by C. J. Hill
“How kind of you to wait upon us, Mrs. Collins! Anne and I were just considering how quiet we have become after our guests left; there is nothing I enjoy so well as entertaining company and I miss them terribly, but now you are here!”
“I thank you, Lady Catherine. I, too, confess to feeling the loss of my guests but have tried to immerse myself in the simple daily activities which give me so much pleasure. I trust that your nephews are safely returned to London?
There followed a lengthy account of the whereabouts of both Darcy and Fitzwilliam and their activities to date since they left Kent, as Lady Catherine had been fully apprised by a letter that very morning from the latter gentleman.
Charlotte listened patiently until she could introduce another topic.
“I am very glad to hear they are safe and well, Lady Catherine; however, I confess to having another object in mind. I am come on a rather sensitive matter, of a personal nature and one about which I have only just been made aware; I would ask for your condescension in listening to my concerns.”
“How intriguing, Mrs. Collins! Is this something ‘of a personal nature’ about which you would prefer to speak without my daughter hearing? If so, she would be more than happy to excuse herself for as long as necessary.”
“I think perhaps that would be best, if you do not consider it too much of an imposition,” Charlotte admitted, smiling apologetically at Anne who, judging from the alacrity with which she absented herself, had no objections at all.
“Now, Mrs. Collins.” Lady Catherine settled herself and gave Charlotte her full attention. “With what may I assist you? How may I calm your fear regarding this information which you have so recently learnt?”
“Now that I am here, I am not at all sure of how to broach the subject; it almost seems too intrusive for me to ask. But ask I must otherwise I shall be condemned to live in wonder and doubt for the rest of my married life.”
“Even more intriguing! Do not conceal your inquisitiveness for my sake, Mrs. Collins. I have lived a long time and I find that invariably the truth will out; it is generally better that way rather than festering in the back of a person’s mind creating doubt and confusion. Please ask your questions but, from your unaccustomed uncertainty of manner, I believe that I am some way towards guessing the content of you enquiry.”
Charlotte drew breath to steady her voice and began.
“I confess that ever since I have known my husband and his very fortunate situation here in Hunsford, due entirely to your kindnesses, I have harboured several questions regarding exactly how that situation came about. Excuse me for being blunt but, to my knowledge, and limited information upon which I am able to build it, Mr. Collins comes from a lower-class family and had only his father as that family for many years. I know that they struggled in life and, therefore, I have not been able to comprehend how someone of your ladyship’s elevation could have noticed one such as him. I have struggled to understand several things about his past life that do not make any sense and until recently there has been no one from whom I thought I might seek satisfactory answers. My husband, unfortunately in this case, prefers to be reticent.
“My first inkling of the truth came from none other than Mrs. Hall yesterday as we were at work in the kitchen and she let slip that you had chosen my husband from several much more qualified and experienced pastors, and had quite insisted upon the appointment.
“When I guardedly enquired about this to my husband, he seemed to know only what little he had been told by his father - that there was some connection between his father and your youngest sister? And that was the cause of it. I apologise for my interference but, being more inquisitive than Mr. Collins, for whom even the slightest explanation will suffice, I am resolved to know more as soon as may be, and so you find me reliant upon your sympathy and knowledge this afternoon, Lady Catherine.”
Lady Catherine expelled a long breath. She had been thinking carefully about her reply as Charlotte explained; this had been her concern ever since meeting the new Mrs. Collins who, as Lady Catherine had observed many times in the past several months, was not a woman to be brushed off with superficial nonsense as her husband could be. No, when Mrs. Collins set her mind upon something, she generally saw the challenge through without regard for her comfort or well-being. Just taking into account her untiring work over the Winter months had made Lady Catherine herself contribute more as befitting her status so as not to appear uncaring and callous. No, Charlotte was not a woman to be trifled with but, although Catherine admired strength of mind in a member of her own sex, she decided very quickly that it would not be prudent to allow Charlotte to find the truth she sought.
Lady Catherine smiled graciously and smoothed her silken skirts.
“You must understand, Mrs. Collins, that the connection between your husband and me is very slight, as he has already indicated to you and which you have already surmised, but for me to divulge any further information than to acknowledge that the connection is there would be to undermine your husband’s trust that he places in me. I am sorry for your situation and I do understand the interest which consumes you but it is, perhaps, best left as it is.
“Please accept without question that I chose your husband as the best man for the position of parson of Hunsford parish and have enjoyed helping him and you settle into your new home. I trust that the beds and accoutrements were satisfactory and that your guests were comfortable during their stay?”
Charlotte saw that her enquiry had been cleverly re-directed and, swallowing her disappointment at being so dismissed, she managed to spend the next half hour complimenting Lady Catherine upon her choices in bed linens and her thoughtfulness and generosity in doing so.
As she rose to leave she drew back some of her earlier courage.
