by Tijan
“I wasn’t lying when I said it was nice to see you. I’ve missed dancing with you.”
My chest warmed.
With Matthew, and with certain dancers at the level he was at, you never knew if they were genuine or not. It was nice to feel that he meant what he said.
“Back at you.”
28
Quincey
I hadn’t shared with Nate about the casting or the show, but I talked to him about finding an agent. I reached out to a few I knew from before, and so did Nate. I considered asking other dancers, but Matt was right. If I was going to go in for that casting, I wanted it to be a surprise. There was a risk reaching out to the agents I did, but I knew most would keep it close to the chest. Or I was hoping. One agent from Nate’s contacts suggested meeting at the football game instead of a whole separate dinner.
I wasn’t a football fan, but I was game. It seemed more low-key than a dinner, and Nate would be there.
I didn’t know why that helped ease my nerves, but it did.
“So this friend who’s playing, how do you know him?”
We were driving there now, and the traffic was horrible.
And because I couldn’t help myself, I asked, “If we’re late, this agent won’t hold it against me, will they?”
I hated being late for anything.
He chuckled. “No. He’s probably going to be late as well, but you don’t have to worry about that. We won’t even talk until during halftime or after the game.”
“What? Why?”
“Because this guy is Mason’s agent, and I know how he works. The fact he’s coming is a good thing. It means he’s serious about trying to represent you, but he likes things to be casual. He likes to try to get a feel on the athlete.”
I pulled at my shirt, smoothing it out.
It was already smooth.
It’d been smoothed out for the entire drive and the whole thirty minutes before that, but I smoothed it out again.
“This is not how we do things in my world. We don’t use outside agents.”
“He’s not an outsider.” Nate glanced over, and I knew he was going to say all the same things he mentioned before. It sold me then, but now I couldn’t help but feel how preposterous this whole thing was. We used people inside our world. They knew the ins and outs, and they had the contacts. They understood the dance world and the culture.
This guy wouldn’t know any of that.
“He already represents a dancer, and trust me, he’s got the contacts. You said you wanted someone new, a new feel and a new vibe.”
I snorted. “I was an idiot.”
He frowned. “I don’t understand the nerves. Just see how it goes? You aren’t locked into anything just from meeting him. You don’t know if he’ll even want to represent you. He might meet you and hate you.”
I gasped. “Really?”
He shrugged, a little grin tugging at the side of his mouth. “Just saying. You’re fucking uptight as hell right now. I wouldn’t want to represent you.”
“Take that back.”
“No.”
“That’s not nice.”
“I’m being honest.”
“You’re being mean.”
“You’re acting stuck-up right now. Stop acting like a ballet snob.”
I glared at him. “We are snobby in that world.”
“You said you wanted new. He’s new, and before you start judging him, I’d hold off. He’s a shark when it comes to who he picks to represent. He only picks the big stars.”
Well. That was something, I guess. “Who’s the other dancer?”
“I’ve no clue. It’s not my job to sell you or him to either of you two. I’m brokering the meet.”
The meet. Right. At the football game. “Does he represent this friend of yours who’s playing today?”
“No.”
“Will he hate me if I don’t know anything about football?”
Nate snorted. “If you were a football player, yes. Since you’re not, I highly doubt it.”
“You don’t have to be an ass.”
“I’m just being your counterpart. You’re being stuck-up. I’ll be an ass.” He glanced over, his eyes sparkling. “I’m a lot nicer than I used to be. I can be an asshole, but I doubt you want to meet him.”
I stared at him, narrowing my eyes. “You were an asshole when I first met you.”
“That was different.”
“There are different types of asshole from you?”
He gave a short laugh. “Lots of different types. You met the alpha protective asshole and the ruthless asshole.”
“Do I even want to ask the names of the other categories?”
Nate gave me a blinding smile. “There’s the smart-ass asshole. The just all-around dick asshole. The mean asshole. The calculating asshole. All kinds.” His smile turned sly as he focused on the street again. “The coward asshole.”
“What were you like as a kid?”
I’d been laughing as I asked, but the mood in the vehicle shifted so suddenly that it startled me. I felt tension seeping into my bones, making me sit more upright. I’d been lounging, getting comfortable in our conversation.
“The short answer?”
I was almost holding my breath. “Any answer.”
“When I was little, I was fine. When I got older, I was messed up.”
“We’ve been over my sad and lonely, privileged childhood. I was, too.”
His lips curved up, but there was no smile there. “I have some friends who have always known themselves. They’ve always been so sure of the path they’re going to take, whether it’s right or wrong. They didn’t give a fuck. They’re going to do it. I wasn’t like that. I didn’t know what I was doing half the time, not until I lost someone. Then I almost lost everyone until I got my head on straight. I was mixed up inside as a kid. Guess that’s the answer for you, but”—he glanced sideways at me—“I was probably one of those rich, privileged assholes you hid from in school.”
“You were popular.”
