No Illusions in Xanadu

by Ruby Gupta

  The best part of all this was the fallout – the fate of Chandra Prakash’s film was now in the doldrums! With Rajvir, who was producing it dead, and the heroine dead too – his step-brother was in deep shit now.

  It was turning out to be a wonderful world, after all, Amar smiled to himself. Were the Gods really looking out for him now? Finally? At last? Life had always been a struggle, since as far back as he could remember, Amar reflected.

  Though for people on the outside, it may not have appeared to be so. The public would have assumed that he had it oh-so-easy. Being the son of the super-successful Rajvir, he obviously seemed to have everything anyone could ask for. He was a young prince – no less. Perhaps during the early years of childhood, it was true. It was the onset of adolescence that brought with it misery and trauma.

  First, came the realization that his mother Pallavi was always unhappy. Then came the comprehension that the cause of her melancholy was Rajvir Kapoor. His so-called father could not help having a dalliance with almost every woman he came in contact with.

  What caused extreme agony to his mother was when one of these dalliances became so serious that it resulted in matrimony. Rajvir Kapoor ended up marrying his then leading lady, that whore Jyothika. Not only this, the two had the temerity to go ahead and have a child out of their immoral and illegal union. The result was Chandra Prakash barging into his universe. Chandra Prakash – the stepbrother, whom he hated with all his heart.

  The final ignominy was when it became obvious that Rajvir loved and cared more for Jyothika and her bastard son. This made Pallavi miserable, and the misery soon rubbed onto the young Amar.

  As Chandra Prakash grew up, it became obvious that he had inherited the best of both his parents. In fact, the teenage Chandra began to look more and more like the Rajvir of his hey days.

  The press soon got into the fray and began publishing pictures of the two with accompanying articles speculating on the arrival of the scion who would carry forth the legacy of the great Rajvir when the time was right.

  Amar began seething with a jealousy and anger that refused to let up. A deep hatred took root in his heart. Amar wished fervently during his every waking moment that something dreadful should happen to the man who was responsible for heaping so much grief and injustice upon him and his innocent mother.

  Cruel destiny though, had more in store for him. The current level of anguish was not enough. There was more in store.

  Amar soon had the disquieting realization that there was something not quite normal about him. For years he had struggled with a conflicted aspect of his own personality – refusing to acknowledge it, much less admit to it. It was only when he was well in his twenties, that he had begun to understand and accept, that he was indeed made this way. The reason, the cause of his homosexuality eluded him.

  Could it be that he was born this way? He honestly did not know. All he knew was that when his friends began noticing girls and taking an interest in them, he could not be bothered to do the same. For some years he did not think much of it. But when his hormones went into overdrive and he realized that it was other boys that he found attractive – he began to become truly alarmed.

  This was awful!

  What was wrong with him?

  What could he do?

  How could he set himself right?

  He tried several methods – began dating girls, even had a serious affair in his late teens.

  But, sadly enough, they meant nothing.

  To compound matters, he fell in love.

  It was a searing, crazy, mad, passionate love.

  Amar did not know what had hit him.

  He had never felt like this in his entire existence.

  The emotions that erupted from somewhere deep within him, consumed him, overpowered him, until he could not think of anything else at all.

  It happened at the Los Angeles acting school, which he had joined at the insistence of his mother. He had no interest in acting; but then he could not say no to his mother.

  Amar did whatever Pallavi wished for – this had always been the equation between them.

  After seeing the way Rajvir had disappointed her and let her down, Amar had decided long ago that he would be the man who would be there for Pallavi and make sure that he fulfilled her every wish.

  At the acting school on the very first day, during orientation, he met Gary.

  The attraction was instant, perhaps from the moment Amar saw him.

  Gary was from New Jersey and the very antithesis of Amar.

  The immediate allure was mutual, and over a couple of weeks it became intense.

  A month later, they were most definitely in love.

  Amar had never been so happy in his life, ever. He felt fulfilled, complete, at peace.

  This is what he had been waiting for all his life.

  This belongingness to another human being who made him feel whole.

