CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE: Mama’s Been Around
“Good afternoon,” said the news reporter. “This is David Goldman, reporting live from the lake. You’re looking at the funeral procession for Zipper Down, the drummer for the local band, The Cramping Violets. What you see following the hearse is not news media, but a film crew. We have a report that Apocalypse Records is actually making a music video out of this tragic situation. The song, Love Blender, was released today all across the country and the instant response has been phenomenal. As you know, Zipper Down was found dead in his apartment this past Sunday morning. Right here, I have Chief Samuel Bushman of the New Lake City Police. Chief, has it been determined how Mr. Down died?”
“Why, yes, David,” he said, smiling. “Zipper Down died from asphyxiation due to a large piece of pizza lodged in his throat.”
“So it is officially stated that it was an accident?”
“Yes, it is. No criminal investigation will be needed. It was determined to be an accident.” Chief Bushman was never comfortable in front of a camera.
“Is it true that the pizza came from a local delivery?”
Bushman was a little surprised. “Well –uh, yes, but…”
“And didn’t the pizza come delivered from a location across town, while there was a location one block from his apartment?”
Bushman turned from the camera and whispered into David Goldman’s ear, “What in the hell are you doing? We’re on live TV.”
“Chief Bushman, I have Lieutenant Gerome Elderberry on the phone. Lieutenant Elderberry, is it true you have been tracking down a murder suspect in Chicago?”
Bushman was stunned to hear Elderberry’s voice through the speaker over the monitor in front of him.
“Yes, I am,” said Elderberry.
“Are we to understand that you are looking for a suspect in the murder of Zipper Down?”
“But he wasn’t murdered,” yelled Bushman.
“Like I just told you over the phone, David,” said Elderberry, “I have been tracking a suspect for the murder of Zipper Down.”
“But Lieutenant, I have your Chief right here and he just told our viewers that it was officially an accident.”
“I don’t mean to contradict our good Chief, but he told me last night he would keep the investigation open.”
“Is that true, Chief Bushman?” Goldman shoved the microphone an inch away from Bushman’s quivering lips. Bushman stared into the camera. He saw a little red light blinking on top of it and couldn’t come up with a thing to say. “Chief?” asked Goldman.
“Yes?” he replied, in an almost catatonic state.
“Is Lieutenant Elderberry’s statement true?”
“I have no comment at this point,” said Bushman, as he stormed away from the camera, and ran straight to his car.
“I still have Lieutenant Elderberry on the phone. Sir, what exactly is going on here?”
“Well, right now, I’m on the shore of Lake Michigan where I was just fished out the water by some local boys, who I am quite grateful for. I have been tracking the suspect, which I’ll just say is an employee of Apocalypse Records, since the suspect fled from New Lake City on Tuesday evening. I was in pursuit of the boat the suspect was traveling on, when the driver made a move which resulted in myself being thrown into the murky waters of Lake Michigan.”
“Why are you in pursuit of this suspect when it was declared that the death was an accident?”
“I have every reason to believe that it was a murder. I have evidence linking the suspect to the murder.”
“That would be the pizza box you told me about?”
“That’s right, David. The suspect noticed me and fled. I just wanted the citizens of New Lake City to know what was going on.”
“There seems to be some disagreement between you and Chief Bushman.”
“He doesn’t have all the information yet, David. I’ll make sure he gets it.”
“Is the suspect male or female?”
“I don’t really want to disclose that at this time. I want to catch the suspect first, then I’ll release the details.”
“Trying to avoid a lawsuit against the city, Lieutenant?”
“Yes, David. With the kind of lawyers we have in New Lake City, I want to avoid any mistakes.”
“But you already involved Apocalypse Records in the situation.”
“I believe you are mistaken, David.”
“You just said the suspect was an employee of Apocalypse Records.”
“Goddammit to hell - I sure did. I’ve got to go.” A click was heard over the airwaves.
“I’m sure we’ll get a call from the FCC for that remark, ladies and gentlemen. This has been David Goldman, reporting to you live, from the lake. Now, back to our regular programming.” The camera was turned off. “I can’t believe that little shit said that on the air,” David said to the cameraman.
Jamie’s intercom buzzed. “Yes, Carol?”
“Peter Grimes is on the line for you,” said the secretary.
“Oh, what does that creep want now? Okay, I’ll take it.” She picked up the phone. “What do you want, Grimes?”
“I just wanted to offer my legal representation,” said Peter. “Why would I need that?”
“Didn’t you just see the news flash?”
“No, I didn’t.”
“Well, Lieutenant Gerome Elderberry just announced that he was in pursuit of a murder suspect, who just happened to be an employee of Apocalypse Records.”
“What?”
