by JB Caine
“This has been a crazy week. I can’t believe I’ve hardly talked to you outside of class. I feel like I have no idea what’s going on in your life,” I lamented. I felt particularly guilty because, not only was I totally wrapped up with my own personal drama, but I couldn’t even tell him what half of that drama was.
“Oh, girl, don’t I know it. I have so many updates…”
“Okay,” I said, biting through the top rim of the cone, “start by telling me what’s up with you and Michael. Because I saw you giving him googly eyes at the Halloween party, and no one resists your charms for long.”
He laughed, and even though it was hard to distinguish under his mahogany skin, I was pretty sure he blushed. “Yeah, that’s going pretty good right now, I think. We hung out a lot at Trina’s party, and then he let me take him home. We’re sort of just talking at this point, but I really like him, but I’m not sure if I want to be so deep in the feels, you know?”
“Boy, you better ask him out. I don’t want to hear the whole story a month from now about how you wish you hadn’t let this one go.”
“I know, I know. But I’m trying to focus on ME right now.”
“You always say that, but you’re not focusing on YOU. You aren’t out there building a business or taking up a new hobby or learning to play the marimba or whatever. You’re just trying to keep your heart safe.” I shot him a knowing look.
“Girl, you reading me for filth right now. You’re not wrong, though.” He put his arm around me and bit into his cone. “He is really sweet. Texts me funny memes all the time.”
“Aw, see, he’s thinking of you, too! I mean, you should do what you want to do, but I think you should give the guy a shot. Seems like he’d be good to you, and you could use some of that.”
Treigh sighed. “Ah, but why do I need anyone else when I have you, my queen?”
“Because I’m not going to make out with you, no matter how much I love you.” We both laughed, and for a moment, the world seemed perfectly normal. Perfectly in balance.
“So what about you and Alex, then?” Ugh. Moment ruined.
“I don’t really have any idea. He didn’t really have much to say to me this week, so I’m assuming that whatever we were before, we’re not that now.”
“I’m sorry, love. I know you liked him for a really long time.”
I shrugged, but I began to feel the weight of my disappointment and sadness creep back into the front of my mind. I wanted to tell Treigh why things had gone south with Alex, but I held back. Treigh looked at me, and I could tell he knew there was more to the story.
“Lia, did something happen? That face is more than just your bummed-out face. Talk to me. Did he do something to hurt you?”
“No, no, not at all.” My voice trembled as the emotions I’d been avoiding rose inside of me. “I...he...I don’t know, he just decided he wasn’t that into me, I guess. Maybe he never really was…” Tears slid down my cheeks, quickly turning cold in the chilly air. A wave of self-doubt washed over me as I considered, for maybe the hundredth time this week, the possibility that he had never felt anything real for me at all. Until I drew down the moon during the play, he had not even noticed me. I felt my heart breaking all over again with the knowledge that every tender look, every touch, every kiss, was fake...each precious moment a lie born of illusion. Every one of his feelings had been a product of accidental mind control, projecting my own desires into his subconscious and compelling him to act on them. The very thought of it made me nauseous, filled with a desperate desire to scream and let out the agony I felt. My own fault...all a lie...none of it was real… The thoughts wouldn’t stop coming.
Treigh pulled me closer, letting me sob against his shoulder. After a couple of minutes, I sniffled and pulled myself together. “Sorry,” I mumbled, sniffling.
“Don’t you dare apologize,” he said. “I’m your best friend. You aren’t supposed to keep all that ugly crying to yourself. That’s what I’m here for. So I can let you be ugly and then fix your makeup after.”
“You’re the best.”
“You are correct.”
I really wanted to tell Treigh about what I had accidentally done. I wanted to tell him about what had happened on the beach after the party. I felt like a horrible person for keeping secrets, but I also felt like it would be wrong to drag Treigh into magical drama and bring that kind of difficulty into his life. As I watched him back out of the driveway and head back home, I tried turning my attention toward how I could make my life safer for the Muggles I cared about.
I knew I wasn’t a powerful witch, not yet anyway, and some of the other Arcana members definitely were. As much as Kitty was good for advice, she might not be the best person to supervise magical training if my goal was to learn how to defend myself and even fight back against members of the group who felt the need to harm me if I couldn’t be “brought into line”, as Claudia had said. I needed powerful allies, and that meant finding other members of the Arcana. And then I needed to figure out if any of them could be trusted to be mentors to me, as The Empress had been for my aunt so many years ago. The problem was that I didn’t know how to find any of them, not even Claudia and John.
I didn’t, but my aunt might. I got the feeling, though, that she didn’t really want to help me find my way farther into that world. Still, there was no avoiding it for me now; surely she would acknowledge that. I pulled out my phone and texted her because, frankly, I was too much of a coward to ask her directly. I rationalized that if I sent a text, she would have an opportunity to think about it rather than just rejecting the notion out of hand.
Hey Aunt Kitty...I was thinking that it might be a good idea if I met one of the other card holders who was actually trustworthy. Do you think the Empress card is still connected with the family you remember?
