by Katy Baker
Beth shook her head. “It wasn’t your fault they attacked us. How were you to know they were hiding out in the mountains?”
His eyes were full of old pain as he shook his head. “It was my fault, lass. Of course it was. Ye wouldnae have been in that position if it wasnae for me. I’m sorry. For everything. What ye saw in that place...what I did...” He broke off.
“Was he telling the truth?” Beth asked, forcing out the words. She had to know. “Were you and MacGregor partners?”
Did you used to terrorize people like he said? Oh god, Cam, tell me you didn’t!
He didn’t answer for a long time as if he was thinking through his answer. But finally he shook his head and Beth let out a breath she hadn’t known she’d been holding.
“MacGregor has no partners. I used to fight for him, that’s all. It was an easy way to make money. I left. I thought I wasnae that man anymore. I didnae want ye to see that. If I had listened to Rabbie’s warning we wouldnae be in this mess. I’m sorry.”
Beth pressed a finger against his lips. “It’s no good dwelling on ‘what ifs’. We’re both safe now. That’s all that matters.”
“Is it?” he asked hoarsely.
Beth didn’t like the haunted look in his eyes. “Come on,” she said, scooting over to where their clothes were laid out near the fire. “As much as I could happily sit here staring at your chest all day, the fire’s dying down and it’s getting chilly.”
He didn’t smile at her attempt at humor as he took his plaid and pulled it on. Beth yanked the dress over her head, wriggled into it, and tied up the laces. It was blessedly warm and dry although her boots were still damp.
Cam pushed himself stiffly to his feet, a grimace of pain baring his teeth as he put weight on his injured leg.
“That needs looking at,” Beth said, pointing at the rock. “Sit.”
“Tis fine,” he muttered. “Dinna worry yerself.”
Beth crossed her arms and raised one eyebrow. “Sit.”
He frowned and reluctantly did as she asked. Beth hiked up the kilt of his plaid to reveal the smooth skin of his thigh. The arrow wound formed a ragged puncture halfway between his knee and groin. It looked to have torn the meat of the muscle but hadn’t penetrated deeply enough to become embedded or to hit any major arteries, thank goodness. A large purple bruise surrounded the puncture and he’d torn open the scab so it was bleeding again, a bright rivulet running down his leg.
Beth swore under her breath. How had he managed to keep them both afloat with such an injury, much less drag her to shore and then build a fire? It must be agony. Yet Cam brushed off the pain as though it was no more than an annoying insect.
“You need to see a doctor,” she said. “Or whatever passes for that in your time. It needs stitching and something to keep out the infection.”
He smiled wryly. “Do ye see any such thing around here?”
She huffed out a breath, conceding the point. “All right. I’ll bandage it as best I can but we find the nearest place with a doctor and get you looked at, agreed?”
“As ye say.”
Beth bent and tore the hem off the bottom of her dress. Kneeling, she wound it around his wounded leg, bandaging it tight. Cam grimaced in pain but made not a sound.
“Where do you reckon we are?” she asked him. “Do you think MacGregor will find us?”
“Nay, lass,” Cam replied softly. “We’re many miles from his territory. The river carried us right out of the mountains.” He looked up, his eyes fixing on a line of hills in the distance. “He wouldnae dare come here,” he added, his voice barely above a whisper. “He knows who would oppose him.”
Beth finished tying the bandage then stepped back. “There. It should stop the bleeding at least. Hold on a minute.” She hurried in amongst the trees and returned holding a stout branch almost as tall as she was which she held out to him. “Here. A walking stick. You can’t put too much weight on that leg or you’ll aggravate your wound.”
He took it gingerly. “My thanks.”
Cam clasped the stick in one hand and began limping away from her. Beth watched him go for a moment, wondering what words she could say to make things right between them, to break through his guilt and self-recrimination. With a sigh, she trotted to catch up with him, quickly leaving their makeshift campsite behind.
