‘You already are,’ Hare pointed out.
‘So are you,’ Armadillo shot back.
‘But I didn’t say I couldn’t. You’re the one who said you couldn’t talk with your mouth full, and then you did.’
Armadillo ignored him. ‘I thought I might take the wheelbarrow to the forest and fetch some wood for winter,’ he said, changing the subject. ‘What are you going to do?’
‘I shall probably sit in a comfy chair and read,’ Hare answered. ‘I like reading.’
Armadillo pushed his plate to one side. ‘What’s the book about?’
‘Animals. Animals like us. In fact, there’s a grumpy armadillo in this story who is rather like you.’
‘Grumpy!’ Armadillo pushed his chair back noisily. ‘I’m not grumpy!’
Hare’s whiskers twitched thoughtfully. ‘Well, let’s say “tetchy” then.’
‘Tetchy is the same as grumpy, it’s just spelled differently,’ said Armadillo grumpily. Or possibly tetchily.
Hare smiled. ‘Anyhow, I’m enjoying the book. Don’t be too long. I think it’s going to rain.’
Armadillo went to the door and looked out. The sky was quite clear. ‘It doesn’t look like rain.’
Hare shrugged. ‘I can smell it coming. It will rain sooner or later.’
‘It’s not going to rain sooner,’ Armadillo declared. ‘And by the time it’s later I shall be back with the logs.’
Armadillo fetched the wheelbarrow and set off across the meadow. By the time he reached the edge of the forest the sky had clouded over and a few spots of rain had pinged off his back. Armadillo grunted and began picking up wood for the fire.
As he searched around for more logs Armadillo noticed that the rain wasn’t just battering noisily on his back – it was bouncing off the ground. In fact, it wasn’t rain. It was hail. Large icy hailstones were clattering through the leaves and smashing into the earth.
Armadillo searched for some kind of shelter and spotted a small cave. He trundled the wheelbarrow into the entrance and settled down to wait until the hail had passed.
The inside of the cave seemed heavy with a kind of sadness. A loud sigh drifted out from the back of the cave and Armadillo peered into the gloom. At first he could see nothing, and then a large hunched and huddled shape became apparent.
A shudder ran down Armadillo’s spine. It was Jaguar, and even as Armadillo watched her carefully she let out another long sigh. The feeling of sadness was coming from Armadillo’s cave companion.
‘What’s the matter?’ he asked.
Jaguar lifted her head slowly. Her eyes glittered in the darkness for a moment as she considered him. ‘I’m lonely,’ she said.
Armadillo was rather surprised, but it made him think, and what he thought about was loneliness. He thought about Hare and all the other animals he chatted with: Tortoise, Elephant, Wombat, Invisible Stick Insect, even Lobster. But Jaguar wasn’t on the list. Nobody sat down with Jaguar to have a chat as far as Armadillo knew. Armadillo chewed over this new awareness and decided it was time to speak plainly.
‘Well,’ he began slowly. ‘The thing is, Jaguar … it’s the teeth.’
‘The teeth?’ repeated Jaguar, somewhat confused.
‘Whose teeth?’
‘Yours.’
‘Mine? My teeth?’ Jaguar was very surprised.
Armadillo nodded. ‘You do have very sharp teeth. They make you look hungry and it puts off the smaller animals.’
‘Is that so? Then I have a problem, don’t I? I can’t take my teeth out. I need them to eat things.’
Armadillo nodded. ‘Exactly. That’s what bothers the smaller animals.’
Jaguar considered this. Her head slowly sank back to the floor. ‘Then I suppose I shall be lonely for ever.’
Armadillo was rather flustered to find himself feeling sorry for Jaguar. He even considered being Jaguar’s friend himself, but suppose Jaguar came to the cabin and saw Hare? Hare would be so scared his ears would probably fly right off.
The hailstorm had passed. ‘I’ll think about it,’ Armadillo told Jaguar. ‘I’m going home now.’
