by Amy Sparks
"What's wrong?" William's voice echoes through my brain and I shake my head.
"There is no way in hell am I getting on top of that couch."
"What? Why?" I groan and pace around the room to think of another way to get out of this dungeon.
"Because I don't want to get more of your sex germs!" William laughs while I'm about to barf anytime soon. This guy is so disgusting, I don't even know why I agreed to do this.
"Oh come on. Stop being a baby. It's just sex. You do know what sex is right?" I ignore him and continue to pace around the room.
"Of course I know what sex is you, idiot. I'm not five." I'm now considering if I should use the front door as an escape out of this house. Of course, that would be the stupidest idea ever though because what if at that time, Katie comes home and sees some creepy girl she doesn't know coming out of her house? Then what?
"Oh, screw it." I walk all the way to the couch, step on it and jump to the window so I can reach it. My hands catch the windowsill, and I pull myself up so I can shimmy myself out of the window. I push myself out and I land right on the dirty grass. Great. I close the window with my foot which creates a slam around the house.
"Crap!" I whisper-shout and I now regret doing all that work for nothing since I might just get in trouble by slamming the window. Could things get any worse?
"Savannah, you need to get out of there. Fast." I nod and get myself up and rub my knees and butt to get the dirt off. I rush to the fence and jump on top of it. I jump down in just seconds and land on my feet perfectly. Huh, I guess I'm not that bad in athletic stuff after all. I am so going to tell John about this after I'm away from this house and all. I run across the lawn and to my car so I can driveway from this trouble that I'm causing. I unlock my car and get in as fast as I can. I turn the car on and put it in drive and step hard on the gas pedal. My engine roars and my tires make a burning sound on the street. Great, I'm now ruining my tires. I drive fast out of the neighborhood and I laugh at this thrills my entire body and heart.
"Woooooooo!!!!!!" I yell on the inside of my car and William laughs at me.
"Ha, I told you this would be fun. Am I right or am I right?" I roll my eyes and shrug. Maybe he was right about all of this. I throw his jersey in the back seat where all of his other shit is. I really want to ask him about why he wanted me to get all of this stuff. I mean he doesn't really need all this stuff because it's not like he's gonna use it. He’s dead. Not sugarcoating anything because he is dead. It's the truth. He's said it himself and his brother said it too. Now the real question is why he's dead, and that's a question that I'm trying to figure out.
Chapter Nine
"Hello, can I have one large coffee please with lots of cream in it?" I'm at the McDonalds drive through since I know for sure if I don't have some coffee inside of me this instant, I might just fall asleep behind the wheel. I really don't want to put my life in William's hands because I might just die because of him. Not being rude or anything, but he's just a voice. If I fall asleep and start to crash, he can't save me. He can't grab the wheel and hold it still while I'm half asleep. He can't do any of that and so it's all on me. I move all the way to the window to receive my coffee.
"You know, you should've bought a Big Mac." I make a disgusted face since it is almost two in the morning and I honestly hate big Macs. I just don't get what they're trying to come up with. It's a fucking hamburger, but with another piece of bread in the middle or something? I don't know. I just think it's stupid and weird. Plus, I don't want to upset my stomach since it is the middle of the night.
"Um ew, why would I buy a Big Mac?"
"Because it's the best thing in this damn world. Do you not like big Macs?" I shrug and the window opens, showing a girl, maybe my age? Holding my coffee and giving me a smile.
"Hello. A large coffee with cream?" I nod and reach out to grab my coffee which burns the palm of my hand. I cover my pain away with a smile. William of course laughs.
"Thank you so much. Have a good night." I put the coffee down and let out a swear word under my breath as my palm is now wincing in pain.
"You too!" I drive away and park in their parking lot since I think it's a good idea to drink all my coffee first before I drive. Who knows what William wants me to go next. I sure need to drink my coffee first before I drive to someone's house and asking them or sneaking into their home just to get his stupid stuff. I turn on the heater since I'm basically shivering since it's fucking cold outside and I'm wearing shorts.
"That girl was really hot, don't you think?" I roll my eyes and continue to sip my coffee. I wince as the hot liquid burns my tongue and my entire mouth. Great...
"I don't know. I'm not a guy so I really don't know if she was ‘hot’ or not." I mumble the words since I basically burned my entire my mouth.
"Well, I think she was. Anyway, how's your coffee?"
"Are you trying to make some conversation or something? Why can't we just sit here in peace and just look at the sky?" I drink more of my coffee so it can warm me up but it won't work. Even the heater won't do anything to help me warm up and it's now making me mad.
