by Kit Eyre
When she trailed off, I tried to piece the sentence together in my head. Won’t have sex again? Won’t be together? Won’t live happily ever after? I wasn’t convinced from the way her fingers stilled on my neck that she knew where she’d been going with that either. So, instead of pressing her, I manoeuvred into her arms and cocooned myself until the phone blared behind me and we flinched apart.
My feet were glued to the carpet. Jude took my hand, leading me across to the desk and urging me into the chair. She even picked up the headset and slotted it over my ears, teasing out the strands of hair catching around the microphone. I was the one who raised a shaking finger to click the call on though.
‘Hello?’
‘Sorted?’ Conrad queried. ‘With the others – is it sorted?’
I leaned sideways into Jude’s shirt, a button snagging on my lip. ‘Harriet dealt with it. Sent messages out saying we were at a staff event or something.’
‘You’d better hope that’s all she said. I know what she’s like. A slippery bitch. Say anything to get you off the phone or out of the way. If anyone turns up because of her, the lot of you’ll be in bits, do you hear?’
‘Y-yes, I understand.’
Jude’s arm snaked around my shoulders and I briefly closed my eyes. All I could smell at the moment was her; peach deodorant, bubbles of sweat, the tang of floral perfume. I could make believe we were folded up together in my bed a few months ago, before anything went wrong.
‘Good,’ said Conrad. ‘I’ll call back at eight. No point talking when we’ve got nothing to say. Don’t do anything stupid in the meantime.’
Without another word, the line went dead.
I dislodged the headset with Jude’s help. She tossed it aside and crouched beside my chair, massaging my arm until the goose bumps faded. Then I lifted my chin and stretched a hand to her cheek.
‘He’ll call again at eight. You should tell Harriet.’
‘Okay, I’ll do it and come right back.’
She made to stand, but I shifted my hand to her shoulder and she obediently gave way. Normally, she was the one making the decisions: stay another five minutes, pull over into that layby, I need to touch you. Not much of our relationship seemed to have been played on my terms, but I hadn’t really minded at first. It was enough to feel how much she wanted me and submerge myself in that. To have her kneeling in front of me like this opened us both up in a way I hadn’t been prepared for.
Her tongue twitched over her lips. I moved my hand back to her cheek then leaned down to kiss her slowly. We ended up with her towering above me while my legs pinned her to my chair. It was equal for once.
‘I need some time alone,’ I murmured when she withdrew.
She straightened up and shook her head. ‘I’m not leaving you.’
‘Please, Jude.’ I clasped her hand, using it to lever myself up so I could look into her eyes. ‘Look, I need to think. You’re right – we can’t carry on like this.’
‘I want to stay,’ she insisted.
‘Come back for the next call, okay? I’ll need you then.’
Finally, she exhaled. Her fingers were still knotted around mine and she lifted them to her mouth before letting them fall. Then she kissed me again and squeezed my shoulders.
‘They found some packet soup stuffed in the back of the cupboard. I’ll bring you some up in a bit.’
‘I’m not hungry.’
‘What part of that was a question?’ she retorted.
I watched the dip of her head as she rounded the banister and my breath caught. It wasn’t that I’d never thought the words might apply, but they’d never struck me dead in the chest before. She glanced up and mustered a smile as her shoes slapped on the steps. When she vanished down the stairs, I was left staring into space, wondering where the hell we went next.
Chapter 9
June 2011
Jude’s gaze lingered on the waste ground then she pivoted towards the car.
I shrank into the gloom of the rear seat. ‘Harriet, I can’t talk to her. I can’t.’
‘You don’t have to,’ she muttered, jabbing her seatbelt loose. ‘I’ll do it.’
‘Why bring me then?’ I demanded.
‘Because that was the deal-breaker. I’m sorry, I haven’t come this far to pack it in now, even if you have.’
Jude took a step forward and Gemma prodded Harriet out of the car. I wasn’t prepared for the flood of light as the door opened or the ripple of air that made every nerve-ending in my body quiver while I wedged myself behind Gemma’s seat. Instead of closing the door, Harriet left it creaking in the breeze. After a moment, Gemma reached up to switch the light off.
