by Chris G Moon
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Essence
Exclusivity
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Inclusiveness
Need for inclusion
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Sense of connectedness
Need to be important
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Recognition of giftedness
Give-to-get
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Service
Divisive
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Integrative
Sides
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Unity
Win/lose; compromise
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Win/win; agreement
Doubt
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Trust
Cautious friendships
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True partnerships
Defensiveness
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Openness
Independent personality
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Soul-integrated personality
Independent
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Co-creative
Push the river
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Sit in the boat
Once again I ask you to simply get a sense of the natures of these two columns. It may be worth noting that the qualities of what is important are some of the qualities of the soul’s nature and what it supports in your life. I do not want to insinuate that your personal goals, points of view, feelings or desires are not important. I wish only to point out how much happier we will be when what is of personal importance to us is harmonious with what is important to our Soul.
You never need to seek, pursue, or earn love, because it is not hiding, running away, or demanding any price from you. You need only to allow a space for it in your awareness and the love will be there (because it already is). Thus, discernment becomes vital, so that you can rise above the emotions, volatile feelings, mental confusions, and personal compulsions, and perceive the one choice that would invite love in. Inevitably it is a choice that is best for you and your partner. I recall one occasion when such a choice involved ending a relationship with a wonderful girlfriend. Although we were getting along great, I could sense that my heart was telling me to move on. My girlfriend did not agree with my discernment, and seeing her unhappiness caused great guilt to surge through me, attempting to sway me away from my heart. However, my heart was quite clear that the choice to end our relationship was true. I also felt sure that, though she didn’t know it, somewhere in her mind my girlfriend was choosing to end the relationship as well. Trusting this inner knowing, I communicated to her what was in my heart. I didn’t try to rationalize or justify, but simply spoke what felt true. We parted tearfully and in peace. Even though we were breaking up, my experience was of being in a loving partnership with her. The next day she met the man who was to become her husband.
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IN CLOSING…
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“We’ll have a picnic on the edge of the abyss, and turn our backs to the precipice.”
—From the movie, “Reuben, Reuben” (1983)
The fact that we are nearing the end of this book in no way indicates that the Soul Partnership stage is the end of the journey. The experiences available from this point on are in fact countless. The heights and depths of humanity’s spiritual reality await the traveller for whom the trials, lessons, and gifts within the higher/deeper realms take on the characteristics of the mythical, symbolic, and increasingly purer aspects of energy.
Once the commitment to a relationship based on the guidance of one’s soul is made, the process of integrating one’s personality with the Soul’s energy begins in earnest. To achieve this, it is necessary to gain mastery over one’s body, feelings, and mind. It was often believed in the past that to gain such mastery one must remove oneself from the distractions and temptations of society. This cloistered lifestyle often meant a commitment to chastity, poverty, and complete obedience to the authority of the temple. These days, everyday relationships have become our temples, and vows of poverty, chastity and obedience have been replaced by one’s responsibility to become a mature, discerning individual.
Although there are many great books describing the glories an individual can experience, there is remarkably little writing on how these bounties are experienced and shared in the area of human relationships. In my perusal of the great spiritual works, philosophies, and esoteric teachings, little is written about the spiritual importance of human relationships, while much is written about man’s relationship to God and the “Higher Realms.” In my life I have received many great learnings from spiritual gurus and teachers. I have leapt in ecstasy with what might be called “cosmic experiences.” So far, however, most of my practical lessons about unconditional love have come through my wife, children, family, friends, acquaintances… in short, through my fellow human beings.
At the Soul Partnership level, you have the opportunity to meet your first true teacher: your own soul. Until you recognize your soul, it is very difficult to recognize who your other teachers are, thus making it easy to be misled by the glamour of a so-called master, idol, priest, psychiatrist, psychologist, or talk-show host,95 while at the same time completely missing the fact that your partner can be clearly expressing what your soul wants you to learn. Once you do recognize your teacher within, you begin to see this teacher manifest through other people, beginning with your most significant relationship and, in time, moving out from there. Ultimately, every encounter with another human being becomes a spiritual encounter, since each encounter is the opportunity to see everyone as a spiritual being in a human form.