CAM LED BETH ALONG the river for a while, keeping it on their right as they moved out of the foothills. What had once been a raging white torrent that had done its best to drown them had now become wide and placid, the kind of river that couples would go boating on. Who would have thought how ferociously it raged further upriver? The gray autumn sky reflected in its surface and it was so clear that Beth saw river weed waving languidly in its current.
But when the river tumbled down a series of short waterfalls and then turned towards the sea, Cam veered away and began trudging towards the flood plain in the distance.
“Where are we going?” Beth asked.
Cam glanced at her. He’d said not a word since they’d left their make-shift campsite. “Ye will see,” was the only answer he gave.
They walked for over an hour before Cam suddenly halted and gazed out over the plain below. Beth spotted something long and white snaking its way through the purple heather.
“What’s that? Another river?”
“Nay,” he answered quietly. “It’s the Edinburgh road.”
Beth’s stomach tightened. The Edinburgh road! The road that would take her home.
Home? she thought to herself. I don’t even know where that is anymore.
When they were only a hundred yards or so from the line of the road, Cam led Beth behind a large group of boulders, hiding them from sight.
“What’s wrong?” Beth asked. “You’re making me nervous.”
Cam tilted his head, holding up a hand for quiet. “Somebody’s coming.”
Beth froze, a thrill of fear going through her. Could it be MacGregor? Could he have found them after all? She strained her ears and caught the sound of many booted feet. It was interspersed with the creak of wagon wheels. She breathed out slowly. Surely MacGregor wouldn’t make so much noise?
Carefully, Beth peered around the outcrop. A long column of people were snaking their way down the road. In the center trundled wagons piled high with goods. Mounted warriors wearing a plaid similar to Cam’s guarded the perimeter, keeping pace with the wagons. At the head of the column rode a fat, richly dressed man flanked by two guards.
Cam let out a breath. “Merchant caravan. Wait here while I go and talk to them.”
“I’ll come with you.”
He shook his head. “Nay, ye willnae. Not until I’m sure they’re friendly. Stay here, I willnae be long.”
Before she could say another word, he broke cover and began limping towards the column. The guards spotted him immediately. Spurring their horses forward, they blocked his path. A conversation followed which Beth couldn’t hear and then the guards turned their mounts and escorted Cam back to the fat man.
Beth cursed the distance between them. She couldn’t make out a word of what was said but Cam was gesticulating and pointing at the rock Beth crouched behind.
The fat man listened, rubbing his chin, and then nodded. He dismounted and Cam led him back to Beth’s hiding place.
“It’s all right, lass,” he called. “Ye can come out now.”
Beth frowned. A prickle of unease walked down her spine. She didn’t like this. Something felt wrong. Warily, she edged out into the open, eyeing the fat man cautiously.
“Lady Carter, this is Duncan MacConnell of Clan MacConnell,” Cam said by way of introduction. “His family and the MacAuleys have been allies for generations.”
Beth looked at Cam sharply. Lady Carter? Why the hell had he called her that?
The fat man gave her a flourishing bow. “At yer service, my lady. Yer servant here has told me of yer predicament and ye have my sympathy. I canna imagine how unsettling it must be to be captured by va
gabonds and carried so far from home.”
Beth glanced at Cam, wondering exactly what he’d told this man. Her servant? Captured by vagabonds? Cam watched her steadily and something about his expression warned her to keep up the pretence.
“I...um...yes,” she stammered. “Very unsettling.”
Duncan MacConnell hooked his thumbs into his belt. “Well, I’m honored to offer ye passage with us.”
“Passage?” she asked, confused. “What are you talking about?”
“Lady Carter,” Cam said in a low voice. “Duncan is a merchant. His caravan is going to Edinburgh. He’s agreed to escort ye there.”
Beth stared at him. What? Had she just heard that right?
Duncan MacConnell filled the silence. “Aye, my lady. It would be an honor. I’ve just come from Dun Ringill, having concluded by trade with Laird MacAuley. The MacAuley wool will fetch a mighty price in Edinburgh .”
Beth frowned. Dun Ringill? Laird MacAuley? What was he talking about? Surely they weren’t that close to MacAuley lands? She looked sharply at Cam but he didn’t meet her gaze, instead staring at the ground.