I watched as Jude edged forward to meet Harriet on the cracked pavement. Both of them were shrouded in shadows, but they dodged over weeds and clumps of stone as though they knew they were there. I’d never been back here and, to my knowledge, neither had Harriet. Ahead of me, Gemma twisted until her chin thumped against the headrest.
‘Dan –’
‘Shush.’
Harriet halted a few yards from the waste ground and dug into her pockets. Lighting her cigarette only took a few seconds, but I saw Jude’s impatience in the way she shifted from foot to foot. It got too much for her and she kicked a pebble into the road. The noise bounced around the levelled street, the same as her familiar voice did when she started talking.
‘Not hiding any weapons are you?’
I shivered, clamping my arms around my stomach.
‘Wouldn’t waste my time,’ Harriet replied.
‘Okay,’ Jude said, following a prolonged pause, ‘you called me, remember?’
Harriet blew a cloud of smoke skywards. ‘Well spotted.’
‘Then I’m wondering what took you so long.’
I flinched at the same time Gemma did.
‘You’ve got some bloody nerve,’ Harriet snapped. ‘What part of accepting a nice cosy job and swanning around for press conferences with sodding Caroline –’
‘Well, you’re here now, aren’t you? Come on, you’ve been approaching Gerbera properties for weeks and you’ve only just got around to calling me. Why didn’t you answer the bloody phone, Harriet, hmm? Why ignore me at the back end of last year and turn up now?’
Gemma shot me a look, her eyebrows knitted together. We’d heard none of this, either of us, and the knot in my chest tightened a bit more.
‘I wasn’t ready,’ muttered Harriet eventually. ‘You can’t wipe it away, what you did. You can’t expect me to trust you when you phone up my husband and lay on a sob story about how sorry –’
‘I didn’t. I was honest, that’s all.’
Harriet snorted. ‘Oh, that takes the bloody biscuit, that does. If it’s honesty you’re after, why not quit your job? There’s plenty you could’ve done without waiting around for me.’
‘It’s a link.’
‘To what – your husband?’
Another pebble ricocheted across the broken tarmac. ‘To what happened, to what I . . . Working in that place day in, day out, reminds me. If you’d called me back, you’d know that.’
‘What makes you think I give a shit one way or the other?’ Harriet queried.
‘You need my help,’ answered Jude, crossing her arms. ‘You wouldn’t be here if you didn’t. So, come on, what is it you want?’
Harriet drew on her cigarette and exhaled. ‘Conrad pointed us towards that paperwork, didn’t he? I reckon there was a reason for it, besides the bleeding obvious. The same way he didn’t mention Knight by accident. Trouble is, what with everything, it didn’t get investigated properly, did it? If we’re working on the assumption that he wasn’t a random loony, there might’ve been something in it.’
‘The date he gave us was seven years ago.’
‘Oh, you remember.’
‘Of course I bloody remember.’
‘We keep documentation for ten,’ Harriet replied, dropping her cigarette and grinding it out with her heel. ‘Some of it we
lost, yeah, but some records were always computerised. There’ll be enough on the system to have a poke through.’
Jude scrubbed at her forehead. ‘It’s a needle in a haystack.’
‘Best idea we’ve got. Anyway, there’s something Knight doesn’t want us finding. Why else would he have turned up in Cheltenham?’
There was a pause and the wind whipped around the car door, drawing Jude’s attention over to us. Gemma stiffened while I curled around her seat until, finally, Jude turned back to Harriet.
‘Can I –’ she began, but Harriet cut her off.
‘No chance. Do it because it’s the right thing to do or not at all.’
‘Understood,’ she murmured. ‘I’ll be in touch then.’
‘Suit yourself,’ Harriet returned.
Without another word, she swept to the car and dumped herself into the driver’s seat. Jude didn’t budge from her spot, watching as we twisted around to squeal out of the estate. Only when we were hurtling past the fancy houses did the pressure in my chest explode and I leaned forward to hiss in Harriet’s ear.
