by KT Strange
“Two sugars, one cream,” he said, as he sat down as well.
“Thanks,” I said, taking a long, slow sip. “So talk.”
Ace swallowed a mouthful of coffee, turning his head to cough.
“Burns,” he gasped and I had to work hard not to smile. It was obvious he really was just out of his puppy phase, and he might have been old enough chronologically, but I could see the hapless baby in him.
No, you are not going to feel bad for him just because he’s adorable and bites his lower lip and worries it all the time in that way that’s super cute, ugh, Darcy, get ahold of yourself.
“You okay? Want some water?”
“No I’m fine.” He shook his head. “I’m not fine actually. You don’t get it. We need you.”
“I’m nobody, Ace, you don’t need me.”
“Yes we do. Listen, the guys? They’re not going to listen to just any manager, not even a big name music manager. Seriously, you could get someone from Universal or Sony and still they wouldn’t listen because those people don’t have the same power as you do.” Ace’s eyes glittered as he stared at me intently, the determination coming off of him in waves. He wanted me to come back to managing the band, so badly.
“I managed you guys for like a minute,” I protested weakly. “I didn’t even do anything. I caused fights.”
“Yeah, because they don’t know what’s good for them, but I do. Charlie does. Finn does. It’s just Eli and Cash fucking everything up, and we’re dealing with them.”
How the pack worked together, or how I thought it worked, was quickly changing as Ace spoke.
“I thought that Eli was like, your alpha-wolf, or however that goes,” I said. He snorted, and shook his head.
“Alpha isn’t just something you are, it’s something you earn, and you have to keep earning it, if you know what I mean.”
“Not really, on the council, the power passes down from one headship to the next, as long as it’s a male son in the family line. You can’t lose your council seat.”
Ace was looking at me funny, his upper lip curled, teeth bared.
“What?” I asked, self-conscious.
“I forgot your family was council,” he spat the word out like it burnt, making me want to physically recoil from how angry he sounded.
“Well, I’m not my family,” I reminded him. Gesturing around us, I asked, “Do you think they’d let someone who was still in the flock go to a mundane university? Not on your life.”
He frowned and swished his coffee around in his cup for a moment.
“Tell me about them,” he said.
“No thanks,” I shut that line of questioning down right away. “Look, you’re really nice, and not like the other guys...”
Ace perked up for a moment and frowned as he realized where my point was going.
“You’re not coming back are you,” his voice was flat, the hint of disappointment and hurt in it.
“Can you blame me?” I whispered, staring down at my coffee. “All I wanted when I left home was a normal life, to be normal. I’m happy here, with my friends who don’t know anything about the other world or way of life. Then you guys explode into my life—”
“And Cash blows your mind,” Ace sounded so smug that my jaw dropped as I looked up at him. He immediately bit his lip and muttered, “Sorry, that was rude.”
“Yeah, no shit.” The conversation was over. I grabbed my bag and stood. “Thanks for the coffee.”
“Darcy, please,” Ace stood up. “It doesn’t have to be like your old life, I promise.”
I stared at him.
“What would you know about my life before?” I asked. “What would you know about it at all? You and your pack have made it pretty obvious, multiple times, that we come from very opposite ends of the spectrum in that world, and every time I try to just be me it seems like there’s this gulf opening up inside me, one that you guys insist on cracking open.”
“It was the music, wasn’t it?” Ace took a step toward me, and I remembered suddenly how tall he was. Maybe a few inches shorter than the other members of the band (other than Charlie), but Ace was still imposing in his own way. He had broad shoulders, and lean muscle flexed under his skin. “The music got you. I told them, I told them to warn you, because you might not know.” Memories came rushing back in, of the cool surface of the pillar under my hand in the venue, the way I’d felt compelled to watch them, compelled to walk toward them. Werewolves were magic when it came to music, and it had drawn me in like a spider reeling in a fly caught in its web.
