When We Were Us

by Elena Aitken

  That was tonight.

  Why would Jamie want her to rehearse with the band if they had a—

  Her mouth fell open as she connected the dots in her mind. Still in shock, she pushed through the heavy wooden door into the pub. She’d been coming to the Log and Jam ever since Ben Ross opened it almost ten years earlier. The rough, exposed logs that made up the walls gave the pub a cozy feel and the artifacts and antiques from Timber Creeks’ early days as a logging town gave the place charm and character. But it wasn’t just the atmosphere that made the Log and Jam feel like home for Christy. It was the fact that the place was always filled with friends. No matter what else was going on, she knew she would see a friendly face there.

  “Hey, Christy.” Ben Ross greeted her with a smile and a wave as if to prove the point she was feeling. “Are you here for lunch today? Michael made a mean chili for the special this afternoon.”

  Michael, Ben’s chef, was amazing, and the aroma coming from the kitchen was tempting, but that wasn’t why she was there. “I bet it’s delicious,” she said with a smile as she looked around the space, letting her eyes grow accustomed to the dimmer light inside. “But I’m actually here for…”

  “Oh, that’s right. You’re singing tonight.”

  She spun around and stared at her old friend. “Singing? Tonight?”

  “Yeah, with the Lumber Kings. Jamie said something about—”

  “Jamie must have been drunk.” At that moment, her eyes locked on Jamie’s across the room, where he was plugging cables into a speaker. “And if you’ll excuse me, I should probably go make sure he’s not drinking right now.”

  She could hear Ben laughing behind her as she crossed the room to confront Jamie.

  He was smiling and looking at her in that easy way he had that made her feel like the only woman in the room. It made her stomach flip in a way it hadn’t since she was a teenager, but it also gave her confidence, which was exactly what she needed if she was going to hold that microphone in her hands and sing her heart out. She let her gaze flick to the microphone stand before she focused back on Jamie.

  “Hey, Christy. I’m glad you came today.”

  She nodded, momentarily forgetting the sign she’d seen on the door. “For rehearsal? Because we are just rehearsing today?”

  Jamie shrugged, but didn’t meet her eyes.

  “Right, Jamie?”

  “Well, we do rehearse before…”

  “A show?” She put her hands on her hips but had no idea why she was feeling defensive. “Do you have a show tonight?”

  Finally, he looked at her with a slightly apologetic smile on his face. “We do. And I was kind of hoping that you might fill in for our usual lead singer. Remember, I told you that he’d had some family issues to deal with and I think things are a little more serious than we thought and he might not be back for a while. Having you rehearse with us has been awesome, so I guess I kind of figured it wouldn’t be too much of a stretch.”

  A show? He wanted her to sing in a show. In front of people.

  Intellectually, she’d known it the second she saw the concert poster on the door. But to hear him say it…that made it real.

  Very real.

  The thought bounced through her mind for a few moments. She expected to immediately reject his offer but as the reality of what he was asking settled in, Christy realized she didn’t totally hate the idea. In fact, she might actually even like it.

  A lot.

  “So?”

  She blinked and looked into his green eyes. “Do you know that up until a few minutes ago I didn’t even know what your band was called?”

  Jamie laughed, but not at her. “Well, I guess that’s a good thing since we can’t really be the Lumber Kings with a female singer.”

  “Did she say yes?” Caleb, a drum in hand, walked up to the stage area and smiled at Christy. “Tell me you said yes?”

  She looked around. They were setting up for a show. They did need a singer. She looked between the men and finally laughed. “You were pretty confident I was going to say yes, weren’t you?”

  Jamie answered by raising his eyebrow.

  “He said you’d do it,” Caleb said. “Or we would have cancelled the show.”

  “So that’s an official yes?”

  “Yes.” She nodded and a thrill ran through her body, electrifying her. “I’ll do it.”

  It had been a long week. And it was only Thursday. Mark almost never took a day off, but not for the first time that day, he considered rescheduling his Friday patients and taking a long weekend.

