by Tara Wimble
“Not together.” She mutters getting into the lift. “Not engaged.”
It’s not cheating if none of it is real, is it?
It’s not enough reassurance for Jacque and she ends up bringing Bella a box of donuts on her walk back to their apartment. It’s freezing and stupid because this guilt isn’t real yet here she is, shivering and still feeling someone else’s hands on her body as she opens the door to her apartment, holding a fucking Tim Horton’s box. For her fake fiancé.
Breakfast with a side of ‘ignore me I have irrational sex guilt’.
Bella greets her in the entryway and grabs the box of donuts from her hand with a smile, already walking towards the kitchen muttering a sleepy ‘I love you’, which Jacque assumes is for the box.
“Did you do something different with your hair?” Bella throws that over her shoulder as she turns the corner.
It takes a second for her to understand what Bella is talking about. But once she sees the state of her obvious sex hair in the mirror there’s no time to fix it. Jacque curses under her breath and tries to do her best to tamp it down but the damage is done. And there isn’t a hat in sight.
Jacque thinks she’s been let off with the state of her hair seeing that Bella has her mouth full when she gets to the kitchen, but there’s no such luck. “Did you yank it?”
Jacque runs her hand through it self-consciously. “No. Why?”
Bella wipes the sugar around her mouth with her thumb. “No, it’s just it looks like someone was using your hair as reins while they rode y-”
Sugar falls between Bella’s fingers as she rubs them together before she suddenly slams her hands on the table. “OH my God.”
Deny. Deny. Deny. “No-”
“That’s what happened?” Bella keeps getting louder and their neighbours are going to get an absolute earful.
“Bella, no.”
“I didn’t hear you come in last night-” Bella is looking her up and down and Jacque feels a familiar pinch in the bottom of her stomach at the scrutiny.
“You were pretty drun-”
“Jacque-” Bella gestures at her with her half eaten donut. “Jacque.”
“Windswept.” Jacque deflects. “You should see the weather.”
“I’ll bet.” Bella scoffs. “Bet the walk of shame was a sight to see as well.”
Jacque doesn’t move fast enough and Bella has pulled her crossed arms from her chest to reveal the state of her shirt buttons. “Oh, you got it goooooood last night.”
It only gets worse when Bella’s light tug on her arms reveals the only dark bruise the woman she slept with managed to leave on her collar.
“My fiancé, the dark horse.” Bella fans herself mockingly. “I don’t know how to handle the news.”
She handles it by apparently poking fun at Jacque after every donut she consumes. Bella holds her shit-eating grin throughout after realizing the reasons behind the sweet breakfast provided for her. It’s enough to make Jacque want to hide under the table top.
“I should be thankful you brought these back then?” Bella comments. “Rather than retreating to the bed of ‘the other woman’.”
She says it with such dramatic overtones that Jacque can’t help but cover her eyes in embarrassment. “You’re killing me here.”
Bella doesn’t relent. “Sure I am. But I’m more concerned about the state you left that poor woman in. Can she still walk?”
“Oh Jesus.”
Jacque feels like she’s half a donut away from Bella’s personal rendition of ‘I Can’t Get No Satisfaction’.
“Please.” Bella finally finishes her breakfast and rounds the counter to Jacque’s side. “Embrace your studliness. It’s all in the hair.”
It’s a mistake to close her eyes but she does when Bella fists her hands in her unruly hair. It’s then four hours ago. Sweat and smoke and definitely not actions fit for a breakfast conversation.
“Thanks for breakfast.” Bella finally teases and gives her a half hug. “Now shower because I know where all -this- has been last night.”
“Yeah, yeah.” Jacque pushes her hair back and edges towards the bedrooms. “Try not to be too jealous.”
Bella scoffs. “Sure. Do it again and you’ll be on the couch.”
“Trust me, you’d love to know what I can do on a couch.” Jacque smirks because she’s set that up. She raises her hands up and mock whispers; “Lesson number four.” Before disappearing into the hall.
