by Blair Holden
Suddenly I feel the urge to rip the designer skinny jeans and silk halter top off my body in exchange for one of Cole’s t-shirts. Yes, I’d made plans with Bentley, Cami, and Sarah, but I don’t want to leave behind an angry Cole. We’re not going to be caught up in that vicious cycle where he hurts me and I attempt to hurt him back even worse.
My phone vibrates in my pocket; the others must be wondering where I’d been held up. A big part of me wants to cancel on them, find Cole, and make things right. But the other part knows that if I stay here, wallowing in misery over why things couldn’t work out the way I wanted them to, I’d be sitting alone in a dark room my entire life.
I debate very briefly whether or not to take the keys to Cole’s car and then think better of it; it doesn’t seem right when I’ve just been so horrible to him. Calling a cab, I make my way through the empty apartment and hate every second of it. Where is he?
I get my answer when I’m standing outside the building, waiting for my cab to show up, when I’m grabbed by the wrist and pushed into the wall of the alley adjoining Cole’s apartment building. I’d scream but I’m too busy being kissed the life out of by my boyfriend, who seems to be as bipolar as the British weather.
“I swear you make me so mad,” he gasps before leaning in to kiss me again. His kisses are wild and out of control, just like him.
I should stop him, push him away, and be embarrassed about possibly being caught, but I don’t do any of those things. Moaning deeply, I wind my arms around his neck and kiss him back just as eagerly as he’s kissing me.
His hands go to my hips, tightening around them, letting me know what to do next. My cab could be here any second, but I let him hoist me up so that I could wrap my legs around his waist.
“Ditto.” I struggle to breathe as he kisses down my neck then pushes aside my top to kiss lower.
“I would never disrespect you, Tessie, never,” he vows as he veers away from the riskier territories and kisses my lips again.
“I didn’t mean it like that, I know you wouldn’t, not intentionally.”
I run my fingers across his jaw, over his lips, and then his cheekbones.
“I should go, everyone’s waiting for me.”
“I’ll come with.”
“No, you—”
He cuts me off with a kiss and presses his forehead to mine. “No one will even know I’m there; I promise. I’ll get a drink, blend into the crowd; heck, I’ll be like the fucking wallpaper.”
I laugh because the idea is so absurd. “You’ll never be wallpaper, Cole, never for me or for anyone else. You’re too...bright.”
We certainly make a sight, hidden in the alley all wrapped up in each other. Now’s not the time for a heart-to-heart, but he needs to know some things. “You stand out in the crowd, Cole, always have. Sometimes I’m scared that the kind of energy that surrounds you, the attraction that forces people to come your way, could burn me.” I confess, “It’s crazy how I can never stay away from you.”
He swallows, his breath becoming choppy. “That feeling that pushes you toward me, babe? Yeah, that’s not what other people even come close to feeling. That’s us, that’s what we have with one another. Calling it love seems like a fucking injustice. You’ll never get burned, not with me, because I’d rather die than let that happen.”
A single tear escapes that he kisses away. “We’re experiencing things that are new and scary, but as long as I’ve got you, we’re good, right?” He kisses the corner of my eyes and I press my face into his chest, inhaling his scent.
“Yeah.”
***
We make it to the club, a place called Sapphire that seems like the wet dream of every coed on the planet. There’s loud music, flashing lights with just enough darkness to conceal the more disturbing visuals, and a flowing bar. Even though it’s all-ages night, the bouncers don’t seem really concerned with making sure that those below twenty-one have the right wristband. Cole and I slip by without being carded, and he doesn’t seem really happy about it.
“Drunk Tessie and this place aren’t really the best combination,” he grumbles as he walks behind me, keeping a protecting hand at the small of my back at all times. So much for being wallpaper, but I need to hand it to him. I’m sure once we get in better lighting, he’ll have all the attention in the world.
I spot my friends sitting at one of the tables near the bar, not surprisingly nursing their drinks. Cole knows what to order for me to make sure I don’t end up on everyone’s social media feed, caught swinging from the chandelier or taking a police car for a joyride.
Drunk Tessa is capable of anything; you never can tell.
But as I’m about to turn and tell him to bring our drinks to the table, he turns me around and gives me a quick kiss on the lips.
“I’ll have your drink served to your table.”
“Come with me, they’re just my friends; they won’t say anything.”
“There’s a guy sitting down the bar from you who’s a reporter. He’s known for being an extra-sneaky son of a bitch; I’m not letting him breathe anywhere near you.” Cole kisses my temple and pushes me in the direction of where I can see Bentley and someone who must be Amanda.
“Just text me when you’re ready to leave; you’re staying over tonight.”
I feel really unsure and frazzled but agree and let him walk off. Walking down to meet my friends, I’m introduced to a kind-faced and stunning brunette that Bentley’s been infatuated with. As we get to know each other, I find myself really starting to like her and am genuinely happy for my friend for being with someone like her.
That’s until she leans in closer and whispers, “Thanks for coming out tonight. I know it’s not my place to say, but being around so many people after such a public breakup must be tough.”
