by Maggie Ryan
Later that night he offered to stay with her until her parents got home, but once the last group of friends left and the house and yard were set to right, Belle simply couldn’t pretend any longer. The rest of the day felt like she was under water and barely able to breathe. She wanted; no she needed the time between his leaving and her folks returning to catch her breath. She needed to yell, cry, and find a way to keep her true feelings to herself until they walked across that stage in two days. She had to get through pictures, and hugs, and the sharing of plans for the future and then she would be free. Belle, made up her mind when the door closed behind him, that after graduation, it would be the last time she’d ever set eyes on Jake Martin again.
Graduation
“Congratulations, Jacob. Your valedictorian speech was outstanding, son. Your father would be so proud. He’d be so proud of everything you’ve done and all you’re about to do.”
“Thank you, Mr. Grayson. I do all things in honor of him and my mom.”
“Well, I wanted to make sure you heard those words from me too. Now, let’s get you and your girl together for a picture. I swear keeping you two still next to each other has been impossible today,” Matt Grayson said as he caught his daughter, before she fled again.
“BuBelle, I want a picture of you and Jake.”
“Oh, Daddy, no I’m going to miss my friend. She’s leaving with her family. I’ll come right back.”
She’d been doing that since the end of the ceremony and his eyes said he didn’t believe one word she spoke. May was with Mrs. Martin and Morgan chatting with another lady from their church whose grandson was graduating. She’d been going on and on about his plans, but it didn’t keep May from staying tuned into what was going on with her husband and daughter.
“Belle, I think your friend can wait while Daddy gets his picture.”
“Yes, Mama.”
Her cheerleading smile was in place, but Jake could feel the burn from her glare wash over him. She’d avoided eye contact, conversation, and being no closer than twenty feet near him ever since the graduation party. Each time he tried to corner her for an answer about what was wrong or what happened between she and Kasey, all she did was evade and escape. Now she was at his side and in his arms, possibly for the last time, and he was desperate not to let her go.
As he moved in to give her a congratulatory kiss, he got a mouth full of hair when she turned her head to deliberately avoid contact.
“Okay, one, two, three.” Matt clicked the photo, but wasn’t pleased. “Honey, it’s graduation, not a funeral. Please give me a smile to look back on.”
When Matt informed her that the one she presented looked fake, Jake began to tickle her. Her eyes managed to hold on to their murderous intent a bit, but the uncontrollable giggles gave her dad the genuine smile he sought.
“Thank you, princess.” Jake held on a little firmer than he otherwise would once they knew Matt was pleased with the outcome. As soon as he went to his wife’s side, Jake took a few steps away, but refused to let Belle go.
“Do not make a scene. Stand still and listen. Even if you don’t want to talk, listen.”
“I don’t want to talk, specifically to you and you know it,” she said through a clenched jaw and fake smile. “It’s why you’re holding on so tightly. Well, there were plenty of chances to hold onto me and you missed every one of them, so goodbye, Jake. Good luck with whatever you do and whomever you choose to do it with. Neither are my problem anymore.”
“You are begging for a trip—”
“Don’t. We don’t play those reindeer games anymore. You had your last play at slap and tickle.”
“Oh, princess, you don’t know the half of what those games really look like and I wasn’t playing about not one of those smacks. You were out of control at the party. I just want to know why. Don’t I deserve that much? Don’t all our years of friendship and more deserve that little bit of disclosure?”
“What it deserved was commitment, which you broke, and trust which you also broke. I don’t owe you anything, ever again.”
Belle, called over to her parents. “Mama, Daddy, are we done with the pictures?”
“Okay, one more for good measure. I’m going to miss seeing you together and knowing that you always have my baby girl’s back.”
Matt and May were both choked up and looking at them with adoration.
“I’ll always have Belle’s back, sir.” Knowing she would have no choice but to return it, Jake gave Belle a full and long embrace. He had no idea when he would see her again and he knew this hug would have to fuel him for an indefinite amount of time.
“I love you, princess,” Jake whispered for her ears only, before pulling back and walking away.
Part II
The Journey Home
Driving
All she knew was regret. She lived with it every day. How it ended. How she left and now how she was returning. None it of worked out as planned and there were no quick fixes to be made before she crossed the county line.
Beulah Isabelle Grayson had put off returning to Tucker, Virginia, for as long as she could. Finally, time ran out and if she didn’t make the trip now she knew she’d only have herself to blame for adding another regret to her growing list.
All of the open space around her should have been calming and comforting, but sitting in her SUV, she was feeling an overwhelming sense of claustrophobia. The great outdoors was closing in on her. In that moment, on the narrow singular road leading into town, and away from the nearest big town over, with its huge trees going upward in a seemingly endless fashion, her car felt like a coffin from which there was no escape. Opting to turn off the air conditioning, Belle put all four windows down and started taking in huge gulps of air. Clearly, she was being irrational. She didn’t think she could even explain it to someone, if asked, but her knuckles were white from clutching the steering wheel so tightly, afraid her sweat-slippery palms would slide off. There was no reason for this level of panic. She was just going home.
