I looked down at the snoring piglet in Cole’s arms at the same time that he did and then back up at Maya who’d stopped laughing and was grinning. “Relax, he loves her as much as I do. You should hear him when he thinks no one’s around. ‘Who’s giving Daddy nuffles? Daddy loves nuffles!’” Her imitation of Ren had Cole and I cracking up again waking up the pig in question, who made angry honky noises at us.
Getting down on the floor with her, Cole picked up the toys that he’d brought with him and started playing with her. “You’ll make a good Daddy one day,” Maya said smiling widely at him. The sad smile that he gave her back wiped the grin off her face.
I could tell she wanted to quiz him on what was wrong, but it was obvious that he didn’t want to talk about it if our chat earlier was anything to go on, so I jumped in before she could. “Speaking of Amy, how’s she doing?”
Maya looked up at me and I shook my head slightly looking out the corner of my eye at Cole. “She’s good,” she replied, looking at Cole again. “I think something happened with Coleman while she was here, though.”
Cole snapped out of his funk immediately. “Is that a fact?” he asked with an evil grin on his face. He and Amy had a love hate relationship in that he loved to wind her up and she hated him. He also had some sort of bromance hero worshipping thing going on with Coleman and had even grown a short beard just like him. The first time Brett had come back from Dallas and Coleman had seen the beard, he’d just shaken his head and muttered ‘fool’ under his breath and walked back outside again with Cole hot on his heels. Coleman had actually shaved the next morning, but Cole was keeping his because he said Coleman would definitely be bringing the sexy back.
“Cole, no.” Maya said shaking her head. “Not on this.”
“But why?” Did he really just whine?
“I don’t know what’s happened to Amy, but she avoids relationships.” Maya leaned forward and reached for the piglet that was now running around the bottom of her chair in circles. When she was caught she let out a squeal and then did her honking noise again when she saw her Momma’s face and started straining to get to her. Clever little thing! “She’s scared and I’m hoping that Coleman can fix it because any guy would be lucky to have her,” she finished in a whisper, letting Pippa nuzzle in her neck while she scratched her back gently.
“She hasn’t told you something happened?” Cole asked as he got off the floor, dusted off the back of his jeans, and then sat back down beside me.
“No, but she changed about four years ago and went from Miss Monogamous to…” I could see that she was trying to think of a good analogy, but hey, the baby brain bested us all at some point.
“My man Coleman will fix it,” Cole said sounding certain that his hero had the answer to everything as always.
“Ya know,” Maya started, putting the now struggling piglet back on the floor. “If I hadn’t seen you in unicorn action, I’d be wondering if there was more to this thing with Coleman.”
I took pity on the poor pervert as he scowled at Maya. “Nah, think of the action the guy gets. If the chat is to be believed, Cole has more mileage than…” shit, fucking baby brain; I couldn’t think of a comparison and it was killing me so I decided to change the subject - slightly. “Speaking of which, I had a heart to heart with Luke in Bali about the sharing stuff and guess what? According to him, it wasn’t a share as in at the same time thing, it was just a case of not claiming them and being okay with your buddy uhhhh…ya know!”
I felt awkward as hell discussing this, especially in front of Cole. Maya sat back staring at me in shock and I’m thinking relief, too.
Cole, who had been munching on my grapes, started choking beside me, so I whacked him on the back a couple times until he took what sounded like a savage gulp of air in. “You,” he wheezed, “them share…” Maya and I stayed quiet until he’d caught his breath and could actually form a sentence that made sense. I hadn’t been expecting what came out of him next though, “Ewwwwww, that’s just…you two need to find Jesus!”
Maya and I looked at each other and then back at him in confusion just as Ren, Luke, and Brett walked through the front door. Before we could say hi, Cowslip Charming Reins (Maya and I had a unicorn name generator website that we went on every day, and that had been this morning’s peach) stood with his hands on his hips and said, “Your girls minds are in the fucking gutter. You need to sort that shit out.” Before glaring at both of us and stomping in the direction of the kitchen. He better be bringing me back some more grapes or I’d cause him pain.
