by Tijan
Nate had Nova cradled against his chest and was lightly bouncing her up and down when I stepped out. He handed her over. She wasn’t screaming, but she was still fussing. Her head burrowed into my shoulder. I knew another cry was coming.
I felt Nate brushing my hair back before he stepped around me. “Okay. Be back.”
The ER doors slipped open for me as I went in. A security guard met me just as Nate was pulling away.
I was waved through a metal detector and went to the front desk.
After checking in, I was pacing with Nova in a corner when Nate came in.
Damn.
I hadn’t noticed at the house, but the memory of him with no shirt and only in his boxer briefs came back to me. He would’ve made the most physically fit male dancers envious, and I was remembering it all now because I wasn’t the only one noticing him. Half the females in the room were gawking at him. The front desk nurse had her mouth on the floor before she jerked upright, a bright smile on her face. He only looked at her for a second before finding me.
He stalked my way.
Only looking at me.
A few women a couple seats away from me sucked in their breath, but he bypassed them and stopped right before me. “Give her to me. You look ready to fall over.”
I wasn’t, but I did have to go to the bathroom.
Some of my panic had lessened, so other requirements were needing my attention.
I slipped away, a little breathless for some reason, but as soon as I finished and stepped back into the hallway, I heard Nova’s screams once again.
Valerie, help me.
I knew she wouldn’t answer me, but I sent the silent prayer without thinking about it. My panic was back, full bore, and I wasn’t beyond asking anyone for help. As I returned, seeing a few women trying to help Nate with Nova, my whole body locked down. I wanted to take their arms and rip them away from him and her.
They were mine. No one else’s.
But Nate looked up, seeing me, and he shifted farther out of their reach.
He met me halfway through the lobby, and by now, we were center stage. Everyone’s attention was watching us. As I cradled Nova against my chest, a weird and warm sensation came over my back. I smelled lilac, Valerie’s favorite perfume, and I froze for a second. In the next instant, Nova’s entire body rippled as her tension left her. She burrowed back into me, and she was asleep in the next breath.
Nate met my gaze, both of us surprised.
“Did she?”
I nodded. “She’s asleep.”
A half-laugh came from him. “Jesus. Wish I could do that.”
When we were called, we were led to a room. Three nurses came in with us to ‘help out.’ A couple of nurses stood outside the room, and I heard someone telling them to get to their patients right before a doctor came in. She was tall, thin. Her dark hair was cut short, and she had no-nonsense eyes. She skimmed over us, lingering on Nate before her attention went to Nova.
It never wavered from Nova after that.
* * *
Earache.
That was the final diagnosis.
We were given some medicine to put in Nova’s ears, but with Nate’s history, the doctor told us we might as well get used to this happening.
“Is there anything we can do to prevent it?”
“As of now, not really. Clean her ears regularly, which I’m sure you’re doing already. I had one kid who constantly had earaches until he turned sixteen. I had another who had nothing wrong with him, and now he’s the one we worry about as an adult. So, it’s hit-and-miss sometimes. Just keep an eye on her ears. Use the drops for her ear, and it should clear out in a couple of days.”
She gave us a phone number to call for an after-hours consultant since ER visits weren’t always necessary, but we were also told it was better to be safe than sorry.
As we were bundling Nova up, who was now loving all the attention she was getting from everyone, all the nurses coming in to say hello to her, the doctor asked me, “You’re that dancer, aren’t you?”
I was startled. Of either of us, I’d assume Nate would be recognized.
“Yeah.”
She nodded again, washing her hands and grabbing a towel. “My daughter dances. You’re a local god to her. Can I get an autograph? If that’s okay? If not, this is doctor/patient confidentiality. She won’t even know I ever met you.”
“Oh.” A warmth spread through me. I took the pen and paper she offered and signed my name. “Her name?”
“Erin.”
I wrote a small message, adding a heart at the end, and handed it back.
She took it, holding it and making sure it didn’t tear. “She’s going to scream when I give this to her.” Then the moment was done. A professional mask came back, and she nodded to Nova. “Make sure to call her pediatrician in the morning. Fill her in on the visit. She’ll be able to pull your file.” She went over to Nova and leaned down.
By this time, Nova was enamored with her.
The doctor smiled. “Hey there, little angel. You feel better and be good for your parents, hmmm?”
Nova started babbling back, waving her hands in the air. She was trying to tell the doc about Miss Penguin.
The doctor gave us another smile before heading out. “Hope you both get some sleep after this. Have a good rest of the night. Can’t wait to see your next production.”
A few of the nurses were now giving me new looks, but it wasn’t long until we were both heading back out to the parking lot. Nate had Nova in his arms.
All eyes were on us, and I couldn’t blame them.
The sight of Nova in his arms, I would’ve been melting myself.
I was melting.
I was also a little embarrassed by panicking, but the doc said it was better to be safe than sorry. So I’d hold onto that.
“I’ll go get the vehicle.”
“Is it far?”