  Maybe he could take Christy out for a special dinner, or better yet, to Seattle for a romantic weekend. In fact, it’s what he should do. But a quick glance at his schedule for the next day told him it would be next to impossible to reschedule everyone.

  Healthy baby checkups, yearly physicals, and some in-grown toenails may not be on everyone’s crucial list, but for his patients, those things were crucial, which was why they were important to him. It’s what made Mark such a good small-town doctor.

  He cared.

  He needed to start applying that same amount of care to his marriage. He knew it. In a deep, soul-touching way, he knew his marriage needed extra love and attention.

  He just didn’t know where to begin. Which was a terrible reason for not doing anything; he knew that. But maybe they were just going through one of those rough patches that lots of couples went through. It would pass. Of course it would pass. They were Mark and Christy. High school sweethearts, the loves of each other’s lives. Yes, this phase would definitely pass.

  “Doctor Thomas?”

  Sarah’s voice over his loudspeaker startled him. He scrubbed his hands over his face and pressed the button to talk to his receptionist. “Yes, Sarah.”

  “Eric Ross is here for his check-up. I sent him to exam room three.”

  “Thanks, Sarah.” He was about to get up when he had a thought. “Oh, and Sarah?”

  “Yes, Doctor Thomas? What else can I do for you?”

  He hated asking Sarah to make personal arrangements for him, but… “Would you mind terribly making a reservation for two at the Riverside Grill for Saturday night?”

  He could hear the smile in Sarah’s voice when she answered. “It’s no problem at all. Should I tell them it’s a special occasion?”

  “Just that I want to take my beautiful wife out on a date.”

  “Sounds special enough to me. Consider it done.”

  Satisfied that a romantic dinner would go a long way in bridging the distance between himself and his wife, Mark picked up his tablet and quickly logged into Eric’s file.

  It had been almost two weeks since Eric had arrived and asked him to be his respite care doctor. Mark had talked at length with Eric’s oncologists from the city and learned everything he possibly could about Eric’s case.

  The prognosis wasn’t good.

  But of course, everyone already knew that.

  He took a deep breath and went to exam room three. Hands down, the hardest part about his chosen profession was when he lost a patient. It was never easy, of course, but it almost seemed harder when it was a chronic illness that he could do nothing to stop. He’d become a doctor to help make people better, not to watch them die.

  “Hey, Eric,” he said as he knocked on the door and pushed it open. “How are you doing today?”

  He tried not to let the shock show on his face as he saw his old friend. In only two weeks, Eric’s condition had clearly deteriorated. He was thinner, if that was even possible. His clothes hung on him, and despite the hot summer day outside of his office, Eric was dressed in long pants and a knit sweater, no doubt in an effort to preserve whatever body heat he could.

  “Doc.” Eric managed a smile. “It’s not a terrible day.”

  “It’s not a great day.” Mark turned to see Drew, Eric’s wife, sitting across the small room in the chair reserved for family members. He hadn’t noticed her. “Hi, Mark.”

 
; “Drew.” He offered her a smile and a nod. “Now, why isn’t it a good day? What’s going on?”

  “I’m dying. That’s always a day wrecker.” Eric’s attempt at lightheartedness fell flat.

  Drew’s lips pressed into a thin line. “Eric.”

  The tension in the room was palpable. Mark couldn’t even begin to imagine what Drew and Eric were going through, and it made his difficulties with Christy seem insignificant and petty. They were both healthy. He didn’t have to watch his wife face his own mortality day after day.

  “Why don’t we start with an exam,” he suggested. Mark went through the motions of blood pressure, listening to Eric’s lungs and taking all the various vitals to fill out his charts.

  “I don’t know why you do that, Mark,” Drew said when he was finished. “None of it matters.”