I knew he was. He referenced it earlier how I wasn’t popular, but he hadn’t claimed his status during that conversation.
“I was in the circle of the most popular. I think that’s the best way to say it.”
“I think Valerie loved you.”
His eyes sharpened.
I turned away, looking almost distracted out the front window. “I think she loved you, but I think she knew you didn’t love her. And I think she wanted to take anything you’d give her, so that’s why she never pushed for more from you. I think she knew she’d lose you.”
I didn’t know if he was listening. I didn’t think I was saying it for him, anyway.
“And I think if she hadn’t been with Nico when she found out she was pregnant, I think she would’ve told you.” I looked at him now. “I can’t help but wonder that if she had, would she be the one sitting here?”
A wave of sadness moved through me, but it was a good kind of sad. If that made sense? But to me, in that vehicle, feeling an uncharacteristic closeness to someone who was uncharacteristically placed in my life, it felt right at the same time to say all that I had.
And that right there made no sense to me.
* * *
I’d gone to a few football games in high school, but that’d been it. It wasn’t my sport, and it wasn’t my escape from Duke, so it ceased to be in my world. I was now remiss because I loved football. Though, maybe I loved attending a game with Nate?
We went in as normal fans, but Nate was getting recognized. Not a lot, but enough that he was getting more attention because of the initial attention. He moved, placing his hand on the small of my back, and he urged me in front of him. We were in the concessions line.
His head bent to mine. “Ignore the attention. It’s my relation to Blaise. No clue why these people loved him so much.”
I glanced but saw the faint grin on his face. “We should have more talks about your family.”
He glanced down at me.
“I know. I know. The PI file, so yes, I know the players, but those files don’t share everything.”
“Thank fuck for that.”
The line was moving at a good pace, and we only had six more people in front of us.
“What do you want to know?”
“Are you close to your brother-in-law?”
A wry laugh came from him as he reached for his wallet. Four people to go.
“Define close?” Another laugh, but this one sounded more wry. “Actually, I didn’t like the kid when I first met him, but he tends to grow on you. He treats my sister well, so that’s really all that matters.”
I was reading between the lines, and it seemed he adored his brother-in-law. “You love him, huh?”
His eyes lifted, and I saw I was right.
“Wait till you meet him. He’s a lot. You watch soccer?”
I shook my head. “No. It was only dancing for me.”
“Is that normal?”
“No. Well, sometimes. It can be. I chose to really immerse myself. It’s competitive the higher you go, and you can’t lose the edge, ever. I know a lot of dancers who aren’t like that, though. They live normal lives with families.”
“I get it. I think. I was shipped off to a private boarding school for a bit, so I get that world.”
“You were shipped off?”
His eyes were lidded. “My parents didn’t approve of my friends’ influence on me.”
“Did they have a right to be worried?”
Two people to go.
One.
He grunted. “Yes, but also no. It didn’t deter me from leaving as soon as I could and then still getting in trouble with those friends afterward.” His eyes grew distant.
It was our turn, and feeling his gaze weighing on me, I stepped to the counter, giving my order. Nate was next, and I didn’t fight him when he moved to pay. I’d been living with him long enough to know he was going to pay no matter what. He just did it.
After getting our drinks and food, we moved through a large crowd of people. He shifted again, stepping behind me. He had the majority of the food, but he still managed to clear a hand to rest on my back.
It was doing all sorts of things to me.
My stomach was flip flopping all over inside.
I was attracted to Nate. I’d always been attracted to him, but that attraction was almost out of control by now.
I needed to rein it in and deal with it.
Once we were through that group, there was a slight clearing of people. Nate moved back to my side. His eyes grew fierce. “Since we talked about my parents before, I need you to know that I will never be like that with Nova. I’ll never ship her away. I’ll never feel like she’s a mistake. I’ll always love her and put her first.”
Heat filtered through me because he wasn’t just letting me know he’d always be in Nova’s life. I was getting that. I got that message loud and clear the first moment I told him about her. He was telling me something else.
My mouth dried.
He was going to be a good father.
Correction, an amazing father.
My stomach shifted, and I felt an opening forming in the middle of my chest.
Dear Lord.
That made me even more attracted to him.
I whispered, “Just don’t be like my father.”
“Never,” he whispered right back.
We were in our own little world right then, our own moment.
The people ceased to be.
The stadium faded.
All the noises, the sounds, even the beverages and food we were holding, all of it was gone.
I’d moved beyond the attraction.
I was starting to fall for him.
Oh no.
29
Nate
“Monson.”
I looked at the aisle and stood. “Dierek, you’re late. I’m surprised you still came to the game.”
Mason’s agent laughed, then groaned. “Traffic and a small crisis that got sorted out. Apologies, but I still wanted to show up.” He clasped me on both shoulders, looking me up and down. His empty chair was on the other side of Quincey. Before moving past, he said, “Congratulations on the news.”
“Thank you.”
