“I can’t,” I groaned. If I came like that again, I’d die.
“You will,” he started rubbing around my clit again and shifted position so that now it was his cock that was rubbing the rough spot inside of me. I could feel it beginning already and wrapped my legs tightly around his hips, holding on for dear life. “That’s it, baby. We go together.”
His thrusts got harder as did the rubs and they sent me over the edge, screaming again. I felt his chest rumble against me and squeezed my legs even harder to pull him further into me as he thrust out his orgasm. It seemed to go on forever, but when we started to come down and were trying to slow our breathing, I leaned up and whispered, “I love you. You drive me fucking nuts, but you’re my tonto bastard.”
Leaning up, he looked down at me and grinned. “Fucking right I am. And my magical unicorn horn is ready to spread more magic.” Again, I burst out laughing which made me tighten and shake around his cock that was still buried inside me. We both groaned and I felt him start to harden again. “I think I’m gonna grant you a couple wishes with it. Better hold on…”
Cole
My penance for forcing Ebru to start maternity leave was going maternity shopping. I’d woken up this morning looking forward to snuggling with Eb and her bump, but had turned over to an empty cold bed and Ebru dressed and ready to go. Rather than tell me that I’d be spending the day following her around like a sad sack, she’d made it sound like we were going on an adventure together. Now I knew how dogs felt when we took them to get their balls cut off. On that thought I bit my fist forgetting that I was currently sitting in an asshole chair - one of the chairs that every man dreads sitting in that sits outside the changing rooms. Right now, I was surrounded by other assholes sitting in their asshole chair as they waited for the words that made us sink further into the chair – how does this look? Or even better – does this make me look fat? So far, I’d watched five guys become major assholes when their pregnant women had burst into tears because they didn’t fit in anything or they couldn’t see their feet. My favorite was the woman who’d come out sobbing and had said that the asshole in question had called her fat because when she’d told him to come and do up the zip on the dress he’d said that it was ‘snug’. Yup, most awesome way to waste an hour of my life that I was never going to get back.
“What do you think of this?” I froze as I heard a female voice ask, thinking that it was now my time to act better than an Oscar winner. Looking up slowly, I saw a woman squeezed into a pair of leggings that had gone see through they’d been stretched that far, and the seams were straining to the point of screaming.
Looking over at the fellow asshole beside me, I gave a discreet shake of my head begging him not to say anything that could end in hysteria. My nerves were at the point of being so frayed that I was thinking the only way to recover was sedatives and therapy, lots of sedatives and therapy.
“Maybe in the next size up, or the one after that,” the dickhead said.
By the time we left the store, I was the one who was whimpering and holding onto Ebru while she promised to speak to Parker to see if he could make a house visit.
“I can’t go back,” I begged as we got into the car, and I curled up in a little ball and looked out of the window. The rocking that I did naturally helped.
“Ok honey, we won’t go back.”
“I can’t go back.”
“I know, don’t worry we’re not going back.” Something about Ebru’s tone screamed that she was doing her best not to laugh. She hadn’t seen it; it had been horrific. Pregnant women crying and screaming and then the Braxton Hicks…no one warned me that I’d get Braxton Hicks. They didn’t even tell me that those fuckers existed. Jesus, those women almost brought on my labor, so it was no wonder that legging stretcher’s water had broken…right next to my right foot.
As we pulled in front of the house, I got out and slowly went to get Ebru’s bags out of the trunk until I remembered why I was barefoot and all of the water that had splashed up my jeans and promptly barfed all over the rear tire. Fucking great! How does a guy come back from seeing that shit? What if Ebru did that to me too? I needed to talk to Parker because I was pretty sure that I’d just found the material that would feature in my nightmares for the rest of my life.
A week later…
After seeing a sign as I was driving past saying that Cooper’s had a sale on baby stuff, I’d had to stop in to pick some shit up for the baby. I’d been sent on a mission by Dad to pick up some shit for the ranch when I’d seen it, but what would ten minutes hurt?
Walking through the aisles in the direction of the baby shit, I had to walk through the kids’ toys. Half way up one aisle, something caught my eye and I tripped mid stride. Turning to look at it and seeing all of the extra details outlined on the packaging I made a quick dash away from it.
“Must not buy, must not buy,” I chanted as I saw the baby stuff getting closer. Stopping in front of a bunch of toys that basically screamed ‘I shit, I dribble and I sleep because my parents bought me the most boring bullshit in the world’ I looked back at the thing that had caught my eye. I was a cool Dad and cool Dad’s bought cool shit…
Walking down the sidewalk in the direction of the store Dad had asked me to go to for him, I pressed the button on the side of the Ja Ja Binks mask that I’d ended up deciding on after an hour of weighing up the pro’s and con’s of all of the talking Star Wars masks that had been available. C3PO, R2D2, Chewie, Han, Luke…they’d had them all, but Ja Ja Binks was the coolest so he’d won the war. I was totally going back for the Chewbacca mask at lunch tomorrow, though.
“Me’s a thinksa you’sa…” I switched off to my new cool toy as a sign caught my eye in the store Dad had sent me to.