“Not far. The lot’s right there.”
“We’ll walk with you.”
“You sure? You can stay in here, stay warm until I pull up?”
I wanted to walk with him.
I also didn’t want to take Nova from him. She was loving being in her daddy’s arms.
The sight was making me teary, and I swore I could smell lilacs again.
I fell in step beside him. “It’s not far. We’ll go with you.”
“Okay.” He shifted, hitting the auto button, and his vehicle was warm by the time we got to it.
“You want to sit by her again?”
I considered it, but she was going to fall asleep before we pulled out of the lot.
He put her in, and I went to the passenger seat. “I don’t want to keep her awake if I sit by her.”
He nodded, finishing up.
When he shut the door, Nova started to fuss again. I started a low croon, and she quieted.
When we pulled out of the lot, I kept on until we were a few blocks away.
“You want some coffee?”
He indicated a drive-thru for a coffee shop up ahead.
It was nearing five in the morning by now. Coffee didn’t make sense.
I nodded anyway.
He pulled through, ordered two coffees for us, and handed mine over.
It was when we were leaving the city that he said, “You were good back there.”
“The coffee place?”
“No.” A small grin from him. “The hospital. Before the hospital.”
I gave him a look, sipping my latte. “I was a mess. You had to bring clothes for me.”
His eyes darkened on me. “But you kept it together, and you didn’t waste a minute. You knew to go in right away.”
My throat was closing up, and I didn’t know why. “I just wasn’t going to risk anything.” I looked out my window. “I’m sure Valerie would’ve done better. She probably would’ve just known an earache was coming on and stopped it before Nova was ever in pain.”
“I don’t think it works quite like tha
t, but give yourself some credit. I would’ve stayed and made calls. My parents. Eventually, I would’ve gone in, but Nova would’ve been in pain longer with me. You didn’t let that happen. You did that.”
I did what needed to be done
I would do what needed to be done.
“Why are you being so complimentary to me? You’re the natural one.” I looked back at him. “Ever since you found out about Nova, you’ve never wavered an instant. It was immediate. You were all about her. You never questioned anything or complained about anything. You uprooted your entire life for her.”
His eyebrows rose slightly, and he sighed, settling back in his chair. “When you told me about her, you were trying to take her away from me. No one was going to do that. I did what I had to do. She’s mine.”
His eyes slid my way, and I felt a message was there.
Right.
She was his. Not mine.
His…and Valerie’s.
37
Nate
Quincey was quiet on the way back from the hospital.
Granted, we were tired, but I was wired and ready to fall the fuck apart. I kept glancing at her, but she was turned toward the window.
“Hey.”
“What?”
She still wouldn’t look over.
“Hey. Look at me.”
“What do you want?”
I didn’t want to wake Nova, but dammit, I needed Quincey to look at me.
“Quincey.” I went soft this time, gripping the steering wheel hard. “Please, look at me.”
Her head dipped a little. Her chin tightened, and she looked.
Silent tears were covering her entire face.
I cursed under my breath, but we were home. I pulled into the driveway.
Quincey hesitated, but she saw I was moving to pick Nova out of her seat. She walked without a word into the house and into her room. I took Nova through my room to her crib, and after making sure she would remain sleeping, I went back to my room.
Jesus.
Shit.
I was tempted, so tempted, to sink onto my bed and let my own crap out, but no. This conversation needed to happen. We’d been enemies, then we were civil, then we were forced allies, and now… now it was more. A hospital trip made us more.
I went to her room but found it empty.
I checked her bathroom. Also empty.
Good. That meant this conversation wasn’t going to happen when Nova was sleeping close by. Grabbing her monitor and testing it to make sure I could hear Nova sleeping, I went in search of Quincey.
She was in the studio.
I shouldn’t have been shocked.
Music was on, and she was dancing furiously. It was her therapy.
Her eyes were closed. The music was loud and abrasive, it was angry. She was matching it perfectly.
I waited, knowing she was different. She needed to get this out of her. This was her way of falling apart. She did it through movement.
And I ignored how I wanted to grab her, how I wanted to peel her clothes off her, how I wanted to taste her and suck so hard that she came right then and there. I was ignoring how I wanted to push her against the wall, sink inside her, and—I had to stop, because dammit, I wanted her.
I’d been wanting her for a fuck of a long time, but everything had been put on the back burner for Nova. And now that was done and over with.
Logan’s words were in my head about what I was doing after this?
Hell.
I bought a house here. I’d do anything for Nova, but this morning woke me up.
I wanted to do this with Quincey. It felt right to have her beside me, have her be the one holding Nova. Only her being the one to hold Nova.
She gasped, finally seeing me.
Finally.
“I wanted to fuck you the first moment I saw you.”
Her eyes got big, but she wasn’t surprised. She knew.
