by David Ryker
“ —and then he got him in a choke hold with his legs, and nearly killed him! Jonas was—” A guy named Saxon, who everyone called Sax, stopped himself mid-sentence, clocking me in my bunk. He cleared his throat, pushed his glasses up his nose, and went quiet. The guy he was with peeled off and headed over to his bunk at the far end of the room. I restrained a smile. Word was travelling fast. That’d piss Jonas off, no doubt. He was one of Kepler’s buddies. He always seemed to be buzzing around somewhere or other, but he wasn’t much for conversation. I saw them together sometimes, but I kind of figured he was the big brutish type, and she was kind of high strung. She was smart — as a fucking whip. Him, not so much. I saw how he looked at her too, but that wasn’t my business. It didn’t seem like it was reciprocated. Still, he’d jumped at the chance when she’d put the word out she wanted someone to be my sparring partner.
I put the book on my chest. “Sax,” I said quietly, swinging my legs off the side of the bed. It hurt to talk. My cheek was swollen, my nose bruised. Jonas had gotten some licks in. He liked to go for the face.
Sax looked up from his trunk, but said nothing. They didn’t bother with me, really — concerned about how it’d make them look — but it’d been four months, so we were like familiar enemies, rather than strangers.
I took a breath. “How’s the studying going?”
“Fine,” he muttered, searching for something in the bottom of his case.
Small talk obviously wasn’t going to work. “You had your number for the exam yet?”
He sighed, giving up on the search. “Fourth, you?”
“Ninth.”
He smirked. “Lucky you.”
“Why’s that lucky?”
“That’s Kepler’s troop. They always kill it, every time. They win by a fucking mile. No one can even compete.” He leaned back, staring at the wall with something like admiration in his eyes. “She’s… she’s just focused, you know? Like a laser. You can’t teach that. She’s gonna fly through Basic and’ll be an officer before we make our first mission.”
I bit my cheek. What was it with this girl? Everyone treated her like royalty. If anything, she was a total fucking bitch. I shrugged. “Oh well, we’ll see.”
“I’ll trade with you if you want,” he said suddenly, standing up and approaching. He was a little weedy and had thick-framed glasses. Once he graduated Basic, he’d qualify for cybernetic implants, but that was only when he graduated. If he graduated. I’d seen his sim scores, how he handled himself on the mat. He wasn’t exactly combat ready.
I smirked. “I don’t think it works like that, but I’ll ask, alright? Better you than me.” I said it, but I didn’t know if I meant it. I didn’t know what it was about her, but I felt like we had unfinished business, that someone needed to put her straight, and take her down a few pegs. And I felt like the only person who’d be prepared to do that was me. Maybe I’d get a chance in the sim. I pulled the book onto my chest and put my feet back up. Sax eyed me for a minute. I could tell he was dying to ask about Jonas, but he didn’t. He had an image to protect. I didn’t hold it against him. I just kept reading.
9
I dreamt I was suffocating.
I was lying in the desert, alone, looking up at the stars, and then I felt the ground start to sink beneath me. It softened and dropped and then poured over me as I fell beneath the surface. It ran into my mouth and nose, blinding me, choking me. It stuck in my throat like cement and crackled in my lungs. The weight built up on my chest and pulled at my arms, dragging me deeper. I tried to call out, to scream, to claw for the surface, but I couldn’t. The stars disappeared and darkness folded in. My heart was loud in my ears and then it stuttered and seized. Hot and cold rushed through me in waves and my skin peeled away. My muscles tore themselves from my joints and my body folded into a tiny ball until my bones all crunched together under the crush of sand. Pain. Darkness. Fear. Pain. My chest. My heart. Pain.
And then I woke up, for the hundredth time, sitting bolt upright and gasping for air.
I turned, but no one had stirred, or they just didn’t care. My bedsheets were soaked with sweat, as always. I sighed and rubbed my throat. It was stinging. I’d started sleeping with a water bottle next to my bed, but twice I’d woken up to take a drink, only to find it wasn’t filled with water anymore. No one owned up to it, but it meant that I was back to heading off to the bathroom to quench my thirst.
