The Confessional

by Gabriel Goodman

  CHAPTER SEVEN

  TWO DAYS EARLIER

  WEDNESDAY, OCTOBER 28

  At school the next morning, I headed straight to the office. The person who called Dad had told him to give me those instructions. Apparently, the caller hadn’t told Dad what this was about. The administrators were “still assessing the matter” and couldn’t comment. And I couldn’t tell Dad because I didn’t know. They must have confirmed with Mr. Ashbury by now that it was all a lie. We’d never had sex. And since practically every student at school lied on The Confessional about the sex they were having, how could I possibly be in trouble?

  But when I got to the office, Principal Boyle took me behind closed doors.

  “What you said online caused a big stir, Jenny,” she said. Nothing about her tone was friendly. “Parents are calling me. The school board’s getting involved.”

  “I already told you: it was a lie.” I gripped my backpack handle tight to keep my hands from shaking. “I made it up. Ask Mr. Ashbury.”

  Boyle raised an eyebrow. “A lot of people are upset. Something like this has happened at Monona before.”

  I nodded. “I heard. But that guy actually had sex with the teacher.”

  “And the teacher got fired.”

  I dropped my backpack. “Did Mr. Ashbury get ... fired?” I already felt miserable. I didn’t think I could handle finding out a teacher had lost his job over me.

  She scribbled onto a hall pass and handed it to me. “Everything is still being discussed. Until this matter is resolved, you’re to report to in-house detention. And it’s best if you not go anywhere near Mr. Ashbury.”

  I glared at the hall pass like it might sting me. I’d never gotten a detention in my life. “This doesn’t make sense. We didn’t have sex. I admitted I lied. Why is this still an issue?”

  Boyle’s cheeks puffed up. I could see anger in her eyes. “We take student-teacher relationships very seriously here. Even if you didn’t sleep with Mr. Ashbury, you’ve embarrassed him by letting people think you did. Maybe you should think about that.”

  She opened the door and wouldn’t even look at me as I walked out.

  •••

  The in-house detention room was just outside the office. Mr. Parker, the school aide, sat at a desk at the front, reading a newspaper. Half a dozen guys and girls—ones that I had regularly seen sitting in this room when I passed by—looked me up and down. The ones that recognized me whispered to the rest. Soon they were all smiling and chuckling.

  Shaniece Burton sat in the far corner, away from everyone else, doodling in her notebook. Her eyes flashed for a second when she saw me. I thought I was in for more death glares. But instead, she went back to her notebook. I took a desk somewhere between her and the regulars and worked on my English report.

  Two class periods came and went. As third hour was starting, Mr. Parker got up out of his chair. “Stay here,” he ordered. “I’ll be right back.”

  As soon as he left the room, the regulars burst out laughing.

  “Ten o’clock, every day!” a boy named Todd Long said. “He must have his bladder set up to an alarm.”

  The girl next to him, whose name I didn’t know, turned in her seat and faced me. “So ... you and Mr. Ashbury, huh? You know how to pick ’em.”

  I bit my lip. “It wasn’t like that,” I said quietly. “I didn’t ... ”

  “So will you do anybody?” another guy, Tim Harley, asked, grabbing his crotch.

  “Of course she will!” Todd answered. “She’s a big old skizz, aren’t you?”

  “Got a lot of experience spotting a skizz, Long?”

  We all turned to look at Shaniece. It was nice to see her death glare aimed at somebody else for a change.

  Todd’s friends burst out laughing. A second later, Shaniece was on her feet. I swear I saw Todd jump a little.

  “You think this little thing was with Ashbury?” Shaniece asked. “Please. Her V-card ain’t been punched yet. But you know what? Even if she had done it, that’s her business. Sleeping with somebody doesn’t make a girl a skizz.”

  I must have sat there with my jaw dropped for a minute. Twice now, Shaniece had stood up for me. She’d wanted me dead last week.

  The girl next to Todd folded her arms. “Says the skizz.”

  I was no expert in body language, but everything about Shaniece told me she was seconds away from leaping across the room and gouging out everyone’s eyes. “What, because I’ve had sex?” Shaniece said, “That makes me a skizz, huh? Like that big skizz Wade Davis?”

