by S. Nelson
Trigger checked on me from time to time, reminding Ace and Brick to behave themselves, to which they would simply nod, occasionally tossing a wary glance at each other. Or, at least, that was my interpretation of the look they shared.
“My tongue is numb.” I laughed, smacking my lips together to make a weird sound.
“That’s because Trigger poured quite a few shots for you,” Ace replied, shaking his head at me when my mouth popped open dramatically.
“I didn’t have any shots.”
“What do you think is in your drinks?” When I stared at him like the proverbial deer in headlights, his grin got bigger, that damn dimple popping out. Or should I say sinking in? “Vodka.” He answered his own question. I stuck my finger in the remainder of my drink, pulled it out and put the digit in my mouth.
“It’s good,” I said, draining the rest of the contents. Trigger was back in front of me with another, only this time the color of the concoction was clear.
“It’s water. You gotta drink up or else you’re gonna have a nasty headache later.” The old guy walked away to tend to something else, leaving the tall glass of water a fingertip’s reach from me.
“You’re not feelin’ any pain, are ya?” Brick asked, leaning closer, his scent infiltrating my senses and making my head swoon. He smelled good.
“Nope. And I gotta tell ya,” I mumbled, slapping his arm. “It’s refreshing.”
“At least here, you don’t have to worry—”
“Shit!” Ace groaned on the other side of me.
“What?” his buddy asked, never finishing his sentence.
“Linc.” Ace pointed toward the door. “He’s comin’ over here and he doesn’t look happy.”
23
“Lincoln’s here?” I hadn’t realized I yelled my question until I saw Brick jam his finger in his ear as a joke, although the amused look he had on his face disappeared the second Lincoln walked up next to him.
“What’s goin’ on here?” Lincoln glared at his friends, but his eyes softened when they fell on me. “Maddie? You okay?”
“Never been better.” My speech was sluggish, and my vision blurred when I turned my head too quickly, but otherwise, I had no complaints.
“That’s good.” He looked at the empty glass in front of me. “How many of those have you had?” I couldn’t tell if he was upset or curious. After all, he was the one who told me I could come out of the room, even going so far as to remind me there was a bar.
I held my hand in front of me and started counting, my fingers flying up until I hit the total. “Four.” Extending my arm, my hand was inches from his gorgeous face, the sudden intrusion into his personal space making his eyebrows quirk upward. I lowered my arm and rested my hand in my lap while I studied him.
Lincoln was stunning, from the style of his hair to his gorgeous eyes, to his full lips, to his amazing physique. And the way he looked after me, first by saving me, a stranger, from their club’s enemy, then making sure I was as comfortable as possible, both physically and emotionally. There were no words to describe how much I liked him, feelings that were still unfolding inside me. My attraction toward him was more than his good looks. It might be the alcohol talking here, but I thought I could see his soul.
He lifted the glass and smelled it, then took a sip, although all that remained was ice. Looking toward Trigger, he asked, “What were your givin’ her?”
“Screwdrivers. I only put a shot in each.”
“She only weighs like ninety pounds, ol’ man. Didn’t you think that might be too much for her?” Lincoln placed his hand on the bar and leaned toward Trigger, but the moment I grabbed his arm and tugged, he spun his attention back on me.
“I asked him for them. Don’t be mad.” I pulled on his arm a bit more until he completely faced me, his closeness making my head spin. Or was that the vodka? “He gave me food and water, too. To make sure I didn’t get sick.”
I could tell he didn’t want to, but he smiled and relaxed, rubbing the top of my arm. “I’m happy you got out of the room.”
“Me too.” I leaned closer to him and said, “Brick said I’m beautiful.” I thought I whispered those words, but apparently, I didn’t because I heard Brick curse under his breath next to me.
“He did, did he?” Lincoln looked past me and shot his friend daggers.
“Yup.” Since I was being brave, I asked him a question I never would have otherwise, but being tipsy, okay… probably drunk, gave me the courage, and nerve, to find out what Lincoln thought of me. “Do you think I’m beautiful?”