I swung my legs off the bed and checked my watch, cracking my neck. It wasn’t long before five in the morning. By the time I got back to bed I’d never find sleep before my alarm. Instead, I pulled on a pair of sweat shorts, laced up my running shoes, and headed out. I could grab a shower after a quick sim session and a run — maybe even get in some bag work.
I liked the Regent Falmouth best at this time in the morning. There was a lights-out policy at nine thirty, and though being in the halls after that wasn’t allowed unless you were going to or from the bathroom, once it got to two in the morning or so, the monitoring stopped. It wasn’t uncommon for recruits to get up to do some studying in the library or get in an early morning gym session — though that was usually around six or so. At twenty to five, it was a ghost town, which suited me just fine.
I was stretching out my shoulder when I walked onto the Upper Training Deck, unaware of the sound of footfalls echoing through the room. I yawned and stepped onto the training floor, a huge span of resin covered steel with various grids and lines painted on it, denoting formations, paths, and the running track, which looped around the outside. At the far end were the sim pods and an open gym. I shook out my left leg and got ready to take off when I stopped, catching sight of the person circling around and coming toward me at a run. I shook my head. I had to laugh. Who else was it going to be?
Kepler jogged to a halt and grimaced, breathing hard. She pushed the short brown hair off her sweat-slicked brow and narrowed her eyes at me. She pulled the buds from her ears and stopped her watch, throwing her hands to her hips. Her jaw was set like iron as she made to stride past, stopping when she drew level with me. “What’re you doing here?”
“Came to get a quick run in,” I said flatly. I wasn’t in the mood for a verbal joust.
“Track’s taken.”
She and I were the only ones there. “Couldn’t sleep either, huh?”
She rolled her eyes. “You think you get to the top of the class by just sleeping in?”
“That’s not what I meant.”
“Look,” she said, pulling up her watch, “I’ve still got a long way to go, so if you wouldn’t mind...”
“Pissing off?”
She shrugged and put her ears buds back in, setting off again. Exams were coming up. She was pushing harder. I had to admire it. For a second I considered running, seeing how I’d fare against her. She was fast, that was for sure. She was built like a runner; narrow, strong shoulders, muscular midsection, long, defined legs. I couldn’t stop watching her as she circled around, but I had to. If she got back and I was still here, well — she already had it out for me; the last thing I wanted to do was piss her off any more. If she was only mildly pissed off with my presence as it was, I didn’t want to anger her further. I was sort of hoping eventually she’d just get bored of trying, or maybe develop some sort of slow-burning guilt for trying to bully me out of the Corps, though I wouldn’t have put money on either.
I turned away with Medical in mind. They had a Physiotherapy Gym there that’d be empty. I could probably get some time on the running machines or benches before the first appointment came in.
I got about five steps before the door at the end of the corridor opened and Jonas sidled in. My eyes closed and I couldn’t help but sigh. Of all the luck. He was in running gear too. Obviously come to join Kepler on her morning routine, and I’d bumbled right into it. He was the last person I wanted to see — especially without anyone to stop him from ringing my neck and I didn’t think Kepler would be much help.
I tried to ignore the voice in my head t
hat said turn and break for the door on the other size of the Training Deck, and kept my head down instead. With any luck, his want to not speak to me would outweigh his want for revenge, or maybe he’d be so hellbent on falling in next to Kepler that he’d let me go. I figured neither was going to be the case, and that he’d probably run me down if I bolted. Whatever way you spun it, I was cornered, even with two hundred meters of space at my back. I held onto just the dimmest flicker of hope, but when I drew near, he stepped in front of me. It was all I could do not to barge into him.
He stared me out, his bottom lip quivering, nostrils flaring, then looked toward the crosscut of space he could see at the end of the corridor, and back, but said nothing.
“Do you mind?” I said quietly, gesturing so that I could pass.
He shoved me. I knew it was coming, but I made no attempt to block. Maybe he’d sock me a couple times but let me off easier if I didn’t put up a fight. If I did, then I’d have staked my life on his he would have killed me. Hell, I was.