I freeze and Cami, who’s been sitting quietly next to me for a while, swoops in. “Did you seriously just bring that up?”
Amanda’s face goes red with mortification and I realize that she hadn’t meant the early statement as a dig, that she’d simply been thanking me, and I’m such a moron for overreacting as always.
“I’m so sorry! I didn’t mean to upset you, I just—”
“It’s fine, “ I think I’m smiling, “you didn’t know; besides, like you said, it was a public breakup, so I can’t blame people for being curious.”
She’s still apologizing as I excuse myself to go to the ladies’ room, Cami hot on my heels.
“That went well.” She studies me closely as we join the long line leading up to the bathrooms.
“Yup.”
“You could at least attempt to look more heartbroken,” she chastises, and before I can ask her what she knows and how much of it, I arrive at the conclusion.
“You and Beth need to stop scheming together; the world isn’t ready for the outcome of that kind of trouble.”
She shrugs. “I like the way that girl thinks; we’re going to be really good friends, I can tell.”
Once we use the ladies’ room and go back to our seats, and the somber mood seems to have lifted, and after apologizing a couple more times, Amanda is able to start to relax and enjoy herself. My eyes keep wandering around the room, however, and I’m a bit ashamed to admit that I haven’t been paying attention to most of the conversation going on around me.
“You’re being a bit obvious, Tessa. Just go find him and maul him, if that’s what you’d like,” Cami whispers conspiratorially in my ear. I grin at the image and take out my phone to do just that, but Cole beats me to it. There’s an incoming text that contains a message that has me blushing all over.
“My God,” Cami fans herself, “that boy’s got a way with words.”
“Hey! Boundaries, Camryn, respect them.” I shield my very personal text and stand up, looking for him.
Because, like he very convincingly told me, I don’t need to be afraid of always wanting to be near him, of always being attracted to his direction. That energy pulling us together won’t bur
n me because it’s what keeps me running, day in and day out. It’s what gives me the highest of highs and sometimes the lowest lows, but I could never imagine living without it running through my veins.
I know he feels the same, so when I see his figure lurking in the shadows, an area of the club obscured from the flashing lights, and see him smiling at me, a wide grin that squeezes my heart to the point it could burst, I’m all but ready to let him incinerate me.
Chapter Two: Mrs. Weasley’s Howlers Cower Before Tessa’s Verbal Bitch Slaps
It may be snowing outside, but inside the gym it feels like every inch of my skin is on fire. Once the routine finishes, I drop to my knees and very attractively pant like the dog I never had. A pair of tanned and toned legs appears in front of me, and I can practically hear the smugness on her face.
“I thought you were in shape,” Lindsey Owens, star of the college dance team and the girl I’d begged and stalked at times to let me audition for the team, says as I resist the urge to sprawl on the floor.
“I thought so too; my trainer has a lot of explaining to do,” I mumble, but she still manages to hear me and lends a hand so that I can get up.
“You’ll get used to it. I should’ve warned you that we do some hard-core cardio to get in shape for the season. This particular routine was made to single out the yuppies from the professionals.”
I wrinkle my nose and wonder how on earth I ended up being the yuppie in this situation.
She notices my crestfallen expression and gives me a sympathetic smile. “But you did good. You’re definitely better than all of them.” She looks disdainfully at all the other freshman recruits who aren’t fairing any better than me; one of them actually looks quite green, and just as I’m making that observation, she rushes past us and into the adjoining locker rooms, where we can hear the sound of her retching.
“Charming,” Lindsey snorts and then beams at me, “they’ve been in conditioning since before school started, and yet they can’t even make it past the first ten minutes.” She shakes her head. “You’ve got good form and you pushed through. We like that, and I know that if you keep working hard at it, you’ll ace every routine.”
With that she swishes her still-perfect hair and walks away. Since it’s taken a whole lot of effort for my limbs to keep operating while we talked, I give them a break and crumple on the floor. What have I gotten myself into?
***
The next day after practice is a Tuesday, a day no one really appreciates or talks about, and rightly so, because it’s brutal. I’d had a full, busy day on Monday with getting up at six for my first official team practice, and then I’d been at the library getting work done ahead of finals week. After that I’d been in classes till the evening before going to my room and crashing for a good couple of hours. I’d woken up and gotten some more reading done, fitting that in between talking to Cole and making sure that his streak of doing things for me without even asking me would come to an end.
I’d gone home with him after staying at the club for a short while. He doesn’t seem to have a set agenda of the things we could or could not do as a couple that others no longer considered a couple. Ugh, it’s too early for me to think about the convoluted maze that is this new strategy, especially since I haven’t had coffee. I’m standing in line in the coffee shop trying to plan my day when someone bumps into me, and the cell phone I’m holding in my hand falls to the ground. Grumbling, I pick it up hoping that I don’t have to replace it when the person behinds me leans in too, as if to help me pick up the phone.
“You lasted longer than I expected, O’Connell.”
I freeze, since, unfortunately, I’ve become all too used to hearing her voice. She’s inconsequential, another backyard bully who thrives on making people feel bad about themselves, and I’ve had it up to here with her. It’s nice to think how immune I’ve become to her opinion when a couple of months back it would’ve made me shrink into myself and run straight for the hills.
