by A B Turner
“Thanks for bringing me, Mum,” she said more than once, her face shining, defying almost every year she had lived, she then kissed my cheek and raced ahead to take yet another photograph, quickly disappearing into the bustling crowds. I followed slowly, silently thanking Kat for having the idea that had resulted in us being here, when I reached the statue of Eros, I saw Lainie chatting to a young man, as I watched, it quickly became clear, he was doing his best to chat her up, but I could tell, she was not entirely impressed, even when he produced a rose and rather theatrically attempted to present it to her, which she firmly but politely declined. When he shrugged and disappeared into the crowd, I walked over to her,
“Who’s your friend ?” I asked, nodding towards the crowd.
“Apparently, Hamed has never seen anyone as beautiful as me,” she replied doubtfully, “But my attraction wore off when I wouldn’t shell out a fiver for a rose !”
I was about to respond, when there was suddenly the sound of someone speaking through a PA system coming from the general direction of Trafalgar Square,
“What’s going on ?” Lainie asked over the ensuing noise, as everyone around us, all stopped in their tracks, then resembling meerkats, all started looking around for the source of the commotion.
“No idea,” I yelled back, “Do you want to find out ?”
Lainie nodded, so we allowed ourselves be swept along the wide street, past the numerous theatres, where queues of curious people all seemed to be debating whether to leave their place to find out what was happening or stay put and wait for a returned ticket. I temporarily lost sight of Lainie, I was about to panic until the reality she was practically a grown woman, hit me, so I quickly relaxed and decided to text her if I could not find her once in the Square. The particular wave of people I was being carried along with, seemed to break when we reached the enormous Norwegian Christmas tree, so it was with some relief I was able to move freely again. I reached into my bag and text Lainie where I was, then gazed upward at the brilliantly-lit tree, when I was a little girl I had been awestruck by the sheer size and now, so many years later, none of that wonder had diminished.
“Here you are,” Lainie appeared beside me, she followed my gaze,
“It’s awesome, isn’t it ?” she said, agreeing with my unspoken sentiment, “Anyway, any idea what’s going on ?” she asked, trying to look across the heads of the milling throng of people.
“There’s supposed to be some singer shooting a video here somewhere,” a woman said behind us, Lainie turned,
“Any idea who ?” she asked curiously. The woman shook her head and explained if a celebrity was not a regular on one of her soaps, she had no clue about anyone else. Lainie thanked her and continued to look around for any clue as to who was responsible for all the commotion, suddenly I remembered we had arranged to meet Kat and Matt at Eros, so after deciding it was probably not a good idea to call, I text Kat explaining our new location. Suddenly, a huge screen lit up behind us, then another, then another, until three of the four sides were bathed in light, as this happened, the booming voice announced Scarlett had arrived.
“Oh my God, I love her !” Lainie gasped, we looked up at the nearest screen, to see a young woman, bounce on to a stage and wave enthusiastically to the mass of cheering fans, Lainie looked hopefully at me,
“Go on, see if you can get nearer,” I said, answering the question she had not asked, without a second glance, she inched her way forward, threading her way through the waving fans, until she was completely absorbed and out of my sight. Within moments, there was a crashing chord from an electric guitar, clearly recognising this as a favourite song, the crowd roared their approval. I worked my way to the back of the mob, in the hope of being slightly easier for Kat and Matt to find, fortunately, as I reached the corner, I saw them on the marble steps of the National Gallery, they were arm-in-arm, and just by the way they were looking at each other, it was obvious they were still in that glorious after-sex feeling, so I turned back and continued to watch the screen, unwilling to be the reason it came to an end. For a brief moment, I wished Daniel was with me, but I quickly dismissed the thought, whatever we had between us, was nothing like them. We cared about each other and the sex was great, but there was no love, or at least, not the kind where I could imagine standing starry-eyed ,unable to see anything other than him.
Several minutes later, I felt a hand on my arm, I turned and there was Kat , she was literally glowing,
“There you are, we were looking for you !” she shouted over the noise of the music, she then took my hand and led me up to the steps, where Matt was waiting, with a distinctly dreamy look in his eyes.
