“I also think you already know we’re mates. I came to your room the other day, when Kelly was here. I was hesitating, because I didn’t have a valid reason to be there, and I was still fighting with myself over whether it was wise. I heard her ask you if I was your mate. I didn’t hear the rest, but I know Kelly. And I know how intuitive she is. She wouldn’t have asked unless she was positive. I don’t know what your reasons are for holding back and not telling me, but I think it’s time we both put it out there. I think it’s time we acknowledge what we are to each other, and take the steps we need to, to make it real.”
Jessica knew her mouth was open, but she couldn’t help it. Part of her had suspected he knew, but at the same time, she hadn’t really thought he did. And the part that suspected hadn’t thought he’d come out and say it.
After all, she’d rationalized, if he’d chosen to keep quiet, it was for a reason. Possibly, probably, because he knew as well as she did how unsuitable she was for him.
Panic reared up inside her, and she felt like she was drowning in it. But she could still hear her tiger, struggling past her insecurities and submissiveness, whispering deep inside Jessica.
He knows. He finally knows and acknowledges it. And he wants to be with us. We need to claim our mate already. We need him, and you’re more than you know.
Jessica frowned, not understanding that last part. And not liking how her resolve was crumbling around her feet at her tiger’s urgings and Kian’s heartfelt words.
With a desperate cry, she yanked her hands from Kian’s, her heart shattering as she shook her head almost violently. Tears pressed against her eyelids and her chin trembled as she whispered her answer. “We can’t, Kian. I’m sorry. I wish we could, but we can’t.”
His eyes were full of shock, but through it, she could see the hurt lurking deep in his brown depths. This whole situation hurt her, too. It felt like she was ripping her own soul out by uttering those words.
But the fact that she could hurt this strong as hell Alpha warrior—it made everything worse. Kian was one of the steadiest, strongest people she knew. The fact that she was hurting him, that she even had that power, was mind blowing, and spirit crushing in the extreme.
“Why the hell not, Jess? We’re perfect for each other. I know it. Our animals know it, or they wouldn’t have chosen each other. How is it possible that you don’t think a mating between us could work?”
Shaking her head mutely, she began pacing back and forth in her living room, leaving as much space as she could between them. How did she put this into words? Maybe plainly and honestly was best.
“Kian. You’re the alpha. Of the best tribe of warriors on the planet. Not only that, but you’re the most dominant shifter I’ve ever come across. And what you’re trying to do with this tribe is amazing. You’re changing it for the better. Bringing them into the twenty-first century. Giving the women options. Giving everyone the chance to actually be happy.”
Brow furrowing, he gave her a look of confusion. “I don’t get it. Why is that stopping you?”
She threw her hands up, exasperated. “Kian, I’m submissive. Don’t you get that? I can barely look at people when I speak to them, if I can even speak at all. I walk with my head held down, staring at my feet, unable to do anything else. I shake when people approach me. Heck, I can barely hold my own with you.
“Don’t you get it yet? You need someone who’s as strong as you are by your side. You need a female warrior. Someone like Kelly or Arya. Someone who can help you lead. Or if not help, at least stand beside you and support you with their head held high. I can’t be that for you. No matter how I try. Being submissive isn’t a choice. It’s just who I am, and because it is, I can never be what you need.”
Silence rang through the room as he opened and closed his mouth, seeming to be at a loss for words. Finally, he left his spot and stopped in front of her, halting her pacing.
“Jessica, I want you to listen to me and listen closely. Feel what I’m saying in your heart. I don’t care if you’re submissive. I don’t need you to stand strong next to me. And you won’t be the hinderance you clearly think you’ll be if you can’t lift your head. I don’t need that from you. I don’t need you to be a warrior.