Halfway home Armadillo met Hare who was carrying two umbrellas. One was over his head and the other was rolled up under his arm.
‘I was sure you’d get battered by all that hail,’ said Hare a little anxiously. ‘I brought you an umbrella.’
‘Most kind,’ said Armadillo, but he couldn’t stop thinking about Jaguar. Nobody would be offering her an umbrella.
They walked back to the cabin together. Hare liked kicking the hailstones. Armadillo didn’t.
‘I’m sorry if I’m grumpy,’ he told his friend. ‘Or tetchy,’ he added, for good measure.
‘Oh, it doesn’t bother me,’ Hare said cheerfully. ‘It’s just the way you are.’
‘Hmmph.’ Armadillo felt that Hare should be bothered, at least a little bit. Anyhow, Hare was right. It’s just the way they were, and Jaguar was just the way she was too.
The friends stacked the logs behind the cabin. Hare studied the neat pile.
‘That should last all winter,’ he declared.
‘Don’t burn me!’ an invisible but familiar voice piped up.
‘Stick Insect? Is that you?’ asked Hare.
‘Yes. I’m over here, waving. Look – this side. I’m waving like mad. It’s good to see you. I haven’t spoken to anyone for weeks. At least, when I have they haven’t heard me. I’m small and I look like the sticks I sit on so much that nobody notices. Even worse, I hardly ever see any other stick insects because they look like sticks too. I think I must have said “good morning” to nothing but twigs at least a thousand times. My camouflage creates a whole different set of problems for a stick insect. Do you see?’
Armadillo shook his head sadly. ‘Well, no, I don’t exactly see, but then that’s your problem, Invisible Stick Insect – not being seen. It’s just the way you are. However, I do understand what you are saying and, do you know, I think I have the answer. Now then, if I pick up this log, can you tell me if you are on it?’
‘No! This one. I’m waving at you again.’
Armadillo looked at Hare and raised his eyebrows in despair. ‘This one?’ he asked, full of hope.
‘You found me!’ cried Invisible Stick Insect.
Armadillo muttered a silent prayer of thanks. ‘Good. Now then, hang on tight, Invisible Stick Insect. We’re going on a little journey.’
‘Shall I come?’ asked Hare.
‘Oh no, no, that wouldn’t be a good idea at all,’ said Armadillo. ‘You wait here, Hare, and I shall tell you all about it when I return. I’m going back to the forest.’
And that is exactly what Armadillo did. He went into the forest carrying the log, and Invisible Stick Insect chatted to Armadillo the whole way there. In fact, she talked so much Armadillo was worn out with listening. But then he told himself that the poor little insect had not been able to have a conversation for such a long time.
At length they reached the cave and went inside. Armadillo called out to see if Jaguar was still there.
‘Yes, I am,’ Jaguar drawled. ‘Why do you ask? Is it lunch time?’
‘No, it isn’t,’ answered Armadillo.
‘Oh, goodness!’ cried Invisible Stick Insect. ‘Jaguar wants to eat me!’
‘Of course she doesn’t,’ said Armadillo.
‘Jaguar only likes to eat the small animals.’
‘But I am small!’ protested Invisible Stick Insect.
Armadillo chuckled quietly. ‘You are a lot more than small. You are positively microscopic.’
‘Oh,’ said Invisible Stick Insect. ‘I like that word.’
Jaguar growled quietly. ‘Armadillo likes long words,’ she said. ‘Now show me who you are talking to, Armadillo. I can’t see a thing.’
Armadillo put down the log. Jaguar padded over and sniffed at it. She stared hard. ‘I can’t see anything,’ she complained.
‘Oh, for heaven’s sake!’ shouted Invisible S
tick Insect. ‘Why is everyone so blind? I’m right here, under your nose!’
Jaguar stepped back sharply. ‘Oh, yes! Ha ha! Goodness me, you are small, aren’t you, and so well camouflaged. Of course, I’m rather well camouflaged myself with my spots, but you are so much like a stick it’s almost impossible to see you.’