“Where’s Lainie ?” he asked.
“Down there somewhere,” I replied pointing at the sea of chanting people, all with their hands in the air and singing at the tops of their voices, all led by Scarlett on the distant stage. Matt glanced up at the screen, just in time to see the singer skip across the stage wearing little more than a vest,
“I can see the appeal,” he murmured, Kat playfully hit him, then turned to face me,
“So what’s the plan ?”
Still transfixed by Scarlett’s onstage antics, Matt muttered something about being hungry, so we quickly decided to find somewhere to eat, then I could text Lainie, so she could meet us there later. As we started to leave the Square, a sudden barrage of flashing lights caused me to look left, there was a tall blonde girl, wearing a very tight white dress, posing in front of a bank of photographers. I stopped, without thinking, with some vague idea of trying to recognise this woman so I could tell Lainie later, but when she did not look even slightly familiar, I gave up, as was about to move, I saw a face I did recognise, the pudgy photographer. My feet seemed to freeze momentarily, making it impossible for me to move, I looked again, hoping I was wrong, but there was no mistaking that sweaty face and the omnipresent cigarette hanging from his lip.
Despite the fact I knew I was on the edge of a large crowd, and so was probably almost impossible to see, my stomach flipped over and I attempted to push my way through the watching fans with a renewed sense of urgency. I was so intent on escaping, I forgot who I was supposed to be meeting and just kept going with my head down, until I was sure I was safe. But I had not considered what a short distance you travel when in a confined space, as when I glanced up, I seemed no further away from his beady gaze.
The blonde was now surrounded by fans and the photographers had generally lost interest, preferring to check their shots through the viewfinders on their cameras, the overwhelming urge to get away from him was now even stronger, so I started to push harder through seemingly endless onlookers.I glanced up and saw an almost clear path ahead, I sighed heavily with relief and headed straight for it, I was almost there, when ‘Pudgy’ appeared in front of me, his cameras still slung around his neck, resting on his large stomach that spilled over the top of his ill-fitting trousers. I looked behind me, but the crowd had closed behind me, so there was only one way to go, keeping my head down, I strode confidently passed him, hoping against hope, Kat and Matt would appear and whisk me away. As I passed him, I could smell the stale smell of sweat and nicotine, suddenly I felt his clammy hand on my arm,
“’Ere, don’t I know you ?” he asked, peering curiously at me, I shrugged, hoping if I did not speak, he would assume I was foreign and let me go, but his grip did not loosen, instead, he kept staring at me, as if he had some kind of image library in his head and was trying to find a match. I shrugged again and pointed ahead, trying to give the impression I was meeting someone, at that moment, Matt appeared,
“There you are, thought we’d lost you,” he then looked at the photographer then back at me, “Is there a problem ?”
Pudgy instantly released his grip,
“I just thought I recognised the lady, mate,” he answered, still looking carefully at me.
“I can’t imagine where from,” Kat said frostily, joining Matt’s side, “You must have one of those face
s !” she laughed. On hearing those words, both Pudgy and I seemed to simultaneously remember that night at the hotel, where I had said almost exactly the same thing, my heart sank, but I tried not to show any change in emotion. However, Pudgy grinned widely, seemingly showing all of his yellow-stained teeth,
“That’s it, you were at that fund raising thing a while back....” he announced, making no effort to conceal his pleasure.
“I don’t think so,” I answered nervously, “Anyway, we are on our way...” I began, but Pudgy was not finished.
“The hotel....that’s where I saw you, you got out of Bonart’s car !” he added gleefully, “I knew I’d seen you before, like I said, I never forget a face.”
Kat looked at me completely mystified, but fortunately Matt seemed to sense my intense discomfort and took my arm,
“Well, we’ve got dinner reservations, so we have to go, come on, Kat ,” he said firmly, taking her hand, “Goodbye.”
As we started to move, Pudgy grabbed my arm again,
“What were you doing there ?” he asked, showing himself to be one of those dogs with a bone mentioned all those months ago.
