by C. J. Hill
“P.S. The Regiment is soon to leave for Brighton and Lydia, Kitty and even Mamma have every day bemoaned their fate at not being taken thither by my father. But he has been adamant that he would not take them and I thought it because of Jane’s and my advice upon the matter. But it would seem we have not prevailed.
Lydia has been invited to accompany them as the special friend of the Colonel’s new wife. And so she is to go, for my father, I am sorry to report, will not listen to reason; he will not believe the disgrace that will befall this family if Lydia is exposed without a moderating influence. He is content to allow her to go under the guidance of the colonel to find out her own insignificance in the company of more desirable women. He believes nothing but good will come of it and at very little expense to him. I am sorry and disappointed that he does not attempt to curtail Lydia more but I leave it to him to judge; I can do no more.
By the by, did you gain any satisfaction regarding the matter which was so pressing in your last letter? Father did not intimate that he had responded to you and I do not feel encouraged to enquire. I hope that you are easier in your mind now, regardless of the information gained.
I will look for another letter from you before I leave for the Lakes with my aunt and uncle Gardiner in a month. How I look forward to my time with them! They are the most considerate and pleasant people with whom one could spend time, and our conversations are always highly diverting.
Do write soon, dear Charlotte, and allow me another glimpse into life at Hunsford; I do hope Lady Catherine has regained her equilibrium after so many guests at once! But she will be going to London soon, will not she, for the Summer? A happy relief for many in your parish!”
Your faithful friend,
Elizabeth
Charlotte put the letter aside with a sigh, thinking to herself how incorrigible Lydia was and how she would behave in Brighton without the moderating influence of her two elder sisters. She had to agree with her friend’s assessment of the matter – it was only a matter of time before Lydia would disgrace herself, and her family.
XXIX
After deciding that she would endeavour to proceed with her married life without any further enquiry or inquisitiveness on her part, Charlotte attempted to put her new-found knowledge to the back of her mind, plunging herself into the demands of her household which were growing more burdensome as the summer progressed. William’s vegetable garden produced all, and more than, they could possibly need, and she and Mrs. Hall spent a great deal of time every day preserving and pickling and salting ready for the Winter months. It gave both Charlotte and William a great sense of accomplishment to see their store cupboard rapidly filling with their labours.
It wasn’t until some weeks passed in this manner that Charlotte paused when William broached the subject to which she had been utterly oblivious because of all her industry - they had not been invited to Rosings for several weeks. This, naturally, was perceived by William as a reflection upon something either one or other of them had perpetrated against Lady Catherine and he became more and more distressed at the thought of what it could possibly mean.
“Lady Catherine is as affable and condescending as always when I pay my respects on my morning visits but now that I think about it, she is less eager to prolong our meetings as she was wont to do and I would dearly desire to know the meaning of it.”
Charlotte, once the situation was raised, realised that what her husband claimed was true; she had merely been so busy, and determined to put her conversation with Lady Catherine out of her mind, that she had unconsciously ignored the length of time since they had been to dine at Rosings. Now she thought about it, she believed they had not been invited since just after she approached Lady Catherine with her unsuccessful request for information about William’s connection. She tried to console her husband as best she could.
“I am sure, William, that should you or I have slighted or angered Lady Catherine in any way, we would be made very aware of our shortcomings and severely counselled as to how best we could improve our behaviour. Lady Catherine is not someone who remains silent upon such a subject, as you very well know. Do not trouble yourself unduly, my dear. She has other distractions about her, not the least of which that she was unable to visit London as she expected due to Miss de Bourgh being so very unwell recently. That alone would be sufficient to reduce her dinner engagements.
“I am sure that very soon, we shall be the recipients once again of her ladyship’s generosity. Consider how busy we have been with our own domestic duties – it would have been difficult for us to be always at Rosings when there is so much to be done in our little home! Lady Catherine is to proceed to London in a few days and I am sure she will not leave without taking it upon herself to advise you as to the necessary arrangements regarding the parish in her absence!”
“You are correct, my dear, as always!” exclaimed her husband. “Lady Catherine will surely call for us soon if only to bid us farewell and for a blessing before she embarks upon her journey, although I am sure she does not need to instruct me regarding my parochial duties! Perhaps I will pay a visit tomorrow morning to enquire after the health of Miss de Bourgh; would you care to accompany me, my dear?”
Hoping that her reluctance was not too evident, Charlotte agreed that she would, indeed, accompany William to pay her respects in the morning.
Glancing quickly at that lady’s countenance as she followed William into the morning room at Rosings the next morning, Charlotte was relieved to see their hostess in her usual state at the head of the room flanked on either side by Anne and Mrs. Jenkinson, all three of whom seemed delighted to be interrupted by their arrival.
“Reverend and Mrs. Collins! How thoughtful of you to visit us after Anne’s fortunate recovery. She has been forced to suffer terribly through her illness, you know, but she has borne it with fortitude and, as you see now, she is almost returned to her former health and vitality. Any that is lacking shall be restored as soon as we arrive in London for, of course, once we are in the City, we shall never have a moment to ourselves to consider any little illness that may befall us. There is nothing so effective nor restorative as mingling with entertaining people, and I confess that after being so long away and having only very confined company, I am most anxious to depart.
