by L. A. Sable
“It did.” She gives me a shy smile. “Some things are still strange, but it is hard to believe how much has changed.”
“Remember how frantic we were about avoiding becoming Proli. It all seems a little silly now.”
“Maybe you’re not worried, but I didn’t blow back onto campus looking like a million bucks.” Charlie’s tone is light but her lips tighten enough that her smile looks more like a grimace. “I won’t be safe until graduation. I’m still the scholarship girl, remember?”
“It’s hard to forget when you’re reminding me.” The words could be taken as cutting, but I keep my smile guileless so that any potential offense comes off as accidental. “Looking back, it just seems like we put so much energy into all this crap, like it was the most important thing in the world. It just seems silly to me now.”
She just shakes her head. “It’s hard for me to forget that there’s another vote coming soon, although I’m glad you’re so sanguine.”
“Getting hit by a bus will do wonders for your perspective,” I say with a careless shrug. “Though I wouldn’t recommend trying it.”
“But you’ve come back better than ever.” Her gesture encompasses my expensive haircut and perfectly tailored uniform. “You could have any guy in our class eating out of the palm of your hand and even Chloe and her bitch squad are keeping their distance. I’ve never seen you so confident.”
A stew of emotions churn inside of me, but I keep the relaxed expression on my face. It’s taken more sacrifice and effort to get this point than she can possibly imagine and I hate that she makes it sound easy. “I don’t know if confident is the right word. Determined, maybe.”
“Determined about what?”
“Survival.”
The word lands with the force of a stone on still water. Charlie just stares at me, obviously taken aback. “Well, whatever it is, it’s working for you.”
“I mean, you’re pretty determined too.” I lean forward on the table, forcing her to meet my gaze without looking away. “You said it yourself last year, that you’d do anything to make sure the vote went your way.”
She taps the pencil in her hands on the table and stares down at her textbook, clearly avoiding my gaze. “Both of us said that. That’s just how things work here. If you’re not fighting to stay on top, then you end up on the bottom.”
“I didn’t really mean it when I said I would do anything to come out on top.” I lean back in my chair and cross my legs, pose relaxed even as my attention sharpens. I imagine that I’m leading a lamb to slaughter, but I have to remind myself that none of us are innocent, Charlie maybe least of all. “But I think you did.”
“I don’t know what you mean by that,” Charlie replies, expression suddenly guarded.
The smile fades from my face as I stare at her. “Don’t you?”
“You’re being super weird, Lily.” She closes her textbook and grabs her bag. “And I have to go or I’ll be late for class. We can talk about this later.”
I continue to stare at her, weighing the emotions that cross her face. “If there’s something you need to tell me, now would be the time to do it. It’s the only chance I’ll give you to explain why you did what you did.”
For a moment, Charlie looks like she’s about to protest. She half-rises from the table and I assume it’s because she plans to walk away, but then an expression of remorse twists her features. “Lily, I am so sorry.”
I expect to feel satisfaction at the admission, but as I watch her collapse back into the chair, I don’t feel anything at all. Even as no emotion stirs within me, I want to hear her say it. I want to hear her admit to all of it.
“Tell me,” I say simply.
Charlie glances behind her, but there isn’t anyone left in the dining hall. Still, her voice is significantly lower when she speaks again. “You don’t really know what it’s like to be at the bottom. You’ve never even met any of the Prolis in our class, have you? It’s like living a life where no one will even acknowledge that you’re human. The staff won’t serve you during meals unless everyone else has already eaten and you have to sit in the back of the classroom so teachers never call on you. Most of them don’t even make it to graduation.”
I cross my arms over my chest, so far from sympathy that it would be funny under different circumstances. “And that’s your excuse for selling me out to Chloe?”
“It’s not an excuse, I’m just trying to explain it a way that you might understand.” Tears shine in her eyes, but Charlie doesn’t let them fall as she swipes at her face with the back of her hand. “You have no idea what it was like.”
“What did she offer you?”
She sighs and seems to sag back in the chair as if all the fight has been sucked out of her. “Chloe promised that the vote would go my way if I gave her something embarrassing about you. She made it sound like the journal was just going to be for a little prank.”
I glare at her. “That was some prank.”
“I swear I had no idea what she was going to do.” Charlie bows her head, letting out a heavy sigh. “I regretted giving her that journal from the moment that I handed it over. I was just so desperate to keep my head above water. My whole family is counting on me to make something of myself here. If I become a Proli, then all of that hard work was for nothing.”
“So that just makes me someone to step over on your way to the top?”
“I didn’t know what Chloe was going to do,” she says again, voice lame.
“But you knew she would do something and that it wouldn’t be good,” I point out sharply. Forcing the heat from my voice, my gaze turns assessing as I give her a slow once-over. It’s impossible not to notice the ill-fitting uniform with a fraying hem and the shabby shoes in need of resoling. Desperation is written into every part of her being and it’s obvious to me now how easy it would be to manipulate her. I should only be upset with myself for not seeing it sooner. “Did she tell you to push me in front of that bus, too?”
