by Huss, JA
I had hope that Tray would be waiting for us when we got back, but he isn’t there. So Valor and I start a new routine—swimming, and eating fruit, and talking, and laughing, and sleeping, and waking up to do it all again.
And even though this was my own personal paradise before he came, now it’s something else.
Now it’s ours.
And I get better.
My mind, which was corrupted with loneliness and despair, heals. Mends. And happy is a word I’d use to describe myself again. I no longer long for the old world that Tray made me. I don’t miss my job at the café, or Aieena’s bad gardening.
I am content.
One day Valor asks me, “Do you know how I can get out?”
“Get out?”
“Don’t you think it’s been too long? Don’t you think I should go check on him?”
“Leave me here?” I ask. “Alone again?”
“No,” he says, swiping the back of his fingers along my cheek.
I lean in to that because I like it. He doesn’t touch me much. Hardly ever, actually. But when he does… God, it feels good. And sometimes I crave it.
“No, Brigit. No one’s leaving you. I just think… it’s been a long time. We’ve been waiting for Tray for a very long time.”
“Not that long,” I say. “Not compared to how long I’ve been in here.”
He smiles at me. But it’s a weak smile. “I know you want to get out. I sort of do too.”
“Just sort of?” I ask, smiling. Hoping to make his smile bigger. Brighter.
“I like it here.” He laughs. “It’s fucking nice. For once, you know. Calm, and relaxing, and no bullshit. No wars, no princesses, no harem, no ALCOR. None of that that shit outside matters. So no. If you think I’m tired of this and I want to leave, just no. I could stay here forever.”
I laugh at that. “Believe me, forever is such a long time.”
“I don’t know how you got along alone in here. I would’ve gone nuts.”
“I think I did go nuts. Before you came, Valor, I really thought I was God.”
We both laugh.
“I swear! It’s kinda crazy to think about it now. But I really thought I was God and this was my garden paradise.”
His grin is bright and broad. He looks around and shakes his head as he draws in a deep breath. “It is paradise.” He looks back at me and meets my eyes. “I don’t want to leave. Trust me. But I’m worried that something has gone wrong.”
I don’t want him to leave. I don’t think I could stand it in here again if he did. I might really lose my mind if I have to exist alone again. So I say, “Tray once tried to explain time to me. He said that every second that passes out there is like months and months in here.”
“It’s been longer than months, Brigit.”
“We don’t know how long—”
“I’ve been counting,” Valor says. “I count the nights. And it’s been one thousand and fifty-four.”
Shit. I hadn’t noticed. I’m so used to time passing. Long, lonely stretches of it. And none of the time I’ve spent with Valor has seemed long or lonely.
“If my calculations are correct,” Valor continues, “that’s hours outside. He said minutes. He should’ve been here a long time ago. He told me to keep you happy, so I didn’t bring it up. And I’ve been enjoying this place way too much to make a big deal about it until now. But… something’s wrong.”
I have been good this whole time. I don’t touch him much even though I want to. Every once in a while our hands will brush against each other while walking. Or he’ll touch my cheek in a moment of tenderness. Or he’ll take my arm to steady me when we’re climbing up some rocks or pull me out to sea with him while I float on my back.
But there has always been a line. One we never crossed.
He’s my best friend now. So much more than Aieena was. He’s like Tray. But a Tray who does not leave me. Tray who stays with me all the time. Sleeps next to me. And eats with me. And talks and laughs with me. Every virtual minute of our virtual day.
“How do I get out?” Valor asks. “I need to make sure he’s OK. Something could’ve happened on the ship. Or… I don’t know. The spin node is degenerating or—”
“You haven’t been here that long, Valor. I know it feels like forever, but it’s not. Everything is OK. I promise. It’s fine.”
I am not too proud to beg.
He cannot leave me here.
I cannot let him.
“I’ll just wake up for one moment, look around, make sure Tray is in his pod, and then come right back.”