"You’re shivering. You should put on my hoodie so it can warm you up." I laugh and turn my head to look at the hoodie that sits in the back. Hmm... No. There is no way I’m putting on a dead guy's hoodie. I would rather freeze in the car and maybe die of hypothermia.
"No. It's your hoodie and also, it's kind of weird. You know, wearing a dead guy's hoodie that he gave to his ex-girlfriend? Isn't that at least a tiny bit weird to you?" William laughs as I check my phone to see if John has texted me or even called me. Nothing. I wonder if John even knows if I'm out or not or maybe he just forgot about me since all he can ever think about is a girl's vagina. Ugh, my brother is the biggest fuckboy ever. How on earth am I related to him? We're nothing alike!
"Nope. Not at all. What is annoying me though is that there is a stubborn girl freezing her ass off and won't even let me be a nice guy since I am allowing her to wear my hoodie." I groan and turn around to look at the hoodie again. Ugh, I am cold. It wouldn't hurt to wear the hoodie for only a minute, right?
"Oh, screw it." I take my seatbelt off and I reach behind to grab the hoodie so I can wear it. I sit back into my seat and I put my coffee down so I can wear the hoodie. I put the hoodie on and I swear under my breath.
"Oh, what now?"
"Well, somehow this hoodie still I guess smells like you. I'm guessing your little ex-girlfriend didn't wash it since she didn't want to waste your smell I guess. Maybe she still wanted to think you were still there by wearing the hoodie and I guess smelling it? I don't know, but that's what I think." William sighs and swears under his breath like I just annoyed him or something. I'm guessing I annoyed him since that's what I do best.
"You're a bitch. I don't know why you're a bitch or why you act like one but I didn't turn you into one okay? Why can't you be happy for once and enjoy life?" I think about the words he just said and I feel a teardrop down my cheek. I wipe it away fast and wonder if he's actually right. Am I a bitch? Well, of course, I am because even John says it and I know he's right.
"Well, you're an asshole. I guess we're both messed up in something." I hug myself and continue to drink my coffee.
"Yeah, you’re fucking right. We're both messed up. I'm dead you're alive, I'm an asshole and you’re a bitch. Funny how life works like that am I right?" I laugh and he does too. I continue to drink my coffee as I notice that it's all done and I become sad. I crush the coffee cup in my hand and I open the car door to throw the cup into the garbage. I then get back into the car and close the door as fast as I can without letting in any cold air come into the car. I shiver and put on the heater full blast as it blows warm air through the car and straight at my face.
"Can I ask you something?" William says as I pay attention to the sky and on how beautiful it looks at night.
"Uh yeah, sure." I pay attention to the glittery stars in the sky and the glowing moon shining b
rightly at us. It's funny, I always thought that the sky in the morning was okay, but the sky at night was just beautiful. It's like God wanted to paint a picture of millions of stars and a giant moon at night so we can just watch on how it reflects on us. This sky is only for us, and we don't even stay awake to watch it. But now, I'm awake and I'm now realizing how beautiful it actually is.
"Do you believe in fate?" I stop looking at the sky and lean back into my seat.
"Fate? As in someone controlling my life? I don't really believe in fate and I don't really want to since I can't really think of someone or something controlling my life. I like to be able to control my own life. Why though?" William stays quiet for a moment and I wonder why he asked me if I believe in fate.
"No, it's nothing. It's just that..."
"Just that what?" I somehow can hear William breathing and it's ironic on how William is dead yet I can hear him breathing right now. It's honestly funny.
"It's just that I guess I feel like fate brought us together you know?" I stay quiet for a bit and wonder what he means by that.
"Meaning like somehow, God wanted you to help me. And you did help me. It's funny how you didn't say no or ignore me as some voice in your head. You wanted to help me and that to me is fate I guess. I mean, if I was still alive, would we even meet each other in life? Would we even know each other or pass each other on the street? Who knows. Maybe God wanted us to be together like this, as in fate. Maybe you're the key to bringing the life in me. I guess what I'm trying to say is that..."
I've been quiet for a while now and I think I might be scaring William.
"You're trying to say what, William?" I really don't know what he's meaning by this and I really want to know why he's telling me this. Why, oh why did he have to be a guy....