  “It does matter—”

  “No,” she cut him off. “What we really need to know is how I can ease his pain when he’s screaming out in the middle of the night because it hurts just to lay in his bed.” She stood and clutched her purse to her. She looked both much smaller than Mark remembered, and much stronger, too. As if there were an iron rod running through her, holding her up. “I need to know how to explain to my son why some days Daddy can take him to the river when the next day he might be too weak to even stand up for more than five minutes, let alone walk anywhere.” A tear slipped down her cheek, but she was angry, not sad. “I don’t need to know what his blood pressure is, Mark. I need to know how to help him die.”

  “Drew.” Eric reached out to her from the exam bed where he was perched. “Babe. It’s okay.”

  “No.” She shook her head. “It’s not.” She turned to Mark. Her eyes were a stormy mix of sadness and determination. “Absolutely none of this is okay.” She dropped her chin to her chest for a moment before she looked up. “I’m sorry, Mark.” The last thing he’d expected was an apology that wasn’t necessary. “It’s not your fault. I’m sorry I yelled. It’s just…well, it’s been a bad day. Will you excuse me for a moment?”

  “Of course.” Mark reached for her hand and squeezed gently. “There’s never any need to apologize to me, Drew. You know that, right?”

  She answered with a smile so sad it cracked his heart before she squeezed past him in the tiny room, kissing Eric on the cheek and slipping out of the room.

  The two men sat in silence for a moment before Eric spoke up. “I told her today that I want her to remarry after I’m gone.”

  Mark stared at the other man.

  “That’s why she’s upset. She doesn’t usually get so emotional. But I think it’s finally all sinking in, you know?”

  Mark didn’t know. No amount of medical school or losing past patients could have prepared him for this situation.

  “I mean, we’ve known for a while, of course,” Eric continued. “But for the longest time, there was hope and now…well, now I need to make sure they’re okay after I’m gone. That’s the most important thing. Not the pain. Not the cancer. None of that. I need to know the Drew and Austin will be okay. Maybe not right away, but eventually. Which is why I’m going to need you to take care of something for me.”

  Eric pulled a folded envelope from his back pocket.

  “What’s that?” Mark didn’t take the envelope right away. Eric had already signed all of the necessary paperwork at the hospital with his medical wishes.

  “I need you to give this to Drew after I’m gone.” Eric held up one hand to ward off Mark’s protests. “It’s not a will or anything like that. I’ve taken care of all of that and trust me when I tell you I’ve spent a lot of time writing letters to everyone I love. And recording videos.” Eric laughed, but it was a choked, strangled sound. “Remember that old movie from the nineties with Michael Keaton? The one where he makes a bunch of his videos for his unborn son?”

  Mark nodded numbly. “I do. I remember taking Christy to see it. We both cried.”

  “Yeah, there’s nothing funny about cancer, that’s for sure.” Eric winked at him and Mark couldn’t help but smile.

  “But if you’ve done all that, then what’s in the envelope?” He took it gingerly from Eric’s fingers as if it might explode on him.

  “It will all make sense for her when you give it to her. But here’s the thing—promise me you won’t give it to her until I’ve been gone a year.”

  “A year?”

  Eric nodded as the door opened and Drew reappeared, looking much more put together and in control of her emotions.

  “Does that sound good, Doc?”

  Drew looked between the men as Mark instinctively tucked the envelope into his jacket pocket. “Does what sound good?” She directed the question to Mark.

  “Eric was just asking me for an increase in his pain medication. And something to help him sleep at night.” Mark looked at Eric, whose lips quirked up into an approving smile. “And that sounds perfectly good to me, Eric. I’ll write out the prescription and make a note in my files about the date.”

  “That’s all I can ask for, Doc.”

  “You’re sounding great, Christy,” Josh called out from behind her. She turned to see Josh tuck his drumsticks to the side, stand and stretch his long body. “But I think that’s enough of a free show for today, don’t you? We go on in a few hours. Let’s grab some food and take a break.”

  “I hate to admit it.” Caleb lifted his guitar strap over his head and stuck it in the stand off to the side of the small stage. “But the man has a point. Besides, I’m starving and Ben said something about chili.”

