by Donna Eden
7 John M. Gottman and Joan DeClaire, The Relationship Cure: A 5 Step Guide to Strengthening Your Marriage, Family, and Friendships (New York: Crown, 2001), 70.
8 John M. Gottman, The Science of Trust: Emotional Attunement for Couples (New York: Norton, 2011), 24.
9 Gottman and DeClaire, The Relationship Cure, 71–73.
10 Ibid., 30.
11 Gay Hendricks and Kathlyn Hendricks, Conscious Loving: The Journey to Co-Commitment (New York: Bantam, 1990).
12 Patricia Love and Steven Stosny, How to Improve Your Marriage without Talking about It (New York: Random House, 2007).
13 Ibid.
Chapter 3
1 David Schnarch, Intimacy and Desire: Awaken the Passion in Your Relationship (New York: Beaufort, 2011), 268.
2 Ibid.
3 John M. Gottman, Why Marriages Succeed or Fail (New York: Simon and Schuster, 1994), 110.
4 William Doherty, Bad Couples Therapy: How to Avoid Doing It. 2006. Online course. https://www.psychotherapynetworker.org/store.
5 David Feinstein, Donna Eden, and Gary Craig, The Promise of Energy Psychology: Revolutionary Tools for Dramatic Personal Change (New York: Tarcher/Penguin, 2005), chap. 7.
6 Tiffany Field, Touch Therapy (London: Churchill Livingstone, 2000).
7 John M. Gottman, The Science of Trust: Emotional Attunement for Couples (New York: Norton, 2011).
8 Ibid.
9 Ibid.
10 John M. Gottman, The Science of Trust: Emotional Attunement for Couples (New York: Norton, 2011), 25.
11 Ibid., 26.
Chapter 4
1 Helen Fisher, Why We Love: The Nature and Chemistry of Romantic Love (New York: Holt, 2004), 98.
2 Edward O. Laumann, John H. Gagnon, Robert T. Michael, and Stuart Michaels, The Social Organization of Sexuality: Sexual Practices in the United States (Chicago: University of Chicago Press, 2000).
3 Marion Solomon and Stan Tatkin, Love and War in Intimate Relationships (New York: Norton, 2011), 5.
4 Donatella Marazziti, Hagop S. Akiskal, Alessandra Rossi, and Giovanni B. Cassano, “Alteration of the Platelet Serotonin Transporter in Romantic Love,” Psychological Medicine 29, no. 3 (1999): 741–745.
5 Fisher, Why We Love, 87.
6 Larry J. Young, Zuoxin Wang, and Thomas R. Insel, “Neuroendocrine Bases of Monogamy,” Trends in Neurosciences 21, no. 2 (1998): 71–75.
7 Louann Brizendine, The Male Brain (New York: Random House, 2010), xix.
8 Ibid., 60.
9 Fisher, Why We Love, 94.
10 Ibid., 92.
11 William Shakespeare, Two Gentlemen of Verona, act I, scene 3 (New York: Folger Shakespeare Library, 2006), 35.
12 Fisher, Why We Love, 96.
13 John M. Gottman, The Science of Trust: Emotional Attunement for Couples (New York: Norton, 2011), 19.
14 Circulated by e-mail. Author unknown.
15 The primary sources for the “Men’s Brains/Women’s Brains” section are Louann Brizendine’s The Female Brain (New York: Random House, 2006) and The Male Brain (New York: Random House, 2010).
16 Specific brain differences have, however, been observed between gay and straight individuals. For instance, a part of the hypothalamus is twice as large in gay males as in straight males, and the nerve bundles connecting the right and left brain hemispheres are larger in gay men. At least “35 percent of sexual orientation” can be attributed to genetic influences that have already been identified (Brizendine, The Male Brain, 135).
