How would it feel to have those thighs brushing against hers while he took possession of her?
Damn, these wayward thoughts needed to settle down. Maybe the hit on her head had unlocked a sensual inner part of her she had no idea existed. Well, whatever it was, she needed to curb it. Buff was a complex man. Hell, she didn’t even know that much about him, except he was former military surgeon, suffered PTSD attacks, was a volunteer firefighter and kissed like nobody’s business.
Giving herself a mental shake she walked down to the kitchen lecturing herself on the reasons why jumping his bones was not a good idea. The most important point being, that she’d just suffered a head trauma, so physical activity needed to be kept to a minimum.
Grabbing a Coke out of the fridge for Buff and a water for herself, she rubbed the cool plastic bottle over her cheek in an attempt to temper her desire for the complex, yet mysterious man in the living room.
Once she had herself under control, she strolled back to the living room, handing him his Coke before taking the seat next to him.
“Please tell me you don’t like glitter? That’s another of Cerise’s bad habits.” Why on earth did she just ask that question? Buff was a man, of course he didn’t like glitter.
Buff chuckled. “Can’t say that I do. But I wouldn’t call liking glitter a bad habit.”
“Okay maybe obsession would be a better word for it then. Do you know she wears glitter eyeliner to work?”
“Well I can assure you I’m not obsessed with glitter. And I definitely don’t wear glitter eyeliner.” He winked. “ So does this mean I get a tick in the good column? I mean I’ve got a cross already with liking Coke like Cerise.”
Nadia laughed as well. “No, you’re all good. I don’t do good or bad columns. I don’t see the point. I also don’t hold anyone’s habits against them. I’ve got a few of my own that people probably don’t like.”
Buff leaned closer and she had to stop herself for swaying toward him. She could totally picture the two of them cuddling together on the couch. “Hmm interesting. Do tell me what these bad habits are.”
Nadia took a second to comprehend that the man who kept to himself was flirting with her. She liked it. She liked him. “I always forget to turn lights off when I leave a room. Used to drive my brothers and sister crazy.”
Buff shook his head. “Lame Boston. Apart from wasting electricity that’s not a bad habit. Come on give it to me.”
“I hate to lose. Whenever we played board games as kids I would always throw a tantrum if I lost. Although I’m pretty sure my older siblings cheated to make sure I lost. I know they did that when we played a trivia game.”
“Hmm remind me not to play board games with you. Or if we do I’ll let you win.” He sidled closer to her and now their thighs brushed against his each other. Her body heated from the connection. “What else ya got?”
“Well I suppose you would call this more of an obsession than a habit. I love all things New England Patriots. I even have a Patriots sheet set on my bed.” She ducked her head, already feeling the bloom of a blush on her cheeks.
Buff laughed again, this time it was a full belly laugh. Glancing over at him she could see the surprise in his eyes, as though it had been a long time since he’d laughed like that. “I should’ve known, with you being from Boston and all. I can’t deny that team always seem to make it work. You gotta admire them.”
“Yes you do. Although I’m fully aware that in probably a couple years’ time they’re not going to be as successful, but they’re my team and I will love them no matter what.”
“Loyalty is a good thing. You don’t see much of it these days” he commented. He reached out and took some of her hair, curling it around his finger. The gesture sweet—just like when he brushed his fingers down her cheek.
Did he realize he was doing it?
And what did he mean by not seeing much loyalty these days? Had someone abused his trust? There were so many things she wanted to ask him but she probably had no right. Plus she didn’t want to spoil the moment they were currently sharing.
Without thinking Nadia snuggled a little closer to Buff, placing her hand on his chest. His citrusy scent wafted around her. Instead of stiffening, like she thought he might do, Buff put his arm around her shoulders, securing her to his side.
They sat like that for a few moments, Buff continuing to play with her hair. A peacefulness settled over them. It seemed crazy that they could find this level of comfort with knowing each other in such a short time frame. Surviving a tornado had given her a new perspective on life. It could’ve easily turned out worse. A shudder rippled through her.
