But she wanted more, damn it.
So when he’d suggested she come with him to the club tonight she’d agreed. She still owed him a night, after all. Now she was wondering what the hell she’d been thinking to agree to any of this.
“Aspen? Aspen, dear, are you all right?”
She blinked, looking over at Gwen. Oh, shit, had she been asking her something?
“I’m sorry, Gwen, I was away with the fairies. Did you ask me something?”
“You’re not worried about going to the club, are you, dear?”
“I . . . um . . . I . . .”
“I know it’s scary the first time, but you needn’t be worried. Joel is a very good Dominant. He’ll look after you. We’ve known him a long time. You’re in safe hands. I promise.”
She blushed, unable to help herself. “Thank you. Are you sure you’re all right to stay with the boys? Saxon said I can’t take my phone into the dungeon with me but that you’d know how to get hold of him if you needed to.”
Gwen waved her hand. “Don’t you worry, dear. If I need you I can easily get word to Saxon. I know it’s hard to let go and stop worrying when you’re a mother, but I have this covered. I’m happy to sleep over the night. You go and have some fun. You deserve it.”
Did she? Maybe. Didn’t mean she didn’t feel a tad guilty about doing something for herself. But before she could change her mind, the man in question walked in.
He stopped and looked her over, a smile dancing on his lips. “Ready?”
Ready? No. She didn’t think so. She looked over at Gwen, who gave her a reassuring smile. “Go. I’ll be fine and so will your boys. I promise. You can trust me.”
Seemed like she was having to do quite a bit of that lately. Still, she reached out and took the hand Saxon offered her.
Here goes nothing.
“You want me to wear that?”
Saxon had to bite back a smile at the horrified disbelief in Aspen’s voice. You’d have thought he’d asked her to dress up like a clown and sing the “Star Spangled Banner” in front of the town council.
Now that her hand was healed, it was time to move to the next level. Starting with a trip to the club. He wanted to discover a bit more about what went on in that busy head of hers. And he was going to show her more of what submitting to him meant. Including wearing the attire he chose for her.
“Yes.” He kept his answer deliberately short.
She gave him a look like she thought he was crazy. “I can’t wear this!”
He lifted his chin. “You can, because this is what I require you to wear.”
He saw the way she swallowed heavily. Those words affected her even though she tried to hide it. That wouldn’t be allowed for much longer.
“There’s hardly anything here.” She waved down at the silk corset, which was a deep emerald color, and a tiny, black skirt.
“Actually, this is quite generous of me. Many Doms would insist you go naked.”
Her eyes widened. “What?”
“Is being naked a hard limit? It wasn’t on your contract.” He’d gone through the club contract and her limits with her.
“No, but—”
“If you don’t like the clothes I picked out, then your other choice is to go naked. It’s that simple.”
She swallowed heavily. “You wouldn’t.”
He just raised one eyebrow.
“Who am I kidding? Of course, you would. Fuck, what have I gotten myself into?”
Smack! He landed a heavy spank on her ass. “Language,” he growled.
“Sorry.”
“Sorry?”
She looked confused for a moment, and he could see the cogs of her mind working. Then her face lightened. “Sorry, Sir.”
“Tell me what’s going on in that head of yours.”
“My body, it’s not . . . I mean . . . I’ve had two children for God’s sake.”
“And you believe that has made your body less than desirable?” How could she possibly think that?
“Well, it’s just . . . I don’t know.” She blew out a breath. “It doesn’t seem like I should be prancing around naked in front of a room full of people.”
“Hmm, that’s an interesting thought. Do you have an interest in pony play?”
“What? What the fuck is pony play?”
He gave her a cold look. “Language. I’m not going to tolerate you swearing in everyday life; it’s not good for the boys to hear their mother talking like that. And I’m definitely not going to allow it when I’m in charge.”
“Sorry, Sir,” she whispered.
Damned he loved hearing her call him Sir.