  “He’s a guy,” Todd said. “That’s different.”

  Shaniece laughed. “Oh, please use that 2.0 GPA to tell me what the difference is.”

  Todd jumped up just as Mr. Parker came back.

  “Siddown,” Parker said. Then he looked at Shaniece. “All of you.”

  When Todd looked ready to protest, Parker said, “You just got back from a three-day suspension for punching the captain of the football team, Long. You can’t afford any more black marks. Do you really want to push me? Everyone. Sit. Down.”

  Everyone did as they were told. The rest of the day went by without anyone saying a single word.

  •••

  When the final bell rang, we were excused. On the way out, I tapped Shaniece on the shoulder.

  “Thank you,” I said, not knowing what else to say. “You didn’t have to do that.”

  “Do what?” she asked. “Live my life? Welcome to what I deal with every day. I’m only sorry you had to find out what it’s like. Just remember: there’s no such thing as a skizz. It’s your body. No one can make you feel ashamed for what you choose to do.”

  She sounded a little sad. I’d heard so many people call Shaniece a skizz—to her face and out of earshot—that it never occurred to me that it might hurt. Maybe it didn’t. Maybe she was just sad for me.

  “See you here tomorrow,” I said.

  “This was just a one-day trip for me,” she said. “You’re in here tomorrow too? Please tell me this doesn’t have to do with Ashbury.”

  I nodded.

  “Damn! For lying? That ain’t right. You didn’t do anything!”

  “I embarrassed Mr. Ashbury. And I guess parents are angry.”

  Shaniece slung her purse over her shoulder. “They’re putting you in detention for not doing anything. Imagine what they’d do if you did something.” She leaned in close. “If this doesn’t go away fast, you might wanna get angry.”

  As Shaniece walked away, I imagined what it would be like to have a fiery ogre inside, just like Dad. Yeah, that was never going to happen. Besides, Shaniece had said I didn’t do anything. But I did. I’d lied. I deserved a couple days in detention. It could be worse, I thought.

  That was right before it got a lot worse.

  CHAPTER EIGHT

  ONE DAY EARLIER

  THURSDAY, OCTOBER 29

  I found out when I got home from my first day of in-house detention that the police had stopped by our house to bring Dad up to speed. If I had known that when I sat in detention, I would have spent the day throwing up.

  Dad didn’t say a word to me all through dinner. Didn’t even look at me. We went to bed without speaking.

  The next morning, I couldn’t take it anymore. As we sat down to breakfast, I said, “I’m going over to Mee’s tonight to study.” Dad’s big meeting with the principal—no, our big meeting—was tomorrow. I desperately needed to spend time with my cousin and cry or laugh or do whatever it is you do with cousins who want to comfort you when you’re upset. At least, that’s what I hoped Mee would do.

  “You’re not going out,” Dad said, finishing his coffee. “You’re grounded for a week.”

  “For lying online?”

  “For lying to me,” he said. “You told me you didn’t know what this meeting was about. If you’d told me the truth ... ”

  “It was embarrassing. I didn’t think it would lead to this. I was hoping it would go away.”

 
“Well, it didn’t. And now you have to deal with the consequences. Part of that is being grounded.”

  “That’s not fair,” I said. “I didn’t lie to you. I really didn’t think it would go this far. How was I supposed to know?”

  “You still should have told me. The school didn’t say what was happening because even they didn’t know where this was going. But Mr. Ashbury considered pressing libel charges—”

  “He what?” This was getting crazier by the minute.

  Dad raised a calming hand. “He’s decided not to. But obviously you won’t be in his class anymore. I’m sure that’s just the start of what the school wants to do. All I’m doing is punishing you for lying about something where the police were involved. No seeing Mee for one week.”

  So that’s what this was about. It was an excuse to keep me from his family. My family. He didn’t care that I’d lied to him. He’d just been waiting for something he could use to keep me away from Grandmother and Mee.

