CHAPTER FORTY-FIVE: Bless Me Father
Nick walked away from the crowd and took a good look at his surroundings. Jefferson Street had just gone through a major transformation. It wasn’t run down like he remembered. It had an eclectic, yet homey look. As he made his way through the crowd, he wandered off towards St. John Street. There he saw the St. John Oak, next to St. John Cathedral. He always marveled at the sight of this tree. It looked just like he remembered. A few people were strolling into the church, preparing for the Saturday evening mass. Nick inched towards the front door and slowly walked in. He noticed a nun kneeling in a pew, an older lady lighting a candle near the statue of the Virgin Mary, and a young man walking into the confessional. Nick sat in one of the pews and was reminded of the days when his Grandma took him to church every Sunday. He never got much from the mass itself, but he did it to please Maw-Maw. She was so proud of her Tee Nick. For the first time in months, he felt completely safe from Satan.
After the young man came out the confessional, Nick felt the sudden desire to go in himself. He never agreed with the idea of having to tell a human his sins to be forgiven by God, but always went along with the concept regardless. He opened the curtain and saw the covered window facing the center of the three cubical confessionals. He knelt on the padded knee rest and jumped when he heard the door over the window slide open. The opaque material hid the figure on the other side, but he could make out some form of silhouette.
“Yes, go on,” was the voice Nick heard coming through the window. It had been a couple of decades since he’d been through the agony of a confessional, but he still recalled the drill.
“Uh, bless me father, for I have sinned,” said the embarrassed Nick.
“And how long has it been since your last confession, my child?” asked the priest.
Nick started counting on his fingers. “Let’s see, I would say – about twenty years.”
“Nick? Is that you?” asked the priest.
Nick was startled. “What?”
“It’s me, Father Thibodeaux.”
“Wow. I can’t believe it. How did you know it was me?”
“You are one individual that would be hard to forget, my son. Would you like to continue with your confession?”
“But you know who I am. I’ve never gone to confession where the priest knew who I was.”
“I’ll let you in on a little secret, Nick. I always knew when it was you. You always had such interesting sins.”
“Thanks – I think,” said Nick, not sure whether to be proud or embarrassed.
“So, go on,” prompted Father Thibodeaux.
“Well, for one, I haven’t been to church since Maw-Maw’s funeral. I’ve taken the Lord’s name in vein a shit-load of times. I’ve had lots of sex with women I hardly know – I guess that’s a sin, right?”
“Yes, Nick. Fornication is a sin.”
“Okay, in that case, I’ve sinned a hell of a lot.”
“Are there any more?”
“There may have been a slight chance that maybe, and I mean maybe, one or two were possibly married.”
“Okay, we have adultery along with fornication. You’re doing well.”
“Oh, yeah – last Saturday night, I slept with my best friend’s girlfriend.”
“Now we have betrayal. You seem to be on a roll.”
“I guess that’s about it.” In Nick’s twisted mind, it didn’t sound as bad as he thought.
“Are you sorry for your sins?”
“Well, I feel kind of guilty about the last one, but I really don’t remember doing the actual act. Actually, I don’t remember any of the sex I’ve had in the last entire year. Does that still count?”
“Yes, Nick, I’m afraid it does. Lack of memory doesn’t excuse the act.”
“Okay, then I guess I’m sorry about that.”
“What about the others?”
“Oh, come on, Father. I’ve been away from this game a long time. I can’t feel bad about what I’ve done if I don’t remember the rules.”
“Okay, Nick,” said the priest, who was quietly chuckling under his smile. “I want you to say twenty Our Fathers and thirty Hail Marys for your penance. After that, I want you stay for my mass then meet me in the rectory for a beer afterwards. Go in peace.”
“Thanks, Father,” said Nick. The window closed and Nick walked out to the nearest pew to begin his praying. He saw Father Thibodeaux come out of the confessional. He give Nick a wink as he went to the door in back of the altar. A few more people strolled in before the mass began. Father Thibodeaux started the service and Nick went through the still familiar routine of the Catholic aerobics. It’s like riding a bike, he thought. After the gospel, Father Thibodeaux delivered his sermon.