“Enough procrastinating. You’re going to wear what I have put out for you because it’s what I desire and I am in charge.” He took hold of her chin, raising those gorgeous eyes up to meet his. “For the rest of the night, the only thing you should be concerned about is doing what I tell you to do. Your only worry is pleasing me.”
“Yes, Sir.”
“Good girl.” He ran his thumb over her lips. “When we’re in the club, you’ll call me Sir or Master. We’ve gone through your limits several times but is there anything that you wish to add?”
“No, Sir.”
“What are your safe words?”
“Yellow to slow down. Red to stop.”
“I expect you to use them if you need to. I don’t want you suffering because you think you’ll make me unhappy by using them. You’ll only displease me if you’re scared or in pain and you don’t use them, understand?”
“Yes, Sir.”
“Good girl.” He kissed her lightly. “I promise you’re going to enjoy this. Don’t look so scared. You can bring those clothes with you and get changed at the club, pet. It’s time to play.”
She wasn’t sure she’d ever felt such apprehension. Even giving birth hadn’t seemed quite so terrifying. She snorted to herself. And perhaps not as painful. She glanced up at Saxon. No, he wouldn’t do anything to truly harm her. That thought calmed her.
Trust. It was hard for her to give. But as each day passed and she learned more about him that trust grew.
I trust him.
Maybe even loved him.
She pushed that thought aside, unsettled. Loving him wasn’t in the cards. He wasn’t looking for a relationship. She had to remember that and guard herself against getting hurt.
She stepped into the bar area with Saxon close to her side, his hand on her lower back. There were a few people there drinking and they called out greetings. You didn’t have to be a member to get into the bar, but you did have to come with someone who was and get past the doorman, who was rather intimidating and not inclined to let just anyone in. She was glad for that. She didn’t like to think of people sitting in the bar, watching and judging who went into the play area beyond. Not that you couldn’t bypass the bar altogether, but Saxon had steered her here and, tonight, he was in charge.
Saxon moved to the bar, taking her with him. There were lots of table with comfortable chairs.
Saxon spoke to the barman, whom she didn’t know, for a few minutes, she turned and looked around.
“Pet?”
“What?” She jumped, turning.
He frowned slightly.
“Oh, sorry, did you say something? I guess I was daydreaming.”
He grasped her chin, tilting her face up. “How do you address me?”
Her eyes widened, the stern note in his voice doing funny things to her insides. God only knew why she enjoyed this, but she did. She wondered if she’d enjoy being dominated by anyone else or whether it was just him?
Somehow, she thought it was the latter.
“Sorry, Sir.”
“I know this is your first time so it’s going to be hard to focus,” he told her quietly, running his thumb over her lower lip. “So, I’m going to go easy on you. What do you say to me for my understanding and lenience?”
Understanding and lenience? Seriously? Oh, shit. He was really serious.
>
“Thank you, Sir?”
“Very nice, pet. Now we’re a little early so there won’t be many scenes going on inside. But we’ll take a little tour, look at the equipment, and you can tell me what you like or don’t like. Any questions before we start?”
She shook her head.
“Good.” He pulled something out of his pocket. It was red velvet strip with a small clasp at the back. “This is a club collar. It shows you’re under my protection. You need to keep this on at all times in the club.”
She grabbed hold of his hand without thinking. He raised an eyebrow and her stomach dropped. Shit.
“Aspen, look at me.”
She stared up into his green eyes miserably, her shoulders slumped.
“Hey, what’s with the sad look?”
“I don’t want to mess up.” She didn’t want him to figure out that she was more trouble than she was worth.
He gripped her chin firmly. “I don’t expect you to be perfect. Even though we’ve done a little playing, it’s nothing like this. You’re going to make mistakes. All that means is I get to paddle you as punishment.”
She had to smile a little at that.
“Remember, your one job is to do what I tell you to do. Do that and you will please me greatly.”