“What about the music, Ace?” I asked, not able to help the shiver in my body come out in my voice. Anger at myself, embarrassment at being so powerless during their set, shame for what had happened after; the emotions all swirled in my chest, making it hard to breathe.
“Some witches,” he swallowed hard, “most witches can’t resist it. That’s why... that’s why...” he paused and the weight of the band’s betrayal sank onto my shoulders.
“You knew,” I whispered, “you knew what would happen to me, that I’d... that I’d fall for you guys, that I wouldn’t—”
“No, no, Darcy, no, I had no idea that you and Cash would, that it would, do whatever it did, but I knew that witches, you guys are susceptible, more than mundanes, and they said it wouldn’t matter, that you had been out in mundane society for too long, that you’d feel maybe like, a mild buzz, or something,” he was panicking, his voice raising as he spoke, and I felt the hot stares of other coffee shop patrons on us.
I grabbed his wrist and he shut up.
“Outside,” I hissed.
“Okay,” he nodded, eyes wide in his face, his skin gone pale during our heated conversation. I turned on my heel and left, and he was dogging my footsteps, grabbing the door for me. I didn’t thank him. Had Cash known that the music would knock me for six? There had been something so special, so tender in the way he’d held me and touched me. Had what we shared been a violation?
I felt sick.
There was a bench a few strides away from the entrance to the coffee shop and I collapsed onto it, putting my coffee cup down on the wood and bending forward to put my head between my knees before I fainted.
Ace trailed after me, standing right in front of me. I could see his shoes, a pair of purple Converse, and the frayed hem of his jeans.
“I don’t think any of us knew,” he said, “but it seemed to affect you, and I think it affecting you? The fact you wanted us so badly because of our music? That affected us, and Cash, I guess... I guess he just went with it.”
“Went with it?” A hollow laugh erupted from my chest to follow his words.
“Look, I’m not stupid, I know what you’re thinking, and if you think for a minute that Cash would ever, ever take advantage of you then you don’t know him—”
“No, I don’t know him, Ace!” Fury propelled me and I stood up. Ace took a step back, his face even paler than before. “I don’t know any of you! And you don’t know me, not one bit. You think you do, maybe you know more about witches than I know about werewolves, but you still don’t know me!” I pointed a finger at him, poking him in the chest hard.
“Darcy—”
“Shut up. I don’t want to hear it.” I poked him again, harder. My finger ached.
“But you’re sparking.” Ace was staring down at my hand. I looked down. Sure enough, small sparks were flickering at the edges of my fingers, dying out along the lines of my fingernails only to flare up again. I cursed and yanked my hand back, pulling my sleeves down over my hands. We stood there, in silence for a moment until Ace spoke. “He didn’t mean to hurt you. He really... I think something happened to him to, because he’s not like that. I mean, he likes women, sure, but he hasn’t done that with anyone in a long time, not in a long time, Darcy, I swear it, and never without them wanting it as bad as he wanted it too.”
I didn’t answer him and his voice got more urgent.
“Please believe me.”
&nbs
p; My shoulders trembled.
“I have to go,” I said, and pushed away from him. “Don’t call me, and don’t show up at my dorm again.”
“Darcy—”
“Don’t!” I whirled on him, breathing coming rapid in and out of my throat. He took a step back at the command in my voice.
“We need you,” Ace said softly. “Please. Please.”
“No,” I said, shaking my head, “I can’t... I barely know you and I already know that’s enough. I know enough.”
Ace reached out for me with one hand, but his hand fell far short as I took another step back, then another. I turned and ran, hot tears streaking down my cheeks, the salt-wet stinging in the corners of my eyes.
Twelve
Sleep took me for the rest of the day. I crawled into my bottom bunk and exhaustion washed over me, pulling me down into a dreamless world until I woke up at 3:00 AM, groggy and disoriented. My face hurt, eyes itchy from crying. I dragged myself to the shared bathroom down the hall, washed up in the sink, and then went back to bed. The darkness cradled me, but in the quiet Ace’s words played over and over in my head.
They knew.
