by Dani Collins
Leon had known in his gut that having an affair with Tanja would lead her on, which was probably why he’d wound up proposing. He’d been convinced they wouldn’t last, that she would eventually figure out he wasn’t capable of giving her the emotional depth she expected, but he’d wanted her anyway.
And she had been a grown woman capable of making her own decisions. That’s how he’d rationalized it. In reality, he’d wanted to sleep with a woman who appealed to him. That’s what kind of man he’d been—not devoid of conscience, but with a very superficial grasp of right and wrong. Not much sense of consequence, either. All that had mattered was getting what—or who—he wanted when he wanted them.
He’d grown up since then. Now he considered what was best for other people, not just himself.
Finally getting a divorce? Good idea, Zach had said a minute ago.
It was. But something in Leon balked. He was a champion at heart. That’s why he’d won more races than he’d lost. That’s how he’d pulled his father’s company back from the brink. A stubborn refusal to fail wasn’t much use when one party wanted to end things, though. He knew what it looked like when people who resented one another stayed married. He couldn’t do that to himself, or Tanja, or the baby who rested her head on his shoulder.
He absently rubbed Illi’s back, listening to Tanja wrap up with her brother.
“Let Dad know I’m fine. Tell him I’ll call soon.”
“I will. Love you, Books.”
“Love you, too. All three of you.” She ended with a happy sigh and set aside the phone to hug herself. “I’m an auntie. How amazing is that?”
Technically, that made Leon an uncle, but he didn’t allow that flitting thought to land and take root.
Tanja sipped her smoothie, then frowned.
“Not sitting well?”
“Just a lump of banana that surprised me.” She took another sip and made a face. “I really am feeling a lot better. I think some of it was seasickness.”
He came across to touch her forehead. She wasn’t feverish.
Illi smiled and reached for her, making Tanja smile. “Hi, baby doll. Come here.”
That brightness was back in her face. A woman in makeup and heels was undeniably attractive, but Tanja, fresh faced and wearing nothing but confidence and the sheen of unconditional love, was spellbinding.
He had an urge to cup her cheek and caress her soft skin with his thumb. He wanted her to look at him with that warm, unabashed smile.
Disturbed, he made himself give her the baby and picked up his phone.
“Don’t try to rush your recovery. You’ve been through a lot.” He had already relayed to staff that she needed supplements. He would ask them to add some rich desserts to the menu, too. She could stand to gain a few kilos.
“I don’t want to rely on you any longer than necessary. Kahina was so generous and understanding, but you know what they say about houseguests.”
He lifted his gaze.
“They’re like fish. They start to stink after three days.”
“Is that what they say?” He smirked as he went back to checking his emails. “Well, I’ve asked my lawyer to fly out to join u—” He swore as three different subject lines jumped out at him, all running a variation of You’re married?
“What’s wrong?”
“Secret is out on our marriage.” He explained that Cameron had been posting photos of the yacht. “She must have said something about being aboard so her husband could check on my wife.”
“So much for patient confidentiality. Why did you tell him we were married?”
“What else was I supposed to say?”
“I don’t know.” Her mouth pulled with uncertainty. “What does it mean? Will anyone care?”
“I am quoted and photographed from time to time,” he said drily. More on the business side, not as much on his pursuit of pleasure since he’d given up chasing women and regatta trophies, but he was a rich and powerful man. Did she not realize that?
She was frowning with worry, smoothing her hand over Illi’s hair.
“It’s a scoop, not a scandal,” he reassured her. “I’ll talk to my PR team, release a statement.” He shrugged it off. Even as he did, his phone pinged twice more. A fresh email from the head of a media conglomerate asked if he knew a photo of him with his baby was being shopped to news outlets.
Leon really swore.
“What?” Tanja asked, eyes popping with growing alarm.
“She didn’t delete the photo with Illi.” And this was why he hadn’t seen the value in Zach’s friendship when Zach had offered it. Leon had known Kyrkos most of his life, but the doctor was throwing away their lifelong relationship for what? Five minutes of fame for his status-seeking wife?
Tanja closed her arms around Illi. “But if it’s reported that we have a baby, what if it comes out that our situation isn’t entirely—”
“Legal?” he charged.
“By the book,” she corrected. She bit her lip before closing her eyes and turning her nose into Illi’s cheek. Her brow furrowed with deep anxiety. Fear of losing her baby.
That revelation of such deep vulnerability made the pit of his stomach churn with a primal compulsion to protect.
“My lawyer, Georgiou, is arriving tomorrow.” His voice was a bass echo from deep in his chest. “I’ll put him onto ensuring t’s are crossed and i’s dotted where Illi is concerned.”
Tension lingered around her mouth, but she spoke decisively. “Take me to Malta. I want to fly home.” Her voice caught on the word home. “If I’m there—”
“You can’t get home,” he reminded her. “Illi doesn’t have a passport. Customs agents will ask if you have permission from her father to take her overseas. They’ll want to see her paperwork and it’s not up to scrutiny.”
