by Elena Aitken
And maybe she had been.
Amber had been nonstop as long as she could remember. Always looking ahead to the next thing instead of stopping to enjoy the moment she was in. Driven, her mother had called it. Before she’d died, when Amber was barely thirteen, she’d made Amber promise never to lose her drive and she hadn’t.
In elementary, she’d organized a bracelet club in grade two, appointed herself leader and had run meetings at recess where they made friendship bracelets and sold them for charity to the other kids. It lasted two weeks before everyone quit because Amber wouldn’t allow them a day off to play four square.
Once she was in high school, it was a lot easier to find roles she could excel in. Student body president in the eleventh grade, a role she gave up her senior year to concentrate on college admissions; editor of the newspaper; co-chair of the graduation committee; and countless other committees. Amber was in her element when she was in charge of something. When she had a plan. When she had control.
Which was why she didn’t hesitate to take control when her best friend Drew Ross put off her son Austin’s first day of pre-kindergarten…again.
Austin was already two weeks late starting the year. It was understandable, considering he’d just lost his dad to cancer. But the boy needed normalcy. He needed routine. He needed to get on with his life. What he didn’t need was his mother holding him close while she cried into his hair every night instead of reading him a bedtime story.
Which was exactly why Amber was back in Timber Creek. Her best friend needed her. And that’s also why she was once again standing outside of Timber Creek Elementary school with Austin’s tiny hand clenched tightly in hers. Once upon a time, she’d promised that she would never set foot inside that school again until there was such a time she was asked back to speak to the students about women’s rights in business. Or equal wages, or whatever it was that she was passionate about at the time.
She’d never been asked back. Despite the fact that she was a successful lawyer at a huge law firm in San Francisco. So successful she’d made partner.
Correction. Almost made partner.
She shook her head and straightened her shoulders. It wasn’t the right time to think about what almost was.
“Auntie Amber?”
Amber blinked hard and looked down at Austin, who was staring up at her, wide-eyed.
“Are we going in?”
Amber forced herself to be present in the moment. She didn’t need to think about the past or home or anything at all. She just needed to get through today. And then tomorrow. And then—
Focus.
She squeezed the boy’s hand, forcing herself to be in the moment. There was nothing else.
Just Austin.
She smiled and hoped the boy believed it was genuine.
“Absolutely,” she said. “Are you ready for your first day of school?”
Austin nodded readily. “Yes. Mommy said I didn’t have to go. But I want to go.”
“That’s good.” Amber squeezed his hand. “You’ll have fun.” She took another step forward toward the school, but Austin tugged on her hand.
“Auntie?”
Amber looked back into his troubled face. He was only a little boy. He should be smiling and laughing. But he’d lost so much for someone so young, it broke her heart. “What’s up, kiddo?”
“Do you think I should stay home? Mommy wanted me to stay home. Will I have friends? What if the kids don’t like me? What if the teacher is mean?”
He fired the questions at her like popcorn in a hot pan, but Amber grabbed each kernel as it popped.
“I don’t think you should stay home. Your mommy is just sad right now, but she wants you to go to school. Of course you’ll have friends. The kids will love you and I happen to have it on good authority that your teacher is super-duper nice.”
Austin grabbed onto the last detail. “She is? What’s her name?”
Amber bent to give him a kiss on the cheek. “Why don’t we go find out?” Before he could answer, she started to walk again and this time he followed along.
Walking through the heavy doors was a blast from the past for Amber. Not much had changed since she’d been a student there but there were a few new touches. Including the young female principal who greeted her the moment they stepped inside.
“Mrs. Ross, it’s nice to—”
“Monroe,” Amber corrected. “I’m Amber Monroe. Mrs. Ross couldn’t be here.” She gave the woman a look that she hoped was understood. The school had been briefed on Austin’s situation and Amber had called and spoken with the principal personally when Drew only stared at Amber blankly upon the suggestion of Austin starting school.
The woman’s face changed, and her face split into a smile. “It’s nice to meet you, Amber.” She turned her attention and extended her hand. “And you must be Austin.”
The little boy, suddenly way too old for his age, took the principal’s hand and shook it seriously. “Nice to meet you.”
“Well, aren’t you the sweetest thing?” The principal straightened up and grinned at Amber. “He’s very sweet.”
Amber nodded in agreement.
“I’m Principal Foster. Maggie Foster. It’s nice to meet you both. Did you want to go with Austin to his class and see him settled in?”
Amber looked to the boy. She knew he was nervous but she also knew he was trying to be brave. He’d never admit that he wanted her to go with him. “You know what.” Amber looked back to Maggie Foster while she gave Austin’s hand that was still wrapped up in hers another reassuring squeeze. “I think his mom would prefer it if I went with him.”
“I think that sounds perfect,” Maggie said. “Are you ready, Austin? Your teacher is excited to meet you. I think you’re going to really like Mrs. Brewster.”