Dierek was our age, a few years older, and he had no children. As far as I knew, he had no relationships either. He was married to his job, but he was one of the top agents in the world. I’d say it was working for him. He was also a good-looking bastard, and until that moment, I never thought about his looks.
I was thinking now because he shook Quincey’s hand and held it way longer than he needed to hold it.
“So sorry again for my lateness. You’re the beautiful Quincey Royas.”
“Hello. And thank you. It’s nice to meet you.”
He was still holding her hand.
That was unprofessional of him, like highly unprofessional. He wanted to represent her, not fuck her. There were lines. Roles.
I stomped down a growl, because what the fuck?
But he was moving past her, starting to let go of her hand.
It would be irrational of me to rip them apart.
I was asking myself if that was irrational. That was probably a sign.
Jesus. Logan would be laughing his ass off at me.
Why’d Mason refer him again? Right. Because he was the best agent in the business.
Everyone else was starting to sit. Someone just scored.
They were still shaking hands.
“Okay.” I pushed Dierek into his seat.
Both turned to me, shocked.
I ignored them, gesturing to the field. “It’s an important play.”
A gurgle left Quincey’s throat as she continued to stare at me.
I coughed, clearing my throat. “Since it’s the fourth quarter, I’m assuming you’ll want to have dinner with us afterward?”
“Yeah.”
I liked Dierek. Or I had, until today, until he held Quincey’s hand for an inappropriate length of time.
I told him, “Matteo will be joining us.”
“That’s good. I haven’t talked to Matteo in a while. It’ll be good to catch up.”
We were on our feet in the next second. The momentum of the pass interception by Matteo’s team led the charge through the rest of the fourth quarter. Dierek talked to Quincey a bit more, but everyone was cheering so loud that conversation was minimal between the two.
And I was also watching that like a hawk.
I needed to cool it. Severely.
She expressed a wish to get a new sort of agent, and I delivered. Dierek was interested, so despite being new to her world, I knew he’d be good for her. Her career, I mean. Good for her career.
I was a jealous fucking asshole.
Jealous.
Jesus.
I was rarely jealous when it came to women. Then again, I’d never cared enough about a singular woman either. Except for Valerie, but she’d been different in a lot of ways.
“Hey.” Quincey was laughing and nudged my shoulder with her hand. She held out her phone. “She’s so cute.”
I heard the adoration and felt it deep inside. Emily had taken a picture of Nova in her crib. She was tangled up in a blanket, her penguin, a dolphin, and a whale. She looked damned cute.
“She loves the marine mammals, huh?”
“She does.” Quincey took the phone back, sending off a text. “I think she gets it from Stephanie…” She trailed off, a look of horror flaring over her face.
“Quincey?”
“Oh my God.” A soft utter from her.
Something happened on the field again. Everyone was roaring around us, jumping to their feet. Quincey stayed sitting. So did I. I bent closer to her. “What’s wrong?”
She turned those horrified eyes my way. I had to crane to hear her. “I forgot she’s not mine. I forgot that she came from Valerie.” The horror was quickly turning to shame, and s
omething worse, something darker. “That’s horrible of me. To forget… and I thought she actually came from me for a second. I’m going to be sick.”
She shoved up from her seat and darted past me. She was up the aisle in a flash.
“Nate?” Dierek leaned over.
I glanced at the clock. There were thirty seconds left.
Grabbing my coat and hers, I stood. “I have to take care of this. We’re eating at Peluzza. Seven. Reservation is under my name.”
“Okay. Yeah.” He nodded in the direction Quincey had gone. “Is she okay?”
I hesitated, but he needed to be told something. “Uh, yeah. It’ll be fine. A recent death in the family.”
With that, I headed after her. She was long gone by the time I got up to the walkway. Upset females generally went to the bathrooms, didn’t they? I had no clue, so I veered toward a staff member standing by the entrance. “A female ran past, looking like she was going to be—”
“She took off down that hallway. The bathrooms are right there, so I’m sure she’s just ahead.”
“Thank you.”
The staff member was correct.
I rounded the curve, and Quincey was there. She was wiping a finger under both her eyes, and she expelled some air before turning to come back. She saw me then, faltering, but she looked fine.
“You okay?” I asked as I drew near.
“Yeah. I’m fine.” Her smile was shaky. “I’m just—I forgot, and I can’t forget. I can’t forget Valerie. And I can’t do that. It’s not right. Or fair.”
Fuck.
This was partly on me, forcing her to sign that paper.
“Valerie wanted you to raise Nova for a reason. She’s yours now. In Nova’s eyes, you are her mother, or she’ll grow up thinking of you as her mother.”
“But she’s not mine. She didn’t come from me.”
“Nova needs a mother who’s here. We’ll talk to her about Valerie. She’ll grow up loving her mother, but she’ll know that she has two mothers. One’s here, and one’s in heaven. You’re not going to replace Valerie. You’re just filling a new mothering role.”
“And if you meet someone?” Her voice grew hoarse. “If you fall in love and that woman doesn’t want me around? What’s protecting me from you taking Nova from me then?”