by C. Morgan
I walked away, trying not to let her rejection hurt me. She was very good at shutting me down. I tried to stay busy, but I couldn’t help but check on her. She was a fish out of water, and it was people like her that seriously hurt themselves. My job dictated I step in if I saw her do anything that could injure herself. That was why I was watching her. That was what I was going to tell myself.
Chapter 4
Alora
I felt so ridiculous. I did not belong in a gym. I didn’t know what the hell I was doing. Every time I looked over my shoulder, he was there. I couldn’t think straight with the super sexy trainer watching me. It was laughable that he thought I could get through a training session with him without drooling. He was too sexy for his own good.
For my own good.
I could not possibly take anything he said seriously. I would be staring at him and having totally inappropriate fantasies. I wouldn’t be able to hear a word he said. Knowing my luck, I would drop a weight on my foot or get my hair tangled up in one of the pully things. Personal trainers were meant for the skinny girls and the buff guys that attracted said girls. I wasn’t the kind of girl who was ever going to be a gym rat. Or bunny. Whatever. That wasn’t me.
He started walking toward me. The expression on his face told me I was doing something really wrong. I messed with a couple things, trying to look like I knew what I was doing.
“Do you know who I am?” he asked.
I couldn’t look directly at him. It was like looking at the sun. “You’re the new personal trainer.”
It seemed like a metaphorical question, but he made me nervous. I answered it with the most obvious answer. He was frowning at me. “I know who you are.”
I sighed, realizing he knew I was the owner’s daughter. I should have known there was no way he noticed me. He was trying to impress me. He wanted me to run back to daddy and tell him how awesome this new trainer was. I should have known he didn’t give two shits about me struggling with the machines. He just wanted to make me notice him so I would tell my dad.
“Great,” I said with a tight smile before stepping away from the machine. “I’ll make sure to put in a good word for you. I’ll let them know you were doing your job and solicited your services to me.”
I walked away feeling completely mortified. I realized I forgot to wipe down the machine. Oh well. I walked to the juice bar and ordered a fruit smoothie, minus the scoop of nasty protein they were always trying to foist on me. The shit was nasty, and I didn’t want it.
I pulled my phone from the holder on my arm. I tried to look like I fit in and had purchased the cool little sleeve thing. I sent off a fiery text to Sue.
Where the hell are you?
I put the phone down and took a drink of my smoothie. I looked up, staring through the massive window that faced the gym. I watched the new trainer walk around, talking to the few people in the gym. Damn, he was one very handsome man. I pegged him to be about six feet tall. He was ridiculously toned. I doubted he had an inch of fat on his body. He wasn’t overly buff, but he was strong and toned.
His dark hair was cut in a traditional, manly cut. It wasn’t anything fancy or over-styled. His eyes were a stunning hazel but not the average hazel. They were very light, giving him an almost catlike appearance. The way he looked at me was too intense.
There was no way I could be around him. He was everything I could never have. Todd had made it clear I was not to have the hot, sexy guys. I didn’t get to be with a man that was gorgeous and young. I was destined to marry whoever my father decided. At this point, I was going to be happy if I got a fifty-year-old, balding, pudgy man.
I sipped my smoothie and looked down at my phone. Sue had yet to text me back. I was assuming she was busy, but damn her for not letting me know she wasn’t going to make it… again. I sipped my drink and thought about the trainer. Every time I looked at the guy, I was going to think about Todd. I was going to remember that sting of betrayal for a long time.
I couldn’t blame all handsome men, but I was certainly going to be gun shy around them. I couldn’t let myself think too hard on the Todd situation. I didn’t want to remember getting that last credit card bill and seeing the flowers, fancy dinners, and hotel room stays. He’d courted and fucked another woman on my dime. He’d used me and lied to me and then he made it even worse when he verbally abused me.
I didn’t see it as abuse when I was living it, but looking back, that man tortured me. He was always putting me down. He talked to me like he hated me. He destroyed my self-esteem to the point I didn’t think I was worth anything. He ridiculed me and not just in private. He would constantly belittle me. I never realized the toll it took on me until I was away from him. It took a while to get to be able to see it, but I did now.
I wanted to believe I was better than that. I wanted to think I had more self-esteem, but I didn’t. I was just a broken woman. A woman who didn’t see a future for herself. I couldn’t see beyond the end of the day.
My phone vibrated on the counter. I snatched it up. It was a reply to my text from Sue.
Sorry. Got caught up. I can’t make it. Don’t hate me.
I rolled my eyes and turned my attention back to the gym. The trainer had taken a seat on some stupid arm machine. I watched as he squeezed his arms together, his muscles flexing. It looked like it took him no effort at all.
As I watched him, a thin, petite blonde with the perfect ponytail sauntered toward him. I wanted to gag. It was like watching wild animals in Africa doing a mating dance. I would not have been the least bit surprised to see her start flapping her arms and making weird noises as she danced around him. If he responded in kind, it meant they were going to mate.
He got off the machine, a smile on his face as he shook her hand. It was basically the human version of the mating dance. It got better. The blonde started to do some stretches. One arm stretched across her as she grabbed her elbow. They were talking, smiling with their heads bobbing. This was the next step of the mating ritual.