Jacque makes her way to her room with her eyes half closed because thanks to that little exchange, she’s back at square one.
*
A few days after their engagement party Bella corners her in the kitchen. “Bella--”
“I’m just saying, I know you have needs.”
Jacque is watching her blender destroy the various fruits she’s put into it, as a reward for making it to the gym that morning, when Bella presents that comment to her.
She switches her blender off. “Excuse me?”
Bella leans over the counter and fiddles with the engagement ring, the one Jacque’s mom insisted on her having, on her finger. “Sexually.”
“Again, what?”
“I’m talking about your little sleepover after the engagement party.”
“Well, that’s one way to put it.” In the light of day she’s more confident about talking about it now. Especially since the hickey has disappeared and Bella has stopped trying to show it off to people as her own work.
When Bella rolls her eyes Jacque purposely puts the blender back on. She gets a dark look when she puts up a finger to tell Bella to wait while it finishes. If they’re going to go there, she wants something sweet to get her through it.
The smoothie takes less time than she hopes it would, and really she does everything in her power to try to delay the inevitable, but Bella is deadset on this being a thing they’re going to talk about and Jacque doesn’t think any amount of procrastination will kill the subject.
So she grabs her smoothie and then hops up on the counter because if they’re going to do this then she’s at least going to sit where she wants.
“You were saying.” She takes a sip of her smoothie and tries to not to kick her legs out as is always the temptation when her feet don’t touch the ground.
“We need to talk about sex.” Jacque chokes a little on her drink even though she knew it was coming. Bella stops at her coughing fit. “Are you okay?”
“Just fine.” Jacque pulls herself today and gets air flowing through her system again. “So you want to set boundaries or something?”
“Yeah.” Bella smiles. “Exactly, I mean, it’s only smart, right? We both have needs outside of this deal of ours, like an arrangement. I mean, you had the mark to prove it.”
Reflexively Jacque goes to cover her neck and then pouts when Bella laughs at her. Finally Bella settles down and Jacque runs through the pros and cons of having a sort of sexual amnesty pact and finds that it would probably help if they set a few ground rules. “It couldn’t hurt.”
“No, I don’t think so.”
“But we need to set rules, I guess?”
“Oh, I have one.” Bella perks up. “Don’t flaunt it in public. I mean, we’re gonna be married so it’d look weird if we were just openly dating other people.”
Jacque nods. “That’s pretty much a gimme.” She pushes her hair out of her face when another idea comes to her. “You have to use protection, you know, sexually.” Bella’s face cringes. “Because dudes and I’m good but I’m not that good.”
“Ew, yeah. Got it. No glove, no love.” Bella tilts her head in thought. “Oh, big one, kind of like don’t flaunt it but still, don’t get caught. That would be pretty awkward.”
“Definitely. And I guess just be respectful of each other’s space.” Bella nods in agreement. “You don’t have to tell me every time you’re seeing someone, and I’m not gonna tell you, but just respect each other, I guess.”
“It all sounds pretty simple to
me.” Bella says and holds out her hand for Jacque to shake. “Deal?”
Jacque thinks about it for a moment and it honestly seems like they’re making a mature decision. It doesn’t matter if she finds Bella attractive or not because obviously they aren’t going to be able to fulfill each other’s needs so they shouldn’t stand in each other’s way either.
She accepts the proffered hand. “You’ve got a deal.”
*
“Bella.” The aforementioned is idly dribbling a ball in the living room, headphone in one ear. Jacque counts to three in her head because it shouldn’t have to be said that there’s no soccer in her apartment, but well, apparently it does. And actually, that’s not even the issue. The issue is that Jacque has been working her ass off to plan their ‘fake’ wedding and Bella is treating it like a joke.
Okay, so technically Jacque can understand that but her family doesn’t and this is going to be an actual big thing with dresses and flowers and invitations and fucking table favors and every single fucking detail that you could possibly think up.