  The next year passed in a blur of intense delight, ecstasy and fulfilment.

  Up until meeting Gary and falling in love, Amar had not acknowledged the fact of his sexual orientation even to himself. But now there was no doubt about it. He knew that this is what he was. There was no point denying it any longer.

  And why should he deny it? Anything that felt so good – had to be good, Amar rationalized to himself.

  No one back home had any notion as yet of there being anything out of the ordinary in his life. As far as they knew, Amar was single and single-mindedly pursuing his acting diploma.

  Of course, such things can never stay hidden for long. And it did not. Though Amar wished that his coming out did not have to be so dramatic. Cruel destiny came into play again – and all too soon.

  One morning, unexpectedly Rajvir arrived at his flat. His father’s experienced eye took in the presence of Gary, the sleeping arrangements, and immediately drew the correct conclusion.

  Rajvir Kapoor had arrived for the premiere of his latest film and decided to surprise his son; instead, he was dealt a horrific shock himself.

  He had no idea how to deal with it.

  This was inconceivable – it was the most unthinkable, unimaginable thing to happen. How could his son, the blood of his blood, be like this? It was inconceivable!

  Most probably it was the depraved Gary who had led his son astray, was Rajvir’s conclusion.

  There was only one thing to do. Amar had to be removed from such an immoral environment. He would have to leave and come back home to Mumbai. He knew though that Amar would not listen to him.

  There was only one way to do it. Pallavi had to be brought into the picture. She would have to be told and be convinced that there was only one way to save their son and that was by bringing him back home.

  Emotional blackmail was the only way to put this plan into action.

  Pallavi arrived by the next flight. She was in a state of shocked disbelief. Tears of helplessness would not stop pouring from her eyes. She was too stunned to comprehend what was in front of her, much less able to react, or take any decision, or even understand her son. It seemed to her that she no longer knew who her beloved son was anymore. She could do nothing but follow Rajvir’s instructions.

  Like a zombie, Pallavi agreed to everything Rajvir said. She was convinced that there was only one thing to be done – only one thing that could save her darling son from disaster. She had to take him away from this decadent city, this depraved country, this place that had corrupted and debased his innocence. Once he was back home, within the protective cocoon of their home, their city and their country, he would come to his senses, and be saved. Nothing else mattered. She knew only one thing – she must save her son.

  Even now, as Amar recalled the events of those traumatic days, when he was forced to quit school and go back to Mumbai, a lump rose in his throat.

  Gary was perhaps the only person he had ever loved. After that, it had taken him years to get over Gary.

  For months thereafter, there was an intense craving within him. He f
elt that he had been squarely hit in the vicinity of his heart and would never recover from it – there was an actual constant ache within him, which just refused to let up. He felt physically ill and nothing could make him feel normal.

  But there was no way he could go back to Gary. Pallavi had extracted a promise from him. Later, much later, she admitted to Amar that perhaps what she had done was wrong. But at the time she had thought that she was doing it for his own good. She had been completely brainwashed by Rajvir into believing that this was the best – nay, the only course of action open to them.

  There was also the fear of the horrific publicity that would ensue if such a thing became known, she had reminded him at the time. There was also the question of what this kind of news would do to Rajvir’s public image. It was unthinkable that the son of the film industry’s greatest lover, the manly, virile, superstar Rajvir could be gay. This was totally unacceptable.

  Years later, she apologized to Amar, said that she was sorry for taking him away from what was probably the only love of his life. But then her gesture was too late and too little. Though Amar never did hold it against her. He knew that it was not her fault. It was the fault of that bloody man – that damn Rajvir – he only saw his own selfish needs. Nothing else mattered to him.

  A tear slipped out, as Amar recalled the past. Why, oh why, did he have to suffer so much in his life? Roughly, he brushed away the tear with the back of his hand.

  No – no more! Now justice had been done. That man was killed – the way it was always meant to be. It should have happened much earlier – but anyway it was good that it happened anyway.

  At last, he could be at peace now – he too had a right to be happy and if God had not scripted happiness in his destiny, then he would bloody well make sure that he scripted his own happiness!