“I would never do that,” she insists with enough force that it has to be the truth. “If I had any idea how far it would go then I never would have agreed. You have no idea how sorry I am for what I did.”
“But you still did it.” I let the words sit in the air between us for a moment, watching her closely as the realization settles in that simply saying sorry isn’t nearly enough to make things right. “And then you kept the truth from me, even avoided visiting me in the hospital so I wouldn’t see the guilt on your face.”
A tear finally does fall, sliding down her face to land on the pristine tablecloth. “I know you probably won’t be able to forgive me, but you don’t know how sorry I am. I would do anything to make things right.”
Part of me truly wants to believe her, but I remind myself that someone with genuine remorse would have come clean on their own. Charlie never would have told me the truth if I hadn’t forced it out of her. That fact makes it easier for me to do what I have to do. “You really want to make things right?”
She swipes at her face. “Of course, I do.”
I’m not sure that I understand forgiveness, not anymore. Because all that does is make it easier for someone to hurt you again. As I stare at her face, I try to imagine what I would have done in her shoes, if I would have been capable of sacrificing her for my own benefit. I don’t think the old me would have been capable of it, but the old me is dead. And maybe part of me wants to test her, see how far her play at contrition really goes.
“Then I need you to do something for me.”
Chapter 11
The first diving competition of the season is being hosted at Black Lake which presents a perfect opportunity. I’d spent the last few weeks sending shots across the bow of Chloe’s ship, but this would be my chance to finally take her down for good.
Fissures in the inner circle have already turned into full-blown cracks. Ocean has sided with Maisie and neither of them are speaking to Chloe or Grace. Snide comments have been traded back and forth o
n the Inner Circle app as most of our classmates have been forced to take sides. But even with the infighting, enough people would vote for Chloe to keep her a Diamond, despite everything else that’s happened. It’s a funny thing, people think of her as too big to fail, so she is. It’s group delusion at it’s finest.
But that all changes today.
I’m going to make sure that everyone sees Chloe in a way that no amount of beauty or charisma can counter. By the time I’m done, she’ll be the lowest of the low.
I’ve given Charlie very specific instructions, taking advantage of the fact that her position as a photographer for the school paper gives her access to almost everywhere in the school without suspicion. What I’d asked her to do is a simple thing, but would have a devastating impact if it works out the way I hope it will. She’d been reluctant, but guilt is a powerful motivator.
Things work out even better than I hoped when I see the crowd that’s gathered for the swim meet. Most of the students at Black Lake are in attendance with a good number from the opposing school. The stands are packed with witnesses for what I hope will be the worst moment of Chloe Devlin’s life.
As I look over the crowd, a flash of memory moves over me. About the same number of people had filled the auditorium when Chloe stood up on the stage and revealed to everyone the worst thing I’d ever done. That recollection is enough to keep even the smallest bit of guilt at bay as I wait for the competition to begin.
The other girls on the swim team have made a habit of ignoring me since the semester began, but the air of competition only makes it more obvious. As we line up on the side of the pool in our matching tracksuits in school colors, I end up nestled between Grace and Chloe.
“The team really isn’t what it used to be,” Chloe says, loud enough for her voice to carry past me. “Especially now that they let just anybody join.”
“It’s the sympathy thing, I think.” Grace gathers her long hair up in a ponytail, swinging it to the side so I have to lean over to avoid being hit in the face. “It’s easy to get what you want when everybody feels sorry for you.”
“I guess that’s better than sleeping your way to the top. It’s too bad for her that our new coach doesn’t swing the same way that Coach Cardill did.”
With an effort, I keep a placid look on my face even as I inwardly seethe. I have to remind myself that Chloe doesn’t just have to pay for what she did to me, but everybody else that she’s hurt. She’s like a boulder rolling downhill, not stopping until it hits something immovable.
So I keep the small smile on my face and pretend like I don’t know their sharp words are aimed at me. It takes more than that to get under my skin, especially now when I’m about to get precisely what I want.
“Did you want to switch places?” I ask Grace pleasantly. “So you guys can be closer to chat.”
Grace glances at Chloe for a brief second before cutting her eyes at me. “I’m fine right here.”
“Well, just let me know. I’m happy to move for you.”
My pleasant tone seems to have caught them off-balance, at least for a few minutes, and the snide comments temporarily cease. It doesn’t matter what they say because Chloe will eat a lot more than her words by the time I’m done with her.
Across the pool, I see Charlie walk around the bleachers from the direction of the girl’s locker room. As if she can sense me watching her, she raises her head and casts me a nervous look. Every line of her body is tight with tension and she looks like someone in the middle of doing something wrong. I can only hope she keeps it together for long enough to stick to the plan. She gives me a small nod before scurrying up the steps to find a seat far enough down that she’s not directly across from me.
My gaze scans the stands again, if just to make it less obvious that Charlie and I are secretly communicating. The guys are here, partly because I specifically invited them. After what Chloe did to Lukas, I can only assume he’ll enjoy seeing the show firsthand.
Chloe shifts uncomfortably as we take our seats in the section reserved for competitors.
“Nervous?” I ask, voice light.