“And if I can’t do something that you want me to?”
“Then we’ll stop and talk about it.”
“You won’t be mad at me?”
“I won’t be mad at you,” he said firmly. “Communication, honesty, and trust, remember? Something upsets you, scares you, or hurts you, you tell me. Now what is it about the collar that worries you?”
“You won’t leave me, will you?”
His eyes cleared of confusion. “Ah, I see. No, I am not going to leave you. However, sometimes things happen, and I prefer to err on the side of caution. Especially when it comes to my sub’s safety.”
His sub. Happiness danced through her stomach.
“Safety?” Was she going to be in danger?
“Easy, pet. All of the unattached subs wear a collar like this one to show that I’m watching out for them. It gives them the security to be able to enter a scene with a Dom who might be unknown to them. Knowing that they have my protection. Also, that there are monitors watching out for them. It’s just an added layer of security.”
Right. So she wasn’t special. That was a blow.
He put the collar around her throat then ran his finger over it lightly. “Although, I must admit, I’ve never been as affected by placing a collar on any of them as I am as seeing it on you. You do bring out the possessive side of me, pet.”
Her stomach settled and she smiled up at him. “Thank you, Sir.”
“You are most welcome. Now, come, it’s time to further your education. And for me to have some fun.”
The smile he gave her wasn’t reassuring and she shivered.
He threw back his head and laughed. “The sight of a trembling, worried little subbie does warm a Dominant’s heart. Come.”
He was so twisted. But she couldn’t help but smile at his laugh. He didn’t smile or laugh often, but when he did, well, she might just start to worry she really was falling in love with him.
Had he ever enjoyed showing a sub around the dungeon more?
The way she cringed as they came upon a whipping scene told him what he’d already known. His sensitive little subbie had pressed her face against his chest as a thin line of blood appeared on the male submissive’s back.
“Josh is a pain slut,” he told her as he pulled her close, running his chin over the top of her hair. The scent of strawberries hit him. Damn, she smelled good enough to eat. He smiled. Later. “A masochist.”
“What?” She looked up at him in shock.
“He enjoys pain. Gets off on it. The Dom whipping him is a sadist, but isn’t into men. Did you notice the other Dom watching?”
She turned, spotted the slimmer built Dom watching closely from where he stood by the wall.
“That’s Josh’s Dom. He doesn’t like to inflict as much pain as Josh needs. So Jardin whips him, gets him all hot and needy, then he’ll hand him off to his Dom.”
Jardin was fairly new to the club, but he was Alec Malone’s cousin and Malone had vouched for his cousin. Saxon had done some research into his past. He’d been a well-respected sadist at his old club and he was fitting in well here.
Jardin stopped for a moment, assessed Josh, who was trembling where he stood secured to the St Andrew’s cross. A few lines crisscrossed his back.
“He really likes that?” she whispered.
“He does. Look at how Jardin speaks to him, checking in.” Josh nodded at whatever the sadist was asking him. Jardin cupped the back of his neck as he spoke to him. Josh’s Dom watched on but didn’t interfere. Jardin moved back behind Josh and flicked the whip against his back.
Aspen jumped. Time to move on. “I don’t think I’ll ever like that.”
“I know, pet. And I have no desire to make you bleed. It’s not my kink either.”
She relaxed slightly. They moved around the play room. It was starting to get busier and several people stopped to talk to him, thankfully, briefly. He took note of Aspen’s interests. Bondage was a definite yes. Suspension was also a possibility, she’d watched a scene where the female submissive was held in ropes in the air while her Dom tortured her with a vibrator with a mix of arousal and concern. Yes, that was definitely something to think about.