  The thought made Amar smile contentedly as he pulled deeply at the joint which was almost over by now.

  Chapter 14

  ‘Do you know the details of Natalie’s port-mortem report?’ Professor Shantanu asked.

  ‘No,’ Professor Dinkar put down the newspaper he was reading and looked at his friend with interest. ‘What was the cause of her death?’ he asked.

  ‘It was due to a blunt force trauma to her head leading to extensive external and internal brain injury and haemorrhage. Obviously, it was the direct result of the heavy wrought iron light fixture falling on her head.’

  ‘My God! Really awful!’ Professor Dinkar’s lips pursed in revulsion.

  ‘Yes. But we already knew it.’

  ‘There is something more, isn’t it?’ Dinkar asked perceptively.

  ‘Yes,’ his friend responded.

  ‘Well then, come on, out with it. Do you need an invitation?’ Dinkar really did not like Shantanu’s habit of giving out information bit by bit, instead of all at one go.

  ‘Natalie was pregnant,’ Shantanu announced.

  ‘Wow!’ Dinkar exclaimed. ‘So, she could have been murdered by the person responsible for getting her pregnant. Obviously, because he did not want her to have the baby. Or because he did not want the news of it to be made public.’

  ‘Prima facie it would seem to. But that is not the case. Her gynaecologist has revealed that Natalie was very happy about the baby. Although she did not disclose the identity of the father to the doctor, she did say that although the man in her life was surprised, he did not dissuade her from having the child,’ Shantanu said.

  ‘You have a lot of info,’ Dinkar looked at him with respect.

  ‘You know me. As also people love to talk… And I make it my business to provide a sympathetic ear,’ Shantanu said.

  ‘But really, how could Natalie get pregnant? Surely it could not have been an accident? Nowadays kids are so smart, and she, being a model, an actress, a foreign one at that, she should have known better,’ there was note of surprise in Dinkar’s voice.

  ‘Hey, don’t be sexist and a reverse racist!’ Shantanu censured his friend.

  ‘Sorry, but you know what I mean,’ Dinkar was somewhat contrite.

  ‘Yeah and you are right. It was no accident. She was in love.’

  ‘Wow! So, who was the father? Lucas?’ Dinkar’s face twisted in distaste. There was something about Lucas, that offended his aesthetic sensibilities.

  ‘No – not Lucas.’

  ‘Then?’

  ‘Rajvir.’

  ‘Oh my God! Are you serious?’ Dinkar was shocked.

  ‘Yes.’

  ‘That is impossible!’

  ‘Are you raising a question about Rajvir’s virility?’ Shantanu said a tad wickedly.

  ‘Heck no!’ Dinkar smirked. ‘I mean how? How… Oh God! I really can’t imagine it.’

  ‘You are not supposed to imagine it,’ Shantanu was clearly amused the way his friend continued to tie himself in knots.

  ‘But my God! Think of Rajvir’s age! How could he be into something like this at this age? And that too with Natalie? She must easily be less than half his age,’ Dinkar spoke affronted.

  ‘True. How old was Rajvir anyway?’

  ‘I think he must have been around 52 or something,’ Dinkar said.

  ‘Well that’s not too old,’ Shantanu pointed out.

  ‘Yeah, and he was a particularly young and handsome-looking specimen of manhood at that. I guess it was easy for Natalie to fall for him,’ Dinkar rationalised.

  Shantanu inclined his head.

  ‘But are you sure it is Rajvir? You cannot conclude that Rajvir is the father based upon mere hearsay,’ Dinkar said.

  ‘You know me. My source is totally reliable,’ Shantanu said.

  ‘Then tell me. I will be the judge of it.’

  ‘Actually Dr. Singhvi told Inspector Bhogle, who in turn told me,’ Shantanu disclosed.

  ‘And how did Dr. Singhvi get to know?’

  ‘You won’t rest till you know all the details, will you?’ Shantanu said.

  ‘I too am a researcher, remember?’ his friend smiled.