This book has taken me over two years to complete. I believe it has taken this long because I wanted it to be, as much as possible, in complete and honest alignment with my own experience of relationship. Su Mei has been the biggest influence in keeping me honest. Being a stalwart loner for most of my life, I leaned on her innate sense of partnership to teach me the basics. I am a poor student: proud, stubborn, slow to catch on, and resistant to change. I also never had any intention of getting married before I met Su Mei, so I entered our relationship as a novice in such things as commitment, communication, and intimacy. As I wrote about each area of relationship, I had to experience it over and over again in order to feel that I knew what I was talking about to an adequate degree.
When I faced unhappiness in my marriage, I was tempted to throw this book away, believing that I had no right to preach what I was not practicing. I have always assumed that those who write books on relationship have mastered all aspects of it. If this is so, then I am an exception to this rule. I spend a lot of time on the edge of the abyss, and it has rarely, if ever, been a picnic. But I’ve noticed that one learns a great deal about this earth when one falls down a lot,96 and I have learned much about relationship by examining the mistakes I make—having long believed that human beings get to heaven by mistake.
Neither Su Mei nor I know in what condition our relationship will be next year, next month, or tomorrow. I do know that, no matter what the outcome, or how things appear on the outside, we will be doing the very best we can to feel and express love every step of the way. That is true for every human being. I end this book with a passage
that speaks to the purpose of this wondrous path of relationship—our bridge to the Soul.
* * *
94 I made up a kind of mathematical equation which stated that the amount of importance a goal is given (I) is equal to how much we think we need it (N) multiplied by how difficult we think it is to reach (D) (I = N × D). I later revised it by adding how much better my chances were of getting sexually involved (S) with a woman I was interested in if I reached that goal (I = N x D + S).
95 And don’t forget workshop leaders and counsellors.
96 One learns that the earth is hard, dirty, and causes lots of cuts and bruises. But it also produces beautiful flowers and coloured stones.
Two people who love each other
Create a paradise on earth
And open up the heavens.
Experience says “It is impossible.”
Love says “It is what it is.”
Pride says “It is ridiculous.”
Love says “It is what it is.”
Caution says “It is careless.”
Love says “It is what it is.”
Reason says “It is nonsense.”
Love says “It is what it is.”
Superstition says “It is bad luck.”
Love says “It is what it is.”
Insight says “It is hopeless.”
Love says “It is what it is.”
When you speak, speak out of love.
When you are silent, be silent out of love.
When you scold, do so out of love.
When you protect each other, do so out of love.
Let love take root in your lives,
And good things will bloom.
—Attributed to ST. AUGUSTINE
(Translation by David F. Hanson)
About the Author
Chris Moon is a husband, father, life coach, lecturer, and workshop facilitator working in North America and Asia. For over 30 years, he has focused on the direct experience of true happiness and its transformational influence on interpersonal, family, and intimate relationships. His unique approach combines practical information with experiential learning, allowing for the beneficial application of this information into real life situations.
As an author, Chris wanted to approach the fields of relationship and “spiritual growth” with simplicity and humor because, as he put it, “I always enjoyed the humorous teachers in school—they made the driest subjects worth coming to class for. So I thought, maybe serious subjects like family dynamics, parenting and intimate relationship don’t have to be delivered so seriously.”
Perhaps because of this approach, Chris’s books on intimate relationships have reached hundreds of thousands of readers in Asia and North America.
Chris loves the great outdoors and enjoys skiing, biking, jogging, and hiking with his wife, Su Mei. Together they founded Vision Mountain Training Inc. They live in the desert.
For more information on his work, visit www.visionmountain.com