She reached out and touched his arm. His smile got bigger. I couldn’t take it anymore. I pushed away my smoothie. “Thanks, Gary,” I said and got off my stool.
“I’ll see you tomorrow?”
I forced a smile. “Yep, I’ll be here,” I said, hoping to god I would get my foot run over in the parking lot so I wouldn’t have to come back.
I rushed out of the gym and straight for my car. I did not stop anywhere. I needed to be home. I wanted to be in my own safe little space. My bedroom was the only place I could be free of judgment. At least from outsiders. I judged myself plenty.
I couldn’t deal with the gym and the pressure it put on me. Gyms were supposedly a place for people to go to get into better shape, but the only people I’d seen were runway models and bodybuilders. At least that was what it felt like. Only beautiful people hung out at the gym. I did not fit in.
On a whim, instead of going home, I turned left at the light and headed for my favorite Mexican restaurant. I loved tacos. I loved tacos more than I loved myself and a hell of a lot more than I loved the gym. Tacos made me feel better.
I parked my car and almost changed my mind about going in. I was wearing my workout clothes. It wasn’t like I’d actually worked up a sweat, but the leggings were tight. They showed off my legs. I wore a really long shirt to hide my ass, but it was still not the kind of outfit I would ever want to be seen in.
But tacos.
“Fuck it,” I muttered.
I got out of the car and went inside. People that loved tacos didn’t judge. When you wanted a taco, you wanted a taco. Period, end of story. I smiled as I ordered my usual. The waitress brought me the usual chips and salsa and my diet soda. I had to pretend I was trying to eat healthy.
My phone rang. I considered ignoring it but figured it would either be Sue or my mother. Both women were persistent as hell. I glanced at the screen and really thought about ignoring it. She wouldn’t give up.
“I know, I know, you’re
sorry,” I said.
“I am so, so sorry,” Sue said. “I got caught dealing with a situation and I couldn’t get away. I’m done now. I can be there in fifteen minutes.”
“I left and I’m not going back.”
“Ever?”
“I wish. Unfortunately, I’m a chickenshit and I can’t defy my mother. I have to go back.”
“You really don’t have to. You know what they say about resolutions.”
“They don’t work.”
“They can work, but they only work if you are doing it for yourself. If you are only doing this for your mother, you are never going to get it done.”
“Gee, thanks for the encouragement. You should actually show up to the gym and encourage me.”
“Stop,” she scolded. “You wanted to make this resolution as much as I did.”
“Only because my mom said I had to.”
“I promise I will do better. I really want to lose a few pounds.”
I took a bite of a chip, loudly crunching into the phone. “Me too, but you know what else I want?”
“Potato chips?”
“Tacos with a side of chips and salsa.”
“Are you seriously eating tacos right now?” she asked with horror.
“I haven’t eaten the tacos yet, but I plan on it. And I’m going to like it.”
“Now you’re making me hungry. I’ve been sticking to the diet.”
“Well, I’ve been working out,” I shot back. “You diet, and I’ll work out.”
I wasn’t going to tell her I technically didn’t work out. I wanted the tacos without the side of guilt.
“Are we going tomorrow?” she asked.
“I don’t know, are we?”
“You’re cranky after you’ve been to the gym. I think I like the pleasantly plump Alora much better. Can’t we just be fluffy and happy?”
I had no problem with that. “My mother would never allow that. She’d want me to be miserable and fluffy. Didn’t you know you can’t be fat and happy?”
“I beg to differ,” she said with a laugh.
“Speaking of fat and happy, my tacos are here. I will talk to you later.”
“Tomorrow. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
I ended the call and dug into the chips and salsa. I was eating my feelings. As it turned out, feelings tasted really good. I learned that a couple of years ago when things with Todd really started to sour. He stayed out late; I mowed through a bag of Doritos. He called me mean names; ice cream made it better.
Feelings were delicious. Too bad they were so damn fattening.
Chapter 5
Jeff
“You did great today,” I said, shaking the hand of the young woman I had recruited to work with us.
“Thanks, Jeff. You’re a beast.”
I didn’t tell her I’d only skated through the workout. That wasn’t even my beast mode. “Can you come back tomorrow? I’m going to talk to Fran, and we’ll figure something out.”
Her smile widened. “That would be awesome!” She lunged at me, throwing her arms around me and squeezing. “You’re the best. Thanks.”
“I’ll see you tomorrow, Bunny.”
She walked away, her slim and trim body practically bouncing as she left. I headed for Fran’s office. I knocked on the door and waited.
“Come in,” she called.
I walked in to find her with stacks of papers on her desk. “Got a minute?”
She nodded. “I do. Sit. How was the first day? Did you sign anyone?”
“Not clients, but I did find a trainer I think we need. You told me not to be afraid to do a little recruiting.”
“Really? What does she do?”
“All of it. She’s young and full of spunk. She’d be a great motivator on the gym floor working in a one-on-one situation or teaching Zumba or a spin class. She’s only twenty-two, but she’s been in the fitness world for a decade. She was in gymnastics forever and transitioned into being a personal trainer a couple of years ago.”