“What the hell?” Ren said as he picked up the honking piglet that was running around his feet and walking over to where Maya sat.
Luke looked at me and raised his eyebrow so I just shrugged and smiled innocently back at him. “I may have told Maya what you told me about the sharing thing…” Proving he was actually a softy at heart who knew that this upset his pregnant fiancée, Ren picked her up out of the chair and put Maya back down on his lap, practically wrapping himself around her as he buried his nose in her neck. “Why didn’t you tell me it wasn’t what I thought it was?” She asked, pulling her neck away from him.
Taking the hint, he sat back a bit and looked at her in confusion. “What did you think it was?”
“You know,” she replied, a bright red blush working its way over her face.
Looking at Luke in confusion, it took him a couple of seconds to understand what she meant. “Ewwwwww!”
“That’s what I said!” Cole’s voice sounded down the hallway leading from the kitchen to the living room.
“Fuck no.” Ren reached around and gently turned Maya’s face toward him. “Is this because of those photos? I told you they were fake.”
“This the baby, man?” Brett interrupted, picking up the scan photos off the table and smiling as he looked down at them.
“Well it’s not a unicorn,” Maya snorted. “He’s in the kitchen!”
“I heard that!” Cole shouted back.
I could hear Ren recounting everything that they’d been told today, pointing out things like the nose, arms, and legs. I had to admit, it was kind of heart melty. Maya also looked relieved to have gotten out of the conversation about the sharing. It was relief enough to know it hadn’t happened, but discussing it in depth in front of an audience was just freaking awkward; that was best left until they got home.
“So, bro,” Cole said walking back through with more grapes and putting them beside me. He went to sit back down next to me, but Luke grabbed the back of his shirt and yanked him to the side before his ass met the couch and sat in the seat Cole had been aiming for. Scowling at him as he walked to one of the chairs, Cole continued, “Heard you went tits up at the appointment today.”
Ren grimaced and rubbed the back of his head which he’d obviously bounced off the floor. “Yeah.”
“You didn’t tell us that,” Brett said grinning. It was a rare sight as he was the most serious of the Townsend’s.
Shrugging, he picked Maya back up again as she rolled her eyes and dropped back down into the chair and arranged her on his lap finishing with his hand protectively over her stomach. “I hadn’t eaten breakfast or lunch so it was probably low blood sugar or something.”
“Bullshit,” Brett scoffed bursting out laughing causing Maya and I to stare at him. Brett was a very good looking guy normally, but when he allowed himself to relax and laugh…
“Stop staring at him,” Luke growled in my ear, making me jump.
“I wasn’t staring at him,” I hissed. “I was wondering why Brett didn’t have a girlfriend.”
Apparently, I’d either finished the sentence louder than I’d intended to or they’d all stopped talking and had heard it in the silence. Either way, they were all staring at Brett as he glared at me.
“Yes, Brett,” Cole chimed in sitting back with a shit eating grin on his face. “Why don’t you have a girlfriend.”
The glare he shot back at Cole would seriously have had me hidin
g behind Luke, but Cole just continued to grin, adding the odd eyelash flutter in here and there. The guy seriously had a death wish. He turned his head to look at Ren who had pretty much the same expression on his face as Cole did and Brett’s scowl got worse before it was replaced suddenly with an evil grin.
“So, have you guys told your girls your ‘magic number’?” he asked, relaxing back into his chair with a smug expression on his face. Asshole!
“Oh, this should be good,” Cole burst out laughing.
Maya turned and looked at Ren, but I wasn’t brave enough to look at Luke; I really didn’t want to know. The thought made me feel sick as it was.
“What exactly is your magic number?” Maya asked and Ren shifted uncomfortably under her. “Do you even know?”
I felt Luke squeeze my hand beside me and finally got the lady balls to look over at him as he winked at me. “Thirty-two,” he said, and although it was more than me and it still stung a bit, I was shocked because I’d been thinking about four times that.
“Thirty,” came from Ren, and before anyone else could say it Cole scoffed, “Bullshit!”