It was nearly a half an hour before she responded.
I’m not sure if I could get in touch with her, even if I wanted to. Let me see what I can find out.
Thanks, I texted back.
That was probably as much progress as I was going to make on that front for the moment, so perhaps I could turn my attention to other things. Like homework. Normal teenager things. As surreal as my life was these days, I still had Trig and U.S. History to worry about.
Nearly a week passed in some semblance of normalcy. I didn’t see Claudia or her brother again, and I didn’t hear from my aunt or Selene. Alex had said hi to me in class twice, but I wasn’t really sure how I should feel about that. Treigh was becoming more and more interested in Michael, though he tried to claim otherwise (even to himself).
On Friday afternoon, I came home to find my aunt’s car in the driveway. Not sure if that was a good sign or a bad one, I took a deep breath before hopping out of the car and up the steps into the kitchen door.
I found her in the living room with my mother and a woman who looked to be about 80. Though she was quite elderly, her eyes were bright and alert, and she had an air of wisdom moreso than age. She turned to smile at me as I entered the room, and I had to fight the urge to kneel at her feet.
“The Empress, I presume,” I breathed, in awe that so tiny a woman should fill a room so completely with her presence.
“Ah, my dear,” she smiled.
Aunt Kitty stood and took my hand. “Lia, may I present to you Mary Steward, the Empress.” She led me over to where Mary was sitting.
“I’m honored.” I extended my other hand in greeting.
“I’m very pleased to meet you, Lia,” Mary said, taking my hand in hers gently. “Not only have you awakened the Moon, but you have brought my dear Katherine back to me. I am most grateful on both counts.” Her eyes looked affectionately at my aunt, and then back at me. I was filled with a sense of comfort as she studied me. “We have a great deal to talk about, I think.”
“Absolutely. Thank you so much for agreeing to meet with me.” I took a seat on the end of the couch closest to the wing chair where she sat like a queen on her throne. Aun
t Kitty sat beside me.
“It was wise of you to suggest that Katherine seek me out. There is much you need to know about the Arcana and the different factions and their agendas. It would be difficult to navigate it all alone, even with Katherine’s help.” It was strange to hear anyone call my aunt by her full name. I had never heard anyone use it until I met Selene.
“I don’t even know what to ask you.”
“Well, my dear, why don’t I begin by telling you what knowledge I have to share, and we can go from there. Although I don’t associate with the couple who contacted you, I do know who they are and who they represent. Claudia represents The Tower and the god Janus.”
“Is that good or bad?”
“Like all the cards and their deities, Lia, there are good and bad aspects to the Tower and Janus. They represent change, essentially. Change can be beneficial or harmful, depending on the personalities and politics behind it. The same is true of both the card and the god.”
“Claudia did talk about changing things. She said they wanted to make the world better by influencing policy, so that the world wasn’t about greed.”
The Empress inclined her head slightly. “I don’t doubt that she is telling you at least part of the truth. Despite a reputation for causing chaos, the family who holds the Tower is remarkably organized when it comes to their goals.”
“Which are what, exactly?”
“Change, as I said. The constant upheaval in this country is probably what brought them here from Europe long ago. Exactly what they seek tends to change with the generations. They are quite involved in politics at the moment, and have been for the better part of a century. As long as I’ve been alive, at least. They are uncomfortable with the status quo. They are visionary and they are powerful. There are few things in the Universe more elemental than change, and so they never seem to lose steam. They always have some new motivation, some new cause.”
“What is their agenda now?”
“They see the political division in this country as a great opportunity for change. I suspect that the dominant members of the family have lobbyists pushing a number of issues. The social justice movement in the past fifty or so years has been very exciting for them.”
“Oh, well, that doesn’t sound so bad. They want changes that benefit people who have been oppressed?”
“I suspect so. But remember that their goal is upheaval itself, and the consequences or benefits of it are secondary.”
“But there could be benefits to the changes they want.”
“There could indeed.”
I considered this and reflected on my brief conversation with Claudia. “My instinct is not to trust them.”
“The Moon is the card of Intuition, Lia. If you feel you should not trust them, you are probably right.”
“But they aren’t going to leave me alone, are they?”
She considered for a moment. “Well, not right away, no. You are a raw source of power to them, and the Moon has talents that they would find very helpful. They would consider you quite an asset.”
“Is she in danger?” Aunt Kitty interjected. “Some of the families are willing to be fairly ruthless to get what they want.”
“Now that I do not know,” she said. “I am not sure if they are trying to make an ally out of her, or leverage her abilities for something specific. If it’s the former, she is probably in no danger. If they have something they want from her, or some task they want her to help complete, then there may be a timeline they have to meet, or they may be somewhat desperate. Unfortunately, there’s no way to know which it is without asking them.”
“Like just ASK them? Would they tell me the truth?”
She chuckled. “Not the whole truth, certainly. Claudia is the Arcana, as far as I know, but I don’t know the exact method by which the Tower works. There are many branches in that particular family tree. Some of them have thorns, and some have flowers.”