  “Look,” I said, “I already admitted that what I did was stupid. I’m never going to do anything like that again. I won’t lie about sex I didn’t have on the Internet. I won’t lie to you when the police are involved. But punishing me because I was trying to fit in—”

  “You don’t need to fit in!” Dad said. I’d never heard him come so close to actually yelling. “You need to do your homework, get good grades, and stay out of trouble.”

  But even if he wouldn’t yell, there was nothing stopping me. “I do need to fit in! I don’t have anything else. You’ve kept me from my family. You’ve dragged me all around the country because you can’t stop running from them. Now we’re finally home with aunts and uncles and cousins, and I’m still alone.”

  Dad flinched. All our lives, we’d only ever argued a few times. He’d won every argument. I couldn’t help but think, for once, I’d made a point he couldn’t fight.

  Even so, he didn’t back down. “One week. If you push, it’s one week without your phone too.”

  That’s when I knew exactly how serious this was. He’d gone for the nuclear option. Dad had never threatened to take away my phone. Or anything, really. But now he was hitting right where he knew it would do the most damage. He knew there was no way I’d speak up any further.

  I threw my gaze across the room, looking at anything that wasn’t him. I made silent plans to sneak out of the house and meet up with Mee. I was sure Grandmother would be angry at Dad with me. Maybe she’d break her ten years of silence and call him up just to chew him out about grounding me.

  Dad cleared his breakfast plates and straightened his tie.

  “And while you’re in detention today,” he said, grabbing his briefcase, “you’re going to write a letter to Mr. Ashbury and apologize for what you said.”

  As soon as the door closed behind him, I threw my orange juice glass into the sink and enjoyed the sound of it smashing.

  •••

  Shaniece wasn’t in detention that day. I sat in her seat, far away from Todd and the other regulars, and opened up my notebook. I wrote: Dear Mr. Ashbury, I’m sorry I didn’t sleep with you. Maybe this all would be worth it if I had.

  I ripped that page to shreds. The last thing I needed was for someone to think I meant that. Even if I did a tiny bit.

  I didn’t know what to say. Mr. Ashbury had been a wrestler. Was I really supposed to believe that he’d never boasted about something that wasn’t true?

  Dear Mr. Ashbury, Have you ever not fit in? Do you know what that’s like? Probably not. You were a wrestler and they tend to be popular. Well, I said what I said because I was trying to fit in. I didn’t think it would hurt anyone. Did it really hurt you? Well, it’s hurting me.

  I tore that one up too. It sounded whiney.

  Dear Mr. Ashbury, Were you really going to press libel charges?

  By the time Mr. Parker walked us down to the cafeteria for lunch, I’d written ten apology letters, all of which I’d destroyed. I wasn’t sure there was anything I could say.

  For the rest of the day, all I could focus on was how angry I knew Dad was. How disappointed. I’d been mad at him when he grounded me. But the fact was that I was in major trouble. He was probably embarrassed at having raised a kid who was causing this much of a scandal.

  Maybe I deserved whatever they were planning to do to me.

  CHAPTER NINE

  NOW

  FRIDAY, OCTOBER 30

  “Jenny, you’re being suspended for two months.”

  Two months? That was insane. That was beyond insane. Todd Long had only gotten a three day suspension and he’d decked a guy. How could a lie be worse than physical violence?

  I’d been ready for Dad to just nod and agree and, boom, it would all be over. But he didn’t.

  “I’ve spoken with the police about this at length,” Dad said. “Jenny said she did something that she didn’t do. The police agree that she didn’t do it. From what I understand, Mr. Ashbury confirms it too, and he’s not pressing charges.”

  Principal Boyle blinked. That was not the reaction she’d been expecting. “Students at Monona are all held to a code of conduct. Everyone: athletes, honor students, student council members. What Jenny did was a violation of that code.”

  “How, exactly?”

  That’s when I almost started crying. As angry as he was, Dad still defended me. Even he knew two months was unfair.

  Boyle shifted in her seat, very uncomfortable. In fact, everyone on her side of the table looked like they were standing on a hot plate and someone had just turned the heat up.