They probably had no idea.
They knew a little bit.
They couldn’t have seen it coming.
Cash took advantage of me.
The thoughts chased after each other, contradicting one another and drawing swords to do battle in my brain until I wished I could drink to chase them away. Given how I’d lost control and started sparking up in the middle of public campus space earlier that day, alcohol was definitely off the menu.
Sleep was elusive, hiding at the edges of my consciousness, and it refused to tug me back down into sweet relief.
Cash didn’t seem all that in control of himself either.
That thought took root around 4:30 AM and refused to let go. The hot press of his body, the wild look in his eyes, his murmurs… he didn’t seem like a Jake Tupper. He wasn’t a Creston. He’d protected me, and that memory warmed me, spreading a feeling of calm through my muscles.
He’d protected me. Maybe it wasn’t true, maybe he hadn’t thought I’d be so weakened and vulnerable. Maybe he hadn’t...
Bzzt. Bzzt. Bzzt.
Light fell across my face. It was morning. I’d slept.
Bzzt. Bzzt. Bzzt.
My hand shot out to grab my phone. It was vibrating, and had nearly fallen off the edge of the bed onto the floor.
“Hello?”
“You sound like crap. Are you at your dorm? It’s Willa.”
Dread clenched in my stomach.
“I’m...” I didn’t have the energy to lie. “Yeah, I’m at my dorm.”
“Mind if I come over? It’s okay if now is a bad time. It can be later, if you want. Just name a time and I'll be there.” She didn’t sound remotely mad. I hadn’t heard back from her after my abrupt (and in hindsight, stupid) resignation email, and I had been terrified of the well-deserved tongue-lashing I’d get when I finally did hear from her.
“Uh I’m not—”“
“I quit my first internship at XOhX after the band I was working with wanted to hire strippers for their music video and pay them in one dollar bills. That band isn’t signed anymore. Let’s talk. It’s not as bad as you think, okay?” Willa’s voice was filled with compassion and my eyes teared up. I missed Max. She would’ve made everything better. Or at least made me some crazy-good hot chocolate and queued up a night of good Netflix movies.
“Is an hour okay?”
“You bet. See you in an hour.”
“Hey wait, where are we…”I stopped talking when I realized Willa had hung up. Laying in bed for forty-five minutes, staring at the ceiling uselessly seemed like the thing to do, so that’s what I did. When there was five minutes to the hour, I rolled out of bed, glared at my messy curls and stuck them up in a bun. I shoved Cash’s hoodie in a plastic bag, and got dressed in the first things I could lay my hands on.
As the minutes ticked to the hour, there was a knock at the door. I pulled it open and Willa was there, a white paper bag in one hand.
“Nutella croissant,” she said as she came in without waiting to be invited. “It makes everything better.” She held it out to me. Taking it without being able to help the suspicion from coloring my expression, she chuckled. “You look like a cat about to hiss. I’m not going to yell at you or tell you I’m disappointed in you. Mind if I sit?” She sat as she asked, on Max’s desk chair.
I sat too, on the edge of the bed, and pulled out the croissant. If I was going to have a difficult conversation, I was going to do it with chocolate stuffed into my face. The pastry was the expensive kind, with sliced almonds sprinkled on top, and a generous shaking of icing sugar. I bit into it, and the buttery, sweet dough gave way to the thick, nutty chocolate spread inside.
“Cash talked to me.”
I looked at her, mortified, a mouthful of pastry and nutella.
“Keep eating,” she said with a wave. “He talked to me, he told me what happened between you guys, and honestly, it’s not the first time, and it’s not the last. I wanted to make sure you were okay. He can come on strong, in every aspect, not just sexually, and I wanted to know that he didn’t take advantage of you.” She crossed her arms over her chest. “Because Troy may love the band’s music, and I may love the band’s music, but I’m not putting up with any of that boys-will-be-boys shit.”