“But you think I should talk to them?”
“I suspect you will end up speaking to them whether you intend to or not, because they haven’t gotten an answer from you yet. What I would advise, though, is that you learn some methods of self-defense so that they cannot influence you or take advantage of your lack of experience.”
“I think she has to touch me in order to influence me. I felt really strange when I was talking to her, and it took a lot to cut through the fog in my head. When I pulled my hand away from her, it was easier to think.”
“Ah, that’s very good,” she nodded. “It means that she already has limited power over you, but it also indicates that you have some natural resistance to her influence. That would stand to reason. The Moon has deep roots in influence and illusion, so it would be very difficult to use that power against you. I imagine she would have tremendous sway over someone with no immunity at all.”
The thought of that chilled me. “That seems like an unfair advantage to have over people.” I felt awash with shame; I had done something similar to Alex, even if I hadn’t meant to.
“Unless I miss my guess, my dear, you have already paid a price for such a skill.”
Aunt Kitty looked at me quizzically, and I dropped my eyes. “It was an accident. There was a boy I really liked, and I might have made him fall for me without meaning to. Once I knew what I was doing, I made it stop. Now he barely knows I exist, just like before I found the card.”
Mary looked at me with compassion, and Aunt Kitty squeezed my forearm.
“That speaks well of you, Lia,” my aunt said. “You valued his free will over your own desires. You were willing to lose him rather than control him.”
“Well, of course. What good is someone’s love if they don’t give it freely?” I felt hot tears threatening to fall. I couldn’t look up from the floor and meet their sympathetic gazes. The last thing I wanted to do was to break down in front of them.
“Your spirit and heart are strong,” the Empress said simply, and I appreciated the fact that she refrained from comforting platitudes. They would have been wasted on me right now, and I thought she must have realized that. “One thing I can do for you is to place a blessing of protection around you. Protection is one of my goddess’ strongest gifts, and her blessing will enhance your own natural resistance to the Tower’s influence. It will also make the thought of harming you seem distasteful to those who might try.”
“Which is your goddess?”
“She has many names, but for me, she is Isis. She is the Great Mother, which is the Empress’ aspect of deity.”
“I thought Gaea was the mother goddess.” The words were out of my mouth before I realized that they might appear disrespectful.
“Gaea is also the essence of the Mother, and for other Arcana before or after me, that may be how she appears. But for me, she is Isis.”
“So Selene isn’t Selene for everyone?”
My aunt responded. “For me, she was Selene. For you, she is Selene. I don’t know how your grandmother saw her, nor do I know how generations before saw her. What I do know is that my relationship with the Moon was very different from Grandmother’s. And I suspect yours will be somewhat different from mine, because you are somewhat different from me. Since you have chosen this path, at least for now, I’ve brought you my journals. They may provide some guidance for you, even if there are some differences in how the power comes to you.”
“Thanks, Aunt Kitty.” I wrapped her in a hug, grateful not to have to go through this alone, as she had until the Empress came into her life.
“You have your aunt’s pure heart,” Mary smiled. “I can see why Selene thought you worthy.” I thought that was, perhaps, the greatest compliment I had ever received. “Come here, child,” she instructed. It struck me that coming from her, being called a child was in no way patronizing, because all of us are children in the eyes of the Great Mother. I slid off the couch and knelt at her feet instinctively. She placed her right hand on top of my bowed head. I felt a gentle buzz of electricity slide over my ski
n, radiating from her hand and enveloping me slowly. I imagined she had given me a second skin of static electricity, pulsating outward.
She murmured quiet words that I could not understand. As I held the image of that glowing aura in my mind’s eye, I felt something within me stirring, and a light from inside me rose to meet the one the Empress had placed around me. I wasn’t sure how I knew, but when the two lights met, hers full of warmth and sunlight, mind radiating cool as moonlight, they swirled together and I felt as though I had a psychic alarm system with all the bells, buzzers, and whistles. I slowly opened my eyes and looked up at her, and her kindly look had turned into something like surprised respect.
She took a deep breath and let loose a peal of genuine laughter.
“It would be very unwise for anyone to underestimate you, my dear.”
Chapter 20
It was three more days before I spotted Claudia and John again. I saw their SUV in the Walgreens parking lot when I was on my way home. I didn’t think it was coincidence. I figured they were waiting for me to pass so they could follow me the rest of the way, and they had the misguided notion that this was more subtle than sitting in a driveway across the street from my school.
This meeting would be different...I wasn’t filled with fear any more. I still didn’t know a whole lot of magic, but the Empress’ confidence that I was safe for the time being made me feel much better. This time, instead of fleeing to a public place, I pulled into my driveway, then got out of the car and leaned on the trunk with my arms crossed until they drove by.
I’m pretty sure they weren’t expecting this posture out of me. When they drove by, just a little too slowly, I waggled my fingers in a petulant little wave. They pulled over by the mailbox and got out after a brief conversation.