by David Connor
“It’s alright. The baby’s not here. You can say whatever you want.”
“She’s in the waiting room,” Erika said. “With Billy and Jesse.”
“Everyone came.” Milo touched Kensuke’s arm, the one without the scrapes and cuts. “What happened?”
“I slammed on the brakes ‘cause I sort of changed my mind. The car spun around.” Tom Alan took Kensuke’s hand away from his face. “Everyone just feels sorry for me,” Kensuke said.
“No. We care about you.”
“Why?”
Tom Alan turned one palm toward the ceiling. “I have no idea. That’s the truth. I don’t know why I care about most of the people I care about. It’s a feeling, and feelings are just feelings. Some really smart guy said that once.”
Milo smiled.
“I can name a million things I love about Milo and Erika, but most of those things I learned after I started caring about them. Same with Bill. It was there. Then it grew. Getting attached to someone sometimes comes quick. I got attached to you and to Jesse, because…why? Because there’s something special about you that drew me in, right?”
“You said I frustrate you—in that e-mail. I read it before I got in the car and then, for like a minute, I didn’t want to…die. Then I read it after and wished I had, because I knew you’d be pissed again.”
“Pissed and frustrated are good things, Kensuke.” Tom Alan sounded frustrated right then. “Now I’m frigging grateful. All that means I care.”
“Tell us next time,” Milo said. “Talk about stuff. We might say something helpful, or stupid, or dirty for distraction. We can’t promise to always make it better, can we?”
“I’m going to get in trouble.”
“You’re not.”
“He might, love.”
Tom Alan glared.
“That’s the truth of it. But we’ll deal with it, right? The authorities might insist on restitution or something, because of the train. No one was seriously hurt. They’ll probably go easy on you—if you do what the doctors say. It’s a hurdle. We’ll jump it together.”
“Wrong sports metaphor,” Kensuke muttered.
Milo smiled. “There he is, you wanker. Come on. You, the honking hunk here and his scandalous Flower, Big Red and the baby, we’ll storm the bloody court, they’re bound to be so enamored with one of us they’ll throw every mercy they got at you.”
“Or else they’ll be scared.” Erika spoke, finally. She had just been taking it in. She smiled. Kensuke didn’t. Erika wondered what it might take to get him to ever smile again. “I could go,” she offered. “Would you like to see Jesse?”
“No,” like a snap. “When can I get out of here?” He tried to move, and the pain that showed in his expression should have told him it was not going to be right away.
“A few days,” Tom Alan said. “Hey. Were you living in your car?” Erika hadn’t thought of that. Maybe he parked at the ice rink—slept there some nights—and then drove away early, like that morning. “You’ll move into the house and go back to school.” Tom Alan stood. He put his hands on his hips, for gravitas, perhaps. “You’ll move into the house and go back to school, right?” He waited. “We can’t be your parents. We can’t make you, I guess. We can’t do anything if you won’t let us.”
Was he giving up already, Erika wondered.
“We could coach you, maybe. That might work. Coaches are like parents, only…more strict. More demanding, but supportive. They love you, but they don’t have to buy you things. They can tell you what to do, and you have to do it, but you’re not trapped together because of DNA. You’re there because you want to be. Say it, Kensuke. You’ll move into the house…”
Kensuke played with the corner of the thin white hospital blanket. “And go back to school.”
“There.” Tom Alan looked to Milo. “Nice. You got, like, four coaches now. God help you. You’re not a buddy, though. You’re a kid for just a little while longer.”
Kensuke huffed.
“Listen, man. Take it,” Milo said. “Enjoy the hell out of being juvenile. Total maturity is a bore.”
“What’s to enjoy? My life sucks.”
The psychiatrist showed up then, Dr. McNeil. She shooed them all away, taking over an hour to come out to the waiting room to talk. “So.” She let out a breath and sat. “It was slow going at first, but I think we got somewhere. My preliminary diagnosis is bipolar disorder.”
Tom Alan moved to the edge of his chair. “So quickly?”