If it had been any other kind of situation, if I hadn’t been what I was and overpowered by the magic in the music, I would have said that Cash in no way took advantage of me. He was... a more than attractive guy, and I was a girl who’d been without that kind of physical, sexual contact in a really damn long time. It had felt good, so good, and the barest memory of it still gave me shivers.
But I’d batted my doubts back and forth until they’re bruised and unrecognizable.
“No,” I said, “he didn’t take advantage of me. If anything, we sorta took advantage of each other. In a good way.” My voice was small as I spoke. “I feel stupid about it though.”
“Why?” Willa hitched one shoulder and pointed at the croissant. “That thing isn’t going to eat itself. Sugar’s good for you. One of the two food groups. Beer, and sugar.” Her flippant comment couldn’t help but make me smile. This was a different side to Willa that I hadn’t seen before. “You think you’re the first intern, or even first manager, to fall into bed with her client? Music is sexy, that’s why we’re all in it. It makes us feel things, and Phoenixcry is one of those bands that makes us feel more than most do. You know, not that I thought you were easy or anything, but I kinda... I kinda expected it?”
My lips parted in shock.
“What?”
“That’s not a judgement on you, Darcy, not at all. But you’re a pretty girl, and they’re guys who are dedicated to their craft. They don’t have a lot of time for women, and sometimes when you get a band like that, putting a girl in who’s safe and not going to post their dick pics on Instagram, it’s natural. Maybe it happens on tour, or after a big show, but it happens. You get caught up in the adrenaline and...” She bit her lip and looked away. “Let me tell you, from personal experience, don’t beat yourself up about it. If he didn’t take advantage, that’s great, and I’m glad to hear it. You sure?”
“I’m sure,” I said, my voice steadier this time.
“Good. So now you’ve had a few days to feel like a crap-bag, and I’ll even give you another one to mope, but then I need you back at the office.” Willa folded her fingers over her lap. It was all I could do to not stare at her.
“Um, yeah, I resigned?”
“Yeah, well, I don’t accept,” she said. “You sent that in the heat of the moment, and while we might have to have a talk about proper email etiquette and the art of waiting before you shoot from the hip, I’m more than willing to pretend you never sent in your resignation at all.”
My brain stuttered over what she said for a few moments.
“But I me
ant it,” my words were soft but firm. “And I still do.”
Willa’s brow furrowed.
“You don’t want to come back?”
I shook my head. She sat back in Max’s chair.
“Well, I didn’t see that coming,” she said. She worried her lower lip with her teeth before running a hand through her shoulder-length hair. “Look, I’m going to level with you. A big offer just came in for Phoenixcry, bigger than they could hope for at their level.”
An offer? I couldn’t help it, I wanted to know what it was.
“Okay... what kind of offer and what does that mean to me?”
“You’ve run into Tupper,” Willa said, with a slight roll of her eyes.
“Uh, yeah, I have. He’s...”
“You don’t need to say it, and I don’t need to hear it, because he’s a real shit-stain, but he’s signed to the label for now on a three disc deal and I can’t get rid of him. I’m sorry about that. Anyway, he’s friends with a pretty big act, bigger than he is, and they’ve offered to take him on tour and are letting him pull one of the smaller bands off our label’s roster as an opener since their original opening band bailed on them.”
“Ooookay,” I stretched the word out, feeling like I wasn’t going to be happy about what Willa said next. She gave me a grim smile.
“But there’s a catch. Tupper’s decided that he enjoys your company, and is only willing to take one band on the road, Phoenixcry, and only if you’re managing them. He doesn’t know that you quit on us, because otherwise, I don’t think he would have ever offered the guys an opening slot on this tour, but he made it pretty clear that you’re the reason he wants the band along. It’s a full North American. Every major city, and Montreal, Toronto, and Vancouver as well up in Canada.” She paused and I realized she was done talking. She was waiting on me.
I knew what my answer would be. Even if Cash hadn’t taken advantage, it was just too much for me. It was too big of a risk. I should have stuck with my original gut feeling and asked to be reassigned and pushed Willa to give me some other work.