"What I'm trying to say is that I think I like you Savannah. Meaning that I really like you Savannah. I liked you the first moment I basically talked to you. I knew for sure that you were gonna hate me and I was gonna hate you since we're really the type of people who don't agree on anything here. But Savannah, I think I like you because you're different than the other girls I've been with. What's funny is that you're not even close to my type yet I somehow want you. I somehow need you. Without hearing your voice, I feel like a blank canvas. It's funny how today has basically been the best days of my life and I know that it's been the best days of your life as well. I'm hoping that it was since I know for sure it was mine. What I'm trying to say here is that I really like you Savannah, and somehow, I wish that I was alive to ask you out on a date and hope that you would say yes to me so I can take you out on a date. A date that both of us would have fun on but still argue on since we're that type of people. But we can't do anything about those things because I'm gone. It's funny, I think when I leave your mind, I hope that I'll still remember your voice because your voice is the only thing that keeps me alive from feeling dead. So, Savannah, how was that? I don't still sound like an asshole, do I?" My mouth is dried up and I can't speak. My brain tells me to speak but my mouth doesn't open. It can't open. I can't compete with that beautiful speech he just gave to me. My eyes start watering up and before I know it, tears come falling down my cheeks and dropping onto the seat.
"Savannah, you okay?" I nod and still continue to cry as I have no clue what to say to him.
"Uh, I uh. Yeah, I'm fine." I wipe away my tears and take a big breath, in and out, in and out. I must sound like pregnant women or something since I'm basically taking breaths in and out but I don't care. I'm right now in shock and I don't know what to do or what to even say to William right now.
"Savannah just tell me this. Do you feel the same feelings as I do for you?" Great, he just had to say that word. Fuck.
"Um, when you say feelings, you mean?" William laughs but then has a sad tone.
"Meaning do you like me the same way I like you Savannah?" Oh crap. I bite my lip and that question wonders through my brain and it worries me about what I have to do and what I have to say.
"I think so. I want to think I like you but I know I can't because you’re dead William. It can't happen. I'm sorry." William sighs and I sigh along with him since we both know it can't happen.
"So, you don't like me? Is that what you’re saying?"
"No William, I like you. Hell, I think I really like you and I'm just trying to protect myself and cover my feelings for you because you're dead. It's funny, I think I was jealous when I had to go to see your ex-girlfriend to ask her for the hoodie and when I had to go to your other ex-girlfriend's house. I don't know. It's weird. We're weird." William laughs and I laugh as we're basically explaining our feelings for each other.
"I knew it! You were jealous. When I asked you, you just blew it off like it was nothing, but I knew you were jealous. Hell, and I loved that you were a tad bit jealous. A girl liking me and I'm dead. A fantastic life I'm living but not even living it at all."
"William, um, how did you die anyway? If you don't want to tell me, that's fine, it’s just that, I really want to know." William goes quiet for a second and I check the time where it's almost four in the morning. Holy shit, the time is going so fast. I might need another coffee yet, of course, everything is closed right now.
"No, it's fine. I'll tell you. Now let's see, the long version is too long so I won't go for that. Now the short version I can do. Ahem, I committed suicide. The End." I stop for a moment and wonder why he did and why he would even think of coming close to committing suicide.
"Uh. Why?" William laughs his head off like it's so funny yet I'm here traumatized that he would think of killing himself. Yet he already did it so it can't be changed.
"Because I was fucking crazy and high and broken. After seeing Katie cheating on me I was broken in pieces. I couldn't eat, sleep or even think. I wanted to marry her and this is what she did to me in return. I came home one night drunk and high and I found a belt in my room. Time goes by and I'm dead. But not really dead. Do get it? It's like God didn't want me really dead. I died, but not really. My presence is still here but my body is not. I'm not a ghost exactly, just a tiny voice stuck in your head." I nod and almost cry thinking about him actually committing suicide because of love. Actual love.
"So, you killed yourself because of love?"
"Yeah, I'm crazy for doing that but I guess when you're in love, it controls you and everything around you." I nod and think if I've ever even been in love.
"It must be amazing."
"What? Love? Yeah, I guess so when you're with the right person."
"I've never been in love." William goes quiet and I'm not sure if I've scared him or something.
"Never? Like maybe not in love, but have you ever closed the deal with someone? Like you know, have sex." I laugh and roll my eyes as he thinks I still don't know what sex is.
"Funny. To tell you the truth I haven't had sex yet. And no, it's not like I'm waiting for the one, it's just that there was never really a chance and day for me to have it with someone. Also, I don't really want to have a disease from someone. I rather stay without diseases in my body thank you very much."