“They give me fifteen minutes,” Dr. McNeil said. “I took an hour.” She didn’t sound defensive, but rather proud. “We’ll get deeper into it in the coming days. But I knew what to look for. I’ve ordered medication. The lowest dose to start. It could take weeks—months—to get just the right balance.”
“Will he have to stay in the hospital a long time?” Erika asked.
“I’m recommending at least seventy-two hours on my floor, after they’re finished with him here. Rules…regulations…the authorities…insurance—”
“Money isn’t an issue,” Tom Alan said.
“Mental health is a bastion of confusion and misunderstanding. When it’s the in thing, funding rains down upon us. When something needs to go, it’s the first line trimmed. We’re rather out of vogue at the moment. People don’t always get it when someone feels like Kensuke. The government doesn’t get the importance of it all until someone with an automatic weapon…” She sighed. “I’m sorry. You don’t care about my mission, just Kensuke. One step at a time.” She stood.
“Was this a serious attempt or a cry for help?” Erika wanted to know.
Dr. McNeil sat again. “I asked him that, though we can’t necessarily take his response at face value. I tend not to treat the two any differently.” She pursed her lips. “I can’t say much. It’s up to Kensuke what he shares. I will say, though it may be oversharing, it’s an understatement to say he has a rather low opinion of himself.”
Tom Alan balled his fist. “I thought he was all ego.”
“We’re not going to beat ourselves up over what we may have missed.” Dr. McNeil reached across and literally pried Tom Alan’s fingers apart with hers. “We have family counseling, if any of you might find it beneficial.”
“I was seeing someone for a while,” Tom Alan said. “Upstate. I’ve been rather lax about it lately.”
“Might be good to look into it again.” She stood once more.
Tom Alan followed. “My boyfriend’s a shrink.”
Dr. McNeil looked to Billy, also on his feet. “I thought I smelled it on you.” She smiled.
“No.” Tom Alan pointed to Milo. “Him.”
“Oh.”
“Forensics,” he said. “I don’t smell?”
McNeil sniffed the air. “Now I’m getting it.”
“We start over,” Erika said, as Dr. McNeil walked away. “From now on, nothing but happily ever after for every one of us.”
Chapter 14
Monday morning, two weeks later, Kensuke was scheduled for release and seemed to be doing better. He was responding to the medication, therapy, plus good old-fashioned affection, and was still agreeable to moving into the house. Healing and counseling would continue on an outpatient basis.
Billy rolled over and gave Erika a kiss. “What time are we heading over to the hospital?”
“Morning, Hockey Puck.” Milo stretched, pulling the covers off everyone, exposing a lot of skin in the process. “You know, my nan was big on that movie Bob and Carol, Ted and Alice. If only she could see me now.”
Billy buried his face in the pillow. He was all the way to the left. Erika was beside him, then Tom Alan and Milo. Etsuko cried out for someone and Erika crawled over two of them to get up. When Milo rolled closer to Tom Alan, and Tom Alan shifted to where Erika had been, Billy scooted too far and hit the floor, completely naked. “That’s gonna leave a mark,” Tom Alan said.
By the time Erika came out with Etsuko, Milo was in the kitchen creating so
me sort of frittata that smelled heavenly. He set the plates out on top of the island, one in front of each stool. When Billy asked for a banana, Milo fondled it before handing it over. “Subtle,” Erika muttered. Men…They obsessed far more about the ones they had than Jesse did with the one he didn’t. Erika didn’t mind it, really, even if the constant innuendo sometimes got old.
“Now how long ‘til we get one in ya, love?” Milo set down the food.
“I’m ‘love’ now, too?” Billy asked.
“You’re going to scare him,” Erika warned.
“Fisher was the most nervous last night.”
Their first evening as a foursome had ended up sort of like a really bad doubles tennis match. Everyone was playing hard, but their balls all stayed on their own side of the net.
“It was hot watching Flower play around back there. Maybe next time…” Milo licked his lips.
“I always wondered if women liked doing that,” Tom Alan said.