I advanced. “Then you hit me with three punches. Someone I cared about was dead, I had a daughter, and you wanted to take that daughter away. I hated you at that moment. Detested you. I loathed your father even more because who the fuck do you both think you are? Coming after me. If you fought me over Nova, I would’ve taken you to court. I would’ve won, and you knew that. It’s why you signed that paper. Nova is mine. You can’t do shit about it. Your father can’t do shit about it. Logan was asking me the other day what I wanted? Because I’m going to be real again, I miss my friends. They’re my family. At first, I gave Valerie up for them, then I gave them up for Nova. I’m not giving anything up anymore. I’m going to be really selfish here.”
Fear sprang in her gaze, but she didn’t shift away. She didn’t look to the side.
She didn’t cower or tremble.
She did nothing but stared right back at me.
I advanced again, lowering my head, gentling my tone. “I don’t love you.”
A small wince from her. She couldn’t hide it.
“But I want to fuck you, and when taking Nova to the ER with you, I didn’t want anyone else beside me with her. I don’t know what that means, but… Right now, I need to fuck you, and right now, I really, really hate seeing you falling apart without me there to comfort you.”
One last step. I was so close to her.
She was breathing hard, ragged.
So was I.
I watched, waiting. I needed to see her decision.
She looked away. “I’m sorry for what I tried to do. I think about it now, and I despise myself.”
I moved in, touching her chin.
I raised her face.
The tears were there again, swimming in her eyes, waiting to be shed.
I cupped her face with both my hands and wiped under her eyes with my thumbs. There. She blinked, and they were gone.
A new awareness was coming up. It was like she was starting to see me for the first time. Then her mouth opened. A small ‘oh’ and that was all I needed.
I moved down, my lips finding hers.
She gasped, opening her mouth wider. Her hands clamped on my arms, and she surged up on her toes. I pulled her entire body against mine and lifted her, carrying her to the bed in the back of the pool house.
“Nate, I—”
“Shut up.”
We were done talking.
38
Quincey
“Quincey, honey. We need you on the line.”
Right.
I snapped back to reality and tried to stomp down the flush I knew was already starting. I’d been thinking about Nate, Nate’s body, how his body felt over mine, inside mine, how he intertwined our hands—and I was gone again.
“Quincey.”
That was Matthew, a hiss from him.
Shit.
We were in our last rehearsals with Patrice, and I wasn’t paying attention at all. I ducked my head down and went to my place. Matthew stepped behind me, his hand on my waist, and we both raised our hands up.
“What’s going on with you? Patrice has not been happy with your distraction. And gotta say, neither am I.” His hand squeezed my side for a bit.
Right.
I closed my eyes, but I didn’t have time for my usual waves of self-condemnation.
“I’ve just been distracted. Sorry.”
I looked over. Patrice was frowning at me, but she was nodding at what Miss Aimes was saying to her. We had only today and tomorrow with our choreographer. She was flying off, and then we’d finish going through the entire production with Miss Aimes. Everything would get polished, smoothed up, and perfected, and Patrice would be back for our first show.
“All right. We’re going to go through it one more time.” Patrice signaled, and the music started.
I went through the steps, but I wasn’t present.
I was back in bed, in Nate’s bed, which had become our shared bed over the last week. So much had happened and changed over the past three months. I signed with Dierek. I auditioned and was cast in this lead, and then eve
rything with my father. All of it seemed to be stumbling at a fast pace, so fast that I couldn’t get my head on straight. I focused on two things. Nova. And dance. I let Nate and his team take over handling my father, which I needed.
Logan said everything was fine, but I knew better.
My father would try again.
The fact he’d stayed away from me this long only meant he had something else cooking up.
But Nate.
Me and Nate.
Matthew had me in the air, and I was moving with him. My legs wrapped around. My back arched. My head was up. I was floating through the air, but I was back there.
I was in Nate’s arms.
The first time in the pool house.
Then after.
It was a week later, and we’d settled into a routine.
I woke and spent the mornings with Nova until Emily arrived.
Nate would work.
I’d go dance.
We’d reconvene, and Emily would leave at five.
Nate, Nova, and I would have dinner together, and we’d spend the rest of the evening with Nova. Games. Chasing after her. Car rides. Singing. Lots of singing. Bath time. She’d go to sleep, and Nate would find me.
He’d take my hand and lead me to another room in the house.
After we were spent, we’d go to his room, and we’d go again, this time quieter.
There were mornings when I woke him, or he woke me, and he’d be moving inside me when we’d first heard Nova starting to wake.
It was the closest experience I’d ever had to a family.
I was nearing thirty. Dancing. Sacrificing. It was what I did to reach my goal of becoming a principal dancer, but now having Nova, and now being with Nate, I was getting a taste of something I’d never thought possible.
“No, no. Stop!” Patrice’s voice cut through the music.
Matthew had been about to launch me in the air. We were both poised and ready to go, but we looked over, pausing.
I’d not been present, but I knew my footwork. I didn’t think anyone could tell. I had everything down. The looks. The yearning. The love. The awe.
“This isn’t working.”
She strode over, her eyes narrowed. She looked over Matthew.