CHAPTER EIGHT: The Cassette Tape
Nick came back from the kitchen.
He walked to the couch and asked, “You two lovebirds finished with your dilemma?”
“I think it’s just starting,” said Debbie.
Tony started kissing Debbie’s arm, slowly making his way to her neck. “It has been starting and there is no way to stop it, my little linguini.”
Nick was watching an exhibition of the penultimate of evil making sickly sweet gestures with the essence of virtue. He rolled his eyes and called to Andie in the kitchen, “Did you get the order in?”
Andie stepped into the room. “The pizzas are on the way. They said it wouldn’t take long at all.”
The bathroom door opened and out popped Benny with a suspicious grin on his face. “I see someone got lucky here, recently.”
Nick got nervous. “What do you mean?”
“I saw those panties left on the floor in your bathroom,” said Benny.
“They’re mine,” snapped Andie.
“They are?” asked a confused Nick.
“Yes – they – are,” said Andie, as she glared at Nick.
“Oh, yeah,” said Nick. “They are.” As intelligent as Nick was, he wasn’t exactly a quick thinker.
“I, um, took a shower here today, because – I went jogging. That’s it. I left my underwear on the bathroom floor accidentally,” said Andie.
Benny didn’t buy into it. “I think you two are up to something,” he said.
“What makes you say that?” asked Nick.
“Both of you have been acting kind of strange today,” said Benny. “I expect that from you, Nick, but not from Andie, too.” He turned to Andie. “I think something happened here last night that you don’t want me to know about.”
Nick decided to seize the moment. “Alright. You might as well know the truth.” He walked up to Andie, put his arm around her, and said, “Andie and I are lovers.”
“In your dreams,” declared Andie, as she pulled away from him. “Nothing is going on between Nick and I.”
Benny agreed. “I didn’t think so, but you know – it’s kind of strange. Kat used to wear panties like the ones I saw in there.”
Nick was thoroughly frustrated. “Ah, hell, Benny. They’re Andie’s panties. She jogs, she showers, she forgets her panties, we’re not lovers, and I’m going to the bathroom,” exclaimed Nick. He slammed the door behind him.
“He sure is acting weirder than usual,” said Benny.
“What do you mean by usual?” asked Andie.
“Yeah, you’re right,” Benny said. “I’m sorry about the whole panties thing.”
“I guess Kat and I shop at the same place,” said Andie. Nick was sitting on his bathroom floor. Clutching the panties, he wondered why he was going through all the trouble of lying to Benny. He started thinking about the time when they first met…
His love for music is what got him the job with Apocalypse Records. He was living in New Orleans, making a living by playing in a couple of local bands and recording other musicians in a little home studio. He was renting a house off St. Charles Avenue near the park, so every once in a while he took a streetcar to the downtown area. He drove his car as little as possible since he couldn’t afford insurance. One day he was eating at Café Maspero’s in the French Quarter, when he noticed a man next to him having trouble eating a shrimp po-boy. Tarter sauce was dripping on his briefcase and shrimp were dropping on the floor one by one. Nick noticed the logo for Apocalypse Records on the man’s briefcase. Nick took one last sip of his Dixie beer and turned to the man.
“You in the music business?” asked Nick.
“Yeah,” replied the man, as he tried to clean the sauce off his silk tie. “Are you a local?”
“Been here a few years,” replied Nick. “Why do you ask?”
The man was obviously frustrated. “How in the heck do you eat this thing?”
Nick started laughing. “Man, just grab it with both hands and eat it. No trick to it.” He started thinking how hilarious it would be to watch this man eat crawfish. “Are you with Apocalypse?”
“Yeah. The name’s Benny Myers. How do I get to Tipitina’s?”
Nick definitely knew the way to Tipitina’s, his favorite club in New Orleans. He took this as an opportunity to promote his latest project. He made a demo tape of a local singer, Shana D’Angelo, at his home studio. He wrote the songs for her and played all the instruments on the tape. He did it strictly for the sex, but loved the sound of her voice so much he wanted more people to hear about her. He happened to have a copy of the tape with him.
“Tell you what,” said Nick. “Where did you park?”
“You think I’m crazy enough to drive around this place? I took a cab.”
“Well, any of the cabbies can take you there. They all know the way.” Nick handed the tape, along with his name and phone number, to Benny. “Here - give this a listen and call me when you want to sign her.”
Benny had people giving him demo tapes everyday. “Yeah, sure. Thanks a bunch. Look, there’s a cab. Have to go. Nice meeting you.” Benny ran out the door after throwing $20 on the table. He got in the cab and took off down Decatur Street.
Nick finished his own po-boy, and then ordered another beer. He didn’t think much of the meeting with Benny. He took his beer and strolled to Jackson Square. He watched one of his friends, a street artist, create a charcoal drawing of a young, newlywed couple. He walked to the Mississippi River bank to watch the boats for a while. He also enjoyed watching the tourists, as they would marvel at the sight of the mighty Mississippi. He overheard an older couple talking about the amount of time it took to drive to Lafayette. That’s when Nick decided to leave. He then took the long walk to catch the streetcar back home. When he got there, the phone was ringing. It was Benny.