“Take your hand off her , you clearly have made a mistake,” Matt said forcefully, Pudgy reluctantly released me, then wagged a chubby finger at me while saying he would get me next time, with Kat and I in tow, Matt strode purposefully away without even a backward glance. We were almost in Covent Garden before Matt stopped and looked back, when it was obvious we had not been followed, he visibly relaxed,
“What a nasty piece of work,” he exclaimed, shaking his head, “Just wouldn’t let it go that he’d seen you somewhere, would he ?” his kind face clearly disturbed by the encounter.
“No, it was all a bit strange, wasn’t it Carrie ?” Kat added, eyeing me suspiciously.
“He obviously got me mixed up with someone else,” I replied weakly.
“Obviously,” Kat repeated, I knew she was far from convinced and would probably raise the subject again later, fortunately, Matt was now starving and insisted we have dinner before anything else happened. I suggested a Mexican restaurant I used to visit which was in a small side street, this idea instantly met with Matt’s approval and we headed straight there, with me leading the way. I could hear Matt and Kat muttering to each other, I knew it had to be about Pudgy, especially when I heard Matt say something about leaving it alone as I may not want to talk about it. They had clearly resolved their differences by the time we reached the restaurant door, but when I glanced at Kat, I knew, sooner or later, I would have to come up with a plausible story, as although I would hate lying to her, I could never tell her the truth.
Fortunately, we did not have to wait long for a table, so the three of us were soon seated, reading the delicious-sounding menu while sipping Margaritas, Matt was being particularly entertaining as he read parts of the menu aloud in ,what he insisted was, an authentic Mexican accent, reducing both Kat and I to helpless giggling. So by the time Lainie arrived, the combination of his silliness and a couple more Margaritas, had temporarily, at least, relieved some of the tension. Later, as we all wandered back to our hotel, Lainie held my arm tightly, as she chatted excitedly about the whole day, from the Christmas lights in Oxford Street to the obvious unexpected pleasure of seeing one of her favourite singers perform in Trafalgar Square.
“Thanks for bringing me, Mum, this has been awesome, and we’ve still got another day !” she said enthusiastically, it was so lovely to see her so happy, I almost forgot about the earlier encounter with the photographer, but when we all arrived back at the hotel, it was soon clear, Kat had not.
“You look tired, Matt, why don’t you go up ? Give me a chance to have a good old gossip with Carrie,” she said attempting to sound casual, but actually fooling no-one. Matt glanced at me, then probably realising this was inevitable, agreed, but only after extracting a promise from her, she would not be too long. Lainie, still completely unaware of what had happened, also eagerly took the chance to have an early night after all the excitement of the day, so she kissed us both good night and went to the lift with Matt, he took her arm, then glanced back at Kat,
“Come on Lainie, she’s not looking, your room or mine !” he said, in a ridiculously-loud stage whisper, I heard her laugh as they entered the lift, once more, I was so contented to see her so happy and so thankful we had such a great friend in Matt. Once the lift had gone, I turned to Kat,
“You’ve got nothing to worry about, her heart belongs to Chace Crawford !” hoping an attempt at humour might lighten the mood, but one look at her face made it obvious, this was not going to happen. We walked to the deserted hotel lounge and settled down on one of the large, leather sofas, for a few moments, neither of us spoke, for two such close friends, the atmosphere was disturbingly cold. Finally, Kat could take the silence no longer,
“So, earlier, with that photographer what was that about ?” she asked bluntly, “And don’t give me that crap about him mixing you up with someone else, guys like him don’t make that kind of mistake.”
I knew I did not want to lie to her, but equally, there was no way I was going to go back on my assurances to Vanessa, Marcella and Frank, so I opted for telling the truth, hoping Kat would then accept it and not ask any more.
“I can’t tell you, I made a promise and I won’t go back on my word, not even for you, I’m sorry,” I answered simply, hoping for understanding.
“I’m supposed to be your best friend, I thought we didn’t have secrets,” she snapped back.
“So you think friendship means you have a right to know everything ?” I asked, my terse tone completely betraying my growing irritation.