“No bullshit from me.”
“And me!” Luke added holding his hands up.
Sitting back in his chair again, Cole scowled at Ren and then looked at Brett. “Lemme guess, you’re a virgin.”
Brett snorted and shook his head. “No, unlike these pussies, I’ve enjoyed my freedom and will continue to do so.” His eyes lost focus as he said the last bit, and I started to wonder if there was someone back in Dallas causing it.
At that moment, Ebru walked in after being let in by the guard on duty at the door with a disgusted look on her face. “You know, you can hear exactly what y’all are saying outside. Hi, by the way!”
She settled herself in the comfy chair between Ren and Maya’s and Brett’s and I looked at Cole to see him frowning as he watched the move. Well, he hadn’t exactly been falling over himself to take her out, so I couldn’t say that I blamed her. I didn’t see why he was being so difficult. He obviously really liked her and she was such a beautiful and lovely person, but he was acting like she was my stepsister.
A thought struck me and before I could stop myself saying it, because I really didn’t want to know the answer, it was pouring out of my mouth. “Please tell me that none of you ever went there with Calista.”
“No,” Ren said resolutely.
“I don’t think so,” Brett followed, making us all look at him while he thought about it and then shook his head confirming he hadn’t.
All of our heads turned towards Cole, who's upper lip curled up in disgust. “Fuck no! She’s like a fucking taco - pretty much everything has been jammed into her.” We all sat looking at him with blank expressions on our faces. “No?” He asked looking around us all. “Okay then, she’s like the first slice of bread in the bag. Everyone touches her but no one wants her.” Again, no one said anything. Giving a put out sigh, he tried again. “Her pussy’s been used more times than Google.” Looking around us, he huffed, “Jesus, y’all are a tough crowd. Put it this way, that’s definitely not a milk mustache that she usually has on her upper lip.” That one had us all gagging and Cole sat back looking proud of himself.
Ebru turned around and gave Cole her full attention; from the sparkle in her eye I knew this was going to be good, and from the way Cole visibly stiffened, I think he knew it, too. “Seriously, out of all of the swimmers in that sperm, you were the fastest?”
Glaring back at her, he snapped, “My parents created perfection!” Making us all snicker.
I had put a grape back on my bump just as Ebru arrived and the babies chose that second to kick, making it jump slightly up in the air and then role off my stomach into the glass of water that I had in my hand.
“GOAL!” Cole shouted and the babies both started doing tumbles in the space that they had. Luke had obviously noticed it, because he reached over and gently rubbed my bump, making them calm instantly. Like their Mommy, they already loved their Daddy.
“Sweetie,” Ebru cooed and I looked over to see Cole’s eyes narrow even further. “Two wrongs don’t make a right! Let’s put that aside for now, though, because I have something important to talk to you about.” She looked so sincere that even I fell for it, and I saw Cole relax and let the interest in her show on his face. What was holding this guy back from her? He obviously really liked her.
“Go for it.”
“Ok, so I’ve been thinking about this for days now - how many wishes do you get when you rub your magical horn every day?”
He immediately glowered at her, but before he could answer we all burst out laughing and yelled, “VIVA EL UNICORN!”
“Fuck you guys,” the big baby said as he walked away sulking, turning around twice before he went out the front door to glare at us, making us laugh even harder.
Luke
The girls had wanted a BBQ at the lake, but it was too dangerous because we’d be out in the open and easy targets. We’d negotiated with them and were sitting in a clearing in the center of all of our houses and the great barn with security dotted everywhere. I was still on edge, though.
Isla was relaxing against me and I had my hand on Thing One and Thing Two, as always; I took every opportunity that I could to get this close to them and their Momma. I’d noticed this morning that the black had really washed out of my hair and that my normal color was almost back, and it was a fucking relief. When I’d pointed it out to Isla, she’d said it had happened around two weeks after we got back from Bali, and that it was a relief for her, too, because she loved me as I was anyway, but the lighter hair was definitely her favorite.