17 Brizendine, The Female Brain, 13.
18 Ibid., 8.
19 Brizendine, The Male Brain, 81.
20 Ibid., 129.
21 Brizendine, The Female Brain, xix.
22 Ibid., 137.
23 Ibid., 4.
24 Brizendine, The Male Brain, 67–68.
25 Ibid., 64.
26 Brizendine, The Female Brain, 31.
27 Brizendine, The Male Brain, 10.
28 John Gray, Venus on Fire, Mars on Ice: Hormonal Balance—The Key to Life, Love, and Energy (Coquitlam, BC: Mind, 2010).
29 Ibid., 26.
30 Ibid., 51.
31 Ibid.
32 Ibid.
33 See chapter 3 of Donna’s book Energy Medicine, rev. ed. (New York: Tarcher/Penguin, 2008) for more in-depth discussion of the benefits of a daily energy medicine routine.
34 Gray, Venus on Fire, Mars on Ice.
35 Ibid., 54.
36 Ibid., 56.
37 Martin Schulte-Rüther et al., “Gender Differences in Brain Networks Supporting Empathy,” Neuroimage, 208, 42(1): 393-403.
38 Gray, Venus on Fire, Mars on Ice, 54–55.
39 Ibid.
40 Ibid., 53.
41 Ibid., 67.
42 The concept that undeveloped feminine aspects of a man are projected onto women and undeveloped male aspects of a woman are projected onto men is captured in Carl Jung’s notion of the anima and animus. John A. Sanford describes this concept in The Invisible Partners: How the Male and Female in Each of Us Affects Our Relationships (New York: Paulist Press, 1980).
43 The descriptions of the Five Elements build on the descriptions presented in chapter 7 of Energy Medicine (New York: Tarcher/Penguin, 2008). Also see Leta Herman and Jaye McElroy, The Energy of Love: Applying the Five Elements to Turn Attraction into True Connection (Woodbury, MN: Llewellyn, 2014).
44 Carl R. Rogers, On Becoming a Person: A Therapist’s View of Psychotherapy (Boston: Houghton Mifflin, 1961), 17.
Chapter 5
1 John Bowlby, “The Growth of Independence in the Young Child,” Royal Society of Health Journal 76 (1956): 589.
2 Bowlby summarized his earlier work in the preface to his three-volume Attachment and Loss series. Attachment (Attachment and Loss, Volume 1) (New York: Basic Books, 1969), xiii.
3 Harry F. Harlow, “The Nature of Love,” American Psychologist 13, no. 12 (1958): 673–685.
4 Daniel J. Siegel, The Developing Mind: How Relationships and the Brain Interact to Shape Who We Are, 2nd ed. (New York: Guilford Press, 2012).
5 John Bowlby, “Maternal Care and Mental Health,” Bulletin of the World Health Organization 3 (1951): 355–534.
6 Alan Sroufe and Daniel Siegel, “The Verdict Is In: The Case for Attachment Theory,” Psychotherapy Networker 35, no. 2 (2011): 34–39, 52–53.
7 Amir Levine and Rachel S. F. Heller, Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help You Find—and Keep—Love (New York: Tarcher/Penguin, 2010).
8 Mary Sykes Wylie and Lynn Turner, “The Attuned Therapist: Does Attachment Theory Really Matter?” Psychotherapy Networker 35, no. 2 (2011): 19–27.
9 Mario Mikulincer and Phillip R. Shaver, “Security-Based Self-Representations in Adulthood,” in W. Stephen Rholes and Jeffry A. Simpson, eds., Adult Attachment: Theory, Research, and Clinical Implications (New York: Guilford Press, 2004), 162–163.
10 Ibid.
11 R. Chris Fraley and Phillip R. Shaver, “Adult Attachment and the Suppression of Unwanted Thoughts,” Journal of Personality and Social Psychology 73 (1997): 1080–1091.