“Lady Catherine, I do hope that my coming here on such a errand of curiosity has not caused you any feelings of ill-will towards me or my husband? Needless to say he has no knowledge of my coming here today, or the reason for my visit; if you will think ill of anybody then let it only be of me.”
“Not at all, my dear Mrs. Collins! I quite understand your very natural concerns regarding your husband’s place in the world; I can imagine nothing more vexing than to be faced with a conundrum to which I could not find a satisfactory answer. Perhaps you should approach your husband once again, and with more vigour, in order to allay your fears once and for all. He cannot deny you information which so closely relates to you and your future together. I know that whenever I demanded certain information from my dear husband, Sir Lewis, he always, although sometimes with reservations, replied with the truth to put my worries to rest. No, you must speak with Mr. Collins immediately and insist upon him satisfying your enquiry.”
Charlotte smiled with seeming acquiescence and promised to persevere with her inquiry as she took her leave, although, unlike Lady Catherine and Sir Lewis, Charlotte very much doubted that William would have the knowledge to impart any clear information, so much disinterested was he about such matters. He preferred to accept his good fortune as his due and without question.
He, therefore, grew most agitated when Charlotte came upon him in his garden on her return from Rosings. After making general enquiries regarding the progress of his work, she then continued with what was still heavy upon her mind.
“Tell me, William, do not you have any curiosity about your connections with the Bennets and the de Bourghs? I cannot believe that you are so wholly disinterested in just how it is you are next in the entail of Longbourn when you had never met the Bennet family before, and that you are also connected in some manner with Lady Catherine? Surely your father must have imparted some knowledge to you, even through chance conversations, which could throw some light on your very fortunate situation in life? Do not misunderstand me, but to be so nonchalant must be a mistake; if you do not understand the foundations upon which your life is built, then how easy could it be for those foundations to crumble without your knowledge?
“C
onsider how accommodating Lady Catherine has been and for whom? Her newly-appointed vicar and his wife! I am sure that none other in her employ has experienced such consideration from her, so why have we? And how would it be for us if that connection was to be suddenly broken? Surely you have considered that question yourself?”
William Collins listened with growing astonishment as his wife continued with her interrogations, his irritation rising with every word she spoke. How dare she insist upon delving into his private affairs; not only his but also those of his father? Does she not have enough to occupy herself with the house and parish without adding to her workload with so unnecessary an investigation? He held up his hand just as Charlotte asked that he had surely considered the question himself and hastened to interject before she could vex him further.
“As I informed you yesterday, my dear, the connection between Lady Catherine and myself is very slight and not one to concern yourself about. My connection with the Bennet family is not one that I care to discuss either, as it went against the wishes of my late father that I even made contact with the family with whom he had such serious disagreement. I would think that you should be perfectly content with your life here without seeking to muddy the waters of history by raking up the past and displaying it for all to pick over like so much debris. Pray, do not importune me further upon this matter, Charlotte, I refuse to discuss it with you.” Drawing himself up to his full height he hoped, rather than felt, that there was an end to it.
His hope was futile as Charlotte equally stood her ground.
“No, William, in this matter I will not be brushed off and ignored when I have merely requested information that directly affects me through my association with you: anything in your past is now my past, and before something raises its head about which I have insufficient knowledge to counter, I would request, most urgently, that I be allowed an understanding of that which I have broached here today. It is my right as a partner in your life; we should have no secrets between us and everything should be shared and understood equally. I would not refuse you any knowledge, whether perturbing or pleasing, about my family or their situation, and you should extend the same courtesy to me.”
Charlotte stood her ground angrily now, staring at her husband; this was their first clear disagreement and neither was prepared for the strong feelings and discomfort involved. Charlotte realised that, as his wife, she could not demand the information that she sought, but rather, appeal to his ideal of partnership which had so informed their marriage to date, and about which he was consistently most eloquent - ‘a partnership of like minds’- he liked to refer to it.
William watched the emotions suffusing his wife’s body, noticing her heightened colour, and felt himself persuaded a little by her heartfelt words; that their marriage was a shared and mutually beneficial one which, until now, both had appreciated, was true, but it would be insupportable for him to divulge more of his past to her than he had already, especially since she now demanded it as her right. Of the particulars she wanted to know, he honestly had but little understanding himself, but of the greater reasons behind what had driven his father and the decisions he had made, William did sadly know.
“My dear, do not incommode yourself over this. I perfectly understand your reasons for wanting to understand the background of the family to which you have become attached but I can assure you that knowing the facts will not help you in any way; you will still be married into the family and to me and sometimes it is better to know as little as possible about a situation, as your ignorance will not cause you as much discomfort as the knowledge possibly would. It is not always preferable to know too much, as once the information has been disclosed, it cannot be ignored. Take care and accept my advice as your husband and protector: do not insist upon satisfaction. Believe instead, that both your father and I have only your best interests at heart; if he was content with my family background, then you should accept his judgment and not question it now.”
