know how though. She probably does want to, somewhere deep down, but she buries that with guilt and with pain.”
“So, what are we going to do?” Matt finally sunk down, slowly, into his office chair. He felt de
feated, winded, far worse than he had all the evening and the night before.
“We?” Chantara raised a brow.
“Yeah. We?”
Chantara stared at him, pinning him with her dark, not so angry gaze, for a long time before she finally exhaled. “I wish I knew. Seriously. I would have done it a long time ago.”
CHAPTER 18
Callie
After three days of moping around the apartment, apparently, Chantara had enough. She swept in after work, took one look at the dirty dishes in the sink, the empty pizza box and sandwich wrappers in the living room and two bags of shopping that had yet to be unpacked.
“Get yourself in the shower, I’m taking you out.”
“What?” Callie stared at her best friend incredulously.
“Look at the place,” Chantara commanded. “God, it’s a mess. You’ve been wallowing around in it long enough. Go have a shower. We’re going out. I’m going to see if I can instill a little life into you yet.”
“No, really, I don’t want to go out.” Callie turned her attention back to the program on TV, something about fashion design and runways. She thought Chantara would leave it at that, but it must have been bad because she snatched the remote off the coffee table and turned the TV off.
“Seriously, honey, I love you, but you haven’t washed your hair in like, four or five days.” She sniffed. “Probably not anything else either.”
“Hey!”
“I’m kidding about that. Kind of. But really. You need to get out of the house. Now. You can’t keep sitting here day after day hoping that things are going to get better.”
“It’s not like I haven’t been trying. I’ve applied for a ton of jobs, but no one has called me back yet.”
“Well, we’re going out so you won’t have to think about that and everything else. It’s you and me like it used to be.”
“No, I really don’t want to go out out.”
“Relax. I’m not taking you to the bar. I’m too old for that shit.”
“Yeah right. You’re twenty-eight.”
“So are you. Which is too young to look like you’ve gone and given up on life.”
“I haven’t given up on life,” Callie protested indignantly.
Chantara moved her hands to her hips in that no nonsense kind of way she had that let Callie know her best friend wasn’t going to argue anymore.
“Then prove it. Go have a shower and put on something nice. We’ll go out to a pub or something for a drink and some onion rings.”
“A drink and onion rings? Why don’t we just go to the beer store and order something in after?”
“You’re missing the point here.”
“Which is?”
“That I want to get you out of the house.”
“Going to the beer store is getting out of the house.”
“Not like that. I want you to have a good time. We haven’t done anything together in a while. Let’s go to the pub and we can watch whatever shitty sports they have playing and have a few drinks and we’ll cab it back.” Chantara seemed to reconsider and for a moment Callie was hopeful she’d get out of it, but that hope faded as quickly as it had come. “Scratch the onion rings. I want fish and chips. You know that little Irish place a few blocks over? We can go there instead. Then we can walk back.”
“You do know that place isn’t even really Irish right?”
“But it plays Irish music and the servers wear those plaid skirt things.”
“Yes, well, my point exactly. Don’t you think it’s more of a sexy looking uniform than it is culturally accurate?”
“I don’t know. Anyway, stop arguing. Go get in the shower. Wash your damn hair and blow-dry it. Put on some makeup, even just some mascara or something. Get a nice dress on. You’ll feel better after, trust me.”
“Why a nice dress? Why not just something normal like jeans and a sweater?”
“Because that’s what you’ve been moping in for the past few days. I want to see you in something else. Trust me, you want to see you in something else.”
Callie pretty much knew it was hopeless to argue any further, so she did as Chantara asked. She had a long hot shower, shampooed her hair, twice, let the conditioner sit in, then rinsed. She stood under the hot spray, mostly just because it felt good. She hadn’t been clean and wrinkly for ages.
After she was sure she had just about exhausted their hot water tank, Callie switched off the shower and climbed out. She didn’t really want to blow dry her hair since it took forever, but she didn’t want to go out with it wet either.
Surprisingly, when it was blown out, her teeth brushed and her mascara and lip balm on, she did feel a bit better.
Chantara was waiting for her in the hall. “Here.” She held up a dress. It was one of hers, one of her favorites. It was a little too tight in the bust, but it was cute. It had little beaded fringes on the bottom. Callie remembered the day her best friend bought it. It was definitely a splurge after Callie got her first real job after college. The same job she was working now. The same job Callie wasn’t. “Put this on.”
“But that’s your dress,” Callie protested. She didn’t want to think about work and she certainly didn’t want to think about Matt and the dress reminded her of both in a shitty indirect way. What doesn’t, lately? Just put the damn thing on.