Tucker, Virginia, named for its tucked away location on the city map, was a town with one of everything, and it was way too small to avoid someone without serious cause. When Belle came for holidays, she spent most of her time at home with her family and there was little expectation that she would have time to socialize with old friends. But now, it was a crisis and folks in Tucker circled the wagons during tough times. Rallying to support a neighbor or a friend was practically a founding principle. There simply would be no avoiding anyone, as everyone would be out in force to support her parents.
The transplant was inevitable, but unexpectedly her dad’s health declined more rapidly after he had his first kidney removed. The second one didn’t hold up the way his doctors hoped and now the transplant was his only hope at returning to a normal life. The town of Tucker rallied for their favorite doctor. Friends, family, and neighbors got tested. Most were too old or not in good enough health, but the gestures were sweet nonetheless. Three months into the search, and while she was in Washington covering legislative news, her mom called and told her they finally found a match. It was someone young, healthy, and willing. Belle remembered something briefly being said about anonymity, but those weren’t the important details to her. She was simply thrilled that there was someone.
Now, she was back and a lot of her time would be spent in town doing things for her parents. Run-ins were expected and dreaded.
Family
Driving home always reminded her of the many family stories her parents would tell her on long drives.
Fancy trips, cruises, and multiple excursions to Disney World put the Graysons at the top of the grandparent list, in those moments, but it was the consistent regular presence in her life that earned a special place in Belle’s heart for Pop and Grammy Parker. That was a big reason that her parents moved back to Tucker. Belle’s mother May couldn’t imagine raising her daughter without her mama. She’d been especially close to her own Gram and wanted the same for Belle.
Besides, the bond between the two was clear. The first time her mama touched her belly, Belle began turning flips and kicking. It was the same way she reacted to hearing Matt’s voice. May felt like the girl was crossing her belly to follow his sound.
“We took a real chance flying here. The doctor said it was fine, but I swear I feel like I’m going to pop any second. Matt thinks my stomach grows while he’s at work. Your son-in-law is a funny guy. I won’t even tell you what he did with my maternity bra,” May said.
“Don’t!” Maybelle Parker said.
It was good to laugh with her daughter again. She missed it and their closeness. Her opposition wasn’t to Matt not being Black or Baptist, but the fact that he was older and they were so determined to marry so quickly. When no baby came, nine months later, she was only moderately placated. Her own marriage came about after a strict courting period and only when Pop was solidly established and prepared to take on a wife and any potential offspring. It may have been old fashioned, but Maybelle wanted those assurances for her own daughter. She never considered May would want something so different. In the end it worked out and witnessing the couple together finally removed the pit from her stomach that things would end in disaster or heartbreak.
“Oh, Mama. I’m so happy. It almost scares me to death. This much happy, can it last?”
Maybelle walked to her dresser and got the fancy, heavy silver brush she kept on top of it. Watching her mama walk back over to the rocking chair she was sitting in, May let her head fall back. She was about to have her most favorite thing in the world done for her. As soon as the bristles touched her scalp and started the slow drag from root to tip, she sighed and let out every fear she’d been holding onto. She’d missed this during the long stretches between visits and when things were strained.
“Happy is inside of you. You create it with your actions and your words, and with your love. Even when things aren’t perfect or they get down right hard, you can find a bit of happy. You keep it on reserve, in your heart. So, yes, baby, happy can last. It can last a lifetime. You earned this. I wish—”
“No, Mama. We promised to stop doing that. No wishing about things gone by and no wishing so far into the future that we miss today.”
Reaching back to touch the woman whose wisdom she couldn’t wait to pass onto her own daughter, May felt a contentment deep in her spirit. Maybelle, brushed her hair, stuffed her with food and rubbed and talked to her belly non-stop the entire visit. It was also when she named her granddaughter. May honestly thought that Matt would’ve put up a bigger fight, but the man had a sense of humor and for tradition and he thought it would give their little girl a great story to tell. May hoped their baby felt the same way, as she got older. Thank goodness for nicknames, because a kindergartener with a name like Beulah would certainly need one. As family names went it wasn’t the worst, but it had its challenges. The legacy was rich though, and in the end, worth it. All of the women in her line carried the name of an ancestor and those names weren’t duplicated which didn’t leave a lot of choices. Beulah was not only a grandmother four greats removed, but she was also one of the founding members of Maybelle and May’s sorority. This baby would carry her name, the legacy, and someday wear the colors they held so close to their hearts.
Sitting on the flight back to Arizona, May leaned her head on her husband’s shoulder and simply stated, “I want to go home.”
“I thought you might.”
May looked up into his eyes. He had what she teased were his little boy-oopsy-eyes. It was a mixture of, “I’ve been hiding something,” “I’ll make it up to you,” “I bought you something,” and “I’m sorry.” She wasn’t sure how one look said so much, but on her handsome husband, it just did.
“We didn’t just go for a visit. Pop is going to help me set up an office down there and he says we can build the house we want on the family land.”
“What? I-I can’t believe this. Did Mama know?”