“Nick, this is Benny Myers with Apocalypse. How’s it going, buddy?”
Nick was taken aback with the sudden friendliness of Benny. “Fine – I guess.”
“Look, I won’t take up a lot of your time here. I was stuck in traffic on some street, I think it was Canal, whatever, and I decided to pop that tape you gave me into the old Walkman. Great stuff. Where did you record this?”
Nick wasn’t fazed. “In my house,” he said.
“Where did you get the musicians?”
“I did all the instrument tracks myself.”
“Did this chick write those songs herself?”
“No, I did.”
“You’re kidding me. You did it all?”
Nick was humble, but was used to compliments. “Yeah, I guess – well, except for the awesome singing, of course. That’s what I was trying to get across.”
“Yeah, nice voice. Look, I’m staying at the downtown Hilton. Meet me in the lobby tomorrow at noon. We’ll do lunch. Gotta go.”
Nick had plans for the next day. He was supposed to be meeting a stripper for lunch at her apartment. He hadn’t done special favors for anyone since his Lafayette days, but something told him to do this one. He called the stripper, Alotta Juggs, and canceled his date. He then called Shana to let her know about a possible record deal for her.
“I promise I’ll call you right after the meeting,” he told her. Nick arrived at the Hilton at 11:55am. He was never on time for anything, so this was extremely early. Benny sat on a couch in the lobby reading the latest Billboard magazine. He looked up and saw Nick.
“Nick, my main man. How’s it going, buddy?” He outstretched his arms to give Nick a hug.
Nick straight-armed Benny with his left arm then stuck out his right hand.
“A handshake will do just fine.”
“No problem, buddy,” said Benny. “Where do want to go for lunch?” Nick usually woke up around noon, so this was actually breakfast time for him.
“How ‘bout we go down to Café Du Monde for some beignets and coffee.”
“You’re the man,” said an excited Benny.
They took the Riverwalk streetcar for the sh
ort ride to Café Du Monde. They got their seats, placed the orders, and Benny started his sales-pitch.
“Look, Nick, I’m not going to beat around the bush. That tape was super-fabulous. I need talent like yours at the label.”
“What about the singer?”
“Hey, great voice, but we have tons of female vocalists. What we need is somebody like you. You’ll be a studio musician, writer for some of our artists, who can’t write a song to save their life, talent scout – you obviously recognize good talent, and producer. That homemade tape of yours was the best thing I’ve heard outside a real studio – ever.”
Nick was overwhelmed. “Man, you can lay off the bullshit now. What’s your angle?”
“I’m being totally sincere, my man. We’ll start you off at thirty-five thousand, plus pay for your housing. We’re leasing an apartment not far from the studio.”
“Wait a second,” said Nick. “You’re asking me to move?”
“Of course. We’ll move you to New Lake City, set you up, then turn you loose.”
“When would all this take place?”
“Now. I need you now. Go home, start packing, and I’ll make all the arrangements.”
Nick reluctantly agreed. Benny sent Nick home in a cab to start packing. Nick started wondering about leaving his home state. He’d lived here all his life. New Orleans was his second home. His real home was Lafayette, about 130 miles west. He hadn’t been there in ten years. His only living relative that he knew of was his Uncle Dave, who was in Angola prison the last he heard. He had many acquaintances in New Orleans, but no real friends. His ties were non-existent. There was no reason for him not to move. He never called Shana back. The move took only three days. Nick was set up in New Lake City – population 350,000 – home of Apocalypse Records. It was also the home of Rollins University – whose mascot was then Fighting Red Demons.
Andie was telling Benny, Debbie, and Tony about all the places she shopped for underwear.
“So, you see, Benny? It’s possible that we could have the same matching panties,” explained Andie.
“I didn’t realize there were so many places that sold women’s underwear in New Lake City,” said Benny. “You’ve must have named at least fifty places.”
“And I didn’t even start to mention the places on the outskirts of town,” added Andie. “There’s the outlet mall down the Interstate I love to shop. They’ve got at least fifteen stores that sell women’s lingerie. They’ve got…”
“Oh, yeah,” Debbie suddenly remembered something as she interrupted, “Speaking of shopping, Andie, I think I found the perfect man for you.”
This struck a nerve. Andie realized she hadn’t been on a date in months. She had been asked countless times, but she always turned down the offers. It was a combination of her being too particular, and her passion for her job – which was taking up all of her spare time. She was content having her few friends to socialize with. She was, however, a warm-blooded woman with certain needs and it was about time to do something about it.
“Really? Who?” asked the interested Andie.
Debbie was excited. “He’s a new lawyer at our firm and I just got assigned to him. He’s thirty-five, single, and drop-dead gorgeous.”
