by Katy Baker
She had? He hadn’t heard a thing. Cam ran a hand through his hair. “Aye, well,” he mumbled. “I was a little...distracted.”
Beth’s gaze flicked over the myriad of white-scars that crisscrossed his body and then came to rest on his tattoo. A look he couldn’t decipher crossed her face. Disgust? Pity? He snatched up his shirt and yanked it over his head.
“What do ye want?” he demanded.
“I came to see if you’re okay.”
“I’m fine. Why wouldnae I be?”
She took a step closer. The setting sun made her eyes shine. “You seemed a little...ruffled earlier, when Rabbie mentioned the MacAuley clan—your clan— having a new laird. And then you didn’t come back after stabling Firefly. Are you sure you’re okay?”
The concern in her eyes made his annoyance drain away. He suddenly couldn’t bear the compassion in her gaze. He whirled and stalked down to the water’s edge, gazing out over the placid waters. She didn’t say anything or come any closer but he felt her presence standing behind him. If he closed his eyes, he was sure he could pinpoint her exact position. Lord above, when had he become so attuned to her?
He wished she would leave. He wished she would come closer and press her hands against his back. He wished...curse it, he didn’t know what he wished.
The silence stretched, broken only by the raucous cry of a pheasant somewhere in the underbrush.
“Elspeth told me how Rabbie found you,” Beth said at last. “And how they nursed you back to health.”
Cam clenched his fists. “She shouldnae have done that.”
“Why?” Beth cried, her tone annoyed now. “Another one of your secrets?”
He frowned at her. “This conversation is over.”
She threw up her hands in exasperation. “Damn it, Camdan! Why do you block me at every turn? Why don’t you trust me?”
He opened his mouth and shut it again. Trust her? He didn’t trust anyone. He dare not. “Ye dinna understand,” he said. “Everything I do, I do to keep ye safe.”
“Keep me safe? From who?”
He met her angry gaze. “From me.”
She looked taken aback. “You would never hurt me,” she asserted. “I trust you.”
Now it was Cam’s turn to be surprised. She trusted him? After what he’d done at the inn? Lord, he wished he trusted himself.
“Ye dinna understand, lass.”
“No, you’re right there. So help me understand. Why are you like two different people?”
“I dinna ken what ye mean.”
“Don’t you?” she replied. “What I’m struggling to get my head around is the difference between the man who fought those thugs at the inn and the man I see before me now. The man at the inn was off his head, out of control. I think you would have killed that guy if I hadn’t stopped you. But the man standing in front of me right now is the man who built a wheelchair for a disabled kid, helped a family build their home, risked his life to save a stranger from a gang of criminals and then volunteered to escort that stranger halfway across the country. It’s that man who freaked out when we passed a stone circle, that man who was brother to the laird of the MacAuley. Which man are you really, Cam?”
“Both,” he replied in a hoarse whisper. “One is the man that lurks inside me, the other is the one I strive to be.”
He turned to look out over the stillness of the lake for a moment, yearning for a peace that had fled. He churned inside. He turned back to Beth.
“Dinna ask me to explain. Ye would hate me if ye knew the truth.”
BETH’S HEART TWISTED as Cam turned to look at her. The expression on his face was ravaged. She read self-revulsion, fear, and a deep, aching vulnerability.
She bit her lip and struggled to think of what to say. What could she say that would get through? Tell him that she wouldn’t hate him if she knew the truth? He wouldn’t believe her. For the first time since she met him, Cam’s emotions were written clearly to see, the brittle inner core of him exposed. It made her want to run to him. It made her want to wrap her arms around him and pull him close.
But she didn’t. She suspected such a move would snap his self-restraint. What the hell had happened to him to cause such deep and abiding self-loathing? She’d asked him to trust her but now, as she looked at the shadows that lurked behind his eyes, she realized that Cam trusted nobody and had not done so for a very, very long time.
You can trust me! she wanted to shout. Don’t you realize that yet?