Charlotte maintained her composure only by looking past her husband, and his now-condescending smile, into the distance where she could perceive Farmer Betts tending to his crops in the nearest field. She inhaled deeply and, forcing herself to remain calm, she returned her gaze to her husband who was awaiting her reply.
“And this is all that I am to expect in answer to my questions? Only references to my father’s care of me and your superiority as my husband, instead of answers that are important to the continuing trust and happiness of this marriage? By refusing me satisfaction you impart a wealth of information that I was unaware of until this moment: that you do not hold me and my happiness in high regard as your partner in life; that you do not feel that I am entitled to understand you or your past other than what you choose to tell me; that you do not care enough to furnish me with the merest details which effectively ensures that I am the person who knows the least about my husband; and that you believe I should only perform those tasks which befit my role as a woman and your wife and should not presume to overstep that role.
“How interesting and informative this meeting has been, William. Not for the information which I still seek and is unforthcoming, but for the information that your attitude has imparted. Do not presume that I am content with your answer; it has merely forced me to seek answers from other sources, instead of gaining them from the person who should provide them.
“I will not take any more of your time, William. I shall see you at dinner shortly where you have my word that no more impertinent questions will be posed which may cause you discomfort.”
Charlotte took her leave before she thought of anything else to say, fearing that her anger, which in her life heretofore had hardly ever been aroused, should force her to speak something which she would regret.
William watched her stalk away and, although at first was aware of her hurt and humiliation at being so dismissed, very soon gathered his natural conceit about him and spent a good while digging furiously in the garden, assuring himself that his wife’s temper would soon disperse. He imagined that she would be only too happy to retreat into her previously placid character, and would, in all probability, beg his forgiveness for having been so angry and demanding with him - a forgiveness he would certainly bestow, he thought generously - but only after she had pleaded with him several times and promised never to importune him in such a manner ever again. His visions of a repentant Charlotte, smiling and calm as she always was, encouraged him to believe that it would be so and he went happily into dinner, much refreshed by his labours, believing the dangers of having an inquisitive wife had quite blown over.
How incorrect that assumption was! Charlotte had neither recovered her temper sufficiently enough to trust herself to speak civilly to him in front of the servants, nor had she forgiven her husband for his condescending manner towards her, as if she were a child to be brushed aside and her concerns to be ridiculed. No, the more she thought over the matter, the more angry she became, so much so, that she passed through the kitchen and informed Mrs. Hall that she would take her dinner upstairs as she was coming down with a frightful headache.
Brushing aside Mrs. Hall’s commiserations, Charlotte escaped upstairs to her room and flung herself upon the bed, so angry now that tears of frustration poured from her eyes, the like of which she had never experienced. She had never felt such anger and isolation; first Lady Catherine and now William! She had no one to whom she could turn, no one from whom she could seek advice. The information she sought had now become of the greatest importance to her - for why else were both persons questioned so evasive? - other than to conceal some dreadful truth hidden behind the facades of Longbourn and Rosings.
No, one thing was certain: Charlotte must have answers, and she must have them soon, before her marriage was any older. To discover her husband’s past was instrumental in preserving the integrity of her marriage. She had not married Mr. Collins for love or even respect or regard - it was merely for security, and that security was under threat from mystery an
d secrecy from two parties. She could not feel secure where she did not understand, nor was party to, her partner’s past life.
She was interrupted in her angry reflections by a knock on the door and Mrs. Hall herself brought up Charlotte’s tray, all bustle and comfort. How sorry she sometimes felt for the young Mrs. Collins being so far away from her home and family, having to cope with so much that was new. She suspected that it was not a headache that troubled Mrs. Collins, as she had claimed, but more of a marital dispute of some sort, as she had noted that Mr. Collins, when informed that his wife had taken to her room, looked entirely displeased and unsympathetic. Ah, well, such are the troubles in any new relationship and, although she could not presume to dispense advice to her mistress, Mrs. Hall hoped that Charlotte would realise that this one quarrel did not indicate doom for their future happiness; she must work through it as all newlyweds must.
Charlotte thanked the kind woman and smiled as best as she could, aware that her tear-stained face told a story quite different from the reason for it but decided that misconception in this instance was preferable to the truth.
As she slowly ate her meal, Charlotte considered how she could possibly gain the information that she sought, as efficiently but as surreptitiously as possible. To whom could she apply for satisfaction? Perhaps the first puzzle to be solved should be William’s connection to Longbourn; she was on tolerable terms with Mr. Bennet – he had commented on her sensible mind during their discussions about philosophy – he was a reasonable man, surely he would not refuse to set her mind at rest?
Inspired by this new opportunity to avail herself of the information she sought, from a sympathetic quarter, Charlotte waited until she heard her husband leave the dining room and enter his book-room, before sailing silently down the stairs and into her parlour where she immediately went to her desk and withdrew her writing tablet to fashion a letter to her friend.