Tears gathered at the corners of my eyes. I wiped them away and turned my attention to Rose, who led Ragan's Sprite alongside her own Fae horse, Abracca. “They're not in Belise. At least not Ragan and Serida. I have no idea where Shan and Marita are and I don't think Ragan knows they were taken. I saw him and he spoke to Serida. I still feel her. Not east, but northeast. Ragan was talking about gladiators. What's northeast and gladiators?”
Kemi raised her hand to her mouth and gasped. “Oh, no.”
“What?” I asked. “Where are they?”
Rose pressed a hand on either side of her nose as tears trailed down her cheeks. “No. No, this is worse.”
Kai's nose twitched as he frowned. “North Vale. The gladiatorial arena is at the Amberwood Palace in Parandor, the Fae King's autumn home. I'm afraid your friend is to be used as entertainment.”
Rose's eyes sought mine and she reached between our horses to grab my hand. “I am from Parandor, and there is no reason to believe my family does not still reside there. My father left me on hostile terms, and he is not going to be happy if he sees me again.”
“Then hopefully we won't run into him,” I said, squeezing her hand. “We know where Ragan is now and we're going to save him. We haven't come to the fork in the road yet, and the sheriff said left leads to the North Vale. Let's ride.”
I worried about Shan as we coaxed the horses back into a run, but I didn't think he was in immediate danger so he would have to wait. If he needed to, he could always teleport himself and Marita and then they could steal some clothes and run. Ragan and Serida needed to come first. We were the only chance they had to survive, and that tiny, unlikely chance was growing dimmer by the minute.
∆∆∆
“I know you were with me. Come back. I'm trapped. Help me. Come back to me.”
I opened my eyes to a clouded mountain sunrise and mist upon mossy trees. I had fallen asleep on my saddle, secured only by a knot in the scarf around my waist. I didn't remember tying it there. Perhaps Rose had. She rode close to me, her eyes wide open and her pointed ears alert.
“Serida was talking to me. Then I woke up. I think we need to take a break. I can't feel my legs,” I said. I tried to wiggle my toes, but felt only faint pinpricks. I anticipated several minutes of pain when my legs decided to wake.
“You nearly fell off a while ago. Nador hopped over for a minute to tie you on, and you didn't stir. Did the same for Iefyr.” Rose nodded to her left, where Iefyr snoozed on Rakas.
I yawned and looked ahead. Nador rode alone on Sprite, which would have been an amusing sight under other circumstances. The Silverwind elves rode next to her, and the three appeared to be deep in conversation. The silver dragons soared high above us, silent and watchful.
I tried wiggling my toes again. Ah, there was the prickling pain. I needed to be careful dismounting or my legs would collapse under me and I'd break something. “Tell them to stop. Please. I need to walk around.”
“Can't summon the voice to yell? Fine.” Rose took a deep breath and yawned. “Nador. Silverwinds. We need a moment to rest and eat.”
Without waiting for a response, Rose pulled her horse and Iefyr's to a halt, then dismounted and helped me off Saragon. My numb legs wobbled and I sank to the ground.
“Sit there for a minute and let the feeling come back. I need to wake Iefyr.”
“Chirp?” Lumin looked down at me from Saragon's back. He was still tucked in the rucksack, which I'd taken off my back and put in the turnip crate sometime during the night.
I held my hand up toward him. “There are plenty of things scurrying around here. Go find yourself something to eat.”
Lumin lowered his head until it rested on the saddlebags. He exhaled and closed his eyes. “Chirp.”
“I know you miss Shan, but you need to eat. We all do. We can't help them if we're so hungry that we're too weak to stand. Go get yourself a nice robin or vole and fill your stomach.”
Lumin opened his green eyes. He spread his wings to their limits, then launched himself off Saragon. He glided over my head and into the ferns at my back. He tumbled as he landed, and ended up on his back looking toward me
“That's a nice new trick you've learned,” I said, cringing as my legs protested my latest effort at movement. “I wish Shan was here to see it. I won't tell him you can glide. I'll just let him think he was the first to see it when you two are back together.”