“No ! I just think friendship means sharing , I’ve always thought that’s what we did, “she paused to glare at me, “But I guess I was mistaken.”
“ We have and it does, but it also means respecting each others privacy,” I replied, “So if someone says they can’t talk about something, you stop the interrogation!” my irritation rapidly turning to anger Kat's brown eyes flashed angrily,
“I’m not fucking interrogating you !” she yelled.
In that split second, I realised the only way to deflect Kat from asking any more unanswerable questions, I had to go on the attack,
“You always act like you’ve some God-given right to know everything, well, you know what,Kat , you don’t ! You didn’t give me a second thought when you rode off into the sunset with Matt, so don’t think you can just turn up again and I’ll spill my guts to you !”
“So our friendship was only good when I was on hand to nurse you through every fucking crisis !” she shouted back.
“Well, I’m sorry you felt that way,” I stood up, “Well, at least now you’ve moved, so you won’t have to be around me any more, I’m just sorry you didn’t mention this before !” I turned and started towards the lift, hating myself for intentionally causing this row, but knowing I had little choice. As I pressed the call button, I heard Kat race up behind me, she grabbed my arm, forcing me to spin round,
“Don’t you walk away from me, we’re not finished !” she snarled, every muscle in her usually attractive face seemed to be pulled into an ugly grimace.
“You know what,Kat , I think we are,” I replied coldly, removing her hand, then stepping into the waiting lift. As the doors closed, I could see her still almost shaking with anger, yet her eyes full of hurt. As the lift started its ascent, I sighed heavily, I looked at the stop button, every fibre of my body seemed to be screaming at me to push it, to go back down and tell her the whole story, but I remained motionless. I had believed I had no choice, so I returned sadly to the room I was sharing with Lainie, hoping that in some way, eventually, I might be able to repair the damage.
The next morning, when Lainie and I went down to breakfast, there was no sign of Kat and Matt, as we sat down at our table, a young waitress came over and gave me a note, I recognised the handwriting immediately, it was from Kat, her words were full of hurt, yet there w
as more remorse and it ended with the sincere hope we were still friends and ended with the fact she loved me, I wanted to cry but when I looked up I realised Lainie was watching me,
“There’s nothing wrong, is there ?” she asked.
“No, it’s just they’ve decided to have a day together, just the two of them, and so we’re going to all meet up later for dinner, so it’s just us, what do you want to do ?” I asked, attempting to sound bright and cheerful, but Lainie was not easily fooled.
“Mum, did you and Kat have a fight last night ?” she asked.
“Why do you say that ?”
“At dinner, when I first got there, I was sure I picked up on a bit of an atmosphere between you two,” she replied, I knew from her tone, there would be no point in attempting any pretence. I sighed heavily and explained we had argued, but I was sure we would be back to normal soon. Lainie reached across the table and held my hand, she told me how sorry she was, but also she wanted me to make sure we did work things out, because Kat was like family, and life just would not be the same without her. I nodded agreement and promised I would try and resolve our problems as soon as possible, Lainie seemed content with this and started buttering her toast,
“By the way, Mum, what was it about ?” she asked, without looking up, I sighed again, knowing I could not tell the whole truth.
“We just couldn’t agree on something,” I answered vaguely, “Anyway, can we leave it now and make a few decisions about what we’re going to do ?”
Lainie heard the slight pleading tone in my answer and started rattling off numerous ideas of how to spend our day, allowing me to relax slightly, for which I was more grateful than she could have known.After breakfast, the two of us left the hotel, it may just be psychological, but almost as soon as I felt the sun on my face, I felt almost instantly better, as we strolled along the wide, tree-lined pavement, while buses and taxis jostled for position in the street. By the time we reached the local underground station, Lainie had obviously compiled a mental list of all the places she wanted to visit and I was more than happy to follow her lead, as the reality of her leaving for Rome suddenly came to the forefront of my mind. I could hardly bring myself to imagine what life would be like without seeing her every day, but dealing with that fact could be saved for another time.