“Is she nice?” Without him even realizing it, Austin released Amber’s hand and started to follow his principal.
“She’s very nice and there are a lot of little boys your age in your class that I think you’re going to be very good friends with.”
Amber trailed along behind them and listened as Austin peppered the principal with a new list of questions, his nervousness fading as his excitement grew.
She smiled to herself. Bringing him to school had been the right choice. She hadn’t meant to steamroll Drew’s wishes to have him at home. In fact, Amber felt badly about it. But it was easy to see that the real reason Drew hadn’t wanted Austin to start school had nothing to do with the child himself and everything to do with her.
And that’s why Amber was there, to help Drew get through these difficult few weeks, maybe months, and then she’d go back to—what?
“Ms. Monroe?”
Amber blinked hard as Maggie Foster came into view in front of her. She’d been daydreaming and not only had she not realized they’d arrived at the class, she also hadn’t noticed as Austin had bravely gone inside. Without so much as a look backward.
“I don’t think you need to worry about Austin at all,” Maggie said. “He looks like he’s settling in already.” She gestured to the door and Amber peeked in. Sure enough, Austin looked fine. He sat in a circle on the floor with a group of children, a wide smile on his face.
Careful he didn’t notice her, Amber whipped out her cell phone and took a picture of the scene to show Drew when she got home.
Satisfied, Amber left the boy in the capable hands of Mrs. Brewster and the class, and walked back to her car, where she sat behind the wheel and took a deep breath as she stared at the cell phone still in her hand. Not that she actually expected it to ring. There likely weren’t any voicemails waiting for her either. And her email inbox would be just as empty.
The anxiety started to creep in around the edges again. She could feel the fingers of it wrapping slowly around her chest, squeezing until she struggled to take a breath. Amber closed her eyes and did the breathing exercises she’d learned. After a moment, the panic was gone again, but the emptiness wasn’t.
She didn’t think so.
Amber pulled her shoulders back and took one more deep breath.
There may not be anything work-wise she needed to do, and the law firm might no longer need her, but there was plenty she could fill her day with. She started the car and pulled out of the parking lot, headed back to Drew’s. Her best friend needed her, and she was the biggest project of all.
By eleven o’clock, Amber had already done everything on her list for the day, which mostly included throwing in some laundry and running the vacuum in the living room. She was just putting the finishing touches on a salad for her and Drew to share for lunch when her friend finally appeared from her bedroom.
“Well, good morning.” Amber tried to keep her voice light, but she was getting dangerously close to offering Drew some tough love, best friend style.
“Whatever,” Drew mumbled before she slumped into a chair at the table and dropped her head into a hand. “I saw you this morning when you got Austin ready for school. Thank you, by the way.”
“You don’t need to thank me.” Amber smiled as kindly as she could. It broke her heart to see her sweet friend so completely broken. She’d been strong throughout her husband Eric’s cancer, handling everything in stride. It seemed to everyone that Drew had everything completely under control and was dealing with her husband’s illness with more grace than anyone ever could have imagined.
The truth was, that despite the outward appearances she’d been working so hard to keep up, on the inside she was having a complete meltdown. In the days following Eric’s passing and his memorial service, Drew started to struggle more and more.
Which was exactly what Amber had hoped wouldn’t happen, but that she’d guessed would. She knew her best friend well enough to know that Drew would need her. And that’s why she was there.
It’s not the only reason.
Amber forced the thought from her head as she slid the plate of salad in front of her friend. “Seriously,” she said. “You don’t need to thank me. I’m happy to be here to help you guys. And you should have seen Austin. He was so brave about meeting the new kids. I think it’s going to be really good for him. Look, I even took a picture for you.” She passed Drew her cell phone with the picture of Austin in his new class.
Her friend stared at the picture, fresh tears pooling in her eyes. “I should have been there.”
“It’s fine. He hardly even noticed that I was there,” Amber said kindly. “Eat something.”
“Send me that picture, please.” Drew handed the phone back and looked at her plate for the first time. “Salad again?” She picked up her fork and pushed the leaves around the plate. “Do you think I need to be on a diet or something?”
“Not at all.” Amber slid into the seat across from her. “It’s kind of all I know how to make. Besides shaking chicken fingers out of a bag and putting them in the oven, but I thought I’d save that for dinner.” She grinned, but Drew didn’t look impressed.
“Seriously? You don’t cook?”
Amber shrugged. “When would I ever have learned how to cook? Dad always made dinner or brought home frozen dinners, and ever since then it’s just been easier to order in.”
“What about the lasagna and the shepherd’s pie we had the other night?”
“Pretty much everything we’ve been eating has been thanks to the kindness of your family and friends,” Amber explained. “They did a good job filling the freezer, but supplies are starting to get a little low.”
“So, we get salad?” Drew lifted her fork and held a cucumber aloft.