Snapping out of my thoughts, I focused back on the story that Caleb and Johnny were telling us all as we lounged around the fire that we’d lit to keep us warm when it got dark.
“So, the guy lights the toilet paper that’s hanging from between this guy’s ass cheeks,” Caleb said, gesturing with his thumb to Reed, who looked like he wanted the floor to open up and swallow him. “He starts drinking his beer before the fire reaches his ass cheeks when whoosh the flame goes straight up.”
Everyone winced while Caleb and Johnny laughed their asses off with Isla chuckling in my arms.
“He drops the glass screaming his ass off, no pun intended, and jumps off the table he’s standing on and starts doing a Ricky Bobby from Taladega Nights on the floor.” Johnny snorts as he tells us. “So, we’re all fucking wrecked because we’d been drinking for seven hours by this point, but Isla is the sober one so she walks up to him and suddenly starts gagging at the smell of burnt ass.
“He’s screaming to call 911, but she gets him off the floor and walks him out the door after making sure his pants were done up.” I can’t help the wince and shudder that comes out of me at the thought of how painful that would have been. My sayang was a cruel woman. “Instead of getting an ambulance or fuck even a taxi, she makes him walk the two miles to the hospital.” Both Johnny and Caleb are leaning on each other laughing with tears running down their faces at the memory.
Surprisingly, Isla pipes up and adds her bit too. “He was walking like there’d been a rodeo and he’d been the bull that had been ridden.” Her analogy has us all laughing at the mental image. “So we walk into the ER, and the receptionist watches us with this expression that totally just said ‘what the fuck?’. So I explained to her what had happened and that Reed can’t sit and she hurries us back through to one of the beds, and doctors literally just appear, take a look, and then start shooting him up with morphine and ketamine.” Her belly is jumping around under my hands as she laughs harder than I’ve ever seen her laugh before, and I’ll admit that I was feeling a bit jealous that I hadn’t been the cause of her amusement.
“So, they say that he needs surgery and skin grafts around his ring and then put a tube in to keep the skin from uhhh…fusing together.” Everyone grimaces at the thought of their ass holes melting shut; poor bastard. “We must have had every doctor, incl
uding the students, come in to see it for themselves and just as they all start filing out, Reed pretty much screams, ‘I’M SHITTING!” By this point, we’re all laughing as hard as Johnny and Caleb while Reed just sits there with his arms crossed, staring at the fire and pouting. “I say, ‘No honey, it’s just the baby!’ I was so damn pissed that he’d got himself into yet another bad situation and he was as high as a kite, so it was perfect. He turns around and goes, ‘A baby?’ and I’m like ‘Yeah, you need to start pushing soon, though, okay?’
“Outside of the room, there are doctors literally cracking the hell up at this, so I get his hand and start telling him to breathe and do Lamaze while he pushes.”
Isla mimics the Lamaze breathing and starts making straining noises like she’s pushing and everyone is laughing so hard that there are roars coming from even the security guys.
“So he’s pushing and I give him one last ‘PUSH!’ and when he did it, I looked up at him and said, ‘It’s a girl, congratulations Momma!’. I’m laughing my ass off with my head on the bed, and I hear beeping coming from him and realize he’s on his phone, but before I can grab it off him he goes,” she’s struggling to get the story out as she wheezes. Poor Thing One and Thing Two are going crazy under my hand, but I’m laughing too hard at the mental image of what she’s saying to try and calm them down. “‘Mommy? You’re a Nanny! I had a little girl.’ I don’t know what she said but he slurs, ‘I pushed her out all by myself.’” She’s snorting like a pig now, and Pippa, who’d been lying on Cole’s lap, looks up, jumps off and runs up to her making honking noises until Isla picked her up. I wasn’t joking when I said that I wanted one of those.
“What happened?” Cole says, wiping the tears off his cheeks, still laughing.
“He had skin grafts around his ass and I had to look after him for three weeks,” Isla snorts. “I saw bits of Reed that I never wanted to see and that haunt my dreams.”
Providence Series Books 1-4 Page 42