“That’s right. Do you know who that might be?”
“I don’t have any idea what’s going on with that.”
“I guess you’ll be needing some pretty good attorneys right about now – that is – unless you already have us.”
“Now, I really don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Who in the hell do you work for?” Peter was irate.
“Frankly, that’s none of your business, and no – I don’t need your services.” Jamie replied.
“We’re supposed to be owning that stupid company. We have all the papers. Who in the hell are you and what are you doing there?”
“Good day, Mr. Grimes.” Jamie slammed the phone down. She picked it back up and made a call. “Sir, this is O’Malley. We seem to have run into a little problem.”
Barry was driving Nick, Sammy, and Roshondi to his daughter’s house for dinner. Nick was in the back seat, shaken from the boating incident.
“I’m sure Shanice’s cooking will set you at ease, Nick,” said Barry.
“You look even whiter than this morning,” said Sammy,
“And you been in the sun all damn day.”
“You look as if you have been in contact with the Devil,” said Roshondi.
“I think I have. Maybe you can do the dance for me when we get to your house.”
“I would be honored.”
“Just make sure I’m not anywhere around when you work that mojo crap,” said Barry.
They arrived at the house. It was decorated with artifacts from Roshondi’s homeland. His family had made a fortune from an American diamond dealer who created a mine on their property. They gave Roshondi his share after he met Shanice and were engaged. She didn’t find out about it until after they were married. Even though they had over ten million dollars in the bank, they continued to live modestly. Shanice never told Barry about the money. Barry figured it out after Roshondi bought him the boat and music studio. Shanice was already cooking. Barry sniffed the aroma coming from the kitchen.
“Pot roast and mashed potatoes – my favorite,” said Barry.
“Hi, guys,” said Shanice, as she walked from the kitchen and gave her daddy a big hug.
“Should not you be giving your husband one of those, also?” asked Roshondi.
She gave him a huge kiss and said, “I’ll be giving you something else later.”
“Should not you be making a comment about that, Nick?” asked Roshondi.
“I�
�m not in the mood to do the smart-ass routine,” explained Nick.
Barry turned on the TV. “I’m going to watch a little CNN. You boys go in the back yard and do your little voodoo stuff.”
Nick and Roshondi went in the back. Barry and Sammy watched the news.
“In New Lake City earlier today, Zipper Down, the drummer for the Cramping Violets, a local rock band, was buried. The funeral looked like a circus as a film crew followed the procession, reportedly making a music video. Local newscaster, David Goldman, had this interview with the local authorities…” Barry and Sammy watched the interview, which was aired in New Lake City earlier.
“They think our boy is a murderer,” said Barry. He ran to the back. Roshondi was dancing in his grass skirt around Nick.
“Quit that crap, son,” yelled Barry. “Nick, get your ass in here, right now.”
“But Roshondi is driving away the evil demons,” said Nick.
“You got a lot more to worry about than demons. Come in here.” Nick went inside and saw the news report.
“…And the song, Love Blender, was released today. An investigation will be put into place to see if this was all a publicity ploy, or an actual murder has taken place.”
“I can’t believe it,” said the shocked Nick.
“About the murder?” asked Barry.
“No, I can’t believe they released Love Blender as the first single. I wrote that song in five minutes as a filler track for their album. It sucks.”
“But they think he might have been murdered.”
“They think he was murdered?” asked Nick.
Barry looked at Nick. “What do you know about this?”
Nick remembered his dream and tried to act innocent. “Uh, nothing. I just know they found him dead.”
“You can tell me, son. I won’t turn you in or anything like that. I’m sure you had a good reason to kill him.” Barry was willing to help Nick, no matter what he did.
“Damn it, I didn’t kill anybody. I don’t have any idea why that detective is following me around.”
“You think somebody is trying to set you up?”
“I don’t know – maybe. Wait a second. I know what it is. It’s that donor card I signed. Carlos Verona’s son needs an organ transplant and they want mine. That detective works for Carlos. He’s not really a cop. He’s a mobster. He wants my liver.”
“Did you say Carlos Verona?” asked Sammy.
“Yeah. He’s after me.” Nick was hyperventilating.
“You better sit down for this one, boy,” said Sammy.
“I don’t want to sit down. What if they’re at the front door right now?” A sudden knock was heard at the front door. “You see? He’s here. I need a baseball bat,” yelled Nick.
“I’ll get it,” said Shanice. “It’s probably one of the local kids selling cookies.” She opened the door and was correct.
“Hi,” said the little girl. “Would you like to buy some cookies to help our school?”
“Sure,” said Shanice. “What kind do you have?”
“We have chocolate chip, shortbread, vanilla cream, and a brand new kind.”
