by Fox, Cathryn
Zander stares at us, like we’re playing a joke on him, then he pinches his eyes shut. “Jesus,” is all he says.
“We’ll get the tests done,” I say. “To be sure this time.”
“Daisy’s mine? I’m her…father,” he says, like he’s trying the word on for size.
“Yeah, Shari just left, and we took Daisy to the doctor yesterday. She’s younger than Shari led me to believe.”
“She was trying to trap him, Zander. Don’t let her do that to you,” I say.
“I’m a father,” he says again.
Jonah nods. “Looks like I’m the uncle.”
Zander shakes his head. “Could this be any more fucked up?”
Jonah leans forward, grips his knees. “Dad will help with the custody papers. Anything you need. I don’t think Shari really wants her, she just wants to use her as a bargaining chip.”
“How am I going to take care of a child if I’m on the road? Christ, Jonah, training starts next week in Seattle.”
“I’ll help you,” I say quickly. “Daisy is my niece. When I finally get my own center, I can take her to work with me every day.”
“Then we’re getting you that center sooner rather than later,” Zander says.
“Zander—” I begin. He’s always trying to pay my way, but I don’t feel right about that.
“Damn right you are,” Jonah says, and looks around his mansion. “We can convert half this place into a center for you. I’ve been thinking about that for a while now, anyway.”
I sit there, flabbergasted, as the two guys I love with all my heart start discussing the details of my new daycare center. I hold my hands up to stop them.
“Hello. I’m right here. Don’t you think I should have a say in this?”
Jonah reaches for my hand. “When you decided to help me—or rather, Daisy—I told you I’d make it worth your while. Let me do this for you,” he says.
I take a long moment to think about it. Think about what is best for everyone. I want to help raise Daisy, and help my brother, give him security when he’s away, so I swallow my pride and say, “How about this. I found this really great space in the city, I just need first and last months’ rent. If you can loan it to me, then—”
“It’s not a loan if I’m your husband, Quinn. You don’t have to pay it back.”
As soon as the words leave his mouth, my heart falls into my stomach. Now that the baby isn’t his, there’s no need for us to keep pretending.
Zander must sense my unease. He stands and says, “I’m going to go talk to your father, Jonah. If I really am Daisy’s father, I need to get a plan in place.”
“Zander,” I say, and stand up, taking his hand in mine. “You okay?”
He thinks about it for a moment. “I love that little girl as much as you guys do. I eventually wanted kids, it just happened sooner rather than later. And I know I’m not alone in this. I have a great support system. Speaking of that, will you guys help me get my place set up for her, get a nanny right way?”
“Of course,” I say, having never loved my brother more.
“How about I have all her things brought to your place? Maybe Quinn and I can stay the week with her, until she gets used to it.”
“What about Shari?” Zander asks.
“We’ll deal with her in the courts. If she really wanted Daisy, she would have taken her today.”
I give Zander a hug and, after he leaves, I turn to Jonah. He’s running his hand through his hair. What Shari did was so not fair to this man but now—now that Daisy isn’t his—where does that leave us?
Oh, how I wanted this marriage to be real, to be a mother to that child. But deep down, Jonah’s first love is hockey, a free lifestyle, and I can’t compete with that. He stepped up because it was the right thing to do, not because he was ready to be a father or a husband.
I tug the ring off my finger and hold it out to him. His gaze narrows in on it. “I guess you should get your dad to draw up the divorce papers.” I laugh, but it comes out shaky. “I think that might have been the shortest marriage in history.”
He stares at me for a long time. “Is that what you want?”
Tell him, Quinn. Tell him what you really want.
But what if I do tell him I want to stay married? Would he even agree? We were playing house, right? Having fun. But what if he did agree? Would he end up resenting me, because he’s not really ready for a family? In the end, resentment leads to abandonment, right?
“Yes,” I finally say, not just for my sake, but for his too.
17
Jonah
It’s been three long weeks since we’ve been training, and I can’t eat, sleep, or even play hockey. I glance at my team as we all take shots on the net, but my thoughts aren’t on today’s practice. No, my thoughts are on Daisy…Quinn.
Shari never bothered to show up at my house to collect Daisy, and Dad says Zander has a good chance at full custody. Quinn hired the best nanny, and is staying at Zander’s house to make the transition easier for everyone. She’s also working hard to get her own center ready, so Daisy can be with family every day. My buddy Zander certainly stepped up to the plate, and I know he’s going to be an amazing father to the little girl we all love.
But goddammit, if I can’t be Daisy’s father, I at least want to be her uncle for real. There is only one way for that to happen, but Quinn handed me the ring back, saying it was what she wanted. The fucking divorce papers are in my bag, but I’ve yet to sign them. I don’t want to sign them.
I’m in love with my best friend’s kid sister.
Using my own body-checking moves against me, someone hits me from behind, and I slam into the boards with a thud. I turn around, ready to fight whoever did that, but when I find Zander standing there, shaking his head at me, I take off my helmet.
“What the fuck, dude?”
“Are you going to play the game or mope all fucking day?” he asks as he jabs me with his stick. Hard.