I hit the ground and slid on my ass. I watched as he advanced and got to my feet as quickly as I could, just in time to drop my elbow to block a right hook.
“You think you’re funny, huh?” he grunted, winding up for another one.
I was taking up ground pretty quickly, edging backward as he came forward. “Look, Jonas, I don’t want any—” I blocked another blow, realizing he was going to keep hitting me. His pride was bruised, and he wouldn’t be satisfied without his pound of flesh, especially not with Kepler watching. He’d already been shamed in front of her once. I didn’t know how far he’d go to impress her, but I wasn’t looking forward to finding out.
“— trouble,” I finished, dragging in a hard breath. “I’m not going to fight you,” I grunted, swerving backward to avoid a jab.
“No? You were happy to get your cheap shots in yesterday.” He was grinning.
“What was I supposed to do, let you give me a beating?”
His knuckles nicked my forearm and stung. I stomped the pain down. Now wasn’t the time to lose focus.
He didn’t answer, because there wasn’t an answer. An answer meant that it made pragmatic sense, which this didn’t. This was emotion. He’d come here to get in good with Kepler, maybe sell her a story that the sun was in his eyes, or that he’d had some bad shrimp the morning of the fight. Either way, he was here to make good with her, and running into me, in his mind, was a fast way to do that. If he kicked my ass right then and there, then she’d see how tough he was and fall in love with him, and they’d live happily ever after. I could see the process in his head. I could see the gears turning.
My feet hit the resin and squeaked. “Jonas — think about this. If you kick my ass, you’re going to land yourself in some serious fucking trouble.”
He laughed. “Oh yeah? You’re a snitch now, too, as well as a cheater?”
“No, but if I turn up with a broken nose at breakfast, someone might start asking questions.”
“You think anyone gives a shit about what happens to you?”
“You want to risk it?” I tried to sound confident, but it came out strained and hoarse. My heart was hammering in my ears and I could see my raised hands shaking.
“Humph.” He stopped and rubbed his knuckles. “Better stick to body shots, then.” He rushed me before I had a chance to react. That was his way. I needed to watch out for that. I still hadn’t learned.
My feet left the ground and I felt the corner of his shoulder hard against my ribs and gut. He pushed down and twisted toward the ground. I landed on my back and all the wind shot out of me. I felt his thighs against my hips and by the time the stars cleared from my eyes, he was on top of me. I covered my head instinctively and set my jaw, wishing my arms shielded more of my face than they did.
The first blow got me in the chest, the second in the ribs. I tensed and my arms widened. The third found my nose and darkness lashed in my vision. My eyes streamed and pain deafened me. A blow came every second or two, the ears, the arms, the shoulder, the head. I tried to curl up, to hit him in the back with my knees, but it was no good, he was too big and my legs tapped pointlessly on him. It was over when he was done, and not before. I just wasn’t sure if that was going to leave me dead or not. But that thought was punched out of my mind as quickly as it came in. I could taste blood suddenly. My vision was dark, my head screaming. Pain throbbed in every part of my body and the weight of his pressed down on me. Sickness twisted in my guts and I whimpered. Everything disappeared. My heart throbbed. I could feel it in my eyes, my ears, in my throat. The weight. The pain. The darkness. I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t do anything.
There was noise in the distance, like I was underwater, and people were yelling above the surface. I could hear two voices. I could feel myself jostling, but I couldn’t open my eyes.
I felt a breath creep into my throat, cold and wet, and then I coughed, violently, rolling over. The world swam into focus and I saw blood speckle the floor from my spluttering. My breathing felt wet and heavy. One of my eyes was already swelling shut.
I curled my legs into my chest and came to the realization that Jonas wasn’t on top of me anymore. I didn’t know how long for, though.
The voices still hung in the air. I strained to listen to them. One female, one male, arguing. I tried to look up, but I couldn’t. I couldn’t move. Footsteps rang out. I curled up tighter in case he was coming back.