Her mom wants to do it up big and Jacque can’t say no to that.
But she needs Bella to help and not act like a child for five seconds.
“Bella!” And there’s a crash as Bella loses control of the ball and it slams into the table, knocking off a few books. She looks around sheepishly and takes out the headphone.
“Sorry!” The books get picked up in quick order and Jacque goes over to stand by her.
“Do you think you could come with me to pick out flowers today?” Jacque asks and tries to keep any traces of annoyance out of her voice because Bella won’t respond well if she thinks that she’s being cornered into helping.
The books are all back on the table and Bella looks up. “Can’t you take one of your sisters? That sounds kind of boring.”
Jacque sighs. “I’m doing this all for you, remember? The least you could do is help.”
“Flowers aren’t really my thing.” Bella looks guilty and shrugs. She raises her hand cutting off Jacque when she looks like she’s about explode. “But is there cake? Because I could totally help find us a cake. They let you taste those, right?”
“Yeah, but--” Jacque cuts herself off and takes a deep calming breath. She reminds herself that as awesome as Bella is most of the time she’s still 21 and sometimes 21 year olds are assholes. It wasn’t long ago that she was so she cuts her some slack. “Sure. You can help me with the cake.”
“Awesome!” Bella playfully ruffles Jacque’s hair like she knows ruins it for the day and then runs off into the back.
It’s a step in the right direction at least.
*
Jacque’s been in and out all morning doing wedding stuff and Bella’s starting to get really tired of the high strung tightrope act she’s been pulling for the past month or so.
It hasn’t been completely unbearable, there have been a few moments along the way recently where Jacque’s been the awesome fun person who Bella’s proud to call her friend.
And then there’s now.
“Can’t you sit still for like five seconds?” Bella asks. “You’re making my head spin.”
“Are you joking?” Jacque stares Bella down, holding two larger than expected cardboard boxes full of wedding stuff. She cracks it open and pulls out smaller boxes full of envelopes and the invitations she and her mom had picked out. “There is so much to do.”
“Relax. It’s not like it’s a real wedding.”
Jacque tosses her a pen and the guest list. “You want to be the one to tell that to my mother?”
“Uh, no?” Bella slowly uncaps the pen and hovers over the first envelope, taking note of the larger than expected stack. “Damn Jacque, how many people did you invite?”
“Would have been more but my old teammates,” Bella perks up quickly. “-are playing at a tournament in China. They were only free when everyone else was busy. So they can’t come.”
Jacque’s mother was not impressed at their shotgun decision.
“There’s not a single teammate in this pile?” Bella’s eyes widen. Jacque points at the pile with a ‘you signed up for this’ motion.
“Welcome to the family.” Jacque rolls her eyes and motions for Bella to get to work.
Bella is a second into inviting Mrs. Liresch when she quickly pops up to kneel on the couch and yells into the kitchen. “WAIT, am I taking YOUR name?”
Jacque peeks her head out of the kitchen almost immediately. “What are you talking about?”
“We’re getting married--”
“Is this some sort of amnesia thing?” Jacque jokes.
“No, asshole, let me finish a sentence.” Bella replies, already flustered by the fact that she’s sending out invitations to her wedding and it hadn’t even occurred to her to think about her last name. “Am I taking your last name?”
Jacque leaves the kitchen altogether, sensing that this is a conversation they should probably have at least in the same room as each other. So she moves over to sit on the arm of the couch so that she’s facing Bella. “Do you want to take my last name?”
It’s not something she’s thought about in relation to marrying Jacque but it’s not like she’s never thought of it entirely. She’d just always assumed when she got married it would be for love and it wouldn’t even be a question whether she incorporated his last name in some form or another. If that meant taking it in whole or hyphenation, Bella couldn’t be sure.
“I don’t know.” Bella pauses. “If this were real, you know, I think that I would.”