“No,” I say. “No. Please. Please don’t leave. I can’t do it again. Not after all this time. I can’t imagine what it would be like to live here alone again.”
“Five seconds,” he says.
“Five seconds is a long time in here, Valor. You know that. It’s so long. I don’t think… I can’t…” But I trail off.
Because I can tell he’s worried about Tray. He wants to go check on him. He keeps looking at the sky like that’s the way out. I don’t know the way out, to be honest. I’ve never left. So I can’t tell him. It doesn’t matter anyway. I’m sure he has an idea.
“There,” he says, pointing to a gold shimmer in the blue sky.
I study the anomaly he’s talking about. Kinda wavy and distorted. Like heat when it radiates up off the sand on super-hot days.
I’ve never noticed it before, so… maybe it’s been there this whole time? Or maybe Valor created it when he went searching for the exit. Even though I’ve been locked up inside a virtual for God knows how long—many eternities, at least—I have no real understanding of how they work. It’s just the place I exist.
“I think that’s the exit,” he says. “You wanna try to leave with me?”
“I can… leave?”
His shoulders drop a little and I already know the answer. “I don’t think it would work. You’re in a deep cryogenic sleep on the ship so you might just get lost and end up… nowhere. I think we have to wake you up from the outside.”
I was holding my breath during his answer and now I let it out. I chew on my lip for a moment, wondering how close I am to total freedom, then realizing I’m still as far away as ever.
But he’s right. I know he’s right.
“OK,” I say. “You can go check. I’ll be OK. Tray is more important than my happiness.”
Valor shakes his head at me and forces a small smile. “That’s not true. He’d say the same thing about you, if he were here, Brigit.” Valor looks at the sky again, then back down at me. “He’d tell me… he’d say… ‘Valor. Don’t you dare leave her alone.’”
Now, instead of holding my breath, I let it out. Allow myself to smile.
“Do you have any idea what Tray has done on the outside to be here with you?”
I shake my head. I can’t even begin to imagine the outside world anymore. It feels like a fairytale. Some myth that can’t possibly be true.
“We’re basically fucking up all the plans right now. Booty and Asshole ALCOR are waiting for us out in the middle of space. They probably haven’t been waiting long yet. It’s hard to know with all the different time zones we’ve passed through since we left Harem. But we’re definitely late at this point.” He stops and looks at me. We’re close. Not touching, but standing very close to each other. A comfortable distance. His eyes are beautiful. Lighter than Tray’s. Everything about him is lighter than Tray. Lighter than me, too.
Tray and I are dark things. Like mysteries in a pool of murky water. Valor is a bright thing. Something made out of sky and sun. And I always get this feeling that at any moment he could sprout wings and fly away in the wind.
He is a golden god in my eyes.
I take his hand in both of mine and squeeze it.
He looks down at my gesture, then back up at my eyes. “I’ll stay.”
He hasn’t changed. Not in all the time he’s been here. His hair is still a little bit too long. Curling just slight
ly, right above the line of muscle where his neck meets his shoulders. He came in looking sun-streaked all those days ago, his body just a little bit brown and marred with several scars left over from many battles.
I want to touch him. I want to put my hands on his arms and feel the hills and valleys of his muscles. I want to press my palms flat on his chest and feel his heartbeat.
Does he have a heartbeat?
Do I?
I reach up with my free hand and place it over my heart to check. And for a moment, there’s nothing there and I almost panic.
But I am the goddess of this world. And if I want a heartbeat, a heartbeat I shall have.
It thumps under the pressure of my palm. So hard and loud I think Valor can hear it.
“What in the ever-loving sun is going through your mind right now?” he asks.
“I don’t know,” I say. “I’m not sure. I just…” I drop his hand and look around at my paradise. Our paradise.
There are tall, skinny trees with fruit under the shallow canopy of broad, waxy leaves. And sand. I like the way the foamy waves roll up on it and leave little ocean mysteries behind for me to find. Things like sea shells, and strange tendrils of plants, and little crab-like creatures that always look like they’re walking backwards. Valor imagined all those things. He says they’re real. That everything we’ve created here is real somewhere.