Lumin coiled his neck, then righted himself. He cocked his head toward a noise I couldn't hear, then bounded over a moss-blanketed log. The swishing, glowing end of his raised tail was all I could see of him.
“Stay close,” I called. I shifted my hips side to side and turned my attention back to the road. Nador and the elves had circled back and Rose was helping them down. She hadn't been successful waking Iefyr. He still quietly snored in his saddle. I tried to rise to my knees, but my legs weren't quite ready for that yet. “Sorry. Needed to get feeling back in my legs. Eat, relieve yourselves, walk around, whatever. I know we can't stay long, I just needed to stop for a minute. Sorry.”
Kai stretched his arms over his head. His sleeves slid back to reveal a series of tattooed lines on his wrists. I didn't have time to figure out the design before he lowered his arms. “Why would you apologize for that?”
“I have no idea,” I admitted.
Kai shrugged, then walked past me. “Do what you need to do. Don't let your orc sleep through this stop because there won't be another one for a while. I'll be right back.”
Rose returned to coaxing Iefyr out of his deep sleep. He stirred and tried to push himself upright, but his eyes remained closed.
“Shit time for a hangover,” Nador said, shaking her head. She strode into the woods in the opposite direction from Kai.
“I'm surprised your brother's dragon is so friendly with you,” Kemi said as she dug through her rations. She handed me a chunk of hearty, dark bread and crunched the crust of her own portion between her fingertips. “That must be nice. Bronda hates me.”
“Bronda?” I tried my legs again. This time there was only minimal pain and I was able to stand without wobbling.
“Kai's dragon. She's always hated me. Won't let me touch her, or even near her unless Kai is right there. My dragon doesn't like my brother, though, either. Her name's Lenna. And your dragon is...?”
“Serida,” I said. I couldn't remember if I'd told her already or not. I felt like I had. I paced around Kemi several times to work the last of the prickles out of my calves and hips. Lumin peeked over the mossy log with a limp snake held in his jaws. “All right, Lumin. That almost seems like cannibalism, but enjoy.”
The smile Kemi offered me was dampened by the concern in her eyes. “I don't remember Lenna being that young. Every member of my family is dragonbound, and we are bound as young as possible. Kai and I were three years old, so we we don't remember anything other than being dragonbound. Fifteen years dragonbound . . . it's all we know. Must be a lot different to receive the bind at an older age.”
“Likely. It's a difficult transition when you already have a sense of self. Changes your purpose, your soul, and in my case, my appearance. Yours too, apparently.”
Kemi raised a hand to her brow and looked downward. “Yes. I was surprised to see your eyes. I've met many dragonbound, but I know only one other aside from the two of us who is physically changed. Some binds nourish magic or heighten the senses, but binds like ours are different. We wear them on the outside for the world to see.”
“Who is the other one you know, the one who is physically changed?” I asked.
Kemi scrunched her nose and gritted her teeth. “My father. I . . . I don't want to talk about him. All I'll say is his changes are different from ours and I'm not sure which of his dragons they came from. It could have been more than one. It happened before I was born, so I've always known him as he is now.”
“He's bound to multiple dragons?” I asked. She was clearly uncomfortable speaking about her father and I
didn't want to press her on the matter, but what little she said left me curious.
She held up both hands and slowly curled down her right forefinger. “Nine. He's bound to nine dragons. Many of the older dragonbound have more than one.”
“My stepfather told me his grandmother had two. Personally, I can't even handle one without horrible things happening. And now I've lost her.” Don't cry, don't cry, please don't cry. I wasn't embarrassed to cry in front of Kemi or the others, but it was easier to travel if I was numb to the gravity of my loss. I felt it now, every faraway beat of our synchronized hearts. I sensed our distance slowly closing, but it wasn't enough to keep my soul from shattering a little bit more with each passing second. I needed Serida close, needed to touch her and know that she was safe.
“What's wrong with him?” Kai asked as he stepped over a mushroom-covered stump and returned to the road.