“Good evening, everyone,” he announced. “I’m Father Thibodeaux. Father Broussard is out enjoying the festival, so I’m doing him a little favor by saying Mass for him. Many of you may remember me from my earlier days in this parish. Well, if you do, you may also remember me for being a little long winded. Don’t fret. I’m going to keep it short, since I know by the small turnout; many of you would like to go back to the festival. I had a planned sermon to perform, but I decided at the last moment to change it. I want to talk to all of you about the difference between good and evil. I’ve been semi-retired for about five years. I love this area, so I just kind of take the place of other priests to give them a break. It also helps me keep in touch with the people. Up until a few moments ago, I thought I was doing a good job of that. I talked to a lost soul who I had the pleasure of baptizing many years ago. He had the misfortune of not having a mother or father in his life, but had the great blessing of having a wonderful grandmother to raise him. He was pointed in the right direction, but somehow lost his way. He’s been struggling to find the difference since losing the woman who raised him. It would be easy to sit back and preach to him the difference between good and evil, but it would be just that – preaching. Instead, all of you should take a moment and look at your own lives. What do you think is evil? Is it the same thing that the person sitting next to you thinks it is? Probably not. I’m just a human being. I could tell you the difference, but since times have changed, I might be wrong where you are concerned. I’m an old man. I was raised in a time where values were meant to be honored, not exploited. This soul I was mentioning earlier is struggling to know the difference right now. I’m not going to tell him what’s right or wrong. I’m only going to steer him in the right direction. Is it the right direction as far as he’s concerned? I don’t know. I can only hope. Before you go judging people and forcing your beliefs on them, understand the fact that everybody is different. Everyone has different circumstances bring them to the points of their lives where they now are. I heard a song on the radio a few days ago. A gentleman named Elvis Costello sang it. In the song, he sang What’s So Funny About Peace, Love, and Understanding? First of all, most of you are probably wondering what I’m doing listening to a radio station playing Elvis Costello. Well, I may be old, but I like to keep up with what’s going on in the real world. Peace, love, and understanding should go hand in hand. I know that Elvis Costello isn’t God. He isn’t even Elvis Presley, which, by the way, is considered a religion in some parts of this country. He’s just a man with a concern. The song had a pretty good beat, too. That’s why I’m going on a limb by saying this - I don’t think this religion is keeping up with the times. Father Broussard will most likely not let me fill in for him anymore after a statement like this – but I don’t care. I’m old. I don’t have to worry about what others think about me anymore. That’s why I can feel good about saying this – do what you feel is the right thing. If you believe in God, you’re on the right track. Don’t worry about committing a sin just because you missed a mass so you could attend a festival. Make it up some other way. Go out your way and do something nice for somebody. I’m sure God would rather see you do that than spend an hour of your life being miserable in a place you really don’t want to be. Life has many si
mple pleasures. If you have the fortune of experiencing them, share them with others who don’t have that same fortune. Is this the right thing to be preaching during a Catholic Mass? Probably not. Just do what you think is right. Yes, there are certain rules you need to follow, but I won’t get into that. Only you yourself can know if they apply to you or not. Do what you feel is right in your heart. As for the lost soul I mentioned earlier, he’s on the right track. All he needs is a point in the right direction – much like a lot of us do. Let us pray.”
As the somewhat shocked congregation followed along with the rest of the Mass, Nick was smiling. For the first time in his life, he was enjoying a Mass. He followed the line for Communion. When he reached Father Thibodeaux, he noticed the priest dipping the Communion wafer into a grail filled with wine.
“The body and blood of Christ,” said the priest.
“Cool,” said the smiling Nick.
“The proper response is amen,” said Father Thibodeaux.
Nick was a little embarrassed. “Sorry, father. Amen.”
He walked back to his pew and silently prayed… God – I know I haven’t quite been the man you’d hope I’d turn out to be, but I sure am trying. I know that I care a lot about certain people – I just don’t know how to express my feelings anymore. If it was you who sent Jamie back to me, thanks. Now that I’ve had a few days to think about it, it does feel good to know that it wasn’t my fault about Jamie dumping me. Tell Maw-Maw and my mother hello for me. Tell Zipper Down, if he’s up there, that I’m sorry he had to die before seeing his band have a hit. And God – one more thing – could you possibly keep Satan away from me? He’s really getting on my nerves. Thanks – I’m sorry, I mean – amen.
After the Mass ended, Father Thibodeaux left the altar through the back door instead of leading a processional to the church entrance. Nick went around back to the rectory and found Father Thibodeaux taking a couple of beers out of the refrigerator. He tossed one to Nick.