As they stood facing each other, the sun setting behind the lake and the silence growing between them like a wall, a sudden realization came to Beth.
Trust went both ways.
Tell him, a voice whispered in the back of her mind. Tell him the truth.
The thought scared her. It would leave her dangerously vulnerable. She blew out a breath and then rubbed at her eyes, trying to gather her courage.
“It’s time for some honesty between us,” she said, lifting her chin. “Starting with me.”
His eyes narrowed, his expression becoming guarded, wary. “What do ye mean?”
“I told you I’m from America and I told you I came here to study and work in Edinburgh,” she said. “All of that is true. What I’ve not been honest about is when I come from.”
He studied her face. “Ye aren’t making any sense.”
Beth took the cell phone from her pocket and turned it on. The battery was running low. It would soon run out and she’d have no way to recharge it. She had to get him to understand before that happened. She scrolled through the apps and found a video she’d downloaded of some puppies. Steeling her courage, she pressed the play button and held it out to Cam.
He eyed it suspiciously. “That’s the device ye were looking at in the clearing. Ye didnae want me to see it.”
She nodded. “Take it. It’s called a cell phone.”
Slowly, as if the phone was a viper that might bite him, Cam reached out and took it from her. His eyes widened as he watched the video running on the screen.
“What manner of Fae magic is this? These images are moving! And where does the sound come from?”
“A speaker on the back,” Beth replied. “And it’s not powered by magic. It’s powered by technology.”
“I’ve never seen the like,” Cam murmured, his eyes moving as they followed the images flitting across the screen.
“No,” Beth replied. She took a deep breath. “Because it hasn’t been invented yet. And it won’t be invented for another several hundred years.”
His eyes snapped up to meet hers. “I dinna understand.”
Okay, no going back now. She forced out the words.
“Cam, I’m from the future. When I stepped through Irene MacAskill’s archway it sent me back in time. I’m from the twenty-first century.”
The words tumbled into a well of silence. She watched Cam intently, awaiting his response. He said nothing. She could almost see his thoughts churning behind his eyes as he put it all together. Her sudden appearance in the forest that day. Her strange clothing. Her odd way of speaking and use of words he didn’t understand. Her possession of a device that defied all logic.
“The future?” he whispered at last. “That’s yer home?”
“Yes,” she nodded. “Which is where I need to get back to.”
Cam closed his eyes and breathed deeply for one, two, three breaths. When he opened them again, he seemed to have gathered himself. He handed the phone back to Beth.
“Why did ye not tell me sooner?”
“Would you have believed me?”
He thought about that. “Probably not.”
“But you believe me now?”
“How can I not?” he said with a wry smile. “I’ve just seen light and moving images pour from a tiny box. I canna even begin to imagine how such a thing would work but I know of the magic of the Fae. I dinna doubt they have the power over time and I’m sure Irene is one of them. What I dinna understand is why Irene would send ye back to my t
ime?”
“I don’t know,” Beth replied. “She said I would find my destiny and help undo a great injustice.”
Cam looked at her sharply, an odd expression crossing his face. “She said that?”
“I know, crazy, right?”
“Aye,” he whispered, his voice hoarse.
The sun had dipped behind the mountains and now the lake took on the look of steel, gray and unforgiving. The temperature plummeted and Beth wrapped her arms around herself to keep warm. Cam stared out over the lake for a long moment, wrapped in his own thoughts.
“Do ye still want to know the truth about me?” he asked at last. “Last chance, lass. Turn around and return to the house. Ye dinna need to get involved in the mess that is my life.”
“I’m already involved,” Beth replied. “I told you my truth. Now it’s your turn.”
He stared at her, his eyes as blue as winter frost, and for a moment she felt herself falling into them. Then he blinked, looked away, and pulled a deep breath through his nostrils.
He held up his arms, showing the faded gray coils of his tattoo. “This isnae at tattoo at all,” he said. “It’s a brand. The mark of a bargain I once made. A bargain with the Fae.”