Kemi sighed and crossed her arms over her chest. “You know what's wrong with him. You looked the same way when Father made us do the separation trials. He's feeling it now.”
“Already? I thought we'd have more time.” Kai's expression softened. He rubbed his brow and said, “I'm sorry, I didn't mean to sound condescending. Finish up here so we can keep moving. We're still a full day out from Parandor.”
∆∆∆
We took turns napping, two at a time with an awake rider on either side. It was the elves' turn at present, and Kai slept between Rose and me. The dragons Lenna and Bronda were asleep somewhere on the cliffs behind us, and Kai had assured us that they would catch up within an hour or two.
Our pace was noticeably slower without the elves' assistance. I wished they hadn't decided to sleep at the same time, but they were both exhausted. Our horses were, too, and there was only so much longer the green magic would be able to sustain them before they too needed sleep.
Rose's face was drawn as she studied the embroidered detailing on the edge of Kai's cloak hood. His long black hair covered most of the hood on my side so all I saw were the petals and leaves of what appeared to be a morning glory.
“He's a highborn,” Rose said, nodding toward Kai. “I can tell by his clothing alone. It's simple of design, but the craftsmanship is impeccable and the materials are high quality. Only an aristocrat could afford something like that. Never heard of the Silverwinds before. I'm guessing it's an alias.”
“You use an alias, too, Rose Stargazer,” I said. Kai shifted to the right and I pushed against his shoulder to restore his balance. He inhaled sharply, but made no indication that he would wake.
“I already told the others, and I'll tell you, too—don't tell anyone my given name in Parandor. The Dannises are a prominent family in this city. I just hope my son has the sense to give his father's name instead of mine when he's questioned. I'm sure he will. He's a competent operative and we've talked about it before. He's Ragan Dannis on official Jade Realm paper, but Ragan Vale when that's more appropriate. I hope . . . I hope he's all right. I'm afraid he'll be gone by the time we get there, and I don't think my heart can take that.”
“I'll check on him and Serida again after moonrise. Looks like it's going to be a clear enough night.”
“Chirp?” Lumin stood on his hind legs and braced himself against my shoulders. He craned his neck around mine to observe the road from my perspective.
“I hope Shan figures out how to do the moonlight link,” I said, scratching Lumin under his chin. “Once I learned how to do it, it was easy. I don't think I'll have any problem doing it again.”
Rose glanced at me. Her eyelids were swollen and red. “You've always been a quick learner. Stubborn, but adaptable. Ragan was at your age, too. He still is. Daelon wouldn't have sought him out if he wasn't.”
“What was Ragan like when he was young?” I hoped I wasn't contributing to her sadness by asking her to talk about him.
A smile spread across Rose's face and her clenched hands relaxed. “Joyful. He was a friendly and happy child, full of energy. Affectionate and smart. He could read by time he was three and I don't think he's gone anywhere without a book tucked in a pocket since. Mordegan and I tried to shield him from the assholes who thought it was just fine to harass a child, but he still heard some of it. He knew he wasn't accepted by anyone but his father and me, and that brilliant light he was born with started to fade. He became quiet and cynical, but no matter how much they tried, those bastards couldn't break his loving nature. He has kept it all these years. Thirty-three years of being called a monster, but he never became one and never will.
“I was too young when he was born, and so was Mordegan. We were fifteen and sixteen, naive kids who didn't understand the implications of our relationship, or of bringing a half-Fae child into an angry world. Sometimes I'd start to regret it, but then I'd cuddle with this little boy who covered my face in kisses and sang himself to sleep, and I knew he wasn't a mistake. He didn't have any friends because no one would allow their children to play with him, so he used to put his toys in a circle and pretend they were real children. Sometimes they were his friends, sometimes they were his kids. Even as a young child he wanted to be a father when he grew up, but then he started to grow up and assumed he'd never get the chance to be one. His life has never been easy, an imbalance of great sorrow and brief, unexpected joy, but now he's somewhere that his very existence is a crime and I don't know if I can save him.”