Something funny comes across Jacque’s face but it’s too fast to assign any sort of significance and Bella just writes it off as a weird tick. “You think you could handle being Bella Liresch?”
The name rolls around in her head and she finds that it doesn’t sound terrible, especially when juxtaposed with the hyphenated alternatives that are far too alliterative to be attractive, Bella shrugs and nods her head. “Bella Liresch.” She keeps going trying the name out in her head and on her tongue, saying it seriously and in funny voices until she finally gets Jacque to laugh along with her and enjoy this new strange thing. “I think this is a thing I can handle.”
Jacque’s laughs trail off into a smile. “Well then I’d like to, once again officially, say welcome to the family, Bella Liresch.”
Hearing Jacque say it makes it something that’s less abstract, like she’s doodling it in her notebook to see how it looks, and more like the real thing, just another facet of her future.
Chapter 3
2008
*
“NOT going to lie,” Jacque says to the screen. “I’m a little nervous.”
Robyn is sitting up against a headboard and it looks like she could be in the next room over rather than in China. “I’d be surprised if you weren’t.”
She’d called for a pep talk really. She misses one of her oldest friends and even though she reminds herself constantly that nothing about this wedding is real, it feels strange not to have her former teammates here to see her through the day. Though, she can’t exactly explain that to Robyn.
“If you’re asking if she’s here with me now, then no. Not allowed to see the bride before the wedding. It’s bad luck.” Jacque jokes.
“You’re also meant to have a tastefully long engagement before you get married.” Robyn teases. “Or are the rumors about this being a shotgun wedding true?”
Jacque rolls her eyes. “It’d be news to me.”
Robyn bumps the screen a little so that Jacque can see Niav waving in the background. “I wish you were all here to be honest.”
Even if it is a lie, the nerves she feels are made worse knowing that there will be no end to the tension of family and friends that could have been broken by teammates.
“We’re there with you in spirit.” Robyn says. “And when we get back we’ll have to celebrate.”
“If you get back.” Jacque points out. “You’ve got a pretty full schedule up un
til the Olympics this year.”
“Which would be less stressful if we had a more experienced back line.” Robyn hints.
“If only.” Jacque sighs, imagining being there in China right now. But she’s getting married tomorrow and no matter how legitimate she’s not going to lose herself in this mess the night before. “Listen, I have to go. Big day tomorrow, eh?”
“Of course.” Robyn perks up wistfully at the thought of the wedding. “Make sure there are a ton of pictures and have fun!”
“I will.” Jacque says. “You make sure to kick some ass.”
*
@sadiemarsh18: who needs a veil with all that hair? congrats to @jliresch4 on her wedding day! #oldborrowedblue #wheresthebacheloretteparty
@princessniav: Hearing it’s a wonderful day for a wedding...wish we were there to celebrate with the happy couple! @ jliresch4
@imogensauveterre: a HUGE congrats to @jliresch4 on gettin hitched today! #firstonesthehardest welcome to the fam mrs liresch!
*
The church is gorgeous, like actually stunning, and Bella is sort of impressed that all of the work, and subsequently all of the stress that Jacque put herself through for this thing has come to fruition.
They decided on January in the end. The fifteenth. There was no way this was going to happen outside in Toronto, even if the weather permitted, with Bella knowing that her family would almost insist upon a church wedding. Luckily Jacque’s family was pleased with their choices and here they are.
Her sisters are in the wedding party and Jake stands rubbing his eyes in the background of the waiting room as her mom finishes putting up her hair. With the final checks to her make-up, her dress and positioning, they’re ready to go.
Old, new, borrowed, and blue are all accounted for as Bella makes her way to the back of the church. She can just peek out at their friends and families sitting out there while she’s given flowers to hold. Her sisters stand with Jacque’s just inside the door and make up the bridesmaids between them with the additional sight of Allison Müller. It’s nerve wracking knowing that Allison is Jacque’s best friend and that convincing her may be harder than anything else to come.