by S. Nelson
“Of course.” I helped her from her seat, holding on to her waist and assisting her back to the room, all while ignoring the grumbling erupting behind us. She wobbled a few times and even tripped over a raised section of the carpet in the hallway, but otherwise, we made it back without incident.
Once inside, I locked the door. I didn’t need anyone getting any bright ideas and storming in here. And while I appreciated they were all looking out for Maddie’s best interests, I didn’t like that they looked at me like I was the devil for something that was supposed to have been kept private between me and her.
“I can’t get these off.” She collapsed on the bed, fiddling with the button to her jeans, but to no avail.
“I’ll help you.” After popping the button and pulling on the zipper, I shimmied them down her legs, discarding them in the corner of the room, the patience to fold them nonexistent.
“Are you mad at me?” Her voice was soft, unsure.
“Why would I be mad at you?” I lifted the bottom of her shirt. “Raise your hands.” After the fabric cleared her head, I tossed it next to her jeans.
“Because I told them we made love.” She reached behind her and unclasped her bra. My dick jumped at seeing her topless, but I ignored him, focusing on her and nothing else. Or at least, trying to. The only piece of clothing she had on now was her panties. Thankfully, she didn’t remove them before lying flat on her back, her arms stretched out at her sides.
“I’m not mad, babe. Now, why don’t you get some rest.” Because she barely weighed anything at all, I was able to tuck her underneath the covers without effort.
“Lie with me.” She reached for me, but her arm fell and hit the bed seconds later. Then she was out cold. I promised to stay with her, but I needed to talk to someone before the situation between us got any more complicated or stressful. Maddie had shown me her heart, and I needed to reciprocate.
Gently closing the door behind me, I headed back toward the bar area, looking for one man in particular. I prayed he was still here, although the chances he’d gone home were pretty high.
As luck would have it, he was still on the premises, walking toward his bike.
“Prez!” I shouted, jogging toward him while I tried to figure out exactly what I wanted to ask him.
“What’s up?” He grabbed his helmet off his seat and swung his leg over his Harley.
“Got a sec?”
“Yeah.” He checked his phone quick before looking back to me. “Before I forget, did you talk to Rico yet?”
“No.”
“Call and tell him you’re not fighting for a couple weeks. That should give us enough time to devise whatever plan we need.”
“Okay.” I shuffled my feet, lost inside my own thoughts while trying to figure out how to start what it was I wanted to talk to him about.
“I ain’t got all day, Linc.” His impatience had me tripping over my words when I finally opened my mouth.
“Sorry. Um… so I got this thing with Maddie. Uh… and I feel something, but I’m not sure what to say. I didn’t tell her what she wanted before, and I don’t… I don’t know what to do.” I barely made any sense to myself, so I could only imagine what he thought of my barrage of words.
“What the hell are you goin’ on about?”
“Me and Maddie.”
“Isn’t there someone else you can talk to about this?”
“Not really. You’re the only one who's been through something like this. You know… with Sully.” His intense gaze studied me, and for a moment, I didn’t know if he was gonna ignore me and take off, or punch me, his expression one I couldn’t read well.
“What exactly happened?” He held his hand up before I started to speak. “And make sense this time.”
What I was about to reveal could make him angry or disappointed in me, but I had to tell the truth in order to get his true take on things.
“We had sex. She told me she loved me afterward, and I told her I didn’t feel the same way. I tried to explain it to her that what she feels for me probably isn’t love but more like appreciation or something like that. I’m paraphrasing.”
“Okay.” He raised his brows, waiting for me to continue.
“Some of the other guys think I took advantage of her, but I swear to you I didn’t. She was the one who kept telling me she wanted to, ya know.” I shrugged, feeling guiltier with every word I spoke. Marek remained quiet, probably waiting for me to get to the point. So, I hurried things along by asking, “Did Sully tell you she loved you soon after she met you? How long did it take for you to realize you loved her?”