“You okay, Boston?”
Nadia picked at the buttons on his shirt. As much as she wanted to share her fears about what might have been, she was reluctant to do so. What if her talking about almost dying would trigger him? Again she was being unfair to him. She had no idea how often Buff had his attacks. The fact he’d had two around her didn’t mean he had them every day. But she couldn’t avoid answering him either. “Yeah, I was just thinking about how things could’ve been different last night. The can could’ve hit my head at a different angle and I could’ve died. Or the roof could’ve collapsed on all of us.”
Buff’s muscles stiffened the more she talked.
Damn, I knew I should’ve kept my mouth shut. Way to go, Nadia bring back bad memories for him.
“If I learned one thing while in the Army and on deployment, life doesn’t come with guarantees and you can drive yourself crazy with what-if scenarios.” He pressed a soft kiss on her forehead. “None of those things happened and everyone came out alive. That’s all that matters, okay?”
She sighed. “Yeah, and I’m sorry.”
“For what?”
“For bringing up things that could bring back bad memories for you. I know you’re suffering from PTSD, me talking like I did can’t be good for you.”
Buff shifted abruptly before standing. She had to catch herself from falling on her side. Shit, she’d gone too far. Why hadn’t she just changed the subject instead of apologizing.
“I think it’s time I went. You’ll be okay, tonight? Do you want me to call someone to keep you company?” There was no emotion in his voice, even though his last comment told her he still cared.
Nadia stood quickly, a flash of lightheadedness hit her, and she took a second to regain her balance. A little piece of her cried inside knowing that Buff hadn’t tried to steady her. “Don’t go, Buff. Please. It’s almost dinner time, why don’t we order something in.”
God, she hoped he wouldn’t rebuff her invitation. She had to make it right somehow. Make him understand she wasn’t trying to be insensitive to his issues. Or highlight them.
Buff was a proud man. He’d probably hated this weakness in him. Intellectually he had to know he wasn’t the only ex-combat veteran who suffered from these types of attacks, but emotionally, he didn’t want to accept he was vulnerable.
“I’m not sure that’s the best idea,” he said, but he still hadn’t moved closer to leaving the living room. That had to be a good thing.
What she was about to say could make the situation worse or better, but she’d already poked the bear a little, she might as well poke it a lot. What was the worst that could happen? He’d walk out and she’d never see him again. Or he’d stay and they’d have a nice evening. And maybe, just maybe, they’d share a kiss where both of them were aware of what was happening around them.
“Buff, I know what I said was very personal, but I’ve seen you suffer two attacks. One less than twenty four hours ago. I don’t think any less of you for having them.” Still he hadn’t moved so she closed the gap and placed her hand on his arm. His bicep was rock hard beneath her fingers. “I want to help you, Buff. I know I can do that.”
He swiveled on her then. “How can you help me, Boston? You’re not a psychologist or psychiatrist. What are you going to do prescribe me with an anti-depressant or anti-anxiety meds?
News flash—I’ve already got those. And if you thought I was a zombie during my attacks, when I take those it’s ten times worse. It feels like a curtain falls around me and I can’t see, think or feel anything. It’s a fucking horrible sensation. So I deal with them the best way I can.”
“By ignoring them.” She knew her words were harsh, but they needed to be said. Someone needed to make Buff see that going alone wasn’t the best way. It was the dangerous way.
“You know I don’t have to stand here and take this from you.” Buff blew out a frustrated breath. Part of him admired Nadia for standing up to him. For bringing forth the very subject he batted away with the accuracy of a sniper’s bullet whenever anyone else tried to talk to him about it. The other part of him was pissed that she wasn’t backing down when he was being an asshole to her about it.
