by Vivian Arend
This time I don’t blame Mark for leaving. I’m broken up all over again that what could have been a stepping-stone toward healing became a total breaking point for our family.
This time, I’m going to do exactly what Marion reminded me of. I’m not responsible for my brothers. They have to make their own choices. I’ll still intervene if they ever step over a line, and I’ll always help if they ask.
But my focus is now on my own family. On Marion, Blake, Matt, and Daniel (and any others that show up in the future.) If I can somehow be a father and husband who makes a difference to those who are mine to shape, then I will count my job as complete.
And I will always, always leave the door open for Mark to return.
Because while the choices he’s making right now aren’t the ones I’d make, I don’t know the entire story. I can’t imagine his heartbreak or his struggles.
I feel the weight of my own struggles, and I know they’re made that much easier to bear because Marion is by my side. Love her with everything in me, even more than I did when we started this ride.
Since I know you’re reading this—love you, darling.
* * *
[halfway down the page, a different set of handwriting.]
* * *
Love you too. So, so much. And our family will grow strong into the future, because these boys have the most caring and thoughtful daddy they could hope for.
And I have a thoughtful, caring, sexy husband who makes me smile, and gets me riled up in all the right ways.
Don’t be too late coming to bed tonight.
* * *
~Marion
(But I’m NOT going through three more pregnancies. Just saying.)
Part II
Tell me, what is the present hour?
‘A green and flowery spray
Where a young bird sits gathering its power
To mount and fly away.’
* * *
Past, Present, Future
Emily Brontë
9
It had taken a couple of months to put thought into action, but by the first week of March, Mark had sold his house, loaded up the remaining things he wanted to keep into his rig, and headed north.
Hours later, he pulled into the yard outside Rocky Mountain House and stared at the house that had once been where he lived. It had been a lot of years since he and John had shared the place, and for a moment, memories swapped in so hard and fast, he had to clutch the wheel to keep himself steady.
I miss you, bro. So damn much.
The confession came every single day, because that’s what it meant to have lost a twin. Add in the way that he’d lost John—
Mark took a deep breath then straightened. That was the past, and now it was time to move into the future. Which meant dealing with the present moment.
John had been the one to push him forward. Which was strange in a way, because his twin was the last one any of them considered a risk-taker or go-getter. But the truth was John had been solidly at Mark’s back all their growing up years. Not the one to step in front, but damn eager to follow behind as closely as possible into whatever sort of trouble they could find.
And trouble they found. John always insisted he was only there to try and keep his brother safe. Most people bought his innocent act, except their parents.
The memory of being disciplined for good ideas gone bad turned the churning in Mark’s gut into a memory that made him smile.
He’d had a reason to leave, but there’d been a lot of good times here on the Coleman land. Maybe while he was stepping forward, those were the bits he needed to focus on. Kind of like Trevor’s letter had said—putting together the good memories along with the bad, but focusing on the positive.
The other part of why he was back was to build new memories.
He pushed open his rig door and got out, wondering what Trevor would say when he realized Mark had finally responded to his oft-repeated invitation.
He stopped on the front porch, admiring the clean, welcoming area, with its fresh coat of paint and a pretty little flag hanging under the protected eaves. He put his knuckles to the door after there was no response to the doorbell.
Testing the doorknob, he found it turned easily. He was grinning pretty hard as he cracked the door opened and shouted, “Hello. Anybody home?”
Complete silence.
He closed the door firmly and headed back to his rig. Seemed he was going to have to do a little tracking to find his nephew. And while he could’ve gone over to Mike’s or one of his other brothers’ places, somehow it seemed right to deal with Trevor first.
The kid deserved it, if only for how obnoxiously tenacious he’d been over the past years with those damn letters.
Mark pulled out his phone and, for the first time ever, used the number Trevor had given him so many years ago.
“Uncle Mark?”
Yep. That was definitely a Coleman on the other end of the line. “I could swear I was talking to Randy. Yeah, this is Mark. I assume you’re Trevor.”
“Hell, yeah. It’s good to hear from you.” There was a momentary pause, other voices in the background. “Or at least, I hope it’s good to hear from you. Everything okay? You need something?”
That was a fairly open-ended question. “Took you up on your offer. Decided to come to Rocky, and thought I should stop in and say hello.”
“Great news. You know when you might be in town?”
Mark glanced around, noting the changes and improvements to the barn and fences since he dropped Becky off a couple years earlier. The whole place was in excellent shape—not that he expected anything different from one of Randy’s kids. “Truth be told, I’m standing in your yard right now.”
Trevor chuckled. “Well, you don’t do things by halves. Guess you figured out I’m not there right now. Want to come into town? I took Becky out to the café. We’re about to have lunch. We’d love to have you join us.”
Which was probably a better idea than storming into their personal space right off the bat. Should’ve thought of it sooner. “I can be there in about fifteen minutes,” Mark told him. “Go ahead and order without me.”
He was experienced enough that it only took five minutes to unload his one-ton truck from the trailer, which meant, barely ten minutes later, he was walking through the doors into the same café he used to visit back in the day.