Silence ensued, and the longer he stared at me, the more I thought it was a mistake for me to single him out and ask him such intimate questions.
But then he sighed and flashed me the tiniest smirk.
“It wasn’t that long after she came here that I told Sully I loved her. I was the first to say it, and she freaked out. Said no one ever told her that before. She thought I was lying.”
“Oh.”
“There’s a possibility that what Maddie feels for you is something other than love. You’re the guy who saved her from them. It could be deep-seated gratitude. It could be some form of hero shit. I don’t know. Or it could be actual love. How do you feel about her?”
“I don’t think I love her. It’s too soon.”
“Listen, if I know anything, it’s that time isn’t a factor. Don’t worry about how long you’ve known her. You were trying to protect her before you even met her.” He pulled his helmet on and clicked the strap under his chin. “Do you think about her all the time? Do you worry about her? Do you miss her when you’re not with her? Does your chest hurt when she looks at you? Does the world make sense when you’re near her, when you touch her?”
“Yeah.”
“You love her.”
“I do?” I took a moment and ran through his questions one more time in my head. “I do,” I said definitively. “But I hurt her.”
“Join the fuckin’ club. Do you have any idea how many times I’ve put my foot in my mouth with Sully over the years? Too many to count. But, God love her, she continues to put up with my ass.” Marek laughed, the sound working to soothe some of my worry.
He kicked over the engine and threw on his shades. “Tell her the truth. I’m not a sentimental or emotional man, Linc, but when it comes to the women in our lives, you have to lay it out on the line and hope for the best. Don’t waste time. Don’t fuck around. Life is way too short for any of that.” I took a step back from his bike. “Got it?”
“Got it. Thanks, Prez.”
He nodded before taking off toward the end of the clubhouse lot, leaving me standing there, contemplating exactly what I’d say to Maddie as soon as she was sober enough to remember.
38
I’d like to say that I didn’t have any more nightmares about Griller or any of the other guys in the Reapers, but that would be a lie. They’d lessened since Lincoln came into my life, but I still sometimes found myself trapped in them. Only my dreams were more memories than my subconscious throwing together a concoction of thoughts and images.
Startling awake, my breaths heavy and uneven, I searched my surroundings all without moving a muscle, relaxing only when I remembered where I was. Then I felt warm breath on my neck, and an arm slung over my midsection, holding me close.
Three seconds passed before my brain registered that Lincoln was the person behind me. This was the first time we’d actually slept in the same bed together, and even through everything that had happened between us in the past couple days, I couldn’t think of a more perfect way to wake up.
I needed to use the toilet, but I didn’t want to leave the comfort of his soothing embrace. When he moved his arm lower and pressed closer, however, I realized if I didn’t empty my bladder, I’d end up having a mess to clean up.
Pushing on his arm did nothing but make him grip me tighter. “Lincoln,” I croaked, my mouth void of any moisture. “I gotta�
� pee.” Barely able to talk, I hoped he heard me. Several seconds passed, but nothing happened. I tried to move his arm again, and he groaned.
“What are you doin’, woman?” he grunted.
“Pee” was the only word that came out clearly.
He mumbled something before rolling onto his back, releasing me. I scrambled to the edge of the bed, threw my feet over the side, and stood. My head spun, and I almost fell back onto the mattress but caught myself at the last second. Shuffling forward, I finally made it the few feet to the bathroom, did my business, then stopped at the sink to wash my hands. I glanced into the mirror and saw someone who’d had too much alcohol the night before. But my reflection wasn’t the same one I gazed upon last time in this room, which was only a shell of a person. I had more life in my eyes, even though they were glassy and red, and while I was heartbroken Lincoln didn’t love me like I did him, I didn’t live in constant fear anymore.
