The Double Cross

by Anna J.

  I hesitantly walked to the table, battling between punching him in his damn face or kissing all over him for what he had done. I removed my jacket as he helped me into my seat. Covered dishes sat in the middle of the table, and as he removed the lid off of each one, I could only smile that he had all of my favorite things to eat. The room was dimly lit, and there were roses strategically placed throughout. The gold candleholders were absolutely beautiful. The candles where pure white, but as they melted, the wax turned pink. He had the finest china set out, and I could see that he had put a lot of effort into pulling this off. I was proud of him, but he wasn’t off the hook.

  “I’ve been trying to—”

  “Shhh.” He hushed me up as he kissed my neck before taking his seat on the other side of the table.

  “But I’ve been calling—”

  “I know, baby, and I should have answered, but I was too busy getting all of this together for you. I’ll make it up to you shortly.”

  “Since yesterday?”

  He was so damn cocky. I wanted to hate him, but I couldn’t. Not too many men knew how to go all out like this and pull it off. Who helped him do this? Or did he do it all himself? I thought something had happened to him, and with all the shit going on with Sajdah, my emotions were all over the place.

  He moved his chair over next to mine and began making my plate. I was truly speechless as I watched him take control. Was this what I had to look forward to? He began to feed me a little bit of everything as he told me how much he loved me and how sorry he was for making me worry. He assured me that he would never hurt me on purpose and that I was all that mattered to him. I took it all in as I enjoyed lobster, seafood mac and cheese, garlic shrimp and mussels, grilled asparagus, and sweet white wine. This man had me open, and I wasn’t sure how I felt about it. I was losing control, and it was pissing me off.

  “So, I’m feeling like you should just spend the rest of your life with me.” He set a box from Bailey Banks & Biddle down in front of me.

  I was speechless yet again. We were moving too fast, too soon. He opened the box, and the most beautiful diamond I’d ever seen was inside. The clarity on that thing was ridiculous. VVSI quality. He’d spent a pretty penny on it definitely. Cushion cut, diamonds all the way around, three pieces that all connected to look like one . . . I was in love.

  “So, what are you doing with the rest of your life?” Before I could answer, he slid the ring on my finger and kissed me deeply.

  I had so many questions. Was I ready for this?

  He carried me to the bathroom, where he had a bath drawn full of bubbles accompanied by rose petals and candles everywhere. As he undressed me, he kissed the parts of my body that became exposed as he went down. I didn’t have it in me to protest, especially once his tongue found its way to my clit. He had me on the side of the tub, eating me out, with my legs up on his shoulders while I held on, trying not to slip inside the water headfirst.

  He had his way with me all over the bathroom, fucking me from the back with a firm grip on my hair that made me look in the mirror while he was doing me. Every time I closed my eyes, he would stop until I looked at him again. His technique was sick, and as good as it was, I still couldn’t help but wonder if I was making the right decision. He was practically a stranger, but not really. Like, I knew him, but I didn’t know him. He was basically a damn stranger that I only knew on the surface.

  By the time he finished having his way with me, I was weak from back to back orgasms. I just needed to know that it would always be this way, and if not, how would we get through the tough times? If we were even made for tough times. You’d be surprised how minute shit will tear a relationship to pieces, and I wasn’t sure if I could get through life without him. I already lost my sister. I couldn’t take another loss right now.

  We sat in the tub, him between my legs, and let the water relax us as I stared at my ring. I loved Chase without a doubt. Why was I so hesitant with him? I knew it was mostly because this shit was just too good to be true. He didn’t have any flaws, or at least none that I could see, just like the diamond he gave me. This shit made it hard for me to trust him, but at no fault of his own. Past niggas did this to me, had me out there all insecure and shit. I should have been able to just enjoy him fully, but that nagging thought in the back of my mind wouldn’t allow it. What if he played me? The last one hurt me to the core, and it took me a long time to get over it. I couldn’t go through that kind of pain again. I had more bodies than I wanted under my belt. I didn’t want to add him to the list.