“Of course, my dear friend Lady Bexleigh rather wished that we should take a house in Bath; she believes the waters would be most beneficial for Anne, although I am not of that opinion. The water when I tasted it once only, was almost undrinkable. And the company there, she claims, is better than in London but I disagree with her estimation; Bath, I told her, is not for me. Lord de Bourgh never liked it (he said the company, like the water, was most disagreeable, almost common - although I refrained from speaking that truth to my friend) and so consequently, I have never grown to like it for myself and much prefer London where I have my own house and servants and everything just as I want it to be. To take someone else’s house is most inconvenient, do not you think, Mrs. Collins?”
Lady Catherine’s usual opinionated control of the conversation had availed Charlotte of the opportunity to compose herself and hope that her ladyship had forgotten their discussion of almost a month ago and did not intend resurrecting any reference to it. So Charlotte was able, with reasonable calmness of manner, to respond with a smile.
“I really cannot answer that, your ladyship, as I have never been given the opportunity of taking someone else’s house either in London, Hertfordshire, or in Bath! However, I am certain that it cannot be as pleasant compared to living in one’s own house, as you say, when you have everything there that you require and to your specifications. We are indebted to you for our little home which is so very comfortable, and, while it is not ours, we do like to think of it as our own home.”
“My dear Mrs. Collins! Of course you must consider it to be your home and one in which I hope you will remain for many years to come! I know I look forward to both of you breathing new life into the Parsonage and o
nly hope that it will not become too confining for a growing family.”
Lady Catherine then proceeded enthusiastically to enumerate the many ways in which the Parsonage could be adapted to suit an ever-expanding Collins family.
Charlotte endeavoured to keep her countenance in the face of such intrusive if well-meant planning, and rather hoped that William would not increase her discomfiture by supplying his own ideas for his – to her knowledge – non-existent family. Marriage led to babies, of this she was well aware and frequently felt the weight of her own mother’s thinly-veiled questions, but to her limited knowledge of the matter, she knew of nothing with which to excite such speculation in William, Lady Lucas or Lady Catherine.
She returned her attention to the conversation just as Lady Catherine was asking William if he had heard anything of his friend, Reverend Huxley, of London. Charlotte saw William stiffen slightly and begin to fluster as he searched for his reply. Immediately, Charlotte became interested: here was a connection between Lady Catherine and her husband heretofore unknown to her. A Reverend Huxley? Of London?
“I have unfortunately not any knowledge to impart, my lady. I was not aware that you were acquainted with the Reverend? I did, of course, alert him to my nuptials but since his letter of congratulations and his hopes for a blessed marriage, I have not received a further letter from him. He is, naturally, most occupied with his parish and all of the good works that he does there. I do hope that he has managed to procure an able assistant as his work load is quite formidable for a man of his age. I fear that, since I left, he would have felt the lack of my help.”
“That is what I understand about the Reverend,” Lady Catherine acknowledged. “I have never met him personally but his dedication to his flock came to my attention many years ago through a mutual acquaintance and I have long held a quiet admiration for such a man as he must be. Tell me, his parish is in one of the poorer districts of London, is it not, Mr. Collins?”
“Indeed it is, my lady. I stumbled upon it when I was quite young while walking the many neighbourhoods of London, and I observed in the Reverend Huxley someone so thoughtful and committed to his calling that I found myself returning week after week just to assist him where I was able, and to partake in the honour of his attention. I thought myself to be extremely fortunate to have come upon someone of his worth and, I confess, he can claim to have had a significant influence upon me and my choices in life. He is someone to whom I shall always be utterly indebted; I looked up to him almost as a father and he never gave me cause to regret that respect.”
Charlotte watched and listened to the exchange with a growing astonishment and realisation; Lady Catherine had refused to inform her directly of what she knew about William, she had made that very plain, but covertly, under the cover of polite drawing room conversation which could hardly be denied or ignored by William, she had cleverly managed to reveal a surprising element from William’s history which Charlotte could use to eliminate some of her ignorance should she wish to do so!
That William came from London, she knew. That his father was a drunkard and a miserable parent, she had also learnt. But here was another connection that, if she wasn’t imagining it, went straight from Lady Catherine through the Reverend Huxley to William. William as the protégée of a London clergyman? No wonder William was so thoroughly entranced with his vocation – he had modelled himself upon this man to whom he looked up and who had stood in most effectively for his father. William’s urge to make improvements in his own parish, to advocate for the poorly housed and the sick with his benefactress were things which he must have seen promoted by Reverend Huxley! His desire to emulate and impress his protector and previous benefactor was a reflection of his wish to remain as a useful clergyman to Lady Catherine.
As the visit ground imperceptibly closer to its end, Charlotte felt a fever of anticipation; how could she not question William about the conversation so casually brought up and entered into, and about which she had no previous knowledge?