“Write me a letter that says you give us permission,” she demanded. “I’ll write one.”
“Another false document? Great idea. No, Tanja. I’m not like my father. I keep my nose clean, along with the rest of my life.” He was terse now, annoyed that she was resisting his help. “Given the choice between throwing fuel on a messy story about abandoning my baby to my estranged wife or a very nice story about my wife and I starting a family, I’m going with the nice one.”
“Oh, that lie is fine? She’s not yours, Leon!”
“Check the paperwork you filed,” he snapped.
She flinched with hurt and looked away, mouth trembling but jaw pugnacious.
He pushed his hand through his hair as he gathered his patience. “Look, I believe it’s in Illi’s best interest for her to be with you. I’m not going to let anyone take her from you. You have my word on that.”
“Forgive me if I don’t think your promises are reliable.”
Maybe he deserved that, but it still cut like a whip.
“Like it or not, you made me responsible for her. I won’t shirk that responsibility.” He was not like his father, disregarding the needs of a child—his own son included—because it suited him. “You and I butting heads every minute won’t help.”
“I wish I’d never m—” She sealed her lips over whatever she’d been about to say.
“Met me? Married me? Then you wouldn’t have Illi, would you?” he summed up brutally.
He took the baby from her, something she was too weak to prevent, and she could utter only a disgruntled sound.
“I’ll keep her while you rest. Do you want to sleep here? On a lounger by the pool? I can help you back to the stateroom if you need it.”
She looked between him and the baby, her body trembling with anger.
“I’ve spent a lot of time thinking you’re a selfish jerk who is ruthless about getting what he wants. This doesn’t change my opinion.” She pushed to her feet and lost all her haughty air of superiority when she paled and had to hang on
to the chair.
He steadied her, but she shook him off.
“Bring her up when she’s ready for her nap.”
“Of course,” he said, because he might be selfish and ruthless, but he was also capable of magnanimity—once he got what he wanted.
* * *
Tanja woke with a sense she wouldn’t fall back asleep. Not only had she been sleeping on and off for nearly twenty-four hours, but her mind leaped into a whirl of wondering what would happen now that her marriage was public. What would happen with her adoption of Illi? It was still so tentative.
She didn’t want to rely on Leon and his lawyers to sort things, but what choice did she have? Her financial resources were depleted, and she couldn’t work until she at least had a laptop and an internet connection. She couldn’t buy anything until she had some income. It was a catch-22.
“Why are you sighing like that? Are you in pain?”
Leon’s quiet voice beside her made her gasp and roll over, realizing as she did that he was lying on top of the covers beside her.
“What are you doing here?”
“Sleeping. Until you started huffing and puffing. Do you need a house blown down or something?”
“I’m just restless. Frustrated.”
He left a nice round silence for her to hear the suggestiveness of her own words.
“By my situation,” she clarified. “Jeez, seriously?”
“I didn’t say a thing,” he said mildly, but she had the sense he was laughing at her. He curled his arm beneath his pillow. He still wore the clothes he’d been wearing earlier, but she saw the pale glow of his bare feet in the dim light.
“You could have gone to bed properly. Somewhere else,” she pointed out.
“This is my bed,” he said drily. “The sofa is too short and I need to be able to hear Illi so you don’t have to get up. You didn’t even notice me here. Go back to sleep.”
“She’s in the lounge?” She lifted her head and cocked her ear, but their talking didn’t seem to be disturbing her. “Thank you for helping me look after her.”
“She said begrudgingly,” he mocked, voice still low with sleepy amusement.
“I do resent needing your help,” she admitted. “But you have to admit this is strange.”
“That you’ve woken me to talk? Yes.”
That caused such a stab of memory, of slithering against him in the night, naked skin brushing as their limbs twined, she made a noise of injury that she hoped he assumed was an impatient tsk.
“I forgot that you were up all last night. I’m sorry I woke you,” she said stiffly, and rolled so her back was to him.
“I’ve been asleep since Illi went down at seven. It’s fine.” The humor was gone from his voice and now it was tinged with something more serious. Conciliatory, perhaps. “What do you think is strange? That we’re five years fake married and now we’re faking that we have a baby together? It wasn’t on my bucket list, I’ll say that.”
She rolled back to face him even though she couldn’t see him in the dark. “Haven’t you wanted to...find someone else and get started on a family of your own?”
“No,” he said, low and prompt and unequivocal. “I never wanted kids.”
“Wow.” And ouch. She hadn’t expected such a strong response when he was actually very sweet with Illi. “I’m sorry we’re imposing then.”
“You’re not. My childhood was lousy. That’s all. I’m sure I told you that.”
He had, but he had always deflected when she tried to pry anything more out of him.
“From the outside, it looks as though you had everything you wanted. I was always surprised to hear you call your childhood ‘lousy.’”
“On the surface, I did have everything.” He sounded resentful, but she didn’t think it was directed at her. “The best food and clothes. Travel and education. It should have been ideal, but my parents’ marriage was horrific. That skewed my view of family. I never wanted to subject a child to that tension and manipulation.”