“Fuck off.” I whack his stick way, in no mood to talk. “I’m not moping.”
He laughs. “Yeah, you fucking are.”
“I’ve just…got things on my mind,” I say and look around, catch our coach watching us. Man, I need to get my shit together before he benches me.
“Like what things? My sister? The divorce papers?”
“Yeah, exactly.” I’m about to skate away, but he reaches out and stops me.
“If you don’t want to sign them, Jonah, then go do something about it.”
I stiffen, and my heart jumps into my throat. “What are you talking about?” I study his face, take in his amused expression. He wouldn’t be amused if he knew what I’d been doing with his sister, right?
Zander skates around me, giving me a good push from behind, and I jerk forward. “Jesus Christ, asshole. How stupid do you think I am?”
Fuck man, he knows. “Ah…” Zander is far from stupid. Why did I ever think I could keep something from him?
He stops in front of me, shakes off his gloves, and I brace myself, waiting for a fist to the face. But it doesn’t come. Instead, he puts his hand on my shoulder. “Look. You love her. She loves you. I’ve stayed quiet long enough, waiting for you two to work it out. But clearly you’re both too afraid to make the first move.”
My stomach coils. Jesus, is he going to hate me? “How long have you known?”
“That day I showed up unannounced and Quinn was in your bed.”
“Shit.”
He rolls his eyes. “After that, everyone knew, Jonah.”
“Everyone?” I take a deep breath and let it out slowly. “Zander, it just…sort of happened.”
“Bullshit.”
Great, here it comes. Not only did I lose the girl I’m fucking crazy about, now I’m going to lose my best friend, too.
“It’s not—”
“Give me a fucking break. You’ve been crazy about Quinn for as long as I can remember. It just took the right circumstances for you to finally do so
mething about it.”
“Is this where you kick my ass?”
He laughs. “I’m a lover, not a fighter, Jonah. You’re the fighter, always had my back.”
It’s true, I am a fighter. I fight for what I want.
So why the hell aren’t I fighting for Quinn?
Because you’re not what she wants, dude.
He goes serious, all humor gone from his face. “Quinn needs a good guy in her life.”
“You think I’m that guy?” This is all coming at me so fast, my head starts spinning. Here I thought Zander would kill me, yet he’s encouraging me to go for his sister. “Wait, you’re not going to kick my ass?”
“I should.” He taps his head. “For being so thick up here.”
“What are you talking about?”
“Did you ever stop to wonder why your mother and father suggested the two of you get married in the first place?”
“To make it look better to the courts.”
He gives a slow whistle. “Man, you’ve taken one too many hits to the head.”
I toy with my stick and think about that. Everyone knew how I felt about Quinn? How she felt about me? My parents were…matchmaking? “Wait, you think Quinn loves me?”
He laughs. “Yeah, she fucking does.”
I skate backward, then push off the boards, my heart crashing against my chest. “She gave the ring back.”
“Why do you suppose she did that?” Zander arches a brow.
“Because she doesn’t want a family.”
“Yeah, definitely one too many hits to the head,” he says. “Look, you know my sister as well as I do. She’s afraid, Jonah. She’s afraid that one day you’ll decide you love hockey more than her, and abandon her. We all have our own demons, pal.”
“Fuck, Zander.” I rub the back of my neck. I worked my ass off to get where I am today. It’s all I ever wanted—but I’ve grown up a lot in the last couple months, and my priorities shifted, big time. I love Quinn, want to have a family with her. But how can I get her to believe me, show her that she’s the most important thing in the world to me? That I’m not going to abandon her—ever.
I glance at Zander as an idea grows, takes shape in my mind.
“There you go,” Zander says like he can read my thoughts. He skates off, and I catch sight of Coach again, who’s glaring at me. I skate toward him with single-minded determination, about to do something the Body Checker wouldn’t have dreamed of doing a couple months ago.
Here goes nothing.
18
Quinn
I wave the last child off and shut the door. I lean against it and look around the daycare. Thanks to my brother and his best friend, the man I’m in love with, soon enough I’ll have my own place, set my own schedule. I’m currently having the space I recently leased renovated, to get it up to code, and in a month or so my dream of running my own place will come true, and I can have Daisy with me every day.
So if my one and only dream is about to be realized, why the hell am I so miserable?
“Hey, want to go out and get a drink?” Tina asks. For the last couple weeks she’s been close to my side, trying to help me move on, put the whole pretend marriage behind me.
I look at the clock. “Sure, why not,” I say. What else am I going to do on a Friday night? Go home and cry myself to sleep? Daisy is in good hands, and I’ll see her later, so I may as well go out.
“Maybe we can find you a man,” she says and nudges me playfully.
Ugh. Truthfully, how can I ever be with another man after Jonah? The things we did, the way he made me feel. Maybe I should have just come right out and told him I wanted forever. I was too much of a chicken shit, which is so unlike me. But it was better to let him go now, than him walking away later.
“Want to talk about it?” Tina asks when I don’t make a move to go.
“Not really.”
“If you love him, you need to tell him.”
“Yeah but—”
She holds her hand up. “No buts, Quinn. From everything you told me, Daisy changed that man, and I’m guessing he’s as broken up about all of this as you are.”