“The Fae,” she breathed. “A few weeks ago I wouldn’t have believed in any such thing. Who are they?”
“Fairy creatures older than time itself. They are of the mountains and the rivers. Of the air and the sea. They hold power over the creatures and people of the Highlands and they will exercise that power however they see fit, regardless of the consequences.” His eyes fixed on Beth. “As I said, I suspect Irene MacAskill is such a creature.”
“You said you met Irene on the same day you met me. Was it then you made this bargain?”
He shook his head. “Nay, it was a long time ago and with another of her kind: a creature that looks like an old man. Several years ago my brother Logan was laird of the MacAuley clan, I was commander of the clan’s warriors and my younger brother Finlay was our chief scout and bard. It was a grand time. Our clan prospered. Then rumors reached us of strife in Ireland. Famine. Disease. A rise in banditry and lawlessness. We didnae pay the rumors much heed until Finn came back from a patrol with word of an enormous fleet of raiders making their way across the sea to sack Dun Ringill. Thousands of men bent on destroying my home and taking what they wanted. We were desperate. Even the might of the MacAuley clan couldnae stand against such numbers. My cousin Eoin, who was always a scholar of the old ways, suggested appealing to the Fae. So we did.”
His eyes had gone distant, filled with memory. Beth took a step closer, laid her hand on his arm. “What happened?”
He didn’t reply for a long time and in his eyes Beth could almost see the churning memories. But finally he began to speak again. “We traveled to a stone circle near Dun Ringill. Such places belong to the Fae. This one was called the stones of Druach. There we called upon the Fae and one answered. The three MacAuley brothers struck a bargain: our lives in return for the power to save our clan. It was granted. The three of us together, filled with power of the Fae, drove off the invaders and then returned to the stone circle to die. But the Fae didnae kill us. He cursed us. Never to know family. Never to know love. Never to be again the men we once were.”
He looked down and Beth realized she’d inadvertently placed her hand over his tattoo. It felt slightly warm to the touch.
Cam smiled wryly. “I was once the mightiest warrior of the MacAuley clan and the Fae used my vanity against me. Oh aye, I am a mighty warrior still. But I am cursed with blood-lust, Beth. The rage comes upon me like a fever, like an itch that must be scratched. It demands violence, it demands blood, and I struggle to control it. That’s the man ye saw in the inn. The man I’ve become.”
He fell silent. It was full dark and Beth could barely see him now. He was just a silhouette outlined against the backdrop of the lake but she heard his laboured breathing, as though he’d been running for a long time.
“It makes sense now,” she murmured. “You being two different men. The one who saved a disabled child and the one who killed that outlaw in the forest.”
He shook his head. “I am but one man, lass. The curse only took that dark part of myself and amplified it. It was always there, lurking. Do ye understand why I didnae tell ye? I long to be a good man but know that I am not. Far from it.”
“What’s the definition of a good man?” she countered. “I once thought I knew. It was easy: there were bad people and good people and the bad ones deserved to be put away. Now? I’m not so sure. Maybe all we can do is strive to do the right thing. “
“What if ye dinna know what the right thing is?”
“Nobody ever said it was easy.”
She blew out a sigh and ran a hand through her hair, thinking through all that Cam had told her. A few weeks ago if somebody had claimed that they were cursed, she would have laughed. Any fool knew that curses weren’t real. Yeah, she thought. Like time-travel and the Fae aren’t real. She was beginning to learn that not everything was as she’d thought.
“So that’s why you were so freaked out when Rabbie said your clan have a new laird,” she said, as realization dawned. “Logan MacAuley. Your brother.”
“Aye,” he replied. “I dinna know how it’s possible. He was laird before our bargain and it seems he’s found a way to return to it.”
“If your brother can break his curse, so can you. We just have to figure out how.”
He gave a wry smile that held no conviction. “Nay, lass. I am content. I will guard ye with my life and see ye safe home again—ye have given me a purpose and for that I thank ye.”