It hadn’t changed much. The booths had been updated a little, but the long counter still stretched in an L shape around the kitchen. Coffee pots lined the counter, and the scent of bacon grease hung heavy on the air.
This was where they’d gone for burgers and fries during school hours and invaded in the evening while out on dates and spending time with friends.
“Uncle Mark.” The tall, dark-haired man marching toward him with his hand outstretched could’ve stepped out of the pages of Mark’s memory.
“Damn. It’s like looking at your father thirty years ago.” Mark shook the young man’s hand firmly. He glanced beyond to the familiar face of the sweet, strong woman he’d first found standing alone at the side of the highway in pitch-black darkness. “Becky.”
She wiggled her way off of the bench, her belly stretching forward in an obvious soon-to-be-mom proclamation.
Then she pushed right past the hand he offered and slid against his chest, squeezing her arms around him as she burst into tears.
Shit. Mark wasn’t quite sure what to do for a moment, but Trevor was there, one hand on Becky’s back while the other rested on Mark’s shoulder. Calm and reassuring. Making it clear that if what Becky wanted was a hug, that’s what Becky got.
So, Mark cradled the girl, patting her softly as she cried. Oblivious to the attention they were drawing from curious onlookers.
Trevor leaned in and lowered his voice. “Rodeo, you’re gonna have to let the man go so we can actually say hello.”
She nodded briskly, stepping back and wiping at her tears. She met Mark’s gaze with big brown eyes filled with emotion
. “Sorry about that. I’m glad you’re here.”
“Me too.” And as they settled back down at the table, Mark checked himself and realized it was true.
None of this was going to be easy, but it would be worth it. This was where he was supposed to be. It hadn’t happened before because the time hadn’t been right, but everything felt different now.
Trevor draped an arm around Becky’s shoulders and kept her tucked up tight against him. He met Mark’s gaze firmly. “I sure the hell never expected this, but like Becky, I’m glad you’re here.”
Mark glanced across at Becky, who was smiling even as she worked to pull herself back together. “I got your Christmas letter, and it got me thinking. We can talk about that more later. For now, I wanted to say hello to you first and see how things were going.”
“You going to be in town for long?” Trevor asked. “We’ve got room in the house if you want it.”
Mark had considered it, but settling back into Rocky was another thing he needed to do right. He shook his head. “I want plenty of talking time with Becky, and with you, but the house is yours the same as always. I’m not here to change that.”
Becky tilted her head, wonder shining out of her eyes. “Sounds as if you’re here for more than a visit.”
He nodded slowly. “Still working on my final plans, but yeah. I hope to stay.”
Trevor looked a little dazed. “Wow.”
“I think that’s—” Becky’s eyes widened. “Oh, shit.”
Mark had never heard the girl swear. Not even once during the months that he’d taken care of her while she recovered after running away from a terrible situation.
And from Trevor’s instant reaction, spine stiffening, head snapping to attention, her cussing still wasn’t a common thing. “Rodeo?”
Becky caught hold of Trevor’s hand. “My water broke. I am so sorry. Can you get me a towel or something—?”
Trevor was out of the seat, darting two steps toward the door, then two steps back. “Screw the towel. You need the hospital. Uncle Mark—” Trevor didn’t finish the sentence. He ran five steps toward the door this time before returning. “I’m starting the truck. I’ll be right back.”
It appeared his nephew was going to be one of those type of fathers.
Mark glanced across the table at Becky. “You feeling any contractions?”
Becky shrugged, wiggling her way toward the edge of the bench seat. “Some. Nothing too dire.”
“Okay. Then we’ll get Trevor to drive you to the hospital.”
He offered a hand, and she took it, standing up easily. She glanced over her shoulder then back at him. “I feel terrible about the mess.”
“Not any worse than someone accidentally tipping over a pop.” He pushed a few napkins off the table and onto the bench. “That’s why they make the place wash and wear, sweetheart. Come on.”
He’d barely had time to wrap an arm gently around Becky’s waist, when the door of the café flew open, the bells going off as if being shaken by a tornado.
Trevor stood in the doorway, his eyes wild. “Someone took my truck.”
Unexpected, a snicker escaped Becky. “Really? I wonder how that happened.”
“They’re not supposed to take my truck today.” Trevor all but shouted the words. “That’s not how this works. I have to get you to the hospital.”
A dozen set of keys were lifted in the air from all of the excited onlookers in the café.
“You can use mine, Trev.”
“Mine’s parked right outside.”
“Don’t even need to gas her up when you’re done,” someone else offered.
Becky was full-on laughing at this point, even as Trevor came to take over, his arm sliding around her waist. She lifted bright eyes to meet Mark’s gaze. “Could I bother you for another ride?”
The beauty of the moment just about floored him. “I would be honoured.”
10
Becky walked the hall with her fingers tangled with Trevor’s. Inside, she was so filled with emotion that it was difficult to keep from bouncing. Of course, when a moment later tears threatened to burst free, it wasn’t quite as much fun.