“Be thankful you’re free,” I murmured to my likeness. “Your heart might hurt, but your body doesn’t.” Splashing some cold water on my face, I felt remotely better, but not by much. I curved my hand under the faucet and drank several mouthfuls from the tap, the cotton feeling in my mouth finally dissipating. Then, after a quick brush of my teeth, I wiped my face, sucked in a fortifying breath and released it slowly, giving me a couple extra seconds before I laid eyes on the guy who had turned my world upside down, both good and bad.
When I reentered the room, his eyes were on me, and it was then it dawned on me I wore nothing more than a pair of panties. The way his heated gaze traveled over me made the buzzing beneath my skin erupt, and all I wanted to do was crawl back into his arms and lose myself—emotionally as well as physically. But there was still one big issue between us.
Lincoln reached out his hand. “Come here, Maddie.” I didn’t think I’d ever tire of hearing him say my name, his morning voice groggy yet undeniably sexy.
I slid my palm into his, and he moved back, guiding me in front of him so he could snuggle behind me.
“Lincoln, I wanna—”
“How come you don’t call me Linc?”
I shrugged. “I don’t know. I guess I figured only your friends and family called you that.”
His lips pressed against my shoulder, the slight flick of his tongue on my skin making me want to turn around and ravage his mouth. But I kept still.
“That’s silly. You’re my woman. You can certainly call me by my nickname. If you want to, of course. Or you can call me babe or whatever you’re comfortable with.” He kissed my shoulder once more, cuddling closer, his excitement pressing into my backside.
My mind raced with why he acted so differently this morning. He seemed relaxed, happy even, whereas before he left with his brother yesterday, he was irritated with me. I couldn’t recall much of our interaction after he returned to the clubhouse because my inebriated state didn’t allow me to retain much of a memory.
I turned to ask him what changed, but he was off the bed and rushing toward the bathroom. “Be right back.” Two minutes later, he stood beside me, looking down at me like I was the eighth wonder of the world. “You’re so beautiful. You know that?”
“Even looking as hungover as I do?” Instead of waiting for his answer, I took in the state of him standing there in nothing but his boxer briefs, his impressive bulge doing a great job of stretching the fabric. When he moved his hand toward his hair, my eyes traveled up the length of him, appreciating every hard plane of his body. Lincoln was built to fight, and as it turned out, he fought to save me. Now all I had to do was come to terms with the fact that while I believed he desired me, his heart hadn’t taken the plunge yet.
“You look perfect,” he finally answered, tossing the covers from me and pinning me to the bed. Instinctually, I spread my legs so he could rest atop of me, most of his weight held up by his forearms. His face was inches from mine, and while I wanted to dwell on my heartache, all I could do was hope for one kiss. “Maddie, I… I want to tell you something.”
Oh no! Was he going to break it off with me? Was he going to tell me I had to leave, that he thought maybe it was best if I went back home? Holding my breath in anxiousness did nothing but make my lungs burn, so I tried my best to breathe regularly and remain calm, but all the while, my pulse thrummed so fast, I was sure he heard it.
He pulled us into a sitting position, his finger tracing the length of my thigh as he looked at me, brushing away the hair that had fallen over my eye. I was so in love with him even though I suspected he was about to shatter the remaining fragments of my heart, which prompted me to say the only thing I could think of to protect myself.
“I don’t love you,” I blurted, swallowing hard when his expression tightened.
“You don’t?” His eyebrow lifted as he leaned in, looking more puzzled than hurt or angry.
Then suddenly, I found myself more confused than ever. One moment I was studying his face, and the next, I was kissing him back with every ounce of love and desire tightly wound inside me, feeding off his need to stroke my tongue with his. “I think you’re lying,” he said when he finally broke away.
“I’m… I’m not.”
“Then that’s a shame.” His bottom lip jutted forward right before he tsked.
“It is?”
“Yeah.”
“Why?”
Resting his hand in the center of my chest, he slowly pushed me until I was on my back again, hovering over me, confusing me, until he parted his lips and confessed, “Because I love you.”