“What I need is for you to be my mate. I need you to support me. Whether that’s from beside me or behind me, I couldn’t give two shits. I just need you. Don’t you get it? You say I’m strong, but I’m nothing compared to what I’d be if I had you in my life. You make me stronger. You make me better. That’s what I need. Not a dominant warrior. Just you. Submissive and all. I don’t care about that at all. And, side note, you’re holding your own with me just fine.”
Oh, God. She was about to fall to pieces right in front of him and she had no way of stopping it. His words were so heartfelt, and she felt them, not just in her heart, but in her soul. How the hell could she resist him? But she had to.
“I might be holding my own with you, but that’s it. Only you and no one else except my closest friends. I’m still a mess around the other tribe members.”
As a rebuttable, it was weak as all get out, but it was all she could think of at the moment.
He shook his head, a look on his face that was so tender, it melted her heart. “Don’t you see? That’s all I need. As long as you can be yourself with me, that’s all that matters. There’s not a single soul alive who matters more than that. Who can trump what’s already between you and I.”
She couldn’t argue that. She wanted to, but she couldn’t. So, mind racing, she blurted out the next road block. “In the memory I had yesterday, I learned things about myself. And I’m not an Indian. I’m Italian. Jessica isn’t even my real name. My parents changed it to protect me. You can’t want me. You need someone equal in their birthright, and the tribe members would rip both of us apart if they knew how inferior I am.”
He froze for a moment, eyes widening slightly. “You’re Italian?” She nodded her head, and with barely any hesitation, he shrugged. “So what? That’s something else I don’t give a shit about. Your worth isn’t defined by your heritage, Jess. You know I found out Ian Gallagher from the Rocky River fighters is my half-brother, right? He’s not full Indian. Do you really think that lessens his worth in my eyes? I don’t care about that, and I don’t care that you’re Italian.
“Do you understand? It doesn’t matter. And we won’t say anything to the tribe members if you don’t want to. But if they find out, who cares? They’ll get over it. That’s something I’m trying to change, to teach them. Who you are inside is what counts. And you? You’re golden. That’s what I see. What I’ll always see. What’s your real name?”
She drew a hitching breath, her body trembling slightly from the power of his words and the conviction behind them. “Alessa,” she whispered.
“Alessa. That’s a beautiful name. It really is. But I know you’ve gone by Jessica for sixteen years, so until you ask me to call you Alessa, I’ll stick with Jess.”
Taking a trembling breath, she fought back tears. Everything he’d said so far was perfect, and left her no room to argue. But she hadn’t told him the most important things yet. Before she could say anything else, he took a slow step closer.
“Is that all? I hope it is, but if it’s not, for everything you say, I’ll explain why it doesn’t matter. Because none of it matters. The only thing that does is what we mean to each other. That’s it.”
But he hadn’t heard the worst of it yet, and he was bound to change his mind. He might even order her out of Durga on his own and she wouldn’t need to sneak away. With a bracing breath, she opened her mouth to speak.
Kian stared at Jessica’s—Alessa’s—beautiful tear-streaked face. Her chin was trembling, and her red eyes were filling with tears faster than she could wipe them away, but he’d never seen anyone or anything more gorgeous than her.
He’d been telling the truth. There was absolutely nothing she could tell him that would make him turn away from her or stray from
his determination to claim her and have her claim him in return. His tiger was cheering him on, more relieved than Kian had ever felt him, now that he was pursuing Jessica the way he wanted Kian to.
The way Kian should have been doing from the beginning. He never should have let anything stop him. They were both better and stronger with each other, and he wouldn’t let himself forget that again.
She spoke, pulling him out of his thoughts, her voice trembling harder than it had before. “I’m the reason someone’s trying to kill you.”
Mouth falling open, he stared at her, trying to make sense of her words. She looked away as a tear spilled over onto her cheek, and it finally snapped him out of the confusion he’d fallen into. “What the hell are you talking about, Jess?”