  “Not everyone knows Mr. Ashbury has been cleared in all this,” the principal said, avoiding Dad’s question. “Parents are still calling me, asking Mr. Ashbury to be removed from his classroom. Jenny’s actions embarrassed a good teacher and created an administrative nightmare for me.”

  “And that merits a two-month suspension?” Dad was cooler than cool.

  One of the men behind the principal—a guy in a gray suit with thinning hair—spoke up. “Yes. The school board discussed this last night in an emergency meeting, and we think this is fair.”

  “Fair,” Dad said, “would be punishing the other students on that website who also boasted about sex.”

  It was all I could do not to whoop with excitement. I’d been ready to walk out and accept the suspension. But Dad made me want to fight back.

  Gray Suit practically sneered at Dad. “If Jenny isn’t punished, other students will think it’s okay to make similar claims. We’d spend all our time fending off lawsuits and conducting interviews and sorting out who did what with whom. You should know that we’d originally discussed expulsion. I’m sure you agree this solution is much better.”

  Dad sat quietly for a very long time. So long that even I became as uncomfortable as the suits he was staring down. There was ice in those eyes. Then he stood. “No. I don’t agree.” Without another word, he turned and walked out. I jumped up to follow but, before I did, I turned back and smiled.

  “Thank you, Principal Boyle.”

  She scowled. “I’m sorry?”

  “I’m just glad I’m not the one who woke the ogre.”

  •••

  It turned out the mean, scary ogre Dad had been hiding inside him all these years looked just like normal, calm Dad. Which was kind of a letdown.

  I thought Dad’s dramatic exit meant he had a plan. I expected us to go over what our next move was in the car ride home. But we didn’t. He stayed totally quiet, and I didn’t know if that meant he was plotting or if he’d played his last card when he walked out on Boyle.

  “I know I screwed up,” I said, prompting him. “But two months is harsh. I know kids who did worse stuff than this and only got suspended a few days. They can’t do this. Right?”

  Dad didn’t answer. I worried this was some kind of lesson. That he wanted me to worry that, yes, they could do this and there was nothing to stop them. But that had never been how Dad operated. Sometimes, he just needed to thin
k.

  That night, a story about my suspension ran on the local TV news. They interviewed Gray Suit, the school board guy who was in Principal Boyle’s office. “The good news,” he said to the reporter, “is that it appears there was, in fact, no sexual contact between the student and the teacher. This was just a case of a teen saying stupid things online.”

  I wanted to curl up and die. I couldn’t believe this made the news.

  My insta-friends had vanished. I tried texting Grant, DeShawn, and Lia for two days before my meeting at the school, and no one got back to me. The worst part was I didn’t know if they thought they were blowing off a skizz, a liar, or someone who’d gotten suspended.

  Before all this, I would have just gone on with my life. But I needed to know why they were ignoring me. They already knew I didn’t sleep with Ashbury. They owed me an explanation.

  Because of the suspension, I wasn’t allowed in the school. So I hung out in the parking lot by Grant’s beat-up Chevy until play practice ended. Just after 5:00, Grant, DeShawn, and Lia left the school. They were laughing and talking until they spotted me. Then everyone got quiet.

  “Hi,” I said, all smiles, like nothing could possibly be wrong.

  Grant smiled back. “Hey, Jenny. Sorry to hear about ... you know.”

  “Yeah,” DeShawn said, “that’s really crappy.”

  Both guys shifted from foot to foot. Lia just stared at the ground, her jaw clenched. She wouldn’t even pretend she didn’t want me there.

  “I should have listened when you said to stay off The Confessional,” I said.

  Lia laughed, then quickly pursed her lips.

  “How are you, Lia?” I asked warmly. After seeing Dad be bold and direct, some of it rubbed off on me.

  “So,” Lia replied, “is it true you’re hanging out with Shaniece Burton now?”

  I squinted at her. “What? Where did you hear that?”

  “If you haven’t figured it out by now, chica, word travels fast in this school. Heard you two were buddy-buddy in detention.”

  “Shaniece stuck up for me against some jerks,” I said. “We just talked a little.”