  ‘Dr. Singhvi got to know from Rajvir himself.’

  ‘Wow!’ Professor Dinkar whistled. ‘Rajvir would tell such a thing to Dr. Singhvi?’ he asked after a pause.

  ‘I believe Rajvir considered Dr. Singhvi not just as a family doctor. He regarded him a close friend and often confided in him.’

  ‘Yes, I think you are right.’

  ‘And you know, all this is rather unpleasant,’ Shantanu said soberly. ‘Particularly for Pallavi.’

  ‘Yes,’ Dinkar nodded seriously. ‘And it does put a different spin to the motive for the murder, isn’t it?’

  ‘Yeah. Now there is no doubt that the two murders are linked. It has to be someone who could not tolerate their affair and the fact that Natalie was even having a love child.’

  ‘But why would she go ahead and have the baby? Wouldn’t it have jeopardized her career? How would she have managed as a single mother? Rajvir already had two wives. Would he have married again? I mean, this was a rather silly decision on Natalie’s part,’ Dinkar pointed out logically.

  ‘You are right, of course. But I believe Natalie was so in love with Rajvir that she wanted a part of Rajvir with her forever – any way she could.’

  ‘Wow!’

  ‘Yeah. People in love! What can you say?’ Shantanu spoke philosophically.

  ‘Not people. I think women in love become somewhat stupid,’ Dinkar said.

  ‘Really! You don’t know of men being stupid in love? Have you forgotten about your own situation at IIT?’ Shantanu said.

  ‘Oh, shut up,’ Dinkar’s face coloured at being reminded of his own craziness and erratic behaviour when he had been madly in love with a colleague, way back when he was a young lecturer at IIT.

  ‘Ok, sorry. That was uncalled for,’ Shantanu was penitent. ‘So now we can narrow down our suspects.’

  ‘Yes.’

  ‘Unless of course, the affair and the baby are incidental, and there is something deeper, something more insidious, which is behind both mu
rders. Something, that is not really apparent at the surface. You know, it could be related to some business deal, or some film, or something,’ Shantanu spoke reflectively.

  ‘Yeah, you could be right,’ Dinkar had great respect for the way Shantanu could look at a particular thing from different angles. That is what made him a great researcher and was the basis of him having so many patents to his name.

  ‘If we only look at it from the personal standpoint, the killer has to be Lucas.’

  ‘It could be Pallavi too,’ Dinkar knew he had to say what was in his mind, notwithstanding Shantanu’s distaste of such a link.

  There was silence.

  ‘Yes, it could be either Lucas or Pallavi,’ Shantanu spoke heavily, at length.

  ‘They are the only ones who could have hated this affair.’

  ‘But, wait a minute, it could very well be Jyothika too,’ Shantanu spoke triumphantly. ‘After all, Pallavi did not really care about whom Rajvir dallied with. She has had nothing to do with Rajvir since more than a decade. So why would she suddenly be bothered about Natalie? It could be Jyothika who could have been jealous enough to do it.’

  ‘Umm, yes. Though Pallavi could have been extremely upset because it was not just an affair; Rajvir and Natalie were about to have a love-child,’ Dinkar persisted with his own argument.

  ‘If we look at it from the professional angle, it could be some producer whose film they had refused or a financier losing some money, or some such thing,’ Shantanu pointedly ignored his friend’s last statement.

  Dinkar decided to let it go. He did not want to antagonize his friend needlessly. ‘So, what do you intend to do now?’ he asked instead.

  ‘Well. To begin with I’ll try to be in on Lucas’s interrogation by Bhogle. And also tell him about my suspicions about the other angles. Let’s see, maybe something will come up.’ Shantanu said.

  ‘Where were you on the night that Natalie died?’ Bhogle repeated the question for the third time.

  Lucas continued to stare at his fingernails. He had been summoned to the police station. But he was damned if he was going to say anything to this darned inspector, he thought.

  Lucas’s belligerent attitude was beginning to get to him and Bhogle was tempted to cuff him on the ear. Somehow, he controlled himself and took a deep breath. ‘Tell me.’