  “Tell me what you’re thinking,” he requested as he massaged my legs lightly under the water.

  I wasn’t sure how much to reveal. Did I just keep that shit a bean and tell him what was on my mind for real, or did I just skirt around the issue a little to feel him out? He would want me to keep it a hundred, so I decided to just go with my gut. The worst he could do was end it with us.

  “I need to know more about you,” I spit out.

  “What do you want to know?”

  “Everything. I really don’t know much about you at all. Where is your family? How did you end up here? Why did you choose me?” This dude was like Batman, living a secret life and shit. If we were going to get married, I needed to know what I was dealing with. What was I getting into with Chase?

  He got quiet for a second, and I wondered if I had fucked up. Did I go too far? What if he refused to share? Then what did I do? I stayed quiet as I massaged his shoulders and continued to stare at my ring. It was gorgeous, but I’d give that bitch right back if he didn’t shoot straight. I wouldn’t be entertaining a liar.

  “I hope you’re ready. You might not like me much after this,” he warned, kissing my palm.

  “As long as you keep it truthful, I’ll always love you. Me liking you is a bonus,” I replied, trying to make light of the situation to hopefully put him at ease.

  He sighed deeply and took a deep breath. I was beginning to think maybe I wasn’t ready, but I done already opened the damn box. It was too late to turn back now, so I embraced him, letting him know I was ready for whatever he wanted to share. I was preparing myself to feel the same way about him when he was done. Hopefully, it wouldn’t be too heinous a story, and I could handle it. I felt like I was Alice falling down the rabbit hole, and it made me just a little uneasy. Hopefully, it would be worth it.

  Chase Antoine Warren II

  “Are you sure this is a good idea?”

  Sajdah had me meet her downtown, but she never said what we were doing. I really didn’t want to be seen in public with her, because I didn’t want to mess anything up with Selah. She hated to hear it, but I was really digging her sister. I was finding all types of ways to avoid being alone with her, but today she threatened to tell Selah everything if I didn’t show up on time. I was smart enough to take the threat seriously and was in Center City early. Whatever this was, we needed to make it quick.

  She walked ahead of me, and I stayed a few steps back so that it didn’t look like we were together. When she went into a store, I gave her a few minutes, and then I went in. When I got inside, she was looking at rings. I damn sure wasn’t about to buy her one, so I had no clue what she had in mind.

  “This is the one,” she said, pointing at a pretty nice ring. “You need to get this for Selah and get ready to level up.”

  I had the blankest look in the world on my face. She wanted me to propose to her sister? What kind of freak shit was she into? Now, I knew I told her that I really liked Selah, but I didn’t say I was ready to marry her. She had yet to even agree to move in. We were still learning each other. Was this what Selah wanted? Were they having conversations about us? I was a big ball of confusion, and clearly, she could sense it.

  “I’m not saying marry her today, or at all, silly,” she said with the prettiest smile that matched her twin’s. Before I did any damn thing, I needed to learn to tell them apart. This shit was spooky. “I know you want her to make the move. This will get i
t done.”

  I stared at the ring, but I wasn’t feeling it or the pressure she was trying to put on me. Selah definitely had me in my feelings, but I wasn’t sure this was the move to make. I still had things I needed to talk to her about. I had a rough past. I didn’t even know if she could handle it.

  “Let me think about it,” I said to her as I prepared to leave the store.

  “You think long, you think wrong.”

  I didn’t reply. I just rolled out and made my way back to my car. Sajdah had me feeling some type of way, and now I felt a little pressured. I needed to talk to Selah, but how did I go about it? I couldn’t just bust out and say some shit to her. When I got back to my car, I took a second to gather my thoughts. So many memories from my past flooded my mind, and I just had to let them flow out so that I could make the right decision. I swear it was like watching a movie of my own life.

  * * *

  “Put the bodies in the back room and move quick. It’s about to get real hot in here.”