“Don’t forget the chicken fingers.” Amber winked and stuffed a forkful into her mouth. “But if you don’t like it,” she said after a moment, “maybe you could cook something? What’s Austin’s favorite meal? It might be nice to surprise him with that on his first day of school, don’t you think?”
The instant Amber suggested it, she regretted it. Drew’s eyes filled up with tears and she dropped the fork and buried her face in her hands.
“What did I say? Drew?” Amber prodded gently.
“My spaghetti is Austin’s favorite.”
That didn’t seem like a reason to burst into tears, but then again, Amber was definitely not an expert in grief. “That sounds good,” she said. “Why don’t we make that? I’ll get the ingredients at the store and—”
“It was Eric’s favorite, too.”
Ahhh.
“Okay,” she said cautiously. “How does chicken fingers sound?”
Drew lifted her head and even managed a small smile. “Perfect. Thank you.”
Amber reached across the table and squeezed Drew’s hand. “It’s nothing.”
Thankfully, they were able to finish lunch without any more tears and Amber even got Drew to smile again when she told her about all of Austin’s questions before they went into the school. But despite her best efforts, she couldn’t convince her friend to leave the house to pick up her son with her.
Baby steps, she reminded herself later that afternoon when she made her trip to Timber Trade to pick up the supplies for dinner, including a bag of frozen French fries and a pint of ice cream for dessert. It was his first day of school, after all; they should celebrate at least a little bit.
It had only been a few weeks since Eric died. Amber needed to remember that everyone went through the grieving process differently. She’d just turned thirteen when her mom died from breast cancer. It was a short-lived battle, as her mom had ignored all the signs and symptoms, pushing them off as “just feeling under the weather.” By the time she saw the doctor, there wasn’t much that could be done. And even though she’d only been a kid and everyone around her expected her and her father to fall apart, the opposite had happened. Amber only remembered seeing her dad cry the one time, the day he told her that her mother had passed in her sleep. After that, he’d been strong and stoic.
She herself had cried.
Secretly, in bed, after all the friends and relatives who meant well had gone home. It was important for her to keep her feelings in check, because if she lost control, if she let her hurt show through, even a little, her dad would start to worry about her. And he had enough to worry about. Everyone kept saying that. How much Joseph had to worry about now.
When they thought Amber wasn’t listening, the adults would huddle their heads together and talk about how much pressure was on his shoulders now to raise her all on his own and they didn’t know how he was going to do it.
The last thing Amber needed to do was add more worry to his stress load. Which was why, after crying herself to sleep for the first few nights, the tears dried up and she vowed to keep the promise she’d once made to her mom.
She’d never lose her drive to be successful. No matter what, Amber was going to achieve all of her dreams. Not only for her, but for her mom.
And she had, too. Mostly. At least for a little while.
Would her mom be proud of her now? She was pretty sure she knew the answer to that question.
Amber shook her head and was about to do what she always did, which was make a mental list about what she could do to get back on track, when her phone chirped with an incoming text message.
It had once been such an ordinary sound in her daily life, almost like a soundtrack to her day, but that was before. Now the sound was jarring, snapping her back to her current situation, which was anything but ordinary.
She grabbed at her phone and clicked it open, eager to see who’d finally reached out.
* * *
How R U? You missed the meeting again last night.
* * *
The second she read it, guilt flooded through her. She should have known that Cody wouldn’t let it slide that she’d missed her meeting yet again. That was the point of a sponsor. To hold her accountable and make sure she stayed on track. It didn’t seem to matter that she was on track. There just weren’
t any meetings that she knew of in Timber Creek and even if there were, it’s not as if she could go to them. It was a small town, and despite the fact that they were supposed to be anonymous, she wasn’t stupid enough to actually believe that it wouldn’t get out. And the last thing she needed was for anyone, especially her best friends or her father, who’d give her that look, to know that, despite the fact that she’d tried so hard to have it all, instead she’d ruined everything.
* * *
Read the rest of Amber’s story in When We Began!
Also by Elena Aitken
Timber Creek
When We Left
When We Were Us
When We Began
When We Fell
* * *
Castle Mountain Lodge
Unexpected Gifts
Hidden Gifts
Unexpected Endings - Short Story
Mistaken Gifts
Secret Gifts
Goodbye Gifts
Tempting Gifts
Holiday Gifts
Promised Gifts
Accidental Gifts
The Castle Mountain Lodge Collection: Books 1-3
The Castle Mountain Lodge Collection: Books 4-6
The Castle Mountain Lodge Collection: Books 7-9
The Castle Mountain Lodge Complete Collection
* * *
The Springs Series
Summer of Change
Falling Into Forever
Second Glances (Novella)
Winter’s Burn
Midnight Springs
She’s Making A List (Holiday Novella)
Fighting For Forever (Novella)
The Springs Collection: Volume 1
The Springs Collection: Volume 2
The Springs Complete Collection - Books 1-10
* * *
The Springs—Stone Summit
Summit of Desire
Summit of Seduction