“I guess I should have asked if you wanted kids before we married. I always saw myself as getting married and having children. We really were doomed, weren’t we?”
There was a profound silence before he said, quietly but powerfully, “I thought so.”
That sent another knifing pain through her. “My God, Leon! Why did you even go through with it?”
“I told you. I wanted to get my father off my back.”
“That’s so cold.”
“I’m being honest, Tanja. As honest as I should have been back then. Maybe if I had, you wouldn’t have married me. Did you really believe we’d have the picket fence, two kids and a dog? End up in side-by-side rocking chairs on the porch?”
“First of all, we should be so lucky as to grow old at all.” She bunched the edge of the blanket beneath her chin, thinking of her father losing her mother when they’d been so devoted to one another. “I didn’t think marriage would be easy, but I thought we’d figure things out as we went along. Mom and Dad got married really fast and had challenges, but they found ways to get through them. They went into it intending to make their life together and made it seem doable, if not simple. That’s what commitment is, right? Committing to figuring out how to stay together while working through stuff?”
“Why did they marry so quickly?” His head turned on the pillow. “Was she pregnant with Zach?”
“The opposite.” She couldn’t help the gossipy chuckle that came into her throat. “They both had really strict parents and were saving themselves for marriage, but couldn’t wait so they had a short engagement. Isn’t that cute?”
Leon didn’t say anything.
“Do not say I should have done the same thing.”
“I wasn’t going to.”
“What then?”
Nothing.
“Some things never change.” She was hurt by his silence. She really should have seen how doomed they were from the way he had always shut her out like this. She had tried to give him space, thinking he would let down his guard eventually, but they hadn’t had time and apparently he still didn’t want to open up.
He suddenly came up on his elbow, looming over her. His imposing silhouette pressed her deep into the mattress. There was only a slanting glow from the other room, making it impossible to read his expression.
“I haven’t been with anyone since you.” He threw the words down like a gauntlet.
“Liar.” It was too flabbergasting.
“Believe what you want.” He sounded insulted. “It’s the truth.”
She wouldn’t normally be so rude, but the man had been a sexual animal.
“Did something happen?” she asked with sudden concern. “Are you okay?”
“My mojo is fine, Tanja.” Definitely insulted. “It was a choice.”
“Really.” She couldn’t help that she was so skeptical. “Why would you do that? Or not do it.”
The silhouette of his profile looked to whatever moonlight was sparkling on the distant ripples of the sea.
“I had already done enough things that made me like my father. He had committed so many atrocities... Infidelity felt like the last tawdry straw. If I could hang on to a shred of moral character, if I kept myself from doing that one thing, then for sure I was a step above the human garbage that he was.”
His view of himself was so bleak it made her unutterably sad. “So celibacy was like...a form of self-flagellation?”
“Oh, yeah, I’ve done a lot of that,” he assured her with a ripple of self-deprecating amusement in his tone.
She burst out laughing and shoved at his shoulder, not moving him an inch. “Is that what the kids are calling it these days?”
“I wouldn’t know. No one admits to doing it.” His teeth flashed.
This, she thought with a warm glow. This was
the man who had so dazzled her that she had been unable to say anything but yes to his proposal. She’d been willing to do anything he suggested. The things they’d done on his sailboat? Whew.
She grew very aware of the rumpled blankets between them and the intimacy of the low light and the warmth off his body. His scent and solid strength. His weight tipping her toward him on the mattress.
Maybe that was simply his magnetism pulling at her.
He was looking at her. When he spoke, his tone was somber.
“It’s fine that you’ve had lovers while we were still married.” He smoothed a wrinkle from the blanket between them. “I didn’t expect you to be faithful. That was my own baggage I was working through.”
“I...” Was she really going to admit this? “What makes you think I’ve had lovers?”
A silence crashed over them, so loud it might have been a five-alarm fire bell.
“Why wouldn’t you? You don’t need punishing,” he said evenly.
She folded her fingers over the edge of the blanket, loath to admit what a spell he’d cast, one so strong she was still under it.
“Tanja.” He sounded so grave he made her heart shiver in her chest. When his finger looped to pick up a tendril of her hair, a tingling sensation swept down her nape into her breast. “Please don’t tell me I hurt you so badly that you couldn’t trust men. If you denied yourself the pleasure of sex because...” He swallowed. “It really would be too much for even my fairly impervious conscience to bear.”
“It wasn’t that.” She licked her lips, hyperaware of his finger twirling that length of hair. “I mean, I was pretty disenchanted with men and the institution of marriage, but I had to work while I was in school. I didn’t have time to do more than go for coffee. Anything more than that would have meant I’d have to free myself of you first and...”
This part was hard to admit because Leon had set a certain bar. No one had made her feel the way she was feeling right now, and he was only touching her hair. Since when were there electrical currents in strands of hair that ran straight to erogenous zones, lighting her up like a Christmas display?