12 Various writers have estimated the percentage of adults who have a secure attachment style. All the estimates we have found show greater than 50 percent and up to 70 percent, with two-thirds being a frequent estimate. This happens to be the percentage of one-year-olds with a secure attachment style that Van IJzendoorn and Kroonenberg found in their review of cross-cultural studies of infant attachment. Marinus H. van IJzendoorn and Pieter M. Kroonenberg, “Cross-Cultural Patterns of Attachment: A Meta-Analysis of the Strange Situation,” Child Development 59 (1988): 147–156.
13 Rollin McCraty, Raymond Trevor Bradley, and Dana Tomasino, “Our Heart Has a Consciousness of Its Own,” n.d., http://newearthdaily.com/our-heart-has-a
-consciousness-of-its-own/.
14 Levine and Heller, Attached.
15 Mikulincer and Shaver, “Security-Based Self-Representations in Adulthood,” 166.
16 Mario Mikulincer and Phillip R. Shaver, Attachment in Adulthood: Structure, Dynamics, and Change (New York: Guilford Press, 2007).
17 U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, “The Effects of Marriage on Health: A Synthesis of Recent Research Evidence” (June 2007), available online at http://aspe.hhs.gov/hsp/07/marriageonhealth/rb.htm.
18 Daniel J. Siegel and Mary Hartzell, Parenting from the Inside Out: How a Deeper Self-Understanding Can Help You Raise Children Who Thrive (New York: Tarcher/Penguin, 2004), 84.
19 Joanne Davila and Rebecca J. Cobb, “Predictors of Change in Attachment Security during Adulthood,” in W. Steven Rholes and Jeffry A. Simpson, eds., Adult Attachment: Theory, Research, and Clinical Implications (New York: Guilford Press, 2004), 134.
20 Patricia A. Frazier, Anne L. Byer, Ann R. Fischer, Deborah M. Wright, and Kurt A. Debord, “Adult Attachment Style and Partner Choice: Correlational and Experimental Findings,” Personal Relationships 3, no. 2 (1996): 117–136.
21 Alicia F. Lieberman, Donna R. Weston, and Jeree H. Pawl, “Preventive Intervention and Outcome with Anxiously Attached Dyads,” Child Development 62, no. 1 (1991): 199–209.
22 Reported in Jeremy Rifkin, The Empathic Civilization: The Race to Global Consciousness in a World in Crisis (New York: Tarcher/Penguin, 2009), 79–80.
23 Mikulincer and Shaver, Attachment in Adulthood.
24 Sue Johnson, “Extravagant Emotion: Understanding and Transforming Love Relationships in Emotionally Focused Therapy,” in Diana Fosha, Dan Siegel, and Marion Solomon, eds., The Healing Power of Emotion: Neurobiological Understandings and Therapeutic Perspectives (New York: Norton, 2009), 257–279.
25 Sue Johnson, Love Sense: The Revolutionary New Science of Romantic Relationships (New York: Little, Brown, 2013), 54.
26 For more details about the Triple Warmer energy system, and additional techniques, see chapter 8 of Donna’s Energy Medicine, rev. ed. (New York: Tarcher/Penguin, 2008).
27 W. Gerrod Parrott, Emotions in Social Psychology (New York: Psychology Press, 2001).
28 Robert Plutchik, Emotions and Life: Perspectives from Psychology, Biology, and Evolution (Washington, DC: American Psychological Association, 2002).
29 Siegel, The Developing Mind, 150.
30 Ibid., 103.
31 Siegel and Hartzell, Parenting from the Inside Out, chap. 7.
32 Ibid., 155.
33 Ibid.
Chapter 6
1 Roger Shattuck, Proust (London: Fontana, 1974), 131.
2 This concept is developed further in chapter 7 of Donna’s Energy Medicine, rev. ed. (New York: Tarcher/Penguin, 2008).
3 David Feinstein, “What Does Energy Have to Do with Energy Psychology?” Energy Psychology: Theory, Research, and Treatment 4, no. 2 (2012): 59–80.