“Not your basic sermon, hey Nick?”
“What was that all about?” asked Nick; as he popped open the ice-cold brew.
“You know, Nick, I’m an old man. I’ve been a priest for over fifty-five years. I’ve been following the rules of the Catholic faith religiously. Now that I’m retired, well, semi- retired at least, I’ve had a chance to take time and re-evaluate things.”
“What kind of results have you found?”
“Like I said in my sermon, I don’t agree with all these rules set up by the Church. I’ve seen way too many people leave the faith because of them. I look at you and I see a lost soul, desperately trying to find answers. I know that God has a path for you to follow. I just don’t think the Catholic Church is on that path for you.”
“Are you trying to say that I’m not good enough to be a Catholic?” asked a surprised Nick.
“For God’s sake, no. I’m just trying to make you realize that you are an individual who needs to find his own path. It’s a complicated trip. This Church doesn’t condone the path you’ve taken so far, but I know you, Nick. It’s something you need to do.”
“What’s all this talk about a path?”
“It’s obvious that you’re trying to find some answers. You lost your grandmother when you needed her guidance the most. She told me on her deathbed about the Jamie girl you were seeing. She was scared that Jamie would ruin your life.”
“She did. That’s the main reason I’ve been living the way I do.”
“Are you sure?” Father Augustus Thibodeaux was an insightful, intelligent man.
“Yeah, I’m positive.”
“Why? Are you sure that it’s not just some excuse to run away from what is scaring you?”
“What do you think is scaring me?”
Father Thibodeaux started laughing. “Oh, my son. You were always so easy to read. You’re scared of Satan and afraid to commit to a relationship.”
“How did you figure that out?”
“I can see the fear in you eyes. You look tired from running away from the Dark One.”
“It’s that obvious?”
“Oh, yes. You shouldn’t worry about that. If you have a strong enough belief in God, that evil bastard can’t lay a hand on you.” Thibodeaux smiled as he took another sip of his tasty ice-cold brew.
“But I’ve been a terrible Catholic. I haven’t been to church in almost seventeen years and I’ve committed all these sins.” Nick followed Father Thibodeaux’s lead, like any good Catholic would, and took another sip of his beer.
“You see, Nick, this religion has been making a habit out of making people feeling guilty all the time. I believe our God is a forgiving God. Follow your heart, Nick. Your Grandmother taught you right from wrong. You may have bent the rules a little – let me correct myself – a lot, but you’re on the right track. Now – this woman that you’re avoiding…”
“Hold on a second. What makes you think I’m avoiding a woman?”
“That’s the other look you have in your eyes. It’s the look of unrequited love.”
Nick’s smile turned to a more somber look. “Excuse my French, Father, but how in the hell do you know what unrequited love feels like?”
“Well, I’ve found that a man needs the love of a woman. I’ve been celibate for all these years and I have to admit – I’ve missed it.”
“You’ve had a woman before?” Nick was shocked. He just assumed that priests never had sex, even before being ordained.
“Oh, yes. She was a beautiful woman. We were childhood sweethearts. We had done the forbidden deed when we were teenagers. She ran off to Chicago with the son of some rich oilman. I felt so guilty about it; I joined the church and became a priest.”
Nick started to recall the story his grandmother told him. They were and far between but this is one he recalled vividly.
“Just out of curiosity, Father, what was the name of the guy she ran off with?”
“I don’t remember his first name, but I know he was a Larquette.”
“This might the biggest coincidence of all time, but my mother’s maiden name was Larquette, according to Maw-Maw,” Nick stated. “She was born in Chicago.”
Father Thibodeaux stopped for a few seconds and started doing the math.
“I know this is personal, Father, but how long after you two did the horizontal bop did she run off with this guy?” asked Nick.
Father Thibodeaux was concentrating hard. “It was just a couple of months. She was afraid that her parents would find out about what we did.”
“So you think that maybe this oil guy was just an excuse to get away from here?”
“Now that you mention it, that might have been the reason.” Thibodeaux scratched his thick curly white hair.
“So a woman sent you down the life you’ve been leading,” Nick said. “You are in the same boat as me.”
“Isn’t that ironic? It looks like both of us have had life-altering paths started by the rejection of a woman.”