I like the blue sky and the way it turns purple and red at night as my sun sets. I like the cool nights and the smattering of sparkling stars.
I like waking up with Valor nearby. I like the thought of Tray coming here. I imagine he might even be a little bit impressed with our world-building skills.
I study Valor’s face now, his angled jaw that has this perpetual scruff on it, just enough to cast a shadow on his glow. But my eyes begin to drop. I study the tendons of his neck, then the muscles of his chest. The way his stomach has lines of shadows across it, clearly defining his muscles. And then… his cock. Which is almost always in a state of semi-hardness.
I have watched him hold it in his hand each morning when he wakes. He never jerks off in front of me. Always goes out into the ocean or into the trees. And I have never spied on him, so I’ve never seen him in that moment when he finds relief.
I don’t think about sex much but I’m thinking about it now.
My eyes lift up again, meeting his. I take a deep breath and on the exhale I say, “I think… I might be happy.”
Valor just stares at me. Unblinking. I hold his gaze until he breaks the connection and starts studying me the way I was just studying him.
My neck. Then my breasts. Then my flat, shadow-muscled stomach, and finally to the spot between my legs that is not aching for him.
When he meets my gaze I am, once again, holding my breath.
I break away first this time. Stare past his shoulder and out at the sea.
Then I close my eyes and make it dark. Not completely dark. Rays of golden sun find their way past the semi-opaque skin of my eyelids and remind me that we live in paradise.
I feel, more than hear, when he takes a step closer to me and closes the distance.
His touch makes my skin tingle. A shiver runs up my body when his fingertips lightly brush against my nipple. Just one small, gentle touch and then it’s gone.
I don’t dare open my eyes because I will come to my senses and tell him no.
It’s just been a long, long time. And I love Valor in my own way now. He’s my best friend. He’s my new rock. He makes me happy and I haven’t had a lot of experience with happy. Contentment is a new emotion for me and I want to hug it. I want to hold it close and never let it go.
Valor swallows so hard it’s audible. “Don’t worry,” he whispers. “I would never.”
I want to object to that. I want to tell him he has permission. My permission.
But I don’t. I can’t make my mouth form those words.
I count in my head and when I get to twenty-seven I feel able to look at him again.
He’s staring at me, frowning. But then his eyes dart up, looking past me, and his frown turns to a smile. “Tray?”
CHAPTER FIFTEEN - TRAY
The sea is the first thing I notice when I drop back into the world. A misty, salty breeze hits my face and the warm sun drenches my shoulders. I’m naked again, but that’s not what I care about.
Down below the hill I’m standing on are Brigit and Valor. Standing quite close together, both also naked, and having what appears to be a serious conversation.
I almost call out, but find that I can’t. There’s a lump in my throat and anyway, I just want to look at them. It feels like forever since I’ve seen Valor, and it’s only been a couple of hours in real time.
It feels like eternity since I’ve seen Brigit.
Valor notices me first. He’s facing the hill, while Brigit is facing the water.
He squints his eyes and smiles. “Tray?”
I can’t hear it. I’m too far away. But I can read his lips.
I start walking down the pebbled incline but soon I’m hopping, feet slamming into loose dirt and sand, then hopping again. By the time I reach the bottom Valor is there, hugging me, almost too hard.
“You fucking asshole.” He laughs. “I hate you, you asshole!”
I hug him back but I only see Brigit walking towards me. Naked, and perfect, and golden from lifetimes of living under the bright, hot sun.
Valor claps me on the back one more time, then releases me.
Brigit and I stare at each other for several long seconds. And for a moment I think she’s mad. I have been missing for a long time as far as she’s concerned.
“Brigit,” I say.
“Tray,” she whispers back. Then she closes her eyes. Squeezes them tight. And smiles.