4 Helene M. Langevin and Jason A. Yandow, “Relationship of Acupuncture Points and Meridians to Connective Tissue Planes,” Anatomical Record 269, no. 6 (2002): 257–265.
5 Marion Solomon and Stan Tatkin, Love and War in Intimate Relationships (New York: Norton, 2011).
6 Feinstein, “What Does Energy Have to Do with Energy Psychology?”
7 David Feinstein, “Acupoint Stimulation in Treating Psychological Disorders: Evidence of Efficacy,” Review of General Psychology 2012, 16(4), 364–380.
8 Dawson Church and David Feinstein, “Energy Psychology in the Treatment of PTSD: Psychobiology and Clinical Principles,” in Thijs Van Leeuwen and Marieke Brouwer, eds., Psychology of Trauma (Hauppauge, NY: Nova Science Publishers, 2013), 211–224.
9 Several organizations that provide training in energy psychology and list practitioners they have certified or consider to be competent can be found under the resources tab at http://www.energypsyched.com. As in choosing any professional for an important assignment, select carefully based on background, training, and reputation as well as rapport with you in your initial inquiries.
10 Informed guidelines for determining whether you need psychotherapy, and for finding a psychologist if you do, are provided by the American Psychological Association at http://www.apa.org/helpcenter/choose-therapist.aspx. The principles are similar when seeking the services of other mental health professionals, such as psychiatrists, social workers, or marriage and family counselors.
11 Daniel G. Amen, The Brain in Love (New York: Three Rivers Press, 2007).
12 See http://www.eftuniverse.com/.
13 For an expanded presentation of the techniques excerpted in this section, see David Feinstein, Donna Eden, and Gary Craig, The Promise of Energy Psychology: Revolutionary Tools for Dramatic Personal Change (New York: Tarcher/Penguin, 2005). The approach used in that book and in this one is a variation on the popular EFT (Emotional Freedom Techniques) method. EFT is Gary Craig’s derivative of Roger Callahan’s Thought Field Therapy (TFT). A four-hour seminar called Introduction to Energy Psychology is available on DVD through www.energypsyched.com.
14 Feinstein, Eden, and Craig, The Promise of Energy Psychology, 32.
15 Gary Craig, The EFT Manual (Fulton, CA: Energy Psychology Press, 2011), 70.
16 Roger Callahan, Tapping the Healer Within: Using Thought-Field Therapy to Instantly Conquer Your Fears, Anxieties, and Emotional Distress (New York: McGraw-Hill, 2002).
17 The Choices Method was developed by psychologist Patricia Carrington. You can learn more about this approach at http://masteringeft.com/masteringblog/introducing-the-choices-method/.
18 The teacher was Dawson Church.
Chapter 7
1 Erica Jong, How to Save Your Own Life (New York: Tarcher/Penguin, 2006), 263.
2 Robert Kegan, The Emerging Self: Problem and Process in Human Development (Cambridge, MA: Harvard University Press, 1982).
3 Dawson Church, EFT for Love Relationships (Fulton, CA: Energy Psychology Press, in press).
4 Ibid.
5 Fred Gallo, Energy Diagnostic and Treatment Methods (New York: Norton, 2000), 175–177.
6 David Feinstein, Donna Eden, and Gary Craig, The Promise of Energy Psychology (New York: Tarcher/Penguin, 2005). Nick Ortner has also written a superb introduction to acupoint tapping for the public, The Tapping Solution: A Revolutionary System for Stress-Free Living (Carlsbad, CA, 2013). Either will enhance your ability to use the method.
Chapter 8
1 John Gray, Mars and Venus in the Bedroom: A Guide to Lasting Romance and Passion (New York: HarperTorch, 2001), 7.
2 Alison Armstrong, “The Secret to Great Sex . . . Even When No One’s in the Mood.” In The Art of Love (teleseminar), moderated by Arielle Ford, 2012.