Tony was a little concerned about Debbie’s enthusiasm. “Just how gorgeous is drop-dead?”
Debbie enjoyed seeing a little jealousy in Tony. “No need to worry, sweetheart,” she said. “He’s nothing for you to be concerned about. I just think he would be perfect for Andie.”
“What type of law does he practice?” asked an intrigued Andie.
“This is the best part. He practices criminal law, like you, and guess what case he was just assigned?”
Andie knew her firm had decided to represent someone very important, but didn’t know who it was.
“Tell me,” said Andie.
“He’s going to represent Carlos Verona.”
Benny was impressed. “The Mafia guy?” he asked.
“Alleged Mafia person,” said Andie. “It’s innocent until proven guilty in this country.” She turned to Debbie. “Go on.”
“Apparently, his son is in need of a new liver and is well down on the list to receive a transplant. It seems someone in the media got hold of evidence of Carlos systematically having people killed so his son will have a chance of getting one sooner.”
Andie stood in shock. She was hoping Nick didn’t hear what Debbie just said. The bathroom door exploded open.
“Did I just hear right?” asked a terrified Nick.
“Calm down,” said Andie, as she grabbed his arm. “Its just speculation.”
“Speculation, my ass.” Nick was petrified. “I signed that organ donor card. They’re out to get me.” A sudden knock was heard at the front door. “Oh – my – God,” he yelled. “They’re here.” He took off into the bedroom.
Andie yelled back at Nick, “It’s probably just the pizza delivery. I’ll get it.” She calmly walked to the front door. Nick stormed out the bedroom, grasping a baseball bat.
“They’re not taking me alive.” He pushed Andie out the way.
Tony was confused. “Is that not the whole point?”
Nick raised the bat, swung open the door, and there was Kat, standing there with a big smile.
“Hi,” she said. As luck would have it, she was only in view of Nick and Andie.
“Oh, shit,” cried Nick, as he jumped outside, slamming the door behind him.
“That pizza delivery person sure sounded like Kat,” said Benny, as he headed towards the door.
Andie grabbed him. “Stop it, Benny,” she said, firmly. “Today, everybody sounds like, smells like, and has panties like Kat. You just lost her. It’s only natural.” She was really getting the hang of improvised deception.
Benny calmed down. “I guess you’re right.”
Andie smiled. “Of course, I am.”
Nick walked back in, looking completely flustered. “It was just the plumber from next door. They, uh, got the wrong apartment.”
“I should let him inside,” said Tony. “He must be here to fix my toilet. You know, it does have an absence of flushing…”
“No, it’s alright,” interrupted Nick. “She has the pass Kat, I mean, key. I mean - he’s a woman.”
“A transvestite plumber?” asked Debbie.
Nick was having trouble keeping his poise. “No, I meant to say the plumber is a woman and has the pass key to Tony’s apartment.”
“Are you okay, Nick?” asked Andie.
“Yeah, sure.”
“I was wondering,” said Tony. “Why does everyone assume that Carlos Verona is associated with the Mafia? Is it because he is Italian? That is – how would you say it – stereotypical? I am Italian, and I am not involved with any crime syndicate and…”
“Look, man. Just shut up,” interrupted Nick. “I don’t want to hear anymore about ex-girlfriends, panties, Mafia kid’s liver, possible blind dates, or dead drummers.”
“Wait a second, Nick,” said an observant Debbie. “Does the possibility of Andie going on a blind date have you a little wound up?”
Benny raised an eyebrow. “Yeah, Nick. Are you a little jealous?”
“Has the green-eyed monster grabbed you by the testicles?” asked Tony.
Andie was shocked. “Nick?”
A rat in a cage had more room to move than Nick. “Screw Maw-Maw’s gumbo rules. I’ll just throw everything in the microwave and nuke the damn thing.” He ran into the kitchen.
“Does that mean we will be eating a non-authentic gumbo?” asked Tony. “I thought Cajun people always took immense pride in their cuisine. To put it into the microwave would be like slapping your poor deceased grandmother in the…”
Nick yelled from the kitchen, “I got your Cajun pride right here, asshole.”
“What about the pizzas?” asked Benny. “Presto Pizza has that reputation for being super quick.” Another knock was heard from the front door. “See what I mean.” He w
alked to the door.
Nick ran out the kitchen, stood right by Andie’s side, as they both screamed out, “No.”
Benny was holding the doorknob. “What in the heck is wrong with you two? I’m just opening the door.”
“Okay,” said Nick. “Go ahead and open it. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.” He felt defeated. He knew Kat was on the other side of the door. After what he just told her outside, this would be her retaliation. He knew Benny would be confronting him, and everybody else would be questioning him about his little, unexpected remark about the blind date. Compared to this, Armageddon seemed like a trip to Disneyworld. He wasn’t prepared for what was about to come through that door.
The Devil's in My Bathroom Page 9