Chapter 5
The weight of responsibility
Since the end of Victor, the jewelery weighed all on my shoulders and my life was taking a direction that I did not like at all. I thought that I would not have been enough to find a watchmaker equally experienced and devoted to his work and decided to accept a salary certainly not high.
Now it came to perfection in the use of tools and corporate capacity. I knew that I was not born trader, I had adapted, and I felt uncomfortable; was served to fulfill myself, but now I was not so sure I want to continue. I would have gladly released the store.
I wanted to vent my discomfort and consult. I tried to talk to Eleana. "Why do not you want me to do a better job?" I said, but had started to not feel good and I'm not even listening. I was no longer myself, but I kept it to myself, and when the stress level exceeded the threshold, I found myself in which my rant myself, I lost myself among the minerals and they took magnetism, energy and creativity, each stone that I watched, and I handled indicated to me the model best suited to their color, their own light.
But the months passed and nothing changed. Every so often I was wondering which way would take my life if I only had the courage to follow my aspirations consultant and creator of artistic pieces , but I did not I decided to take a step in that direction and I felt more and more dejected.
In autumn it appeared Verter in store. He was going to buy a necklace. "So Silvio, how are you?" He asked as he watched the emeralds directing them towards the natural light outside. "Eh, what's up, bad?" He vented. He threw me a dirty look through bifocals. "To you its bad, what should I say?" I saw him put the jewel on blue velvet. "Every day diseases and ill prepared to put the firing squad if something does not go your way" he said. I was baffled. I turned out to be an aspect of his character that I did not like.
Then leave me the address of the nice lady to whom I had to have it delivered. I thought he needed to calm his recent lover too pressing. I wanted to ask him: "You how many women have you been?" and tell him that I felt embarrassed to see me to dinner with him and Stephanie knowing that betrayed each time with a different woman. I was annoyed to be the keeper of a secret so cumbersome, and not enough for me to appeal to the complicity between males. However, I would not have revealed his secret even to Eleana, why would beset with moral discourses.
In the evening I came home and complained of work. "Decide how you want I have no power to change your mind" he told me instead to meet my needs, and added: "I feel lonely, isolated, I'm all day in a prison of gold" and wanted our house. He continued: "If you really loved me you know who I am to need now." I do not understand anymore. "That's enough, you're overwhelming!" I said and slammed the door. I sat in the car, with the body sank into the seat and I began to think that my mother had warned, more than once: "Diamond pendant ears do not make her a fine person" and I became convinced that he was right. I realized that I had married under the impulse of emotion, and I had not realized that I was tied up with his entire family. It was creeping in me the thought that ours was not a match made to be together.
In the spring, found myself on the couch every night and then complained. "I feel out of control and I am full of anxiety." One afternoon I was working in jewelry and I saw her come trembling and blushing. "Eleana happened to you?" I said. "I found myself stuck in traffic because there were ambulances and wounded and no longer had the strength to drive to pass the accident site." "What do you say, you always guided" I said. "I had to pull over the car, I had the pulse accelerated so that I seemed to die there, and you do not know how much it cost me to be able to get here."
With the passage of time had taken to calling me desperate and begged me to go and recover in the street because they did not want to continue and I had to close the shop and get there as soon as possible. I was leading to exhaustion. She haunted me on a cell phone. He was afraid that I had an accident, which I was the victim of another robbery, that one day, suddenly; I was unable to come back to her, which something happened that separated us forever.
"I am no longer able to be useful to me or to you "and I said that this gave her a lot of guilt."My impotence towards life is destroying me, I do not feel even more to get out of the house" she said. "Eleana, do not overdo" I replied with a hint of caress his hair, but I just could not understand why he had wanted to build a thousand taboos.
I could not bear even to repeat the list, I had so many that I could not propose to take a vacation that included air travel, long hours of highway routes in the tunnel. I'm sorry, but I did not understand why not giving peace and would take charge of his life, and a little of my own. I saw her fill of medicines to make and to rest. I did not know how to do.
One evening I decided that I would have addressed. I told her: "You know what, even though I appreciate everything you have given me so far, cannot stand you anymore." "You want to get rid of me?" I thought maybe he was right, I was the only perpetually set apart in great detail, and, frankly, now I would have done without. "You cannot go on any longer, do something, talk Verter" I said. She widened her eyes and yelled "I 'm not sick and do not you dare talk to him about." I replied: "Enough, you have to finish it, my life has become a nightmare." I was screaming. "I'm tired; I do not want to know more about your problems!" I said. I felt so bad to deal with it but it was what I thought. "Peace will not have to worry about my requests nagging" she said.
She stopped to talk about them. I felt sorry for how I had behaved; I wanted to say "forgive me if I exaggerated" but I did not. There were too many obligations and pressures to which I was subjected every day. She spent the day at home and I could not notice her white roses fade in the border in front of the house and do not know what I'd give to see it again to treat them as he once .
Some nights I got home very late, I went to the door of his room. "Ele, I'm back" I said, but she does not answer me, I opened and found her asleep, and there were always sleeping on his bedside table. I entered and I left the house. She did not want to be disturbed, and I did her willingly. Sometimes, I wondered: "What did you do today?" I replied: "I worked at the computer" but I preferred not to ask her more and I do not speak.
In December, the day of my birthday, I convinced her to go to celebrate it by Eriberto. Eleana said to me: "Take me in the bakery to buy a cake with almond paste? Was how I liked it?" In the afternoon we were from Eriberto. I said "Hello Eriberto". He was sitting in a chair and beat his head with his fingers at the point where it was operated for the second time. He replied by saying hardly a word, but his eyes were still big and sweet talk. Eleana had taken time to remind him of his childhood are happy ones and I spent together, I thought I saw a smile on his lips. I helped him to his feet and he hugged me with great effort. I thought, "It's your best gift for my birthday." We were three of us, together, for the last time. We got in the car in silence that covered our tears and one could console each other and not only did the prayer.
Then we got home and in the silence of the hall we heard his voice: "Hello uncles are Eriberto; Ele, dear, I feel that you have changed the music of the secretariat, it is interesting, it's eight and a half, and Merry Christmas, there I have found, always around, shame, however, I greet you and Merry Christmas again." I do not know how, while Eleana handled the secretariat, his message was taken the year before.
The Eriberto image I save is his head full of curls blacks, his large dark eyes bright and playful. When I think about the time of the first concert I seem to see his face so, in profile with a strong nose and mouth still, with his eyes focused and away to the music and its accessories.
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Diamond Page 5