“Mr MacConnell,” she said, taking a deep breath, “would you mind giving us a moment? I need to have a word with my ‘servant’ here.”
Duncan MacConnell looked uncertainly between Cam and Beth. Then he bowed. “Of course, my lady. I will await yer pleasure.” He walked back towards the caravan.
As soon as he was out of earshot Cam held up a hand. “Dinna,” he said. “Dinna do this.”
“Do what?” Beth snapped. “Demand to know just what the hell you’re playing at? What’s going on, Cam? Why have you asked that guy to take me to Edinburgh?”
Cam looked up slowly, met her furious gaze. “Because I made a promise to see ye safely there. The MacConnells can be trusted. They’re my family’s closest allies. Duncan will get ye there safely.”
Beth opened her mouth and closed it again. As the full import of his words sank in, a cold hand seemed to reach into her chest and squeeze her heart. “But...but...you mean you aren’t coming with me?”
“Nay, lass.”
For a moment she was stunned speechless. Never had she contemplated going there without him. He’d been by her side since the moment she’d arrived in this time. Being without him now was unthinkable.
“You’re abandoning me? After all we’ve been through?”
“Abandoning ye?” he replied incredulously. “Canna ye see I’m trying to keep my promise? This is the only way.”
“Only way?” she cried incredulously. Her voice rose in pitch as her anger flared. “Only way to do what?”
“To keep ye safe,” he responded, anger flaring in his tone as well now. “Lord above, woman, surely ye understand that?”
“Are you kidding me? How will sending me away from you keep me safe?”
“Because I’m the danger!” he snapped. “I’m the reason ye were taken by MacGregor and his men. I’m the reason ye nearly drowned in that river! Me!”
“And you’re also the reason I’m still breathing!” she yelled. “You’re the reason I didn’t get lost in the wilderness when I first arrived or assaulted by those thugs! You’re the reason I still have hope of sorting this mess out!”
And you’re the reason I feel alive for the first time in my life, she thought.
“Ye could have died, Beth!” he said. “And it would have been my fault. I canna risk that again. I willnae. I made a promise to keep ye safe and I will—no matter what that takes.”
“And everything that’s happened between us? You’ll just forget it?”
“Forget it?” he said disbelievingly. He grabbed her arms, gripping them painfully. “Lord, woman, how could ye think such a thing? I thank the Lord for every moment I’ve spent with ye!”
“Then don’t send me away!” she hated the catch in her voice. “Damn you, Camdan! Don’t pretend you don’t know what’s happening to us! What we are becoming to each other!”
He stared at her for a long moment, conflicting emotions warring in his eyes. Then he shook his head. “Aye, I know. But it was an illusion,” he breathed, his voice full of pain. “A dream. And now the dream is over. Such things are not meant for men like me. Ye saw what I am: what I really am. A fighter. A killer. What do I have to offer ye? Naught but blood and ashes and I willnae allow ye to be dragged into my world. I am cursed Beth.”
Beth broke free of his grip and crossed her arms, glaring up at him. “Your brother defeated his curse. Why can’t you?”
He shook his head. “It’s too late. There isnae a way back for me. Not after all I’ve done.”
“I won’t go. I refuse,” Beth said.
Cam scrubbed a hand through his hair. “Lord help me, woman, but ye are the most stubborn creature I’ve ever met. Ye will go with MacConnell, if I have to tie you up and hoist ye into the wagon myself!”
“I’d like to see you try!”
They glared at each other. Hot fury pounded through Beth’s veins. How dare he do this to her? Who did he think he was to decide her fate? But underneath the fury grew a cold, hard fear. She couldn’t lose him. She couldn’t. She had to make him see, make him understand that he wasn’t the man he thought he was.
In a softer voice she said, “Cam, listen to me—”
He held up a hand. “Nay, dinna say aught else.” The fury was gone from his voice and now it was only filled with pain and longing. He met her gaze and his eyes were ravaged. “Go with the MacConnell. Find a way home. Be safe. Be happy. Please.” His words were barely above a whisper and the despair in his voice broke her heart.