I reach for her and pull her into a hug. “It’s OK. I’m here.”
She hugs me back. Tight. Maybe tighter than she’s ever held me before. “What took so long? Valor was worried. He was just about to leave.”
“Shit,” I say, turning a little so I can see Valor. “I’m sorry. I dropped into the old world and couldn’t find you guys so I went back out and—”
I stop. Make a decision. Decide not to tell them about the messages from Corla just yet. I don’t think Brigit was getting them anyway, so Corla is a mystery for another day. Maybe even another lifetime.
Just not now.
“Fuck, man,” Valor says. “I was so worried. Do you have any idea how long we’ve been waiting?”
“Yeah,” I say, tapping my head to indicate I’ve run the calculations. “I’m sorry. But…”
And I’m just about to say, We can go now, when I stop. Because once we leave here and we’re back in the real, then we have to go back to work. We have to wake up Brigit. Tend to her medical needs, if she has any. Leave the spin node, go find Booty and ALCOR, and then… war.
There’s nothing but war ahead of us.
I’m not ready for that. Valor might be. Brigit might be. But I just got here. I want to enjoy her, and him, while I can.
We could die. And that could happen fast. We could come out of the spin node and be caught immediately. We could show up at the prearranged coordinates and find warships. Anything could happen.
So what’s the rush?
I take in my surroundings and smile. Tilt my head back, close my eyes, and let the warm sun wash over my face. “I like this place, Brigit. Did you do all this?”
“I did,” she says. And when I open my eyes again, she’s looking around with a hint of pride in her smile. “I made it all from nothing.” She leans into me, her soft hands slipping around my waist like I belong to her. Like she owns me. “I made it for you.” Then she pulls away a little and locks eyes with me. “Actually, I made it for us.” She shrugs. “There’s no people here. Just us.” A nod of her head indicates she’s including Valor in that us.
“I want to sleep next to you for a thousand years. I want to eat things that have no nourishment. I want t
o swim in that ocean, and make a fire, and watch the stars spin by at night.” There’s a stray piece of hair flapping against her cheek in the warm salty breeze. I tuck it behind her ear and say, “I don’t want to leave yet.”
Valor clears his throat and says, “Hey… uh… I’m gonna go for a walk and…” But he doesn’t finish. Just turns away and heads towards the tall, spindly tropical trees. Easing into the shadows, walking a sandy path that probably is well worn.
My gaze lingers on his back until he disappears, then I turn to Brigit. I place both hands on her cheeks and kiss her lips. Her mouth opens for me immediately, her tongue pressing against mine. Her hands slip down to my ass and my cock jumps to life.
I know how it works with Cygnian princesses. I’ve heard all the sexy tales my hooked-up brothers have been telling about how their genetically matched mates affect their two cocks.
But Brigit isn’t a Cygnian princess. There was no one manipulating our DNA before birth tying us together. So my second cock stays hidden. We will have to coax him out the old-fashioned way.
“Are you in a hurry?” I whisper past her lips.
“No,” she whispers back.
“Good. Because I just want to be with you for as long as I can right now. I love this place, Brigit. And I love you.”
She smiles as she kisses me. Then she pulls away, takes my hand, and leads me towards the nearby hut.
I’m not nervous but there’s a nervous excitement inside me as we walk through the doorway. I twirl her around and push her up against the thatched walls, the palm of my hand on her throat. Her pulse—real or not—thumps beneath my touch and she becomes the master of sly smiles when I bring my lips up to her ear and say, “I’m going to make up for lost time now, princess.”
She swallows hard under my grip, my thumb easing into her soft flesh with just the right amount of pressure against her windpipe to make her gasp and open her mouth wide.
“That’s it,” I say. “Yeah. That’s how I like it.”
I kiss her. Hard. My body blocks her in, pressing her against the wall so there’s no possibility of escape. My knee slips between her legs and then I kick her feet open. My cock grows harder against the soft skin of her inner thigh and I can’t wait to be inside her.