  As I doused the downstairs with gasoline, I had no remorse about what was going to happen next. Don’t mess with the church’s money—ever–—unless you want your entire family to die. I really didn’t give a fuck that I had to do this. He already knew the game going in. Come for me, and I come for everybody you know. Real. Damn. Simple. I would take out your wife, kids, the goldfish, and the cat, an entire sweep with no remorse. Believe me when I tell you I had zero fucks for anything.

  At this point, I was early twenties, rising up the ranks in the game. I already knew I wasn’t planning on doing this shit for long because I was already three years deep. It was too damn stressful, and I despised being stressed out. It made for hasty moves that were sometimes hard to clean up later. Eventually, I would want to settle down with a family of my own, and I knew whatever I did, I would have to move my shit to fucking Ohio or some damn where so that no one would ever find me. I was the reason behind plenty of slow singing and flower bringing, and fate always swung back around to get your ass. I was prepared to die the worst kind of death, but I would have to be found first. You weren’t just going to walk up on my ass and take me out. Fuck that.

  Rule #3: Never get caught slipping. That was the motto.

  I’m not going to sit here and give you this violin-filled tale on how I grew up barely making it with no food and a crackhead mom. I’m not from the projects. My parents weren’t on welfare. My dad didn’t beat on my mom or vice versa. No one was a drug addict. I wasn’t in foster care or molested by my uncle. We were never homeless. I wasn’t bullied in school. No alcoholism in our house. I was a spoiled rich kid from Syosset, New York. My dad was chief of surgery at Syosset Hospital, and my mom was head of oncology in the same health system. My brother and I went to the best schools, wore the best clothes, had the best life, and I ended up a drug dealer. It was nothing they did wrong parenting me. They still didn’t know how heavy I was in the streets. They just knew that I chose another path that they didn’t expect. Yes, they were disappointed, but they loved me unconditionally. I leaned on that love for survival. They didn’t need to know what was really going on.

  I took full advantage of my opportunity to go to college, obtaining my bachelor’s degree in human resources. I used that skill to manage people to keep my team in check. I ran my empire like a corporation minus the medical benefits and ETO. We had money to make, and anyone could be replaced at the drop of a dime. I treated my men well, so either they wanted to feast with us, or they were against us, and being against us wasn’t a good thing. I would make it hard for you to survive without me. That was a guarantee.

  Don’t get me wrong. I wasn’t out there just offing motherfuckers because I felt like it. I actually gave folks plenty of rope to hang themselves before I kicked that chair out and left them dangling and gasping for air. I gave progress reports, letting them know if they were on point or messing up. There was no mystery with me. You knew exactly where you stood at all times, and that’s why they respected me. They even knew if death was coming. Of course, at that point, they tried to hide, but the goons I rode with would always find you. Always. Where people messed up was they thought they needed to be feared. Fear made people do sneaky shit. Respect made people value you, and more often than not, they were straightforward with you. Lack of respect was what got you killed.

  Ten times out of ten, they fucked it all up for themselves. They were either skimming money off the top, getting high on the supply, or flat out lying about why they were coming up short. Not reporting for duty could potentially get you let go, and sometimes they just started to feel themselves a little too much for my liking. I always told them, “Do right by me, and I’ll do right by you.” My soldiers made more than a hundred grand last year, tax-free. The shorty that kept my books made sure I knew everything that was coming and going, and when shit started to look suspect, she reported it immediately. Everyone was replaceable. There was always someone ready and willing to take anyone’s place or move up in the organization. The best thing you could do was play your part the way you were supposed to. It made life better for all involved. The worst thing you could do was get caught doing some bullshit. Why end your life over a few dollars? You’d be surprised at the amount of people that do.