He took her hand and gently kissed the back of it. Then, without another word, he turned and began limping away.
Beth stood there, watching him go, feeling her heart slowly crack in half. She ought to run after him. She ought to yell and plead and explain until the fool man understood. But she didn’t move. That look in his eyes...
Oh god. Oh god. I’m losing him. The thought exploded through her brain like a gunshot.
Nothing she could say would overcome his self-loathing. Nothing she could do would make him see the man that she saw. And Beth understood, finally, the full impact of his curse. It obliterated everything he’d ever believed about himself, turning him into something he hated. The cruelty of such a fate took her breath away.
Oh, Cam.
She watched him go, tears leaking from the corner of her eyes until he disappeared behind a fold in the land.
She heard a polite cough beside her. Quickly dashing the tears away, she turned to find the merchant, Duncan MacConnell, standing there.
“My lady. Time is getting away from us. We must be on our way.”
Beth glanced down at her hand and realized she was holding something. Cam must have slipped it into her hand when he kissed it farewell. Uncurling her fingers, she realized it was her parents’ pendant, the one she’d given Cam in order to buy their supplies during their stop in Netherlay. He’d never sold it after all.
She glanced up again, trying to catch one last glimpse of him, but he’d disappeared, swallowed by the endless expanse of the Highlands. Taking a deep breath, she slowly closed her hand over the pendant and glanced towards the line of hills that marched along the horizon, marking the border of MacAuley lands.
“Mr MacConnell,” she said, making her voice haughty and commanding, the voice of a noblewoman. “I thank you for your assistance. Tell your men to turn the caravan around.”
Duncan MacConnell frowned at her. “Turn it around? Whatever for? I’ve been paid to take ye to Edinburgh, my lady, and that lies to the east.”
Beth held her hand up between them allowing the golden pendant to dangle in front of MacConnell’s face. “I trust this will be payment enough for you to take me wherever I damn well like?”
The slight widening of MacConnell’s eyes told her she’d guessed rightly. “Aye, my lady. I think it might.”
“Good. Do as I say. Turn your men around. We aren’t going e
ast. We’re going west.”
Chapter 15
Cam walked and walked and walked. He had no idea where he was going and paid no attention to his surroundings. The pain from his leg wound was a dull, burning ache that pulsed in time with his beating heart. Cam ignored it. Compared to the pain in his soul, it was nothing.
With each step, memories of Beth’s face flared in his mind. She’d looked so hurt. So betrayed. Why couldn’t she understand? She would be on her way to Edinburgh by now and a way home. It was the only thing he could do for her. It was for the best.
Really? he asked himself bitterly. Then why does it feel like ye’ve stabbed yerself in the gut?
He had to let her go. If he didn’t, she was doomed to a life of misery with him, and he would endure any pain, no matter how great, to ensure that didn’t happen. So he walked, trying to outrun the burning in his soul. Trying to forget.
He lost all track of time. The sun rose to its zenith and then started to fall towards evening. Cam didn’t stop. Hunger gnawed at his belly, thirst tugged at his throat. He didn’t stop. Gripping the staff tightly, he limped on, barely noticing when the rutted road under his boots ended and was replaced by wilder, untamed terrain.
It was only when the wind changed direction, bringing with it the scent of the sea and the crash of waves, that Cam finally struggled to a halt and looked around him. He didn’t know how far he’d walked but the sun was low in the sky and the place where he’d parted with Beth was a long, long way behind him.
Turning into the wind, he squinted and his stomach clenched at the sight that greeted him.
Ahead of him the gray, rolling ocean spread out to the horizon and white breakers crashed onto the shore less than a hundred meters from where he stood. But that wasn’t the sight that sent cold fear clutching at his heart.
Only a few paces in front of him a ring of standing stones rose out of the earth like the dark claws of some grasping, monstrous beast. The light of the setting sun didn’t seem to touch them at all and they stood black and unforgiving against the gray of the sea.