He took hold of her hands and clasped them to his chest, close to his heart. His hands felt huge and strong around hers, his skin hard and callused, yet warm. He looked down at her, his eyes searching her face.
“I willnae ever harm ye, lass,” he breathed. “Ye need not fear me.”
“I know that,” Beth replied. “I don’t know how, but I knew that from the first moment I saw you. Why else would I agree to travel with an uncouth lout?”
A ghost of a smile quirked his lips. “Why indeed?”
Beth found herself staring up at him. His eyes seemed to glow in the gloom like blue lamps, the moonlight that was beginning to seep through the trees casting his face into planes and angles. Beth’s pulse quickened. A shiver went down her spine but this time it wasn’t from fear or unease.
Cam’s lips parted and a low breath escaped him. For one scintillating, terrifying moment Beth thought he would lean down and kiss her, and even more terrifying, for an instant she wanted that more than anything in the world.
But he didn’t kiss her. He blinked as if waking from sleep, released her hands and stepped back.
“Come. We should be getting back. Rabbie and Elspeth will think we’ve gotten lost.”
He held out his hand and Beth took it. In silence he led her back through the darkened landscape to the MacGoverns’ croft.
Chapter 10
As they stepped into the glade, Beth saw a campfire burning in a pit several meters in front of the house. Rabbie and Elspeth sat together on a log, Travis perched in his chair next to them. A spit straddled the fire, one of the pheasants Cam had caught that morning slowly roasting over it.
“Ah!” Rabbie called as he spotted them. “There ye are! Perfect timing as ever, my friend. The food is almost cooked.”
“Why do ye think I made myself scarce?” Cam replied. “Ye know how much I hate cooking!”
He and Beth seated themselves on a log on the opposite side of the fire. Rabbie passed over two beakers and filled them with whisky.
“Look, Uncle Cam,” Travis said, holding something out in both hands. “I’ve been practicing my letters, just like ye taught me.”
He was holding the slate tablet Beth had seen him writing on earlier. It was covered in neat, precise letters.
Cam took the slate and peered at it. “My, little man, ye have a fine hand. Fi
ner than my own, I can tell ye. I’ve seen nay better work in all the Highlands.”
The boy beamed at the compliment. “Does that mean I can be a scribe someday like ye said?”
Cam ruffled the boy’s hair. “Any laird would be proud to have ye.”
Elspeth leaned close to Beth. “Cam taught him his letters. Neither Rabbie nor I can read. We hope Travis might one day be good enough to earn a place as a scribe. His father and I willnae be around forever and when we’re gone what will happen to him? He canna stay here—not with his difficulties. Cam said he’ll do his best to find him a place in a lord’s hall when he’s old enough.”
There was worry in her voice and Beth reached out to squeeze her new friend’s shoulder. “Then he will. Cam keeps his word.”
Elspeth forced a smile. “Aye, that he does.”
“Right!” Rabbie said, rubbing his hands. “I reckon it’s ready. Who’s for roast pheasant?”
There was a chorus of agreement and Rabbie took the bird from the fire, carved it expertly with his belt knife, before passing it around on wooden plates. There were roasted vegetables to go with it and gravy that Elspeth had made from the pheasant’s juices. It was by far the best meal Beth had eaten since she’d come to this time. In fact, as she tucked in, she reflected it was one of the best meals she’d eaten in any time. The meat came apart on her tongue and the vegetables were crisp and juicy.
Silence descended as everyone ate, broken only by the crackle of the fire. Rabbie refilled everyone’s cup with another dram of whisky. He and Cam had already drunk three or four but neither of them seemed in the least affected by the potent spirit. Which was more than could be said for Beth. Anymore and she’d wake up with a headache. She accepted the cup politely but then set it on the ground by her feet without taking a swig.
Elspeth nodded conspiratorially. “Most wise. Sometimes I reckon Rabbie has whisky for blood and Cam the same. Give me a cup of warm milk any day.” She nodded at the ground and Beth looked down to see Elspeth’s cup untouched by her feet, just like Beth’s.