‘I know,’ laughed Invisible Stick Insect. ‘Do you know, there was one time when …’
And that was how Invisible Stick Insect and Jaguar became best friends.
Armadillo went back to the log cabin. Hare made tea and got out some very nice cake – a cheesecake, Armadillo’s favourite.
As he sat down in his armchair with his tea and cake, Armadillo smiled. ‘I’m so glad Invisible Stick Insect and Jaguar have become friends. Stick Insect is such a chatterbox. It’s nice to think that she is now happily chewing Jaguar’s ear off.’
Armadillo paused and then chuckled loudly.
‘Not literally, of course,’ he added. ‘Now then, let’s have some cheesecake.’
Armadillo and Hare’s Short Discussion
Armadillo had done all the washing-up. Now he was doing the drying-up too. Hare was sitting cross-legged in an old armchair. He was wearing a blue scarf and he was reading. As he read he would tug at one ear, let it spring back up and then tug it again, over and over. It was just something he did when he was concentrating. Armadillo carefully dried two glasses with the tea towel. He cleared his throat rather noisily.
‘Hare?’
‘Yes?’
‘Tell me, what is it you do?’
‘What do you mean, what do I do?’
‘Well, I’ve been wondering,’ said Armadillo. He examined the glass he had just finished drying. ‘What do you do?’
Hare’s ears flicked moodily. ‘I don’t do anything,’ he said. ‘I just am.’
‘Oh.’ Armadillo put the glasses away and began drying the plates.
Hare lifted his book. He began to read again, but then he put down his book. He laid it flat on his lap. Hare gazed into the distance for a while. He opened his mouth to say something, then stopped. He stared a bit more, took off his glasses, and at last he spoke.
‘So tell me, Armadillo, what do you do?’
The two friends studied each other. Armadillo considered the question. He looked at it this way and he looked at it that way. Eventually he came to a conclusion.
‘Good question,’ Armadillo said. ‘I suppose I just am too.’ Then he smiled and threw the tea towel across the room. It fell over Hare’s head. ‘But you can finish the drying-up.’
Armadillo’s Best Cheese Sandwich
Two slices bread
NOTE 1: Must be same size so cheese doesn’t fall out.
Cheese
NOTE 2: Obviously. Cheddar is non-stinky best, Stilton is stinky best. Camembert is sloppy & stinky best.
Method:
Place cheese between slices of bread.
NOTE 3: No butter required. Mustn’t spoil the full flavour of the cheese.
Eat. Place in mouth between teeth.
Grip tightly. Pull off large chunk. Chew.
Swallow.
NOTE 4: Close eyes and emit sighs of intense pleasure.
NOTE 5: Offer similar sandwich to Hare but not so big. He has small teeth.
NOTE 6: Chutney can be added but sparingly. See above about not spoiling the full flavour.
IMPORTANT: Obey the Golden Rule.
NOTE 7: The Golden Rule. Never leave the fridge without any cheese in it.
Copyright
Armadillo and Hare (Small Tales from the Big Forest)
First published in 2019
by David Fickling Books, 31 Beaumont Street, Oxford, OX1 2NP
This ebook edition first published in 2019
All rights reserved
Text © Jeremy Strong, 2019
Cover and illustrations © Rebecca Bagley, 2019
The right of Jeremy Strong and Rebecca Bagley to be identified as author and illustrator of this work has been asserted in accordance with Section 77 of the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988.
This ebook is copyright material and must not be copied, reproduced, transferred, distributed, leased, licensed or publicly performed or used in any way except as specifically permitted in writing by the publishers, as allowed under the terms and conditions under which it was purchased or as strictly permitted by applicable copyright law. Any unauthorised distribution or use of this text may be a direct infringement of the author’s and publisher’s rights, and those responsible may be liable in law accordingly.
ISBN 978–1–78845–012–6
Armadillo and Hare Page 4