I tried to focus on his face, but I saw two of him. I lowered my gaze and waited for his answer, one which hopefully wouldn’t completely dash all hope I still had left.
“Of course, I do. You’re the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.”
I didn’t take offense to the word “thing” because that meant he viewed me as the most beautiful of all the females, all the sunsets, and of all the flowers.
“So, you think I’m a flower,” I mumbled, dipping my fingers into my glass and pulling out a piece of ice, the frozen water melting some before I even put it in my mouth.
“A flower?” He didn’t give it much thought before he replied, “Sure. You’re a flower. Now, how about we get you back to the room so you can lie down for a bit?”
“Okay.” I didn’t resist, because although I had a surprisingly good time with his friends, I wanted to be alone with him.
I shifted in my seat and planted my feet on the ground, but when I stood up, I was a little wobbly. Lincoln held my arm until I found my footing, lowering his hand until he clasped mine in his, leading me away from the others. Before we got very far, though, Trigger stepped in front of him, and because he stopped abruptly, I ran into him. I smelled him like some kind of crazy person, but fortunately, I didn’t think he noticed.
“She’s not in complete control of her faculties,” the old guy said. “Watch yourself.”
“What kind of person do you take me for?” Lincoln’s voice was low but angry, like he tried to control his tone so as not to frighten me.
“I know you’re sweet on her.”
That’s the second time someone said he’s sweet on me.
“I’m not an asshole, Trigger.” Lincoln huffed, released my hand, and guided me toward the hallway, his hand resting on my lower back and warming me more than any alcohol could do.
“What did he mean?”
“He’s worried about you. That’s all.”
“Are you mad?”
“Not at you,” he replied curtly, shutting the door behind me as soon as we entered the room. I headed toward the bed, feeling like I needed to sit down, while Lincoln leaned against the dresser, watching me the entire time.
Every thought I had scrambled into the next. I wanted to thank him again for saving me. I wanted to ask him about this club, about his family. I wanted to hear him say he thought I was beautiful a thousand more times.
“My mom called and said she’ll be here soon to check on you.” He smiled. “She likes you.”
“I like her, too. Did you know our names rhyme?”
His lips turned up in a shadow of a smile. “I suppose they do.”
Switching topics completely, I blurted, “Brick smells good, but I prefer you,” before getting to my feet. I wasn’t as wobbly as I had been when I first vacated my barstool, my legs working much better this time around. Even though I had my bearings, Lincoln reached for my arms, his touch soothing yet exciting.
“You prefer me? Because I smell better than Brick?” His eyes narrowed, but the hint of his smile remained.
Leaning closer, I breathed him in. “Different. Good. Like home.” My words didn’t make much sense to me, so I could only imagine how they sounded to him, but I only repeated what my brain managed to concoct.
I stepped into him, and he stiffened, lowering his hands from my arms and resting them at his sides. At first, I thought I’d misread the interaction between us and was em
barrassed, but then he wrapped me in a welcoming hug.
“Maddie.” My name never sounded so good before.
“Do you really think I’m beautiful?” I searched for the compliment even though he’d already told me he thought I was.
Call it insecurity.
Call it low self-esteem.
Call it whatever… I wanted to hear his answer again.
When I looked up at him, he lowered his face, his mouth several inches from mine. His tongue swept over his bottom lip, the sheen of wetness glistening… teasing.
“Yes.” I almost forgot I asked him a question, focusing on his mouth before I lifted my gaze and looked deep into his eyes. There was some sort of emotion laced behind them, but I couldn’t sort out what it was exactly. Compassion? Desire? Intrigue? Although I would’ve expected to see pity again, there was none.
Seconds passed with us staring at each other, and under other circumstances, I would’ve felt awkward under the microscope, but sharing such intimate space with Lincoln fueled my need to connect with him. Unsureness fell to the wayside.