  After an afternoon of rehearsal, where she ran through all the songs in the Lumber King’s set list, Christy was just getting warmed up. She was energized in a way she couldn’t remember ever feeling before. Or at least, for a very long time. It was amazing to hold that microphone in her hand and belt out the lyrics but it was different than before because this time there were a few more people in the pub listening. Almost an audience. And later there’d be an actual audience. The idea was exhilarating. She never wanted to quit. She spun around in a circle, but Josh and Caleb had already started to make their way to the bar.

  “I guess it’s break time,” Jamie said, noticing her reluctance to leave. “Besides, you should probably rest up those vocal cords. You were giving them a pretty major workout.” He tucked his own guitar off to the side, flipped a couple of switches to shut down the gear and took Christy’s hand to help her off the stage. She tried to ignore the flash of heat in her palm where he touched her, but then he released her and it was gone. Maybe she imagined it?

  “I guess I could use a glass of water.” It’s not as though she had a choice anyway, so she might as well take a breather and rest. For the first time in the last few weeks, she found that she didn’t want a glass of wine. She was too fired up from the high of singing.

  They joined the others at the bar and ordered their drinks before taking a table close to the stage. “You’re doing really great,” Jamie said when they were settled. “I can’t believe you’ve never performed before. Are you nervous?”

  Nervous? She was nervous about a lot of things. And if she let herself really think about it, the nerves might overwhelm her, so instead she shook her head. “No. Not really. At least, I’m going to pretend I’m not.” She took a deep drink, letting the cold water soothe her throat. “But truthfully, I’m totally freaking out.”

  Jamie laughed. “I knew it. But you hide it well.”

  “It’s the craziest thing.” She put the glass down hard and squirmed in her seat, energized once again. “The second I hold that microphone in my hand, it’s like something comes over me and I feel…”

  “Feel what?” He had one leg crossed, his hands behind his head while he watched her closely.

  “Unstoppable.” She nodded slowly. “Absolutely unstoppable.”

  “Well, whatever it is,” Jamie chuckled and tipped his beer to his mouth, “you’re doing awesome. The crowd is going to love you tonight. So just relax and go wi
th it. You’re going to rock it.”

  Rock it.

  Never in her life had she done anything that could be described that way. She was in completely uncharted territory when it came to her life. And she was loving every minute of it.

  She felt a flicker of guilt for not telling Mark about her singing, but at the same time, whenever she thought of telling him, it seemed wrong and the energy and enthusiasm was gone. As if just by bringing her husband into her new pastime, she was killing the part of it that made her feel alive.

  No. She’d keep it a secret for a bit longer.

  “Do you have anyone coming to watch?”

  “What?” Jamie’s question took her off guard. “Like watch the show?”

  “That’s usually how it’s done. We play, people watch.”

  “Very funny.” She shot him a look. “But considering I didn’t even know I’d be singing tonight…no. I don’t.” It was a convenient excuse. Also, it was plausible.

  “It’s not too late.” Jamie finished his beer and stood. “I have a few things to take care of, but I’ll be back. Do you want anything to eat?”

  Her stomach grumbled, but she was too excited to eat. “No.” She shook her head. “I’m good. Thanks. I have a few things to take care of too.”

  As soon as Jamie left, Christy took her cell phone out of her purse. Two missed calls and a handful of text messages.

  A few texts from Mark. They were pretty normal. Just asking about her day.

  She fired a quick one back.

  My day is good. I hope yours is. I won’t be home for dinner. Enjoy your run.

  He’d mentioned going for a long run with Aaron after the office, so she shouldn’t feel too bad that she wouldn’t be home. In fact, she didn’t feel bad at all. Christy looked to the rest of her texts.

  From Cam: Call me. Now!

  From Drew: Are you around later?

  Followed by another one from Drew: I just spoke to Cam. Call me!

  Both missed calls were from Cam. She didn’t bother listening to the voice mail, but instead called her friend directly.

  “It’s about time you answered me,” Cam said as soon as she picked up.