“Father, this is kind of hard to talk about, but do you think she really loved this guy?”
“I would hope so. It would be a shame if she married him for his money.”
“What if his money was a solution for her?”
“What do you mean?” Thibodeaux was perplexed.
“Why was she so terrified of her parents?”
“Because we had committed the forbidden act of sex before marriage,” Thibodeaux added.
“What if she was pregnant?” asked Nick.
“What?” Thibodeaux asked.
“Maybe she left town because she was pregnant with your child.”
Father Thibodeaux was quiet for a few moments. That thought had never entered his mind. He slipped into deep thought for a few more moments.
“You know, that could be a possibility, Nick That would explain why she left town so fast with someone she hardly knew.” He stood up from his chair and went behind the desk. He reached down and picked up an old satchel. He pulled out an old Bible and took o
ut a sealed, yellowed envelope.
“What’s that?” asked Nick.
“This, my boy, is a letter sent to me from Annabelle. I got it a year after she left. I kept it here in my personal Bible ever since. It’s to remind me of the sin I committed with her.”
“Was Annabelle the girl you had sex with?”
“Yes, she was the one.” Thibodeaux smiled from the thought.
“What did she say in the letter?”
“I don’t know. I never read it.”
“You’ve got to be kidding me.”
“No, Nick. The wonder and curiosity that was brought on with this letter has been my driving force to stay close to God. I promised myself never to read it.”
“Come on. You have to read it now. It might explain a lot.” Nick was beyond curious. Father Thibodeaux reluctantly handed the envelope to Nick with a quivering hand. He turned around and took a few steps away from Nick.
“You read it,” he said.
Nick carefully opened the sealed envelope, making sure he didn’t rip it. He gingerly pulled out the letter and started to read it.
“Dearest Augustus, Nick read. “Wow, is that your name?”
“Just read the darn letter.”
Nick continued, “I know you must be terribly hurt from what I did to you. You have been my dearest friend for so many years. What we did together, while being sinful, was the most beautiful experience of my entire life. I do not regret it for one minute. My parents did not agree. I had to leave and promise them never to see you again. I found out yesterday that you have joined the seminary. I am so happy for you. You have taken the situation and turned it into a wonderful journey. I know you will make an excellent priest. Do not let the sin we took part of ruin your path. It’s probably the reason you are joining the priesthood. I take some solace knowing that I am the reason you are on this wonderful journey. I now have a new life in Chicago now. I am married to a decent man and have a wonderful baby daughter. I would like to say that I love him, but you are one person I could never lie to. It was a marriage of convenience. He is wealthy and my parents adore him. He loves my Louise Anna, despite the fact that the girl is not his child. She is yours. I don’t expect to hear any reply, my darling Augustus. I just want you to know. Please pray for us and do not let anything stop you from becoming the finest priest ever known. With deepest love and admiration, Annabelle.”
Father Thibodeaux turned around and smiled at Nick.
“Son – of – a – bitch,” exclaimed Nick, shocked and amazed. “You are my grandfather.”
“Oh, my,” said Father Thibodeaux. “I guess I should have read that letter when I received it. That’s why your life has had a profound affect on me.” He pondered even more. “Oh, my. That’s why the funeral of your mother was the hardest one I ever officiated. She was my own daughter.”
There were a few moments of silence as both men stared at the cold floor. Their heads lifted at the same time and without thinking – they both raised their beers up as if to give a toast to Louise Anna Larquette.
“So that’s probably why I’ve been sent here. You have all the answers,” said Nick.
“Oh, no, Nick. I don’t have all the answers. I may have a few, but definitely not all,” said Father Thibodeaux, as he wiped a tear away from his eye. “At the funeral, your grandmother told me that Louise’s parents had passed away years before. I had no idea she was talking about Annabelle.”
“I’m sure she had no clue, Father,” said Nick.
“I guess you’re right,” said Augustus.