“Where did she work?”
“Not in a gym. Only private.”
“Does she have any clients she can bring?”
I smiled, knowing that was what she was going to ask. “She does.”
“Then by all means, hire her. Send her to me and I’ll get her set up.”
“I’ll do that. Thanks.”
“Thank you. If you have any more ideas about classes we could put together, I would love to hear it. You seem like you have a lot to bring to the table. I’d love to pick your brain. Are you free for dinner tonight? We can go over expectations for the gym and I will share my plans for world domination.”
I laughed. “World domination? You don’t dream small, do you?”
“Nope. I want to make this a chain, but not just any chain. I can only do that if we make The Zone the best of the best right here. Then the sky is the limit. So, do you have time tonight?”
“Sure.”
We arranged a time and place before I left her office and headed for home. I walked home, taking my time and checking out my surroundings. The junior high and high school weren’t too far. We used to cut through the field where the gym now stood to get to school. It was crazy to see the condos and strip malls in a place that had been nothing but a few old houses and empty fields.
As I walked, I thought about how bad things had gone with Alora. There was bad and then there was what happened today. She didn’t even know who I was. It was a kick in the teeth. Here I’d thought about her almost daily and she didn’t even remember my face. That’s how little I meant to her.
It wasn’t just that she didn’t remember me or the friendship I cherished. She didn’t want anything to do with me now.
For so long, I’d chalked up her rejection to my chunkiness and bad skin. I wasn’t arrogant, but I knew I looked good. I had plenty of women tell me so. So what the hell did Alora want?
She’d chased after Todd, the consummate jock. I was the jock now and I still couldn’t get her to look my way. It was a little demoralizing and certainly a blow to my ego. All through high school, I busted my ass to be the guy the girls wanted. I got in shape. I played football, basketball, and baseball. I became the all-around jock.
And despite being good at sports and having the perfect athlete’s body and clear skin, I still couldn’t get the girls to notice me. It destroyed my self-confidence. Not that I had a lot, but the damage that had been done during junior high stuck with me for a long time. No matter how cut I got, whenever I looked in the mirror, I saw the twelve-year-old fat kid. I gave up on trying to date. I couldn’t take the rejection.
It wasn’t until I was in college that I gave the dating thing a try again. That ended up being more about hookups than actual meaningful relationships.
I gave dating a good try, but I never felt a meaningful connection. I never looked at a woman and thought she was my best friend. Sex was one thing, but true meaningful friendship was something else. I never felt that pull that I had felt with Alora. I never looked at a woman and wanted to know all there was to know about her. When I saw Alora, my heart swelled.
At least it used to.
Now that I knew she could give two shits about me, I wasn’t sure what I felt. Maybe it was just a childhood crush. Coming back here might have been a mistake. I was setting myself up for another heartbreak. That was a lot of baggage I didn’t need. She didn’t remember me at all. That was a tough pill to swallow.
I had made the move back to Arizona, and I was going to make it work. I did like my new gym and I did see a lot of potential. I was going to make it work. Alora was my past, a kid’s crush, and now that I was older and wiser, I realized it was nothing but a fantasy. Some young guys fantasized about a supermodel or a celebrity, but I fantasized about Alora. I wished I would have crushed on a celebrity. At least then I would have known there was no way it could ever come true. With Alora, I had false hope. That hope damn near crushed my soul.
“Fuck it,” I said aloud as I
stepped inside my condo.
I didn’t need Alora. I was not exactly the same loser kid I had once been. I was doing all right for myself. I took care of my body and I had a healthy self-esteem. She was not the only woman in the world. Like my mother always told me, it was a big, big world and there were a few billion women to choose from. She was confident I would find my special someone when the time was right.
I wasn’t going to pretend to be quite so Zen, but I did think the odds were in my favor. Now that I knew there was no chance I could ever be with Alora, I could turn my eyes elsewhere. I needed to put that fantasy to bed. Coming here was me getting closure.
I stepped into the shower and lathered up with my sandalwood soap. I did a quick shave before dressing in a pair of good jeans a relaxed short-sleeved button-up shirt. The place we were going for dinner was casual, which was what I preferred.
I grabbed my keys and headed out to my truck. It was the first new vehicle I had bought. I babied the thing and it still looked as new as the day I drove it off the lot. I drove toward the restaurant and passed by the old multiplex.
I smiled remembering the summer before eighth grade. That was back in the day when Alora and I were really good friends. Our friendship blossomed that summer. That was when I thought I loved her. It had been our thing to go see a matinee almost once a week.
I let out a small laugh thinking about the two of us standing in line to get tickets to see the sparkly vampires. We had read the books, and when we learned the movie was coming out, we made a pact to see it together. It was the last movie we saw together.
I wasn’t the least bit ashamed. Well, I was a little embarrassed, but I did it because she wanted to see it. I got stopped at a red light and found myself daydreaming.
“We have to split up,” Alora said. “You get the popcorn and I’ll get our seats.”
“Not too close,” I reminded her. “Last time I had a kink in my neck for a week.”