“Not likely,” she snaps, crossing her legs and then recrossing them as a slightly pained expression crosses her face.
I turn my head so she can’t see my small smile. “I’m sure you’ll do great.”
“I’m sure I will too.”
But even Grace seems to notice how much Chloe is fidgeting. “Hey, are you okay?”
“I’m fine,” Chloe growls. “I’m not the one who kept botching her approach in practice. Worry about yourself.”
Suitably chastised, Grace turns away to face the pool but I notice how her eyes narrow as she glares off into the distance.
“It’s okay to be nervous,” I say as I watch the first diver climb up on the board. “It’s the first meet of the season.”
Chloe’s voice is harsher than I’ve ever heard it. “I’m not nervous and I’ll thank you to mind your own business.”
“You really do seem off.” I invest my voice with as much sincerity as I can muster, enough to practically fool myself. “Do you want me to go get Coach Lehy and see if she can change the rotation?”
“I want you to stop talking to me.” Chloe crosses her legs again, the movement more frantic this time. She winces with each shift of her hips as I pretend not to be watching her out of the corner of my eye. “And you’re not going first so you can show me up. I know what you’re trying to do so just shove the fake sympathy up your ass.”
Turning away with a small shrug, I lean toward Grace and pitch my voice just loud enough for her to hear. “Is she always this keyed-up before a meet?”
“Not, really.”
“Is everything okay.”
“I’m not sure—” Grace seems to realize that she’s not supposed to be talking to me and clamps her mouth shut with a shake of her head. “Just be quiet, okay. We’re about to start.”
Chloe shifts again on the metal bench and mutters to herself. “God, I hate these old ass uniforms. I told Coach Lehy that I’m allergic to polyester.”
“I hope the laundry service uses detergent without fragrances or dyes,” I tell Grace who is making a point of not looking at me. “It’s way better for your skin.”
Chloe tries to hide the movement but I see her hands shift over her thighs frantically as she pulls at the fabric of her pants. By this point, her discomfort is obvious to anyone who cares to notice. But I’m counting on the fact that pride will prevent her from dropping out of the competition.
One by one other students perform their dives until there are only a handful of people to go before it’s Chloe’s turn. When she stands up and unzips her jacket, I can’t help but hold my breath as I try not to stare too obviously. No one’s gaze is on her yet but they will be soon. If only she’d been smart enough to accept my offer.
She waits until the last possible moment to remove her track pants. I watch from the corner of my eye, pretending to be interested as the next diver approaches the ladder, worrying that Chloe might return to the locker room after all.
Grace’s surprised gasp is Chloe’s only warning, but it comes much too late. Chloe has already walked down the side of the pool and is in full view of the gathered audience before it occurs to her to look down at herself.
A bright red rash spreads across the upper portion of her thighs and extends out from the crotch of her bathing suit, so angrily bright against her pale skin that it has to be visible even from the top of the stands. Tiny pus-filled blisters have already come up on the sensitive flesh, giving the rash a disgusting look like something contagious.
But that’s what happens when your suit has been switched out for one that’s been rubbed with poison ivy.
Shocked silence is the first reaction, but then one person in the audience lets out a guffaw of surprise. In the next moment, the murmurs and laughter rise like an ocean tide until every gaze in the room is on Chloe and the embarrassing rash covering her hips and thighs.
“Oh my God, what is that on her legs?”
“Is that what I think it is?”
“That’s hilarious.”
It takes longer than it should for Chloe to realize that the commotion is focused on her. She’s so used to being on the other end of social attacks that it’s probably difficult to conceive of herself as the target of embarrassment. It isn’t until Grace shouts her name multiple times and points to her crotch that Chloe looks down and sees for herself the damage that has been done to her skin.
Her face turns practically the same shade of red as the rash and she lets out a sound that’s somewhere between a scream and a moan. Instead of running back to the locker room or trying to cover herself, she stands there like a particularly stupid deer caught in headlights. The shock and fear on her face is like no expression that I’ve ever seen Chloe wear before that moment, and I relish it. After all the humiliations she’s made me suffer, this feels like divine justice.
God helps those who help themselves.
The flash of lights from the stands makes it obvious that many people are taking pictures, maybe even video, and evidence of this will be memorialized on the Inner Circle app before the meet is even over.
When Chloe bursts into tears, Grace launches off the bench to wrap her in a towel and hustle toward the locker rooms, murmuring reassurances. But I notice that Grace is careful to only touch the towel and not any of Chloe’s exposed skin. I keep a concerned look on my face as I watch them go, while inside I’m cackling like a witch stirring her cauldron.
Chloe stumbles a bit at the far end of the pool, her feet catching on the tile. Grace doesn’t make any move to catch her, and she has to push herself to her feet as the volume of laughter increases. A pang of sympathy threatens but all I have to do is remind myself of how gleefully she humiliated me for it to subside. This isn’t the sort of place where empathy is a useful emotion. It’s always been kill or be killed.
Coach Lehy strides up to me, an exasperated look on her face. “Please tell me you’re ready to go. I doubt Ms. Devlin will return before the end of the meet.”