Marie Blanchard and Annabelle Melancon were best friends since they were five. They did everything together. They were always there for each other while growing up, for every little change in life that happened – they were there to help each other through. Their interest in boys happened at the same time. Unfortunately for Marie, Annabelle found a boyfriend first. His name was Augustus Thibodeaux. The two became inseparable. This meant little time for Marie to spend with Annabelle. As the intense jealousy fostered, Marie felt like she had to break them up. Annabelle confided in Marie about her and Augustus being in love and having sex. Marie used this to her advantage. She was the one who told Annabelle’s parents about it and they, in turn, forced the breakup. As soon as they discovered she was pregnant, they sent her to Chicago to live with her Aunt and Uncle to avoid shame. After giving birth to Louis Anna, she eventually met and married Lawrence Larquette. He loved Annabelle and Louise. He gave them a comfortable life. Annabelle never found out that Marie was the one who told her parents about the encounter with Augustus. She sent Marie letters every so often to keep in touch. Marie ultimately met Nicholas Peltier, married, and had their two sons, David and Philip. It was the oddest twist of fate that Philip eventually met and married Louise. Just as Marie couldn’t stand the thought of sharing Annabelle, she couldn’t share Louise with Annabelle. She was the daughter she never had. Marie confessed to Annabelle about being the snitch that revealed the secret to her parents. Annabelle was so distraught; she vowed never to speak to Marie ever again. The news of the pregnancy was bittersweet for Annabelle. She would have loved to be there for her daughter, but didn’t want to be anywhere near Marie. Louise promised to visit her with Phil and the new child as soon as they would be ready for the trip after the birth. Annabelle didn’t find out Louise’s death until right after the funeral. Marie called her with the news and said that both Louise and the child didn’t make it through. She knew this would keep her from ever having to share Nick with anybody.
“Well, maybe you can answer this one – why is Satan following me?” Nick asked Augustus.
“He’s not following, you. He’s everywhere. If you let him, he can be in your heart, your soul…”
“Your bathroom?”
“Yes, if you let him, he could even be in your bathroom. However, if you have a strong belief in the power of God, then the dark one’s powers are useless against you,” Augustus said with conviction.
“I guess my beliefs haven’t been too strong these past years.”
“That’s why he seems to be following you. That detective who is looking for you isn’t Satan. He’s just a man who is also being led down the wrong path.”
“You know about him?”
“Oh, yes. I saw the news report. The local media has been having a field day with you, especially after finding Alphonse LeBlanc.” He picked up the Saturday edition of The Daily Advertiser, the local Lafayette newspaper. Nick’s high school picture was on the front page.
“Man, I hate that picture,” said Nick.
“I guess it’s the most recent one they could find. You’ve been gone for so long, nobody could figure out what happened to you.”
“I’ve been living a low profile life.”
“Well, keep up your search, Nick. I know you’ll find what you’re looking for.”
“Everybody keeps telling me that. How can I find something if I don’t even know what it is?”
Father Thibodeaux started laughing. “I guess you really are my grandson. You are filled with the same sense of confusion I’ve had all my life.”
“Why have you been confused?”
“I’ve been thinking all these years that I got rejected by the woman I loved because I thought she didn’t love me. Now I look at you and realize you are a direct result of my heartbreak. It makes me feel great.”
“You feel better about being dumped now?”
“I sure do. Don’t you?”
“Feel better about you being dumped? I guess so. I probably wouldn’t be here if you weren’t.”
“No, I mean about you being dumped, as you say.”
Nick started thinking. “You know, Father, it does feel like a weight has been taken off my back. I know now that it wasn’t my fault and there was nothing I could have done differently. But if what happened to you is what we just figured out, then you have a grandson to show for it. What do I have?”
“Nick – you have what you’re looking for.”
“Damn it. What am I looking for?”
“You’ll find it, my son. You’ll find it. Now why don’t you back out there and enjoy the festival? The answers will come to you.”
“Thank you, Father Thibodeaux – I think.”
“You’re welcome, Nick. Come see me before you leave town.” Nick held out his hand to shake Father Thibodeaux’s. The priest grabbed his hand and gave him an enormous hug.
“Could you do me just one small favor, Nick?”
“Sure. What is it?”
“Could you call me…?”
“Grandpa? Sure.” He gave Father Augustus another warmhearted hug.
“I just wanted to know what it would feel like. Thank you, Nick.”
Nick smiled and walked out the door. He felt wholehearted inside. The feeling of being near an actual relative was something he hadn’t experienced in a long time. Even though he wasn’t sure what he was looking for, he felt a sense of self-confidence. He felt like evil wasn’t lurking in the darkness, waiting to pounce on him at a moment’s notice.
Meanwhile, Gerome Elderberry was on his way to Lafayette.
The Devil's in My Bathroom Page 46