“I can’t speak for all women,” Erika told him, in the same quiet voice they all used because of Etsuko. “This one does.”
“Look at Billy’s ears.” Tom Alan pointed. “They’re as pink as last night.”
“Can we just eat without talking?” Billy asked.
“That’s what she said.” Milo smirked as Erika nearly spit her eggs and veggies across the kitchen.
Midway through the morning, she and Tom Alan took a break from practice. Milo had driven over with Etsuko, and since Billy was in class, the four of them went to bring Kensuke home. “Do you want to go to school and register, or just wait and do everything tomorrow morning?” Tom Alan asked.
“I don’t care.”
Tom Alan threw him a look. “You okay?”
“Yeah. It’s just…going to be different. New again. New school, new home, new life, new disease.”
“Disorder,” Erika said.
“Same thing. “
“Another transition,” she told Kensuke.
“If you get overwhelmed,” Tom Alan added, “we’ll just take a break and figure it out. We can just stop and talk or stop and skate any time.”
“A GED, college classes, those options are still on the table as well.”
“I’d kind of like to finish something for once. My shrink’s behind me on that, so we may as well hit the school, I guess,” Kensuke replied.
“You guess,” all three said back.
“You guys really gotta stop doing that, yo.”
They walked into Somers High just as a period was ending. The first thing Erika spotted was the orange hair a few inches taller than everyone else’s. “Burgess!” she called out into the crowded hallway. He spun around—and then turned beet red. “Sorry,” Erika said when he made his way over. “At least I didn’t call you Peanut.”
“Hey, Little Red.” Burgess raised Etsuko’s pink striped shirt a smidge and poked her chubby belly. “What’s up? Hey, Kensuke.” Burgess held out his hand. Erika thought it a rather old-fashioned way for two teens to greet each other.
“Burgess is in band,” Erika said. “Kensuke will be, too.”
“Whaddayaplay,” all one word.
“With myself,” Kensuke said.
Burgess laughed, a loud, dorky sound that went with his look.
“That’s our boy,” Milo said, stroking Tom Alan’s arm.
“Can you point us toward the main office?” Erika asked.
“It’s my free period.” Burgess reached for Kensuke’s hand. “I’ll walk you down.”
They took off, hand in hand. That right there said something about the atmosphere of the school. Kensuke stopped in front of a poster for The Wizard of Oz tryouts. “You do the orchestra?”
“Only the strings. Oh. You meant…”
“How do you guys talk when we’re not around?” Erika asked.
“Oh. A lot worse,” Burgess told her.
“You thinking about trying out, Kensuke?”
“Could happen, Tabby.” Tom Alan had finally been given a nickname. “An Asian Tin Man, yo. You think the world is ready?”
By the end of the week, Kensuke seemed close to his old self—the first version Erika had met at the restaurant. He claimed to be adjusting well to his new school and was surprisingly cooperative about early bedtimes and chores at home, a home which was suddenly more chaotic than usual. That weekend, after dinner, sex was on everyone’s mind. The adults weren’t getting as much as they’d have liked, all four afraid Kensuke would hear them no matter how quiet they tried to be. “I thought we had a while before we had to worry about kids overhearing us,” Milo said.
“We could take turns spending the night at my apartment,” Billy offered. “I have another month left on the lease.”
“I think Hockey Puck needs to take us for a ride in the truck. Only this time, he doesn’t get out.”
“Not without me,” Erika said.
“Shh. They’ll hear us,” Tom Alan whispered. “Who knows where sound from this heating duct comes out?”
Jesse and Burgess were both staying over, and the so-called adults switched to a discussion about where the three kids should sleep. “Here’s the deal,” Erika said. “If they were heterosexual, and a mixed group, in no way would we let them all sleep in the same room…would we?”
“What kind of prudes are we going to look like if we try to separate them, love? Whatever’s going to happen is going to bloody happen. They can do it anywhere.”
“You two should know,” Billy said. “We can’t worry about how we come off, though. We have to have rules. It’s not about being cool.”