“You’re right, you don’t and yet if it really bothered you, you’d have already walked out. Yet here you are still standing in this room. Why is that?” Nadia challenged him, crossing her arms over her chest. The action stretched her t-shirt, accentuating her breasts, a certain part of his body tightening and he wished they were doing something other than arguing.
He was a master at changing the subject, well diverting it. If he kissed her would it divert her focus off his attacks?
As if she was able to read his mind she held up her hand. “No, whatever you’re thinking, don’t do it.”
“How do you know what I was thinking about?” The very thought of her knowing he wanted to kiss her was impossible. Even he couldn’t understand the pull to lock lips with her. It seemed he needed her kiss as much as he needed to breathe, which was even more ridiculous.
“It’s written all over your face. You want to change the subject and you’re thinking of things to say that will achieve that.” Instead of putting space between them, like he thought she would, Nadia moved forward and rested her hands on his chest. Immediately his flesh warmed and some of her calm transferred to him. “I’m not going to let you do that. I’m sure that’s what you do with everyone else, and they let you. But I won’t.”
Buff slipped an arm around her waist, holding her tight against him. “You’re going to be a pain in my ass, aren’t you, Boston?”
“If it helps you, then yes I am.” She lifted her eyes to his and he lost himself in her open gaze. He should let her go. Walk out of her house and drive back to his lonely cottage on the ranch, but he couldn’t.
Since the first moment he became aware of her kissing him back at the celebration event, he’d known that she could be dangerous for him. He hadn’t known how dangerous until this moment. Nadia challenged him to face the demons he didn’t want to.
Buff threaded his fingers through her hair, careful not to hit her injury. He nuzzled his nose against hers. His body kicking into overdrive at her sharp intake of breath.
He wanted to hear her make that sound again.
He wanted to make her cry out in desire when he possessed her.
He wanted her to be his.
“You’re impossible to resist, Boston.” He closed the gap and captured her lips. Buff wasn’t gentle with his kiss. He couldn’t be. She called to the inner part of him he’d thought he’d lost in the dusty Afghan desert. The part he hadn’t wanted back until Nadia stormed into his life.
Her mouth opened beneath his and he thrust his tongue inside, dueling with hers. Her hands were pulling at his shirt and a shudder ripped through him when her fingers brushed the skin she exposed.
It would be so easy to lift her and lay her down on the couch. Slowly peel away every piece of clothing she wore and then kiss every single inch of her. Only now wasn’t the right time. She was still recovering and he had to put aside his needs.
Also he wanted their coming together to not be because he was avoiding talking about his issues, which, this was. As much as he’d like to think it wasn’t.
Slowing the intensity of the kiss was harder than he thought it was going to be. His body screamed at him to follow through on his thoughts, but the rational part of his mind, the part that had been partially aware during his last attack, set him on the right track.
Buff pulled his lips away and buried his head in her neck. He could still smell the faint trace of the antiseptic from her hospital stay. Nadia needed a long shower or bath, dinner and then a good night’s sleep. He could help with two of the three items on that list.
Loosening his arms from their tight grip on her, Buff took another deep breath and put some space between them. He kept his hands resting on her waist. He didn’t want to lose his connection with her. “Why don’t you take a shower or bath, if you’ve got a tub, while I order some dinner.”
“Are you suggesting I smell?” Nadia asked, grinning slightly.
“Well…” He lifted his hands up in an I don’t know gesture.
Nadia playfully slapped his arm. “Don’t you know that you should never tell a woman she smells?”
“If we can’t be honest with each other, what can we be?”
“This is true and you’re right, I do want to wash the hospital stay off me. I think there’s some takeaway menus in one of the drawers in the kitchen. Why don’t you choose something and order it? I’ll eat anything, I’m not fussy.”
Buff pulled out his phone. “Takeaway menus are so 2002, there’s an app now for ordering food.”
Nadia shook her head laughing. He couldn’t deny he was enjoying the way the mood between them had shifted from intense to light-hearted. “You do what you have to do. I’ll be back in thirty.”