Glancing at Trevor’s concerned face, she tried to explain. “I’m like a yo-yo right now. Scared, then thrilled, sad then delighted, all at the same time.”
Trevor pulled her into his arms, one hand cradling the back of her head as he held her. “I’m right there with you.”
Seeing Mark had brought back sad memories, but oddly that wasn’t the part affecting her the hardest. “When I ran away from Paradise Colony, I had no idea where I was going. What I would do.”
A shiver shook him, and his arms momentarily curled tighter around her. Trevor pressed a kiss to her temple. “You’re safe, Rodeo. Nothing from there can touch you.”
She shook her head, peeling back far enough to be held yet meet his eyes. “I know. I know that to the complete innermost part of me. It’s just, thinking back to how Mark took me in that day? He gave me a ride then took care of me. Not knowing who I really was, he trusted me and ended up giving me a future.”
A contraction hit, and she paused, hands braced on her knees in the middle of the hallway they’d been pacing. Trevor rubbed her back and breathed with her until she was able to stand again.
This time she knew what she wanted to say. Becky cupped Trevor’s face in her hands. “Mark gave me a future where I found you. Falling in love with you and having you love me back has been beyond anything I could’ve ever imagined when I was living in Paradise.”
Trevor leaned in and kissed her. Sweet and intense. “We live somewhere better than paradise. We have a home.” He slipped a hand over her belly. “We’re building a family.”
“We are, and I’m so glad.” It’d taken a while, but between therapy and Trevor being his sweet, unendingly patient self, their physical relationship had changed. Sex no longer traumatized her. It was something that—with Trevor—made her hot and ache and truly feel alive to the center of her being.
Just the thought of getting tangled up with Trevor in bed sometime in the future made her heart skip a beat.
Trevor grinned. “You’re blushing. Thinking dirty thoughts?”
“Hush.” She tapped him on the chest and pushed back, offering a wink.
They walked another while, dealt with more contractions, before Becky pulled the conversation back to what she needed to share. “When I lived with Mark, before he dropped me off at the house here in Rocky? We talked a bunch. You know that. But while he shared some information about his home, it always seemed as if something about what happened here with his family was missing. I want to help him if he needs it. I want him to be happy.”
Trevor nodded. “Of course we will. He’s a good man, and he’s family.”
“He was family to me before I ever met you.” Becky’s throat was tight. “I need him to know that.”
Trevor squeezed her fingers. “We’ll make sure he does.”
Not long after, Rachel showed up. Her sister-in-law was nearly ten years older, but she’d become more than family. She was pretty much Becky’s best friend.
“Too bad I’m not working any longer. I could’ve come straight with you from the café,” she teased.
“Where are your babies?” Becky asked. Rachel and Lee’s children had come ten months apart from each other, which meant Liam had just turned one, and Ava was barely two months old.
“Mom and Dad have them,” Lee said as he patted Trevor firmly on the shoulder. He waited for Rachel and Becky to untangle themselves from their massive hug then swooped in and squeezed Becky tight. “You’ve got this. We’re here for you, and Rachel’s ready to give you tips.”
“Since you’ve practiced a couple of times already,” Becky teased before adding, “You should get pregnant again soon, so you don’t forget how it’s done.”
Rachel visibly shuddered. “No. Please no. I love the babies, but that would be too soon.”
“Didn’t Ashley
almost do that?” Trevor asked.
“She waited a full three months between starting the next baby,” Lee said before adding dryly, “I’m surprised it took that long since she’s got two guys to deal with.”
Becky had to stop snickering to breathe through a contraction.
The wonder of it hit. So much had changed over the past years. What she had lived through in the cult and their strange sexual norms had nothing to do with the loving relationship that Travis, Cassidy, and Ashley shared. Knowing that to be an absolute truth was amazing.
Love was love, and it could shine out in many different ways. Without love, nothing was right.
The distraction of having Rachel and Lee there was good, but when push came to shove, literally, it was just Trevor in the room with her. The nurse practitioner helped, the doctor arriving barely in time. Moments later, Dr. Kinkaid laid a sweet, squirming little girl on Becky’s chest.
A few precious moments of quiet followed after the baby was cleaned up, her little pink mouth moving in a bow as she attempted to latch on and nurse.
The physical tug at Becky’s breast was nothing compared to the one squeezing around her heart. Seeing the precious life she and Trevor had made—Becky felt as if she’d been reborn.
She glanced up to discover tears trickling down Trevor’s face. Softly, Becky touched a fingertip to one.
He caught her by the wrist and brought her hand to his lips, tenderly kissing the moisture away. Even as he stared at the baby, he gave a small shake of his head and spoke with his heart in his voice. “I love you so much, Rodeo. That was one hell of a thing. Seeing you bring our baby into the world—damn. I always believed you were strong, but now I know you can move mountains.”
Becky swallowed hard. “Love you.”
They both lowered their eyes to the sweet wonder of life. “You ready to share her name?”
Of all the joyful blessings, it was one Becky had never imagined she would get to experience. “I think so.” She gestured toward the door. “You want to go let Rachel in?”