“You do?” I was surprised I had enough brainpower to form those two words, let alone speak them out loud. “But you told me you didn’t.”
Lincoln trailed his finger from my temple to my jaw, down my neck, and over my collarbone until he rested his hand over my heart. His touch was intimate, sensual, loving. The way his eyes bore into mine made me feel cherished and revered.
“I didn’t know.”
“What changed overnight?”
“Someone made me see the light.” He smiled, and it was the best sight I’d ever seen. More glorious than the most colorful sunset. Perhaps I was overly sentimental, but I didn’t care how corny I sounded inside my head.
“Do you mind if I ask you another question?”
“Ask away, babe.” I love it when he calls me that.
“How did you know I was lying?”
Instead of answering me right away, he traced my nipple with the tip of his tongue, capturing the tight bud between his teeth and gently pulling before wrapping his lips around me. A quiver of excitement churned through me, heightening all my senses. Releasing my breast, he hurriedly removed my panties and tossed them behind him, nestling back between my legs.
“Because I see the way you look at me.”
“And how do I look at you?”
“Probably the same way I look at you,” he responded.
I sighed, digging my nails into his biceps and wrapping my legs over his. My heart was full, but my body was on edge. All he had to do was pull himself free and he’d be inside me.
“Lincoln?”
“Still not gonna use my nickname?” He laughed but stopped when I wriggled beneath him.
“Will you make love to me now?”
“I thought you’d never ask.” There was that glorious smile once again. He tried to move back, but I held on to him. “I have to get a condom.”
“Oh. Okay.” I’d almost forgotten about protection. That was exactly how people ended up with a surprise nine months later. And while I’d never gotten pregnant before, I didn’t want to chance it. “Can you ask your mom to set up the appointment for me so I can go on the pill? That way we won’t have to worry about condoms.”
He nodded emphatically, looking like I just told him he’d won the lottery. “Consider it done.”
As Lincoln shed his last piece of clothing, I was mesmerized. Every inch of his body fascinated me, some parts more than others. I blushed thinking about the way he felt inside
me, even as I blatantly stared at his nakedness.
“You like what you see?” he asked, smirking when all I could do was nod. “Good. ’Cause it’s all yours.” After he finished putting on the condom, he crawled up the bed and nudged my legs apart, running a finger through my folds. “Wanna make sure you’re ready for me.”
“Always.” My breathless reply made the corners of his mouth kick upward again.
Before I could form another thought or take a breath, he breached my opening, moving slowly until he was all the way in. My body locked up from an overwhelming sense of fullness, the ache budding inside me becoming stronger and more intense as he started to move.
“Feel good?” he murmured next to my ear, his wicked tone spellbinding me. I didn’t think it possible that someone’s voice could make me feel shy, empowered, and vulnerable all at the same time. I wanted to scream his name. I wanted to bombard him with demands and entice him to fuck me deeper with a flick of my hips. But I didn’t do anything except answer him, allowing him to work me into a frenzy.
“Yes,” I moaned, tangling my fingers into his thick hair and clutching him to me.
“I love being inside you. I don’t wanna exist anywhere else.” He pumped his hips, switching from slow to fast and back again before exploring the depths of my mouth with his tongue. I was thrilled Lincoln had been my first kiss, and as it turned out, my first love. Correction… first and only love. I had no idea what the future held for us, but I couldn’t imagine my life without him, and I definitely couldn’t imagine ever feeling this way about another living soul. He had officially ruined me for all others.
39
Her moans drove me wild, her eyes searching mine, screaming for me to tip her over, all without saying a single word.
Hooking her leg over the crook of my arm, I thrust so deep I pushed her up the bed.
“Linc!” she cried. “Keep doing that.”
“That’s what it takes to get you to call me Linc?” Her smile fell when I repeated the motion. She bunched the sheet in her hands, her body rocking into rhythm with mine.