‘Knight was right, wasn’t he? This is bugger all to do with me.’
She snickered and nudged the accelerator again. ‘It’s a means to an end. You don’t get to pick and choose your friends any more than you do your enemies. You know that.’
Chapter 10
February 2010
The door opened, releasing a shaft of light into the meeting room.
I stayed perfectly still, tucked underneath the windowsill with the blind buried in my hair. The shadow stretching across the desk was too wiry to be Jude’s, and the impatient huff would’ve tipped me off even if I hadn’t recognised Harriet’s tobacco perfume.
‘Either you’re in here or you’ve done a runner. And if you had, we’d be in bits on the ceiling so, come on, Danni.’
‘Don’t turn the light on.’
‘I’m not marking you out of ten on your bloody makeup,’ she argued, though she let the door swing shut and edged her way around the table. After her foot struck the skirting board, she manoeuvred her way down to her knees and held something out in my direction. ‘Jude told me to give you this.’
‘I don’t want the damn soup.’
She tipped her head back against the wall. ‘I was under orders to make sure you drank it. Truth be told, you’d be better off starving. Gill’s gone a funny colour with it and Jude’s in the bathroom throwing up.’
‘That’s not the soup,’ I muttered.
‘What, then? Nerves?’
I strained my neck until the blinds yanked strands of my hair loose. ‘She’s pregnant.’
Harriet left, taking the soup with her.
My tongue was thick with the dust swirling around the carpet of the meeting room. Not long before eight, I went back to the loos to rinse with lukewarm water and spit the congealed blood from my lip into the sink.
I tugged a paper towel free to wipe my mouth then caught sight of my reflection. My eyes sagged in their sockets, little pools of brown leaking down my cheeks. I swiped the tears away and washed my face fully before checking my watch again. One minute to eight. Funny how I’d only answered the phone four hours ago. On the one hand, it felt like longer but, on the other, it was like I’d just clicked my fingers and would up staring at myself in a mirror streaked with mildew.
I stepped out onto the landing with seconds to spare. Jude was slumped against the wall beside the desk, cheeks ashen. I stretched out a hand then let it fall when her face flickered. At first, I couldn’t tell what the problem was until movement by the stairs caught my eye. Not only was Michael leaning against the banister, he was flanked by Harriet and Caroline.
‘What’s going on?’ I asked.
Harriet rubbed her chin. ‘It’s easier this way.’
‘What is?’ I glanced between the four of them. ‘What’s easier?’
‘If you’ve got nothing to hide, you shouldn’t be concerned,’ Caroline said.
‘Hide?’ I repeated. ‘What the hell? What do you mean?’
Jude launched herself from the wall, settling next to me. ‘I’ve told them it’s ridiculous.’
‘What is?’ I questioned without looking at her.
‘There’s been some speculation downstairs,’ Michael explained. ‘We know this is serious, but it could be a prank or someone’s idea of a joke. We need to clear that up.’
I scoffed and jabbed towards the desk. ‘You sat with me when he called, remember? And – and Jude was there last time.’
‘But it was only you for the first call,’ he persisted.
‘So – so what? I’m automatically making it up? This is down to you, isn’t it?’ I demanded, rounding on Caroline. ‘What kind of person makes something like this up? You?’
She took a step away, clattering the blinds with her shoulder. ‘If you’ve got nothing –’
‘I haven’t done anything wrong,’ I snapped then looked past her. ‘Harriet? Come on!’
‘Let’s just clear it up,’ she muttered.
I snorted and twisted away from them all. When Jude’s arm caught at mine, I shook her off and crossed the landing, heading back to the meeting room, but the phone started ringing before I made it. I hesitated, my fingers curled against the door.
‘Danni,’ Michael said, ‘you need to answer it.’
I didn’t move.
‘Answer it,’ Caroline hissed.
‘You answer it,’ I retorted, spinning around. ‘You reckon I’m lying? You talk to him. Two minutes of that and he’ll blow us all up.’