Straightening my back, I turn toward her and smile. She may have dropped my phone, but she hasn’t seen my latest text. Looking her in the eyes and giving Allison a saccharine smile, I speak to the person on the other end of the phone when they finally pick up.
“Hey, I’m just grabbing some coffee. Do you want to meet here instead?”
Allison frowns at me, like she thinks I’m stupid for not having more of a reaction.
He says he’ll be there in two minutes, and as the long line moves, I turn my back on Allison but can feel her eyes boring into my back. I’m still ignoring her when the murmurs start around me. Ever since Cole’s come back from the training camp, he’s become somewhat of a local celebrity. Everyone wants to know more about the boy who’s going to make it big in the NFL. People assume it’s just a matter of time before he goes pro and drops out, but I can’t help but think of the haunted look in his eyes when he now talks about his future.
I think they’re expecting a showdown, those who were aware of our relationship, that is. Much as I’d like to think so, the world doesn’t revolve around us, and there are people here who just want that damn cup of coffee.
“Hey,” he breathes into my ear while cutting the line. I’d love to be the one to tell him that we’re supposed to have boundaries now, but it’s his game and he better know how to play it.
I angle my body so that I can see Allison’s shell-shocked expression.
“Do you want me to grab you something?”
He shakes his head, grabs my wrist, and pulls me away from the line. Tipping his head toward the seating area, he smiles lovingly at me. “Go take a seat, I’ll grab the food.”
I begin to protest but it’s pointless, and we’ve already attracted enough attention. Shaking my head, I grin at Allison and give her a little wave as I walk away. I love Cole for not even noticing that she’s there or even acknowledging her. He comes back shortly afterward with our order, and as we begin to sip our coffees, I finally ask him.
“How is this any different from when we were going out?”
He grimaces. “Well, for one, I wouldn’t have to control every single instinct that I have to kiss you right now.”
“Poor life choices, Stone, you reap what you sow.”
He laughs, but there’s no humor on his face. “I got a couple of calls today, more reporters who want to turn me into an overnight superstar. One of them...fucking hell, one of them brought up my mom’s death because everybody loves a sob story, right?”
My heart clenches painfully for him, and without thinking, I put my drink down and place my hand over his. Just because he doesn’t bring her up a lot doesn’t mean that his mom never meant anything to him. Yes, she passed away when he was still very young, but I know for a fact that he still has some memories of her, and even worse, he’ll always miss the fact that he couldn’t have more.
“How did they even find that out?”
“They’re reporters, apparently invasion of privacy is in their job description.”
“I’m sorry. Just try to stay calm about it all, okay? They might just be looking for something to make you upset enough, and then they’d have a headline on their hands.”
“If only they knew the real headline.”
“What?”
“Nothing, it’s nothing.”
He looks at me intensely for a bit and clenches his jaw. I get the feeling that he’s trying to tell me something but he won’t. I know him as well as I know myself, but even I can’t read his mind.
He exhales. “I won’t let them find out anything worth blowing my fuse over.”
The somber mood is broken by one of Cole’s teammates coming around and slapping him on the shoulder. I duck my head and busy myself with my gigantic mug of coffee as they exchange pleasantries, but my attempt at being invisible fails as the wide receiver’s eyes pin me down and widen in surprise.
“Blondie and you still going strong then? And here I was about to tell you we’ve got a whole sorority willing to be your own pe
rsonal cheerleader till next season. The offer’s pretty tempting if you’re still interested.”
He eyes me accusingly, like I’m the sole reason why Cole would turn down such a magnanimous gift.
But we’re playing a game, right, putting on an act? Well, then now’s as good a time as any to show people that we’re “friends,” and as his friend, I couldn’t possibly let him give up such an incredible opportunity.
I square my shoulders and look Paul, I think his name is, in the eyes. “Which sorority is it?”
“Kappa Delta,’’ he tells me reverently, it’s a kind of prophecy.
“Hmm, cute girls. Most of them were prom queens, and in future will likely become wives of professional athletes.” I turn to Cole. “You should take them up on their offer; I’m sure they know just how to treat you.”
Cole’s glowering at me and then at his meathead teammate. “I’ll see you at practice, Donaldson.”
“But man,” he whines pathetically, “I need to get back to them soon, or why don’t you do it directly? They want a photo op before the next big game.”
“I said I’ll talk to you at practice.”
“But your girlfriend is okay with it! I’m really digging this new open relationship you’ve got going on, so why not take advantage of it while you can?”
Cole’s seconds away from shoving the guy’s face into our table, so I try to fix the situation.
“I’m not his girlfriend anymore. Haven’t you heard? We broke up and it was amicable. So now we’re two friends who just want to have breakfast together in peace before people like you begin posting about it on Twitter. He’ll see you at practice, and he’ll be ready to accept any services the Kappa Deltas want to offer; now go.”
He has the decency to look a little bit embarrassed, and it’s almost comical how fast he leaves. Cole’s silent, his head bent, and I’m just about to ask him to lighten the heck up when my phone buzzes on the table.