I sensed someone over me and tucked my head against my chest, protecting myself as well as I could with my arm. I felt fingers on my elbow and wrist. I couldn’t fight it. I didn’t have it in me. My arm twisted out and I rolled onto my back, pressed there by rough hands. I tried to speak, but I couldn’t find words. Everything hurt. My face was throbbing, my shoulders felt uneven, chest sore and tight. Cracked rib, maybe. Maybe ten of them.
“Jesus Christ,” I heard the female voice whisper. My eyes opened for a second and I saw Kepler strobe above me between the blotches of darkness. I felt her fingers on my neck and watched her watch me for a second. Then she was at the base of my skull, pulling up my eyelids, moving my lips down and up.
She sighed and hung her head, sitting on her knees next to me, sweat dripping off her brow, her skin tanned and glistening in the halogens. She had a halo around her head, her whole visage painted in soft focus. My eyes swam.
“He really did a number on you,” she said, her voice distorted above the ringing. “But it doesn’t look like anything’s broken — though I can’t speak for your cheek.” Her finger touched my face and pain exploded in my head. I coughed again, retching on it. It felt broken. “He hasn’t knocked any of your teeth out either. So at least you’ll be able to eat.” She turned down the corners of her mouth and sighed. “Maybe.”
I tried to look around for him, but I couldn’t move my head.
“He’s gone, don’t worry.” She pushed herself to a stance and stepped away. “I pulled him off you.” She chose her words carefully. “I’m not… I mean… I didn’t want this to happen, alright?” It sounded like she was pissed off at me. “I wanted him to toss you around in training, rough you up. I wanted you to quit. But I didn’t want this. I didn’t want him to—” She cut herself off, her voice tight. She looked at me for a second, and out of the corner of my eye I saw her bite her lip. I watched her distantly, focusing on dragging breaths into my lungs. It was all I had the strength for. “Jonas can get a little carried away. He’s hot headed.” She cocked her head. “He’s a Polgarian, though, so what can you expect? What’s worse is that he’s practically in love—” She cut herself off, maybe remembering who she was talking to, or wasn’t. She resumed her haughty air and pulled her shoulders back. “You know, you really fucked up my training this morning.” She reset her watch and hung her head. “I’ll get him to lay off you, but stay out of his way. Stay out of both of ours.”
Her footsteps died away and I was left there on the floor, bloodied and battered. When the door clanged shut behind her, I fe
lt a tear run across my cheek. I curled back into a ball and sobbed for a while.
When the pain subsided enough for me to crawl to my feet, my face was on fire. I got to the bathroom and found someone else in the mirror. Someone with puffy cheeks and blood-red lips. I filled a basin with cold water and dunked my head in it, letting off as horrific a scream as I could muster. The bubbles popped against my ears and stung the open cuts on my skin. I fucking hated Basic, and I fucking hated the Federation. I’d been keeping it bottled up but now it was exploding out of me. Out of my mouth as the scream, out my eyes as tears, and out of the cuts on my skin as blood.
Every night I dreamt I was dying. And every day I was inching closer to the real thing.
I pulled my head up and watched the bloodied water run off my nose and drip into the pool, bursting under the surface in pink clouds.
Seven percent was starting to sound pretty good.
10
I was carefully sucking something close to oatmeal off a teaspoon when Saxon slid in next to me in the Mess. I stopped eating and looked up. Saxon never sat with me — in fact, no one did. I ate at a table at the far end of the room, on my own. Not that I really cared. I wasn’t into the whole male-camaraderie thing like most of the recruits were. I’d always liked my own space. Found solace in it. Peace. Safety. They were all so tightly knit — having come up through the academies together. It was a hard shell to crack for an outsider.
Sax watched me intently through his thick glasses, hands still around his tray. I’d barely sat down when he came over, and my face was getting worse by the second. In another hour I doubted I’d be able to eat at all.
“What?” I muttered.
“Your face,” he said, his mouth widening into an excited grin. “Everyone’s talking about it.”
“Everyone’s talking about my face?”
“No, everyone’s talking about you — Jonas. How you both agreed to meet up for a rematch before breakfast, and now it’s one apiece.” He was bubbling.