I stroked Lumin's neck. He was not my dragon, and could never be my dragon. My dragon was out of reach and all I had was this scared and lost creature whose bond to me was at most distantly fraternal. “We'll save him.”
Rose shook her head and looked away from me. “You have such a sweet optimism. Try not to lose that, even when the world hurts you.”
I wanted to keep her talking while we were alone with the sleeping elf. Silence was notorious for sending my mind into a panic-studded whirlwind, and I was sure her own mind was behaving the same way at the moment. “What did your husband think of Ragan? I'm sorry, I can't remember his name. He was a full-blooded Faeline, right?”
“Corran Tammis.” Rose exhaled as she rolled her shoulders and stretched her neck. “He was sixteen years older than me, and I married him out of desperation four months after Mordegan left. Found out later that my father had intended for me to marry Corran to begin with, but then Ragan happened. He was a good and decent man and we did love each other, but he certainly had his share of flaws. As did I.
“Corran was unnerved by my son, but not like anyone here in the Faelands. His family had been living in the Jade Realm for several generations, so he was open to the idea of having a half-Fae stepson. Still, he was never comfortable around Ragan, and I let him convince me to send Ragan to live with Mordegan in Jadeshire for half of each year. That decision brought me nothing but sadness, but I wasn't going to fight him on it since Mordegan loved Ragan and looked forward to their time together. After four years, Corran asked if I'd be willing to have Ragan live with his father permanently, and that's where I refused. It was hard enough losing my son for half the year and I wasn't about to give him up entirely. We fought about it. Corran thought Ragan's presence would confuse our children, and I thought it would be worse for them never to see their brother at all. Ragan was seven, Cora was three, and I was pregnant with Roshan. You haven't met him yet, but your mother has. Anyway, I won that argument and Corran had to put up with having a part-time stepson who would never fit in anywhere. Corran and I fought about Ragan for the duration of our marriage, but at least he had the decency never to bring it up around the children. The three of them were close, still are. Maybe someday we'll make it home to meet Cora's baby. I know she's had it by now, and Ragan and I were both looking forward to meeting our new family member.”
“You will. I don't know when, but you'll both meet your grandchild,” I said.
Rose closed her eyes and sighed. “Sweetheart, how I wish your dragonbind allowed you to see that future, or any future beyond the one I suspect is about to happen. It's hard to fi
nd hope when I've had to accept that my son doesn't belong anywhere but in his parents' hearts.”
“He belonged with us.” I pushed slipping Kai back to center. His fingers twitched against Evinlore's gray mane. “Mom saw him as he was, saw the person no one else was willing to see. They still love each other, and their world collapsing beneath them didn't change that. They know it, and so does Daelis because Mom has been honest with him about it.”
“Daelis is lucky that Rin is willing to share her heart with him.” Rose wiped the tears from her eyes and sniffed. “Ragan has never loved anyone but her, never been with anyone but her. I tried for a couple years to convince him to go back to her, but he was afraid his presence would cause her more pain. It's too late now, anyway. Their time together is lost to the past.”
I kept my hand on Kai's shoulder as he continued to stir. I hoped he'd stay asleep a little bit longer. “Are you mad at Mom for marrying Daelis?”
“Mad, no. Maybe a touch of melancholy. She deserves someone to love as much as Ragan does, and if they can't be together, I'm glad she seems to have found someone who respects her and loves her as she is, someone who doesn't want her to become someone she's not.”
I held back a laugh. “Almost everyone is always so critical of Mom because she doesn't act like Jade women are expected to, but Daelis is fascinated by her. He's kind of a mess, but they seem to be good for each other. She's helped him become a better person and he's helped her find the hope she'd thought she'd lost.”
Rose let go of the reins and rubbed her eyes with both hands. “Good. Maybe she can lend Ragan some of that hope if he survives to return home.”
“Home is an illusion.” Kai's muffled voice emerged from beneath his hood and disheveled hair.
“It isn't for me,” I said.
Kai kept his head down and his face hidden. “Don't pursue my sister. Our father had our other sister killed for falling in love with a human. He dislikes humans, but he hates orcs and Fae more.”
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