Fortunately, no prompting or ill-concealed curiosity on her part was necessary - William himself brought it up as they walked home.
“You will be interested, no doubt my dear, regarding my friendship, if I may call it that, as he is so far removed from my humble status in life that to be deemed his friend would be richness indeed, with my old benefactor, Mr Huxley. I have been most remiss not to have mentioned his name or his reputation before this to you, as he is a most honourable and worthy man who takes an interest in the fortunes of those who are struggling in life and assists them where he is able. I was unaware, however, that his reputation had extended so far as to Lady Catherine but that is unremarkable, for why should it not have done so? Such sacrifice and charitable works are rare and those who give their lives to helping others are not ones to broadcast their works; fortunately it is unnecessary for them to do so as good news travels despite their humility.
“As I mentioned to Lady Catherine, I did meet Reverend Huxley when I was walking the poorer neighbourhoods where he has his parish and where he feels he can do the most good, but the circumstances were not because I was lost or exploring. It was because I was escaping the meanness of my childhood home, about which I will say nothing more other than to state it to have been as far removed from the experience of your family and childhood as can be imagined. I was not a happy child; some of the fault must have been my own, but to have left it behind gives me no cause for sorrow.
“Every Sunday morning I would leave the rooms which I shared with my father in order to escape the after-effects of his indulgences of the prior evening. And it was on one such walk that I heard church music and singing and saw lights shining like a beacon, beckoning me inside. Inside I went and found myself in lighter, brighter, and more hopeful company the like of which I had never before experienced. I kept returning each week, each week expecting to be refused admittance but no one snarled at me, no one turned me away or laughed at my ineptitudes or lack of schooling; I had at last found a sanctuary from my life.
“You cannot imagine, Charlotte, how much that can mean to a young man, no more than a boy really, to be affirmed in such a manner! Eventually, Reverend Huxley noticed me in a conversation as his newest member of his congregation, and over the course of a few weeks made it his purpose to single me out after every service to talk to me about my life and progress. I found myself confessing such dreams and hopes for my future, dreams and hopes the like of which I had never dared give voice, but this man was able to calm my fears and make me see a future that could be bright and honourable and useful if I cared to work to make it so.
“It was through his charity, and I can admit that to you only, Charlotte, that I was able to improve myself with education paid for, I believe, by his wealthy and generous benefactors who still take an interest in his worthy causes; they prefer to remain anonymous but had they not been so determined, I would have been most heartily thankful to them in person for the generosity of their gifts. Unfortunately, the most I can do is to live up to their expectations of me through their investment and hope that in some way they understand the difference their contributions have made to not only my life but the lives that I am allowed to improve through my work.”
By the time her husband had finished outpouring his past, they had arrived back at the Parsonage and entered the parlour to finish their conversation. Charlotte felt that perhaps, at last, she had been given the missing link to her husband’s connection to Lady Catherine. Could it possibly be that her interest in William stemmed from a long acquaintance with the Reverend Huxley? And how could it be that William had never considered that as a reason for his rapid advancement after his ordination? Charlotte collected her thoughts and redirected them again to William who was looking at her questioningly.
“I’m sorry, my dear, I was lost in thought about all that you have told me this morning. Forgive my bewilderment but, you must admit, for me to learn all of this news about you at once when so little has been divulged before, is
somewhat overwhelming!”
William smiled a little uncomfortably and motioned to his wife to sit beside him upon the settee, and carefully took her hand in his.
“Charlotte. It is I who must apologise for erring on the side of caution where information regarding my past life is concerned. I gave you only generalities when we were married and thought that would suffice. It has never been pleasant to recall and, although we have promised to love each other through whatever hardships may be sent to us, I felt that some of my past was not fit for your knowledge.
“I know that you are the most understanding person, and you, of anybody, are the one to whom I could have unloaded my unpleasant past. I did not do so for fear of what I cannot easily articulate. Your childhood must have been so different from mine; your friendships and respect gained from them have moulded you into the caring and loving person you are today and I thank everyone who has contributed to your development most heartily.
“I, in contrast, had no friends, no respect from anyone and my childhood was a dark and spare affair until I met Reverend Huxley. Even when I attended school and, later, university, I found myself inadequate to the challenge of forming friendships; I confess, many of those with whom I sought companionship regarded me with suspicion and unfriendliness. I had not developed the necessary skills early enough in life to impress and inspire respect; and still have not, I know. I try very hard to conquer the awkwardness when I meet people, and sometimes I feel it to be conquered, but it always is lurking in the back of my mind.”
Charlotte felt her eyes filling with tears as she watched her husband confess to his inadequacies; inadequacies that everyone in Meryton had discussed so many times behind his back and which had precluded her friend from accepting him as a husband, had indeed caused a certain rift to be developed between herself and Elizabeth through Elizabeth’s reluctance to believe that William could successfully gain the good opinion of any woman, much less than of her good friend Charlotte.