Michael cleared his throat. ‘This isn’t the time to be stupid.’
Still, I didn’t move. The five of us listened to every sharp trill of the phone before it died halfway through a note. In the silence that followed, none of us moved a muscle. Then the phone blared out again and Caroline let out a shuddering breath.
‘You answer it,’ she insisted. ‘You hear? You answer it.’
‘She’s right,’ Michael put in.
Harriet sucked air through her teeth. ‘Come on, Danni.’
I squeezed my eyes shut, blocking out their pinched faces. Nothing could block out the persistent toll of the phone as it boomed like an alarm through the building though. All of a sudden, it died again and I felt the ripple of panic around the landing. Five seconds later, it blared out for a third time.
‘Danni . . .’
Jude’s voice cracked and I opened my eyes. She was hugging her stomach, the tendons in her neck pulsating with every breath. I winced and stepped back to the desk to tug the headset on. All of them were watching me, but I concentrated on Jude’s green eyes boring into mine.
‘Hello?’
‘Where the hell have you been?’ Conrad demanded.
‘Having a debate,’ I muttered.
‘You what?’
I plucked at my collar. ‘I’ve got an audience.’
‘Why?’ he asked after a pause. ‘Don’t they trust you or something?’
‘I don’t know.’
‘Ask them,’ he said.
I dragged my gaze from Jude and glanced across the landing. Harriet was teetering against the banister, chin tilted towards the light fittings. One swift push and she’d hurtle over the railing, maybe smash her skull open on the bottom steps. Michael was just stood with his hair brushing the ceiling, shifting weight from one side to the other but focused solely on his wife. Caroline was the only one of the three looking at me now, beetle eyes scuttling back and forth until they pinned mine down.
‘No,’ I said into the phone.
Conrad sniggered. ‘Ask them.’
‘No,’ I repeated.
Now all of them were staring at me again. Caroline’s lip curled, more triumphant than frightened, although Jude’s forehead was creased with concern. The silence on the other end of the phone stretched until Conrad let out a growl,
‘Who is it? Who’s with you?’
‘Why?’ I asked.
‘Because I want to
bloody well know. Fitch?’
My eyes flicked to Harriet’s gaunt face. ‘Yes.’
‘Who else?’
‘Caroline Smythe and – and Michael and Jude Hogarth.’
‘Right,’ Conrad snapped, ‘put Michael on.’
The name sliced through me. I’d feel better if he wanted to talk to Caroline, less like I’d screwed up and he was choosing Jude’s husband over me. It was perverse that a couple of hours ago I’d wanted anyone on this phone except me, but now the thought of handing the headset over to Michael was repugnant.
‘Danni?’ Conrad prompted.
I managed to prise my tongue from the roof of my mouth. ‘Why?’
‘Because I’ll get more sense out of him right this minute. Estates Manager – I want to talk about the estates. Or do you want to wait till tomorrow to find out what this is about?’
‘Fine,’ I mumbled, pulling the headset off and chucking it onto the desk. Without looking in his direction, I added, ‘Michael, he wants to talk to you.’
‘Thank God for that,’ said Caroline.
‘Leave it,’ Jude retorted.
‘All right, the pair of you,’ Harriet replied. ‘Michael – go on.’
I still couldn’t look him in the face. As I edged out of the chair, he rounded the desk, leaving a respectful distance between us. It took a moment for me to realise he was wary of me, not Conrad. When he finally got into my seat, his back straightened and he grabbed the headset with a steady hand. I snorted and stepped towards the meeting room.
‘Danni,’ said Harriet, ‘stay here for a minute.’
My feet stopped, even if my mind carried on walking. The wall ahead of me was puckered with red splotches and I drilled my eyes into one of those while Michael’s voice drifted past me. Then fingers brushed against my wrist and tears welled in my eyes. I was grateful my back was turned against the rest of the landing.
‘I’m sorry,’ murmured Jude. ‘It’s bullshit. It’s Caroline stirring, that’s all.’
‘Not your fault, don’t worry about it.’
‘Course I will. Did you eat the soup?’