"If you say so." I check the time again and it's almost five in the morning. If I can make it home, I can wake up in two hours to go to school but that likely won't happen. I'll probably wake up in the afternoon because I'll be so tired from all this shit.
"You should go home now. Everything is all done anyway and so your work here is done."
"What? I thought there was more to this. This can't be the end." I'm not ready to let William go after all the fun we've had and what we just uncovered about our feelings for each other. This can't be the end, it just can't.
"It is. This is the last job I wanted you to do. I'm done. You're done. My puzzle is basically complete, except it's missing one piece." I raise my eyebrow and wonder what could the last piece be for all of this.
"One piece? Well, what is it so we can finish it." William laughs and I wonder what I just said to make him laugh.
"I can't
quite tell you Savannah. It's a secret."
"William, tell me so I can finish this for you. For us. Please." William still laughs and I'm still trying to think what his last piece could be.
"It's funny Savannah, I promised you that I was going to leave and now my time has come. I have to go." I feel tears coming out of the corner of my eyes as I listen to what he's saying.
"No. Don't say that. We're not done. We're not."
"I'm done Savannah. Not you. Promise me that you'll still continue life with the same thrill and joy as we had today. Live life as you lived it today. And one more thing." More tears are pouring down my eyes and down my cheeks as it falls on my thighs.
"What?" That word comes out as a whisper and I now know why. I don't want him to leave me because it's gonna fucking break my heart.
"You say that you've never experienced love before but I think today you've had. And now you’re gonna hear it. I love you Savannah. Don't ever forget that or else it's gonna break my fucking heart."
"Wait what? William, stop. Please." Tears are still pouring down and I can't somehow stop myself from crying so much. I can't believe what William just said to me. I can't believe it and I won't.
"Goodbye, Savannah. And don't forget, I love you..."
The last word comes off in a tiny whisper and that's when I know that he's gone. Forever. I break off crying in my car and I cry even more as I realize that I'm still wearing his hoodie. He said that he loved me and that breaks my heart as I didn't even say it back. The first time a guy says that he loves me, he has to leave and I don't even get to say those words back to him. I continue to cry and cry until what seems to be like an hour has passed. I know for sure that I must look like a sad, depressed teenage girl since I am and I have also been crying for more than an hour. I'm sure of it. I begin to drive home since I know there's no more tears left inside of me to cry even more so I just drive all the way home in silence. Complete silence. I make it all the way home without talking since I have no one to talk to. I turn off the car and notice that my brother's car is also here so he must be home. Fantastic. I'm about to open the car door as soon as I forget about William's things in the back seat. I turn around to grab the things but they're gone. Weird. I check under the seat and in the trunk but they're gone. I can't find them anymore and it's like they just disappeared. Just like William. I know for sure I'm about to cry even more now since I'm thinking about William so I get out of my car and close the door. I lock it and walk to my house and unlock the door. My house is quiet and also my mind. I keep thinking the whispers are gonna come back anytime now but they're not coming back at all. Not even William. I lock my door and make all the way upstairs to my room. I basically drag myself upstairs since my body doesn't even have the will to at least get up. I notice that my brother's room is closed and so I know that he's sleeping. I'm about to open it and tell him that I'm fine but I don't. I leave him alone and let him sleep and dream about whatever he's dreaming about. I drag myself to my room and flop on the bed. I put on my pj's on and as I'm about to take off the hoodie, I stop and leave it on. I go to bed with the hoodie on because I want to feel William's presence. I pull the blanket all the way on top of me and I turn off my lamp. I check my phone and I notice that I have a notification on Instagram. I press on it and my jaw falls. William Jones is now following you. Approve or not approve. Oh. My. God. I click on approve and I then go to his Instagram page. It looks the same as to when I was looking it at his ex-girlfriend's place. Except…he followed me back. A dead guy followed me back on Instagram. This has got to be a dream or else I might just be fucking crazy. I then figure that it's my mind playing with me because I'm so exhausted from driving all day with William. Yup, it's my mind. I close my phone and put it on my bedside table. I put the covers on me and I hug myself close so I can smell William's hoodie. Yup, cologne. That son of a bitch was right. It did work on girls because it is so working on me. I close my eyes and I dream. I dream about meeting William in real life and him giving me a big hug and I told him the words I should've told him when he left. I love you. He then kisses me and we all live happily ever after. In my dream, of course, that would only happen. In reality, William is gone and I'm just powering through the days without him. Without my voice.