Leaning up on my tiptoes, I pressed my lips against his and at first, he didn’t move, his only reaction to my boldness was a quick pull of air. I counted the seconds, and if he didn’t kiss me back, I would pull away.
One…
Two…
Lincoln grabbed the sides of my face and pulled me closer, which I thought was near impossible, but he managed to capture my mouth with a firmness I’d only dreamed about. He tilted my head and begged for entrance with the tease of his tongue. Once I opened for him, our kiss turned frenzied. I followed his lead, exploring his mouth as he did mine, breathing his air into my lungs and feeling like if we stopped, I’d cease to exist. But as quickly as our kiss happened, he stopped it, moving back while still holding my face.
“I’m so sorry,” he said, shaking his head and looking like he’d hurt me. “You’ve been drinking. I should’ve never kissed you.”
Hearing what sounded like regret in his voice, I pulled my head back, and his hands dropped. “Did I not do it right?”
“What?”
“That was my first kiss. Did I not do it right?” Sudden embarrassment stole over me, tamping down any shamelessness I’d felt. I’d seen some of my girlfriends kiss their boyfriends before, and I had hoped I’d emulated what I’d seen. But maybe I failed.
“What do you mean that was your first kiss?” Lincoln looked at me like I’d grown a second head.
“I’ve never kissed anyone before.” I thought my words were self-explanatory.
“How is that even possible? How old are you?”
“Eighteen, but my parents were super strict, especially my father. Being the daughter of a pastor didn’t do anything for my appeal with the boys. Mix that with I attended an all-girls school, and there wasn’t much opportunity for kissing. Then when I met Pike, I thought maybe he would be my first, but that didn’t happen.” I looked away for a moment when I said, “I prayed none of them would try and kiss me whenever they forced me. I wanted to keep something sacred. Besides, they weren’t interested in that stuff. Only the….” Looking back into his eyes gave me a brief amount of comfort that he would understand, but when I saw him tremble, if only for a second, my nerves took over. “I’m sorry.” Those two words were the only thing I could think of to say if he was, in fact, upset with me for whatever reason. Hopefully my apology was enough for him not to shut me out, in whatever way that meant.
“You don’t have anything to be sorry for, Maddie. You didn’t do anything wrong.” He cradled my cheek in his hand when he spoke again. “And no, you didn’t do it wrong. You were perfect.” He leaned closer, and I thought he was going to kiss me again, so I closed my eyes, but then his lips pressed against my forehead. Releasing a disappointed breath, I took a step back afterward.
“I thought maybe you wanted to kiss me. You said I was beautiful. I misunderstood.” I turned to walk away, but he grabbed my wrist to stop me, pressing his chest flush to my back.
His warm breath spanned across the side of my face. “I did want to kiss you. I shouldn’t admit this, but I wanna do everything with you, but I can’t.”
Without looking at him, I asked, “Why?” Was I ready to have sex with Lincoln, a guy I barely knew, simply because I desired him, especially after everything I’d been through? No. But did I see any harm in sharing a passionate kiss like the one we just had? Again… no.
“Because it’s not right.”
He gave me the answer I feared he would. Because of what his enemies did to me, he no longer saw me as decent, as worthy. My father always told me that if I was to ever have sex outside of marriage, I’d be considered dirty, and no one would want me otherwise. I now see he was right, even though I hadn’t chosen to have sex with those men.
“I understand.” I tugged my arm away from him. “Because of what happened, I’m no longer clean.”
“That’s not what I meant at all. I don’t think that. I just can’t—”
“It’s okay. I should’ve never thrown myself at you.” Tears blurred my vision, and I was thankful I wasn’t facing him, but I needed to be alone, and I wasn’t about to go back out to the common area with his friends, so my only option was the bathroom. I rushed into the small room and closed the door behind me.