The words were harsh but his tone was gentle—yet she still flinched like he’d screamed them. “Remember when Ben first mentioned Drako and I said I knew the name from somewhere? That’s another thing that was in my memory. My parents and I were in the car and they were speeding me away from somewhere. They mentioned that they were trying to get me away from the Drako. My dad found yours or knew him from somewhere, and convinced him to take me in.
“He told him I was a full-blooded Indian princess. That’s why your father agreed. My dad promised him that I would be your mate when the time came and we were both old enough, but my dad didn’t plan on keeping his promise. He needed a place to hide me, and he would have agreed to anything, but my parents planned on coming back for me when the threat to me was gone.”
She paused, and stunned, he searched for words. “Jess—”
“No, let me finish,” she said, holding up a hand. “The threat to me was Drako. I have no idea why he wants me, but it’s obvious that he found me. That’s why they’ve been trying to kidnap me. I think they’re trying to kill you because they think it’ll make it easier to get to me. So you see, it’s my fault.
“I wish I’d known sooner. I would have said something or left before harm came to anyone else. But my dad’s gift was being able to wipe memories. He said that as they talked. He wiped my mind of everything, even my identity, to make it impossible to find me. He picked Durga because no one knew about it, you know. He hated leaving me in a place like this, but it was the best place to keep me hidden. The only memories he left were a few of him and my mom. So I’d know who they were when they came back for me. So I’d know how much they loved me. And so you see, it’s my fault that you could have died. It’s all my fault.”
Without thinking, he stepped forward and gently wiped a tear from her face. “No, Jess, it’s not your fault. You didn’t ask for any of this. You didn’t even know it was going on. You’re a victim. And none of this changes anything. If the threat hadn’t come from Drako, it would have come from somewhere else. Are you forgetting the tribe members who want to take me out? The shifters who aren’t in the tribe, but who’d love to take it over, so they can have this power?”
Her mouth popped open and she searched his eyes. Closing hers, she leaned her cheek into his hand for a moment, before opening them again and shaking her head. “Kian, you should be throwing me out. I should be throwing me out. I can’t stay. Because staying puts you and everyone I love in danger, and I can’t do that.”
He smiled gently at her, marveling at the person she was. “And you think you’re not strong. You might be submissive, but it doesn’t lessen the inner core of steel you have. Baby, I’m not throwing you out and you’re not leaving. I’ll hunt you down if you leave because you think you have to, to save me or some shit. If you really don’t want me or want to be my mate, that’s one thing. But leaving because of a threat doesn’t fly. You stay, and we face this together. We defeat this together. Because as strong as we are individually, we’re so much more so together.”
She was crying in earnest, and it hurt to see her hurt so much. Ached down to his soul. But at the same time, it felt like a cleansing cry to him. Like she was releasing all of her insecurities and worries, getting them all off her shoulders. He hoped and prayed she was. Prayed even that they landed on his. They were broad enough and strong enough to carry both his and hers.
He needed her in his life, and she was going to fight this as long as she carried her burdens. He could see that clear as day.
She opened her mouth like she was going to speak, but she didn’t say anything. She threw herself into his arms so hard he stumbled back a step, and as his arms went up to close around her and she snuggled in, his heart sighed in relief.
This. This is where she belongs. In our arms forever, his tiger said with a hum.
You’ll get no argument from me, he replied.
He felt content. More than content, he felt happy. He knew, deep down in his gut, that she was leaving her doubts and burdens behind and acknowledging she needed him as much as he needed her. He knew it.
But that didn’t mean he didn’t want—no, need—to hear the words from her lips.
She pulled back, her tear-filled eyes searching his, and he thought he’d hear it. Wiping her eyes with shaking hands, she took a deep breath. “I should—I need to—there’s—crap.”
“What? What is it, baby?”
She shook her head, her eyes saying she had something else she wanted to say. But the longer she gazed into his eyes, the more the look faded, replaced with something soft and loving.