“I want you to wear it tonight. Come on. Drop that towel and get into it.”
Callie snatched the dress and disappeared into the still steamy, too hot bathroom. She emerged a few minutes later and Chantara clapped triumphantly. Her face broke into a huge smile.
“There. You look amazing. How do you feel? Better? Was I right?”
Callie had to grudgingly mutter something about Chantara being right after all, which caused a volley of cheers to erupt in the hall.
“Okay! Let’s go.” Chantara grabbed up her purse and took Callie by the hand. She managed to shrug out of her friend’s vice-like grip at the door so she could put on her shoes.
They walked down to the pub together and Callie had to admit, by the time they got there, she was feeling better. She wasn’t trapped in the stuffy apartment, hoping that she could find another job before what money she had in her account was eaten up by rent and bills.
Chantara led the way over to a small table in the corner. Callie had only been to the place a few times before. The place had good draft beer, even though the music was corny and a little annoying. The servers walked around as always, in their little skirts and too tight black tops that showed off their midriffs. She’d remembered correctly. Definitely not culturally correct attire, whatever period of history they were going for.
There were huge TVs around the place, turned to this or that soccer game or rugby. She wasn’t actually sure which. Must be rugby, because the guys were carrying the ball. That wasn’t allowed in soccer, was it? The bar itself was off to the side, a huge wood monstrosity with bar stools lined up in front, like every other bar. The tables were old and scarred, but they were well built and were actual, dark stained wood.
Callie pulled herself into one of the high bar stools and braced her feet on the run at the bottom. She was glad she’d worn flats. The kind of chairs where your feet didn’t touch the floor were horrible with heels. She faced Chantara, who gave her a strangely triumphant smile.
One of the serving girls, a cheerful, tall, pretty blonde who looked to be just old enough to be of legal age to even work in a pub, came round. She smiled at them and the smile was genuine. Which also meant that she probably hadn’t been working in the pub long enough to be jaded by the clientele. Maybe it wasn’t so bad, working in a pub instead of a bar.
“Hello ladies. My name’s Anna and I’ll be your server tonight. I’m happy to inform you that your first round of drinks is paid for. That said, what can I get you? The blonde beer we have on tap, the one on the little card there in the middle of the table, is excellent.”
“Uh, what? I’m sorry, could you tell me- uh- why are our drinks paid
for?” Callie stammered. She was so confused and was trying not to make it obvious but failing miserably.
“Oh. That guy in the corner there paid for them.”
Callie turned to see where Anna was pointing. And nearly fell off the barstool.
CHAPTER 19
Matt
“No! No, Chantara, let’s go.” Callie tried frantically to convince her best friend to make a quick getaway as soon as she spotted Matt.
He was too quick for that. He rose swiftly and cleared the distance just as quickly. He pulled out one of the two empty chairs remaining at the table where Callie sat. She looked nice, dressed in a tight-fitting black dress again. Lord, she was the queen of those things. If there was a woman who looked better in one, Matt had yet to meet her.
“Hey, there.” He sunk down in the chair. He flashed a grin at Chantara and saved a soft smile for Callie. She glared back at him.
“No. No hey there. You don’t get to just pretend that you just happened to be in this very same pub at the very same time as us.” She stabbed an angry finger in Chantara’s face. “And you! You had to have been in on this. Wear that dress, you said. Go out, you said. Yeah right! You had this whole thing planned!”
Chantara just shrugged innocently. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Yes, you do!”
“Nope. Maybe Matt just happened to overhear me say something about how great this pub is and decided to check it out for himself. I was just talking about it over lunch break.”
“You were not,” Callie ground out. She stared Chantara down, who slipped easily from her seat. She didn’t manage to keep the guilt off the twist of her lips that passed as a smile.
“I’m going to the washroom- for like- you know- thirty minutes. So- uh- enjoy.”
“What! No, you’re not!” Callie made a frantic grab for Chantara’s arm, but her friend danced away. Callie watched her retreating back helplessly. She finally turned her eyes his way.
Matt had to say he was impressed at Chantara. She said she’d get Callie to the pub for seven and she had. Callie looked- god, she looked good. Her hair gleamed gold, shiny and lustrous. She had on a dash of makeup and if she looked slightly pale, as she had the other afternoon when he’d seen her last, he couldn’t tell. She was wearing red lipstick. Like she had on the night of the Christmas party. He breathed in and it wasn’t just his imagination. She smelled good too.