“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me,” I whispered, lifting the mask so that I could read the sign better. If I’d been thinking more clearly, I’d maybe have worried about the fact that there was way too much temptation to buy shit for my son before he was even born, but instead, I grinned as a mental image popped into my head. “This is perfect for Louis!” Plus Ren and Luke would be jealous as shit.
I was the best Dad ever in the history of man.
Two weeks later…
We were sitting watching television when I heard the rumble of the truck pulling up in front of the house. I’d gotten the text message saying that the present was ready and that they’d be here this morning, but it hadn’t hit home that it was really here.
“Stay,” I shouted at Ebru making her jump and me almost shit myself. “Sorry, sorry,” I walked quickly over to her and gave her a kiss and then gave her belly a kiss. “Daddy’s sorry. Stay here while I get your surprise, please?”
Obviously, my excitement was blatant because Ebru grinned and nodded before going back to watching her movie, and I ran out the front door more excited than I’d ever been in my life.
“Here she is, Cole,” I signed the paperwork and took the strap thingy that Jess was holding out to me. “Any problems, just shout…”
I switched off as I took in how awesome it was and how perfect for a little boy. Heck, it was perfect for before the baby came so all in all it was just damn perfect.
Saying goodbye, I walked into the house with the gift beside me grinning the whole time. Going back over to where I’d been lying out on the couch, I flopped down and patted my lap. Please let her be able to do it, please…
The Falabella, the tiniest breed of horse in the world, jumped up onto my lap and lay down beside me. I had my very own lap horse!
Not long later, I heard Brett’s voice echo around the room and looked up to see Ebru looking at me with a blank expression while Dad, Gramps, Brett, Ren and Tom stood looking almost horrified in my direction.
“I repeat - what the fuck is that?” Brett pointed at my beautiful little pony as it lay half on my lap, half off it.
“It’s a Falabella…”
“A what?” Ren frowned as the others, including Ebru, looked
at each other and shrugged before looking back at me.
“It’s my tie-knee-poh-knee…”
Once they got over their shock at how awesome it was, they’d totally be jealous. I just knew it!
Chapter 7
Ebru
I ’d now been off work for ten weeks, and rather than the boredom that I assumed I’d feel, I was actually pretty content preparing for the baby and doing shit that I’d wanted to do or reading books that I hadn’t had the chance or energy to read before now. Last week we’d been at Jilly’s for our weekly meet up when Tony had mentioned the new facility that he’d seen on television that could make a man feel the pain of being in labor. All of the men had obviously scoffed at the idea, saying that they would be able to handle the pain regardless, and after way too many beers, they’d set up an appointment for this week for Cole, Ren, Brett and Luke to experience the joys. Today was the day.
Pulling up in front of the building, Cole turned and grinned at me. “See baby, now I’ll be able to coach you properly when you’re in labor. I can’t believe that Luke and Ren didn’t look into this shit while Maya and Isla were pregnant. Total slackers.”
The others pulled into spaces beside us as I got out of the ‘Stang and waited. Mace, Adam, Hurst and Jack had decided that they’d come along too to see how the guys coped. That was their reasoning anyway; the truth was, they were all going to record it so that not one second was missed.
The receptionist didn’t look at all phased as she saw the crowd of people behind the guys as they checked in. When the technician came out and shouted their names, we all followed them down the hall to the massive room that they were being put in. Apparently groups weren’t unusual for them, no shocker there. Who the hell would want to miss something like this?
The guys lay out on the beds in the room and watched as a couple of nurses put special electrode patches on their stomachs and attached the relevant wires from the machine that was on a stand beside the bed. Cole was lying back with his arms underneath his head grinning at me. Let’s see how smug he is when they turn it on.
“Ten bucks says he shits himself,” Hurst whispered in my ear.
“No way, it’ll be a pee if he does anything,” I whispered back and held out my hand to shake the evil old bastards. I could see that we weren’t the only one making bets. Everyone seemed to be talking quietly before shaking the other person’s hand.
“Are y’all betting on us?” Brett growled from his bed as the last wire was attached to the patches.
All of the spectators looked at each other before turning back to face the tits that had set themselves up for a life of humiliation and nodded. I actually didn’t feel guilty after all. The guys all glowered at us before giving each other smug looks.
“Okay, we’re going to start. Are you ready?” The chief technician said from her computer in the corner of the room. The boys all responded with different cocky yes’s. We saw her reach over and start the experience.
Looking back over at Cole, I saw him jump a little as the first sensation hit. “This isn’t so bad,” he laughed, lying back again. None of us said one word as they all joked amongst themselves about how they thought that it would be much worse than it was. We heard a click behind us and I knew that the technician had upped the ante.
After twenty minutes and another two increases to the current running through the electrodes, the guys were starting to look a bit more worried about what was happening.
“Is this the last one?” Ren asked as another pulse had his stomach muscles tensing. Whimpering, Cole got off his bed and wheeled himself over to where Ren was now sitting holding his stomach and panting. Half way to Ren’s bed, we heard another click and Cole dropped to his knees as the rest of them yelled.