Wax play was also a possibility. They watched a particularly hot scene with a Domme and her male submissive. They moved on to a scene where a female submissive was secured in a cage. She was kneeling, the cage suspended in the air, her Dom having placed some thick pads in the cage for her to rest her hands and knees on. Her ankles were secured to each corner of the cage with leather restraints and a ball gag and blindfold cut her off from the room. The Dom reached through the opening at the end of the cage to insert a large anal plug into her ass. She groaned behind the gag, the wooden slats the Dom had inserted through the slots of the cage held her still. There was one under her stomach, one over her shoulder blades, another above her breasts and one more over her bent knees.
“Relax, girl, you can take it. You’ve had bigger in your ass,” he growled at her.
Besides him, Aspen gasped. “That’s Hannah,” she whispered.
“Hannah enjoys this sort of play. And she won’t mind you observing.” Although he understood it could feel uncomfortable to watch someone you knew.
“I feel like I shouldn’t be.” She looked down.
He ran his finger over the top of her breasts. They were barely contained in the tight corset. He couldn’t wait much longer to get her naked and tied down. She glanced up at him, the heat in her eyes a match to his own.
He reached a finger between her breasts and tugged until the right nipple popped out. She gasped and tried to take a step back.
“Stay still.”
Her eyes widened, her mouth dropped open, but she stilled. Good girl. He reached in, pulling her other breast free. Time to make her aware her body was his to do with as he liked.
“Face the scene.”
She bit at her lower lip. Then glanced around. Her mind raced. He leaned into her, his mouth brushing against her ear. “Remember what your job is tonight. To follow my orders. Nothing else.”
She stared up at him. “Pretty hard to concentrate when I’m half naked.”
He raised an eyebrow. “I can change that so you’re fully naked.”
She made a low noise. Damn, she was fun to tease. Tease? Was that what he was doing? He didn’t normally tease.
“I can’t believe I have my boobs out in front of a roomful of people.”
“You don’t. I have my breasts on display where others can see but not touch. Because they are mine.”
He saw the way his words calmed her. “Yours?”
“Mine.” He reached out and flicked one nipple. She gasped, arousal making her eyes grow cloudy.
“Pet, you were given an order and I’ve been very patient. That won’t last forever.”
Her eyes widened. She swallowed heavily then she nodded. “Yes, Sir.”
She turned to face the cage where Blake, one of Jake’s deputies, was currently holding a vibrator over Hannah’s engorged clit.
Saxon wrapped an arm around Aspen’s abdomen, just below her breasts. “Good girl. I’m proud of you.”
Those words made her stand straighter. His girl needed words of praise. God knew she’d probably never received them from her mother. With his other hand, he teased her nipples, moving from one to the other, pulling at the engorged nub then rubbing it lightly. Her breathing grew faster, little murmurs of need escaping from her lips. He held her firmly, not letting her move away.
Hannah’s cries grew louder. Aspen stiffened. Embarrassment? Worry? Arousal?
“Stay where you are,” he warned, slipping his hand beneath the waistband of the small skirt she wore and then cupping her mound. She jolted, making a low noise, but didn’t move.
“Good girl,” he told her.
Her breath left her on a shudder as he ran a finger through her folds. Soaking wet. Very good. He nipped at the skin where her neck met her shoulder and she cried out. He circled her clit slowly. Round and round then back and forth.
“Joel!” she cried out.
He bit down on her earlobe, stopping the slow caress of her hard nub. “How do you address me?”
“Sorry. Sorry, Sir. I’ll try not to forget again.” There was a desperate note to her voice. He knew how she loved to please.
“Sh,” he soothed. “It’s okay, pet. I have you. You’re doing so well. My brave girl.”
He could feel her lapping up the words like a flower deprived of sunlight. Her need to please reached something deep inside him. Maybe that was why his scenes had become so serious and almost clinical, because he’d always chosen submissives with experience. Who never pushed. Never faltered.
There was nothing wrong with that. But maybe he’d needed something else to reignite his Dominant side. Aspen. Innocent. Courageous. Sometimes challenging, sometimes so sweet it hurt.
Saxon's Soul (Haven, Texas Book 5) Page 16