3 Sonja Lyubomirsky, “New Love: A Short Shelf Life,” New York Times, December 1, 2012, http://www.nytimes.com/2012/12/02/opinion/sunday/new-love-a-short-shelf-life.html?pagewanted=1&emc=eta1&_r=0.
4 David Schnarch, Intimacy and Desire: Awaken the Passion in Your Relationship (New York: Beaufort, 2011), xvii.
5 Armstrong, “The Secret to Great Sex . . . Even When No One’s in the Mood.”
6 Ibid.
7 David Schnarch, Passionate Marriage: Keeping Love and Intimacy Alive in Committed Relationships (New York: Holt, 1997), chap. 1.
8 Schnarch, Intimacy and Desire, 19.
9 Ibid, 18.
10 Schnarch, Passionate Marriage, 55.
11 Ibid., 51.
12 Schnarch, Intimacy and Desire, 6–8.
13 Iris Krasnow, Sex After . . . Women Share How Intimacy Changes as Life Changes (New York: Gotham, 2014).
14 Nicole Daedone, Slow Sex: The Art and Craft of the Female Orgasm (New York: Grand Central Life and Style, 2011), 158.
15 Ibid., 159.
16 Schnarch, Passionate Marriage, 160.<
br />
17 Marianne Williamson, Enchanted Love: The Mystical Power of Intimate Relationships (New York: Simon and Schuster, 2001), 253–254.
18 Anaiya Sophia, Sacred Sexual Union: The Alchemy of Love, Power, and Wisdom (Rochester, VT: Destiny Books, 2013), 83.
19 Matthew J. Hertenstein et al., “The Communication of Emotion via Touch,” Emotion 9 (2009): 566–573.
20 Schnarch, Passionate Marriage, 191.
21 Ibid., 191–192.
22 Ibid., 191.
23 Ellen Eatough, “Four Keys to Sexual Ecstasy: Experience Soulful Connection with Spine-Tingling Sex.” CD seminar available from http://extatica.com.
24 Helen E. O’Connell, John M. Hutson, Colin R. Anderson, and Robert J. Plenter, “Anatomical Relationship between Urethra and Clitoris,” Journal of Urology 159, no. 6 (1998): 1892–1897.
25 Ruth K. Westheimer, Sex For Dummies: Dr. Ruth’s Rx for a Pleasurable Sex Life (Hoboken, NJ: Wiley, 2007).
26 Mantak Chia, Maneewan Chia, Douglas Abrams, and Rachel Carlton Abrams, The Multi-Orgasmic Couple: Sexual Secrets Every Couple Should Know (New York: HarperOne, 2000).
27 Judy Kuriansky, The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Tantric Sex, 2nd ed. (Indianapolis, IN: Alpha Books, 2004). Also see Tantra: The Art of Conscious Loving (San Francisco: Mercury House, 1989), a less detailed but highly authoritative book by Kuriansky’s teachers, Charles and Caroline Muir.
28 Chia et al., The Multi-Orgasmic Couple, 68. While the Central Meridian generally flows up the center of the body, it can change direction when the Microcosmic Orbit is activated. Taoist tradition maps the Microcosmic Orbit as moving up the spine and down the front of the body, but I (Donna) have seen it flow in the other direction as well. Circumstances seem to dictate the direction of its movement.
29 Ibid., 66.
30 Ibid., 71.
31 Ibid., xiii.
32 Kuriansky, The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Tantric Sex, 5–6.
33 Ibid., 4.
34 The Spiritual Emergence Network was founded in 1980 by Christina and Stanislav Grof “in response to the lack of understanding and respect for psychospiritual growth in the mental health profession.” While recognizing that a sudden spiritual awakening can be tumultuous and even traumatic, such episodes are viewed as normal, life-enhancing aspects of human development that can lead to “a greater capacity for wisdom, compassion . . . and a deeper sense of personal security and inner peace.” Information and referrals to counselors who hold this perspective are available at http://www.spiritualemergence.info/.