  It started out as a family business. My brother was my right-hand man, and I had his girl keeping the books. My brother was smart as a whip, too, and was afforded the same lifestyle as I had. His mom was from a previous marriage and had died from cervical cancer that had doubled back and metastasized, killing her the second time around. When our dad met my mom, that was how I got here, and she took care of my brother like he was her child from the womb. He was two years old when our parents met, so he took to our mom immediately. By the time I came along, he was five. I didn’t know he wasn’t my biological brother until we got older, but it never mattered. I just figured he looked like our dad, and I looked like our mom. The love we had for each other cast out all the other shit. We were blood.

  When I first got into the game in my freshman year of college, my brother was just finishing up his prerequisites for his biology major. His book-smart game was wicked, but his street smarts were off the meter. He put me on once I realized how the kids at my school would pay top dollar to turn all the way up at a party. They didn’t just want weed. They wanted to smoke loud, pop pills, and sip on dirty Sprites all at the same damn time. It was easy money. I just so happened to be having a conversation with my brother about it, and that’s when he revealed what he had been up to.

  I knew our parents were well off, and I knew he was making okay money at his job, but he was too icy for someone that was barely living above the poverty line. Our parents kept our credit card loaded bi-weekly, so we didn’t want for anything. Where was he getting this extra money from? They laced us, but not that much.

  “Yo, bro, did you see them in that party last night? They were going crazy.” I shot the shit with my big brother, reminiscing about the previous night’s adventure. “Whatever they were on had them going crazy. I got my dick sucked by like three broads at the party.”

  “I hope you used a condom?” he questioned as he flipped through his textbook. He was always very focused on his studies, more than I ever would be.

  “Of course,” I lied as I half skimmed through my book as well. I never even thought about a damn condom. I was busting off all in them bitches’ faces like it was nothing.

  “So, I need to make some moves,” I began hesitantly. Our parents definitely hooked us up monetarily, but who couldn’t use a little more? The way he was flossy made me want to be like him.

  “What kind of moves?” he asked, never looking up.

  “The same kind you making. I want to walk around dripping just like you. How can I be down?”

  He kept flipping through the pages and writing notes like he didn’t hear me. I knew that meant he was pondering his thoughts. Hopefully, he would tell me something I wanted to hear. I knew enough to stay quiet and not badger him.


  “So, what makes you think you can handle that kind of work? You wouldn’t want to disappoint Mom and Dad by getting caught up in some crazy shit, right?” he responded with a smirk on his face. He knew I was a momma’s boy and never really got in trouble. My mom was my world. I would never want to disappoint her.

  “I guess you wouldn’t either, right?”

  “Touché.”

  He kept flipping and writing, and I was really trying to stay patient. I knew this was a test to see how I would respond under pressure. You had to have patience with fiends. They remained loyal to you. A lot of people think because someone is a drug addict that you don’t have to value them, but it’s the total opposite. How you treat people matters, and that’s how I eventually ended up running my business. Don’t take any shorts, but don’t humiliate them. Drug addicts remember how they are treated, and if you treat them good, they will always come back to you. Hell, even Nino Brown gave out turkeys on Christmas. He was the king of New York, and everyone respected him. I planned to run my shit the same way.

  “Okay, let me make some calls. I’ll start you out with something small for the upcoming weekend. Once we see how that goes for a while, then we’ll make other moves.”

  I thanked him for his time and continued my studies. I knew how to move discreetly, so I wasn’t worried about that, and I also knew that I couldn’t let my grades or anything slip, or he would pull everything up from under me. I had to prove to him that I could maintain properly and never lose focus.

  Just like he promised, that Friday after classes were done, he met me in my dorm room with the work I needed to get the weekend going. He showed me how to weigh it out and bag it up. Dealing drugs wasn’t just about distribution. A successful dealer needed to know how to work the entire operation. You couldn’t leave it up to any one individual to get the job done. You had to know all the components of how the system worked.

  “So, when you first get to the party, you will hand out a few of the extras to get the buzz going. After that, you let them come to you. Stay patient. They will come to you. You have to trust me on this. Don’t fuck this up.”