Surprising him, she leaned up on her tiptoes a tiny bit and copied his gesture, putting her hand on his cheek. Her voice was just above a whisper when she spoke, but it was strong and sure. “I believe you. It seems completely impossible that I’d throw reason after reason at you as to why we can’t be together, yet you shot down every one with so much logic that I can’t argue it. I believe you.”
Breath catching as his tiger perked up his ears, sitting up in interest, he rubbed his thumb across her still damp cheek. “What are you saying, Jess? Say the words. I need them.”
Her tongue darted out, wetting her plump bottom lip, and he nearly groaned as the low hum of desire in his blood that he always felt for her roared to life. Fuck, what this woman did to him. He felt like what he imagined a heroin addict felt like, needing their next fix. That was how he felt. Desperate and willing to do anything to get his next hit of Jessica.
“You slayed my doubts with a few heartfelt words. I believed we couldn’t be together because of what I listed, and I thought those reasons were very real and valid, yet now they seem like moot points.” Pausing, she searched his eyes, her teeth sinking into her bottom lip and killing him slowly. “I feel like you took care of what’s standing in my way, in a verbal sense. And I can’t deny how much I want you anymore. How much I need you. I don’t even want to try. My tiger has wept for you for so long, and so have I, Kian. Having you in my life is everything.”
Fuuuuuck, what those words did to him. He, and his tiger, had yearned to hear them, but with everything that had been going on—and his own reluctance to do anything that might put her in danger—he’d thought maybe he never would. His knees literally felt weak with relief. Many would think that made him less of an alpha, less of a warrior, less of a man. But he didn’t think so, and he didn’t care what they thought, anyway. Admitting that he needed a woman wasn’t a weakness. Maybe it would be if he fell apart if she didn’t want him, if he couldn’t pick up the pieces of his life. But needing one—no.
Women were almost mythical creatures. They were so strong, so resilient, taking on so much, doing so much, with hardly a complaint. They didn’t see themselves as anything special, and that was part of the beauty of it. Because they were extraordinary. Superhuman. And there was absolutely no shame in needing the woman you love in your life. It did nothing except make you a better man.
Stronger.
Never weaker.
“Jess…” he started to reply, trailing off because he wasn’t sure what to say. “I honestly don’t know how to reply to that. What you said is how I feel. My tiger has wept for you, too. And, if I’m being one hundred percent truthf
ul, I have internally, as well. Like I said, not being with you was killing me slowly. Just like you said—having you in my life is everything.”
Jessica stared at him silently for a moment, her big brown eyes luminous and still a tad shiny from her tears. She took a deep breath and he thought she was going to speak, but she surprised him by throwing herself into him again.
He barely had time to wrap his arms around her before she had her lips pressed to his.
This.
Everything he’d always wanted but so much more than he’d thought he’d get.
It was life.
Chapter Eight
Jessica moaned, wrapping her arms tightly around Kian’s neck as she pressed her lips to his. His goatee was lightly chafing her sensitive skin, but she reveled in it. It felt like a stamp, declaring that he was there. It was like he was marking her.
It wasn’t a claiming mark, but in that moment, it was close enough for her.
The thought that she hadn’t told him everything whispered through her mind, but she fought to push it back. Maybe it didn’t matter. The tattoo didn’t itch or burn when she was around him. He didn’t even have to be touching her any more. It’d been normal from the moment he walked in the room. And since they were mates, if they continued this—and she had to admit, it looked like there was no way they weren’t—they’d be around each other a lot. She’d have relief. And she was strong enough to handle it when he wasn’t around.
Sure, she wasn’t exactly submissive around him, but that could be because they were mates. And for the most part, she’d been her normal self with everyone else. She might not be going crazy. Or if she was, maybe Kian was her antidote. Because she felt fine around him.
Regardless of why it was different with him, she’d decided not to tell him. He’d shot down every single argument she had, so skillfully and with so much passion. There was no doubt that he’d do the same with that. So what was the point? There wasn’t one.
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