“He never wanted a family, Tina.”
She grins at me. “What’s that saying. Talk about the pot calling the kettle black.”
“Yeah, but…” I pause to think about that. I swore up and down that I didn’t want a family of my own. But that all changed when I started playing house with Jonah. My mind rewinds to the way he protected Daisy, the way he protected me from Shari. What was that he once said, I protect those I care about.
“Come to think of it, he said he could want a family if the right woman came along,” I say.
“Don’t you think you’re that right woman?”
Is it possible that he might want the same things I do? That he didn’t voice it because I’d blatantly told him I didn’t want a family, that we needed to keep our relationship a secret because I didn’t want people to get the wrong idea? Was he protecting me because he cares about me, maybe even loves me?
If so, pushing him away like that, assuming he’d let no one or nothing stand in the way of his hockey, must have made him feel pretty shallow.
Have I made a horrible mistake?
“Oh, God, Tina, what have I done?” I ask, and put my hands over my face.
“It’s not too late, you know.”
“He’s on the road. I really don’t want to run after him, tell him how I feel when he’s practicing.”
Just then, a knock comes on the door, and I push off it. I check my watch again. “Maybe one of the kids forgot something.”
I open the door—and when I see who’s standing on the other side, my knees give.
“Hey,” Jonah says, as he wraps his arms around me. “You okay?”
“I’m okay,” I say, breathless and lightheaded.
He looks past my shoulder. “Hi, Tina,” he says.
“Jonah,” Tina says and backs up. “I’ll just go tidy up.”
“What are you doing here?” I ask. “Aren’t you supposed to be at practice?”
“Yeah, I am. Coach wasn’t too happy with me either, but I had to come back. There’s something you need to see.”
I frown, perplexed. “What are you talking about?”
“Can you come with me? I need to show you something.”
I nod my head. “Yeah, okay. I guess.” I turn and find Tina picking up blocks and putting them away. “Tina, would you mind if I took off?”
“Go,” she says. “I got this.”
Jonah doesn’t touch me or even stand too close as we walk to his car. He does, however, walk me to my side, and close the door once I’m inside. My heart is racing just about as fast as my brain. What does Jonah want to show me? I’m not sure what it is, but it’s obviously more important than his hockey practice.
“How have you been?” he asks as he pulls into traffic.
I look at him, take in the rumpled state of his clothes, his hair. Has he not been sleeping? I know I sure as hell haven’t been. As I look him over, I want to tell him how I feel, but there is a part of me that holds back. Jonah is upset about something.
“Good,” I say.
“Daisy?”
“She’s adjusting well. She’s such a happy little girl. I can’t wait to get my own center open so I can have her with me all day. I’ve already hired staff and given my resignation at the daycare.” Okay, Quinn stop rambling already. “How have you been?” I ask.
“Not that great.”
“I’m sorry. Anything from Shari?” I ask, even though I now she’s gone MIA again. Zander texts me every day asking about his daughter. If he’d heard from Shari, he would have let me know.
He shakes his head no, and I sit back and fold my hands, waiting to see what it is he needs to show me. A half hour later, he pulls up to his mansion, and I frown.
“Why are we here?”
“Come on.”
He slides from the car, comes around my side and holds his
hand out. Little currents of electricity sizzle though me when our fingers touch. My God, the chemistry between us hasn’t diminished one little bit. Jonah sucks in a breath, clearly feeling it, too.
He guides me up the walkway and leads me into the house. I look around his place. “What?” I ask.
“Upstairs,” he says.
“Jonah, what’s going on?”
“Trust me,” he says quietly.
“I…okay.”
He puts his hand on the small of my back and leads me upstairs. He stops outside Daisy’s old bedroom.
He gives me a little nudge. “Go on in.”
I step into the room, expecting it to be empty. We’d brought all of Daisy’s things to Zander’s house. But when I flick the light on, the room is all set up again.
Wait, what is going on? Paternity tests proved Zander was the dad. Is Shari up to something?
“Jonah?”
“Follow me?”
He guides me down the hall to another bedroom, and he opens the door. This room is decorated in blue…and my heart jumps into my throat. When the hell did he do this? He’s been on the road, hasn’t he? But more importantly, what the hell is he trying to tell me?
Before I can ask, he tugs on my hand and leads me to another room. This one is decorated in a soft yellow, very gender neutral.
I spin and face him, take in the warm way he’s looking at me.
“Jonah, how many kids do you have?” I blurt out.
The corner of his mouth turns up, making him look so sexy my thighs quiver. “I don’t have any kids, Quinn.”
“Then why the hell do you have three bedrooms decorated?”
“Because I wanted to show you…”
“Show me what?”
I hold my breath, hoping he’s telling me what I think he’s trying to. His big hand slides around my waist and he pulls me close. My God, it feels so good to be held my him.
“Here’s the thing, Quinn. I’m a mess. I can’t eat. I can’t sleep. I can’t even play hockey.”
“So what does—”
He puts his finger on my lips to stop me. “I’ve learned so much about myself in the last couple months.”