“Take your time.” Buff scrolled through the list of restaurants. Kerrville wasn’t huge but they did have a couple of nice places to eat at, he hoped they did delivery.
“Buff?”
“Mmmm?” he responded but didn’t look up. Nadia cleared her throat after a few heartbeats and he looked up.
“Thank you,” she said once she knew she had his attention. “For everything. For taking care of me to make sure I got home safely.”
A piece of the hard cast around his heart that had begun to crack even though he wasn’t aware of it, broke off. “You’re welcome, Boston. I know you’d do the same for me.”
“Yes, I would.”
Chapter 9
Nadia pushed her plate away. “I don’t think I need to eat for a week. That was amazing.”
Buff had ordered Mexican for them and she’d never had tacos as good as the ones she’d eaten tonight. The guacamole was creamy and delicious. She could’ve eaten the whole bowl and had grumbled loudly when Buff had taken it from her.
“I admit I go Juan’s Mexican at least once a week. That’s how much I love their food.”
The thought of Buff eating at a restaurant by himself made her sad. Then again, he probably ordered takeout. With his condition he probably didn’t eat out an awful lot.
“Well, next time you go, let me know. Their chicken puffy tacos are the best I’ve ever had. I could eat them every day.”
“Then you’d get sick of them and they wouldn’t be as special,” commented Buff as he started to clear away the remnants of their dinner.
Nadia stood and started to help him but he pushed her hands away. “I should clean up, I mean you cooked, after all,” she joked.
“Nope, not happening. You’re injured so you need to rest.”
She rolled her eyes at him. “I’m fine. I haven’t had a dizzy spell all night, not to mention my head doesn’t ache at all. I can handle a few takeout boxes and bags.”
“How about we do it together?”
“Okay, that sounds like a plan.” Nadia grabbed the bag the food came in so that the empty containers could be put in it, but Buff beat her to it and had three of the five containers in the bag before she could blink. “Hey, I thought we were doing it together.”
Buff shrugged and added the other two boxes, before collecting the plates they’d used to eat off. “You’re supervising.”
Nadia opened her mouth to protest more, but gave up. What
was the point? It wasn’t a big deal so she didn’t know why she making it out to be one. Having someone do things for her was strange. After reaching the age of thirteen in her family, her mom taught all the kids how to do their own laundry and they all had to cook one meal a night. In the end mom hardly ever ended up cooking, Nadia was sure that was why she’d have preferred her to stay at home and try and find a job in another Boston hospital after the one she wanted didn’t work out. Not because Mom wanted the best for her, but because Nadia could cook a couple meals a week. Not sure how that would’ve worked out with the shifts she would’ve had at a busy hospital, but her mom hadn’t thought that far ahead. She loved her mom, but her mom really disliked cooking. Her parents probably ate out every night.
The only reason Nadia had chosen to go to a Boston college and medical school was because her parents offered to help pay for her school expenses. Of course, her older siblings had all over-achieved and had received full ride scholarships to their colleges of choice. Nadia was smart, just not the level of her brothers and sister. But she’d worked hard and got her degree and was a damn good doctor if she did say so herself.
“Boston, are you okay?” Buff’s concerned voice penetrated her mind and snapped her out of her trip down memory lane.
“What? Yeah fine. Just thinking about…” Buff didn’t need to know her thoughts about her family.
“Thinking about?” He waved his hand in the air in a please continue motion.
“Nothing much, just my family.”
Buff canted his head to the side. “Oh, did you call them to let them know you were in the hospital? Are they going to come and visit you?”
“Yes and no.” The conversation she’d had with her parents had been short and brief. She’d assured them that she was fine, and she really was. Her plan was to go back tomorrow afternoon for her scheduled shift. She’d visit Cerise in the morning but she didn’t need any time off.
Fighting For Nadia Page 8