“What would that be?” asked Shanice.
“Devil’s food,” said the little girl, with a sweet, innocent smile.
“Shut the door, Shanice,” hollered Nick.
“Nick, it’s just a little girl.”
“That’s how they all start out.”
“Don’t be ridiculous, Nick.” She turned back to the girl. “I’ll take four boxes of Devil’s food.”
“Not you, too?” cried Nick.
“Sit down and shut up, you crazy cracker,” said Barry.
“Maybe I shouldn’t tell him this story,” said Sammy.
“Is it about Carlos Verona?” asked Nick.
“Are you sure you want to hear this, boy?” asked a cautious Sammy.
“No, but you might as well go ahead. It can’t be worse than me freaking out over a little girl selling cookies.”
Nick sat on the couch across from Sammy and started normal breathing.
“Okay, here it goes,” said Sammy. “Your father stole your mother away right from under another man’s nose. I probably already told you about that part. The thing is, that man stole your mother away from someone else.”
“Just how many men had my mother been involved with?”
“Hang on, son. Let me finish my story. She was the girlfriend of this short, pudgy, Italian, fellow. He was a gangster wannabe. He was so happy to have such a beautiful girlfriend hanging on his arm when he came to the club. I could tell your mother wasn’t too interested by the way she would always talk to other men when he would leave her for a few minutes. One night, that Bill character made a move on her. I guess she was interested. Her boyfriend came back to the table and screamed at Bill to leave. Your mother told Bill to stay. She started yelling at her boyfriend about how he was a low-life, pretend gangster. She said she was tired of his jealous ways and told him to leave her alone. He didn’t like that too much. He challenged Bill to go outside and settle the dispute man-to-man. Bill knew he could kick the little Italian’s butt so he took the challenge. He came back without a scratch and started seeing your mother from that point on.”
“Please don’t tell me that little Italian was Carlos Verona,” begged Nick.
“Don’t mean to burst your bubble – but it was.”
“Oh – my – God!” exclaimed Nick.
“My mother dated the man who’s out to kill me.”
“You don’t know that Carlos is out to get you,” said Barry.
“Oh yeah? Well, I thought it was because of the donor card, but now it’s probably because my mom dumped him.”
“Yeah, he didn’t take that very well,” said Sammy. “Back in those days, Chicago had a lot of people trying to become the next Al Capone. Carlos was one of them. I’ve got a few friends in the business that keep me updated on these clowns, at least the ones who are still living. Carlos moved away from Chicago right after that happened. He married some woman who he didn’t really love. She just had nice tits and she looked good next to him. He ended up in New Lake City. He must have figured out that New Lake didn’t have any other organized crime competition and would be a good place to hang out. I hear he’s doing well. His wife gained a bunch of pounds and her tits don’t look too good anymore. He still has a place in his heart for your mother. I’m sure he’s still holding some kind of grudge”
“How do you know all this?” asked Nick.
“Like I said, I got connections,” said Sammy. “I also know about his son, Frank. The boy needs a new liver and he’s way down on the list for transplants. You have every right to be afraid, son. That man is evil.”
“Would you like me to resume my evil spirit dance?” asked Roshondi.
“I don’t think that’ll help,” said Nick. “I’m sure that detective works for Carlos. If he found me on the lake, I’m sure he could find me here.”
“What time is your plane supposed to leave tomorrow?” asked Shanice.
“I think at ten a.m.”
“If you’d like, I could pull some strings and get you out of here tonight.”
“That would be great. I think I’d be a lot safer in New Orleans.”
“Oh, yeah,” said Sammy. “There’s no evil in that town.”
“Give the boy a break, you old buzzard,” said Barry. “The boy’s got enough problems without you making him all paranoid and crap like that.”
“Quit calling me old buzzard, you old fool.”
“I’m a fool for staying friends with you, you old buzzard.”
“I think I can get you out of here right now,” said Shanice.
“Thank you,” said Nick.
Shanice made all the arrangements. They ate a quick meal and Barry drove Nick to the airport, stopping by his hotel to get his luggage. Nick thanked Barry for all his hospitality. He had to wait thirty minutes for his plane, so he stopped at one of the airport bars to get a drink
. After ordering a scotch on the rocks, he looked up at the television over the bar and saw it was on CNN. He saw Zipper Down’s funeral, Pizza Guy beating on a drum set, and Benny, with his arm around Julie Templeton. She looked familiar to Nick even though he’d never seen the BreastMaster commercials. He just couldn’t believe he was seeing Benny next to a blazing hot woman so soon after the Kat fiasco. Love Blender was blaring in the background. He changed his order to three doubles.
The Devil's in My Bathroom Page 32