“No, we have another nine to go,” the technician replied and I could have sworn that she sounded as amused as the rest of us were feeling about the smug shit heads learning this lesson. I wonder if she had kids?
“He’s gonna shit, you wait and see,” Hurst chuckled beside me as he recorded it all.
I thought that I was gonna be the one to pee my pants along with Maya when the current was increased even more and the guys started screaming. The screams were so high pitched that it sounded like a group of excited four-year-old girls.
“It’s in my ass hole,” Ren shouted holding his hand between his legs.
“It’s coming out my dick!” Brett yelled trying to get up off his bed.
“Oh, Jesus Herbert Christ, I can’t take this. It feels like it’s the size of a fucking Buick,” Cole whimpered, still on his knees on the floor.
Luke was too busy rolling around the bed whimpering to add in his own experience, but at the next increase to the current he rolled too much to one side and the sound of his body hitting the ground filled the room. I’d expected Isla to go to him out of pity, but she stood chuckling and recording it on her phone.
By the time the technician got to three spots below full blown labor, all four of them were screaming and babbling incoherently as their stomach muscles visibly contracted in front of us.
Luke was still on the floor and was screaming out for mercy; this big hard man had tears running down his face as he yelled, “Please! I’ll buy you whatever you want,” to the technician who looked over at us for an answer on what to do.
Isla shook her head and yelled, “Just remember, baby, I went through this twice in one sitting.” Luke paled even more as he gaped at her and then launched himself up so that he was lying over the bed with his ass in the air.
“Fuck me, I think I felt my dick snap,” Brett yelled.
“I need the toilet,” Ren panted. Cole said nothing as he started scooting around on his ass on the floor.
“What’s he doing? It’s like when one of the dogs has shit stuck to it and rubs it across your floor to get the willnot off.” Hurst mumbled, zooming in on his phone so that everyone would be able to see what Cole was doing when he played it back.
“A what? What’s a willnot?” Maybe I should have been focusing on my husband, but I could picture exactly what he was talking about because I’d seen Poppy do it outside a couple of times. Was willnot a veterinary term?
“A piece of shit that will not come off, hence a will not,” Hurst told me, not taking his eyes off the screen in front of him once as he moved it to each of the assholes going through labor at the moment.
Once the tech hit the highest setting, the guys were screaming so loudly and high pitched that it’s a miracle that we didn’t have three hundred dogs baying outside of the building in response.
“I’ll never look at you the same way again,” Luke screamed at Isla who was laughing so hard that she’d had to sit down.
Ren was still screaming about shitting himself as Maya walked over with her phone still recording and stood beside him, stroking his hair as she laughed.
Cole had managed to get himself into a standing position and reminded me of when one of the grandad’s or old relatives at a wedding reception had too much to drink and tried to do the robot dance. He was jumping and his arms were twitching out in all directions. I’d never seen anything so funny in my life! His back suddenly bent over and he started doing a moonwalk teamed with the robot dance. It was too much and I had to squat because standing had become impossible through the lack of air from laughing so hard.
Brett threw his legs off the bed and bent himself over it, like Luke, and started twerking.
“Interesting,” Tony murmured from beside us. He was recording the whole thing so that Lars, who was at work, could see it later. I leaned around the back of Hurst and saw him zooming in on Brett’s twerking ass and laughed even harder.
Cole, who was still doing the drunk old dude dancing, suddenly froze and screamed, “Turn it off!”
Ren had jumped up too and was begging the technician to do the same thing. She had obviously seen this before because she flicked the switch, and there was a sudden flurry of movement as the guys ran toward the toilet at the sam
e time, elbowing and pushing each other out of the way as they dragged the electrode machines behind them.
Cole had been the first through the toilet door, but he got yanked back by the cord attached to the machine. In a panic, he tore off the electrode pads and screamed as they waxed the area that they’d been stuck to. The other guys started doing the same thing as he slammed the door behind him and they looked around in a panic.
“There are more toilets through that door,” the technician pointed toward another door and they all ran to it at the same time. Again there was chaos as they fought to get through the door first, but just as it slammed behind the three of them, Cole came out with a towel wrapped around his waist, holding his sweats and boxers in front of him like they were radioactive with his hand covered in toilet paper so that it didn’t get on him.
Hurst and I looked at each other and he sighed as he reached into his pocket and pulled out the ten bucks that he owed me.
I walked over to my husband with a bag that the technician had passed me on my way and held it open for him to drop the pee saturated clothes into. I looked down to see Cole sitting with his face in his hands. “How did I get here?” he groaned.
Kneeling down in front of him, I told him the honest to God’s truth. “By being a twat!”
Cole
It had taken two weeks for me and the guys to recover from giving birth; that shit was no joke. I swear they amped up the pain and made it worse than normal labor, there is no way at all that woman go through that and then go on to have more babies if it’s as bad as that.
Now, it was time for the baby shower – something that I’d been looking forward to for months. Why? Cake! And presents. It was really very simple apparently, people turned up, they gave us shit and we gave them cake and then they left. I wish someone had told me about this sorcery before now because I totally would have thrown one every month at least. Why do they only happen once?
Providence Series Books 1-4 Page 79