“Maddie.” Lincoln knocked on the door. “I’m sorry. That’s not what I meant at all. I want to kill every one of them for what they did to you.” I heard a thud, but the sound didn’t come from his knuckles. Instead, I believed he stood on the other side of the door with his forehead pressed against the wood. “But I’m not any better if I take advantage of you after all you’ve been through. Never mind you’re drunk.” Several curses flew freely from his mouth seconds before I heard the bedroom door slam shut.
With my energy depleted and the nice feeling of the alcohol waning, I slid down the wall until my butt hit the floor. Then I broke down and cried, releasing all the hurt, anger, and uncertainty swirling around inside me.
24
When I pulled into the lot, Kaden didn’t follow me. He rode off, needing to be alone after spending time with his mom, a visit that went better than I thought it would, especially after learning all the disgusting details of what happened to her all those years ago.
While we’d been at Sully’s, I tried to be present, knowing my friend needed my support. The conversation revolved mostly around her son and Riley since that was the biggest thing to happen recently. Kaden was careful not to reveal anything about what we’d learned but did ask his mom if she was okay. She smiled and gave him a hug, her short bout of worry disappearing as to why he asked when he apologized for not being around more because of everything goin’ on.
On the ride back all I could think about was Maddie, worried about whether she was scared without me there, only to find out she’d been havin’ a good ol’ time with Ace and Brick.
“Were you hitting on Maddie while she was out here drinking with you?” I stood directly in front of Brick, who continued to consume beer after beer. But because he was so big, the alcohol didn’t seem to have much effect on him. I enjoyed a cold one as much as the next guy, but I didn’t drink often, or should I say to excess because I was either training or competing in a fight.
“No, I wasn’t hittin’ on her. I asked her if she liked you, and during our conversation, I told her she was beautiful.”
“First off, are we in high school? Asking her if she likes me? Why didn’t you just pass her a note? And it sounds like a move to me, you tellin’ her she’s beautiful.”
“It wasn’t like that.” The corner of his mouth lifted when I didn’t have anything else to say on the matter.
I was pissed when I saw her sitting between Ace, who was only supposed to be checking on her, not fucking drinking with her, and Brick. The three of them seemed to be having a great time, and while I was upset I hadn’t been able to get her to open up like they had, underneath it all I was happy she felt comfortable enough
with them to relax a little.
“Is she feelin’ okay? She seems to be a bit of a lightweight,” Ace chimed in, reading something on his phone and not even bothering to look at me when he asked about her.
“Have you seen how tiny she is? I’m surprised she was able to drink what she did and still string a sentence together.” Four mixed drinks weren’t a lot to any of us, considering Trigger only used a shot per glass, but to Maddie, they had obviously had an impact, enough where she felt comfortable enough to kiss me.
Shock flared to life that she didn’t shrink away from me, or from any of these guys; it told me what kind of fighter she was. After everything she’d been through, and I was sure I didn’t know all of it, to continue to trust anyone of the opposite sex was astounding. Let alone guys who also belong to a motorcycle club, albeit we were completely on a different level than the Reapers, but she didn’t know that. Not yet, at least, but she was learning to trust she would be safe with us.
“She’s fine.” Trigger walked up next to me and put his hand on my shoulder. “She needed a few drinks after the shit she’s endured.” He took a step back and flattened his expression, looking at me like he was skeptical all of a sudden.
“What?” His scrutiny made me uncomfortable, like I’d done something wrong.
“What’d you do?”
“I don’t know what you mean?” Shifting my feet, a warmth traveled through me at the thought he might know what happened between me and Maddie. But how could he, and why had I felt guilty when I stopped the kiss?
“Did you do somethin’?”
“Like what?” I asked, praying he’d stop talking and leave me alone. I had enough guilt consuming me, I didn’t need him judging me on top of everything else.
“Ya look like ya did somethin’. Did you take advantage of her?” It must’ve been the flick of my expression, but Trigger suddenly looked angry.
“She kissed me.”
“I knew she liked you. She got all starry-eyed when I mentioned your name.” Brick laughed. “But I think it’s only hero worship or savior something or other.”