“No. Pop and I both wanted to be sure we could make a go of it all, the way we envisioned, before we sprung it on you. I didn’t want to disappoint you and he was pretty sure your mom would spill the beans before the first night was through.”
“You have never disappointed me, Matt Grayson, never. So, tell me all the details. When… how… when?”
May was practically bouncing in her seat. The only thing keeping her grounded was the size of her belly and the fact that she was indeed a proper adult, whose bouncing about might raise a few brows. Her smile and her eyes were bright with excitement and joy.
“Well, it won’t be until the baby is at least six months old. We need that time for the build and to set up the office. I’ll need to work on getting privileges at the hospital and we haven’t even talked about what you’ll want to do. I know you want to be home for the first year, but I know you, May, and sitting home all day, even taking care of a baby, won’t satisfy you for long. We’ve gone head first into the pool a bunch of times already. Now, it’s worked for the most part, but it isn’t just us anymore, and we’re going to go about this slow and steady. May?”
“I hear you. Besides, I’m way too excited to complain about any of it! Oh, Matt, I don’t know how you always know what I need, but I’m glad you do and that you somehow manage to give it to me. I love you.”
“I love you. Now, please try and get some rest on this flight.”
There really was a difference between the dry heat of Arizona and the perpetual moistness of the Southeast. Virginia did humid like no place else she lived, worked or visited. Even when the temperature was under eighty-five the humidity made it feel well over a hundred. Belle always felt like she hadn’t completely dried off after a shower when she was back home. If her days were to be spent in the pool, the next few weeks wouldn’t seem so daunting, but this was no sit by the pool vacation.
Driving off the main road, she started down the long dirt road that took folks out to her family’s land. Pop Parker never wanted to seem so welcoming as to start paving from the main turn off, but about three quarters of the way into what looked like fairly dense woods, visitors could see a small fork in the road ahead. Dirt gave way to asphalt and dual mailboxes, designed as miniatures of the main houses. To the left the replica house read PARKER and the road went slightly uphill, while to the right the replica house read GRAYSON and the road dipped downward. Belle went right and followed the curve until she reached the circular drive. She went past the front door to the double garage and silenced her engine. Then she sat.
Belle didn’t close her eyes, which were tired from an hour of staring ahead; instead she took in her house. Her dad had the place repainted close to five years ago, but a simple change in color didn’t distort any of her memories. There were summer nights on the porch swing with one or both of her parents reading a story with her. There were little notches up and down the porch column, on the inside, marking her height. Each year, after the ninth grade, was more disappointing as Belle came to the realization that she would be getting her height from her mother and not her father. Her shorter stature did guarantee that she’d be able to leap into her daddy’s arms from that top porch step well past what her peers would agree was a socially acceptable age.
Her face was once again wet with the flow of silent tears. With her head back against the seat, Belle had to take a few more of those deep, steadying breaths. She would’ve taken one of her pills if she hadn’t needed to make the hour long drive from the airport. It was in that quiet moment she became grateful for her mother’s continued wisdom. Coming home first, before a trip to the hospital, was the smarter idea. There was a physical and mental shift that needed to take place and she wasn’t in a strong enough frame of mind to confront her father’s illness or her past. Settling in and having a few minutes alone with her mother would help her ready herself for seeing her dad the way she knew he must look. Matt, was convivial and larger than the average man. Kids and adults flocked to him for advice, medical and regular, and he never failed to make tim
e. He and Belle shared a similar personality. Seeing him, possibly heavily medicated and weakened wasn’t something she was looking forward to at all. During her time as a journalist Belle covered crimes, disasters, and had seen things that taught her to brace for the bad, but nothing could prepare her for what might be behind his hospital room door. He was her daddy.
May stood at the window watching her daughter. They talked frequently, even when Belle was on the road covering a story. She missed her when she was gone, but accepted Tucker probably wasn’t the place for a world-class journalist to live. Mother often accused daughter of hiding herself away when she did come home, but it was always rebuffed with a simple, “I’m here to spend time with you and daddy, not reminisce silly days from high school.”
Her stomach had coiled so tightly from the moment she knew Belle landed. The overprotective mother in her wanted to run out to that car, snatch the door open, pull her daughter out, and put her in a rib-crushing hug. Instead she jammed her nails into her palms and forced herself to have more self-control than she wanted. Belle could dig in with the best of them and for all sorts of reasons. This time her physical refusal to move stemmed from her fear of what was behind door number one.
She knew her mother would be there with love, answers, and way too many questions. Her father’s procedure would be a long one and there would be too many hours of silence to fill, for her mother to resist her inquisitive nature. Her chest continued to rise and fall with each deepening breath. If door number one didn’t suffocate her, she was pretty certain door number two would.
They both had their hands on the door handle at the same time. May was heading out to get her child, no matter how overbearing it seemed and Belle had gathered her last bit of nerves and was ready to face forward. Her foot had barely cleared the threshold before she had an arm full of daughter and a face full of curls. Belle loved her curls and wore them free flowing and as big as possible.