“We’re responsible for all of them,” Erika said. “I assume Jesse can still get pregnant.”
That stopped the men in their tracks. “What the hell, babe?”
“Oh, grow up,” she said. “It’s a legitimate concern. Jesse already said he and Kensuke have sex. I don’t know what kind…how…where…” Not one of the men responded, but she knew damned well all of them were thinking.
“I left a box of condoms in Kensuke’s underwear drawer,” Tom Alan blurted out, almost as if confessing to a murder after hours of interrogation.
“Umm, I put some in his backpack,” Milo revealed.
“I just leave them lying around where he’ll find them,” Erika said.
“My baby brother’s upstairs with a dude who now thinks he’s expected to go through fifty condoms in a weekend?”
“Okay, look,” Tom Alan said. “Truthfully, here’s my biggest worry…what if Kensuke is developing feelings for Jesse again that aren’t going to be…?”
“Reciprocated,” Erika supplied.
“Exactly. What do we do about that?”
“About what?” Kensuke and Jesse descended the kitchen stairs.
“Can we talk about something?” Tom Alan asked.
“Oh, crap,” Kensuke said. “What’d I do now? You’re using your fatherly tone.”
It was the kind of sarcasm one could smile about. “Do you have us categorized already? The serious one, the fun one, the pushover?”
“Naw. It’s not like that,” Kensuke said, perching upon the counter next to the sink. “You’re all pushovers. You have no idea what I get away with around here.” He took an apple from the bowl and bit in.
“Listen,” Milo said. “Both of you, and pass this on to Goober. Before you engage in anything that requires the removal of knickers, make sure you’re all on the same page.”
Kensuke rolled his eyes at him.
“We don’t do that,” Billy said.
“Sorry, Coach.” There wasn’t the slightest hint of sarcasm. “Sorry, One Direction. I forgot.”
“It’s okay, but seriously, Suke. I don’t want your head messed up over miscommunication.”
“Me neither,” Jesse said.
“Are you seeing anyone?” Erika asked him.
“No,” Jesse replied, and suddenly Erika wondered if she could trust anything any one of them said. “This guy, Alex, he asked me out, but he called
Kensuke crazy, so I told the jerk to F off.”
“That is jerky,” Tom Alan said.
“Jess…you ain’t gotta defend me.”
“I punched him in the face,” he proudly declared.
“Jesse!”
“It was after school,” he told Erika. “No one can do anything. It’s not like he’s going to go around telling people the tranny gave him a black eye.”
“Jesse, don’t call yourself that.”
“I totes can, Tom Alan, but no one else better.”
“Do kids in your school say things like that, Kensuke? Should we talk to the principal?”
“No,” Kensuke said firmly. “It’s all good.” He gave Erika a smile.
“Okay.”
Burgess finally came down, too, probably wondering where the others had gone.
“Run for your life, Penis. It’s a sex and mental health lecture. Listen.” Kensuke took a breath and let it out. “I’ll lay it out for you.” He reached over and turned up the volume on Etsuko’s video. “My brain and body are changing with the drugs, just like Jesse’s will. I can’t even nut half the time. The doc swears it’ll get better. And not only that…” A bite of apple delayed the rest of the sentence. “As I’m yanking it until my hand starts to hurt the other day, I realized my feelings are more…realish and my thoughts aren’t so all over the place. My head’s on straighter. We three hang out and mess around sometimes,” Kensuke said quite directly, causing four jaws to drop. “But there’s no penetration.” He smirked. “And don’t tell me we can’t play more than twosies, because you guys probably do it all the time.”
Burgess turned without a word and headed back up the stairs.
“Can I go now?” Kensuke hopped down from the counter and waved to Etsuko. She waved back.
“What’d you come down for?” Billy asked.
“Food.” He tossed Jesse a banana and picked up two more.
“Honestly…You’re both okay?” Tom Alan asked, lowering the cartoon’s sound.
“Ye-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-s,” Kensuke stated with grand frustration.
“Jesse?”