by C. Morgan
It did sting a little, but I knew that was the case. I’d known it for a long time. I just couldn’t seem to make my heart understand it. “I know.”
“And now you find yourself thrust right back into her orbit,” he said with a smile.
“Yep, and the feelings I had for her are different, but they are still there.”
“The same rules apply. I think things are going to be different this time around, but you still need to think about that old baggage. Don’t jump in with both feet.”
“She looks at me a lot differently than she did back then,” I said. I was looking for approval to make a move.
He wasn’t going to give it to me. “Friends first. You need to let her know who you are. I get you want to see if there is anything romantic between the two of you, but don’t start it on a lie.”
“I’m not lying.”
“It’s a lie by omission. Just try to strike up a conversation and start building a friendship. Don’t worry about jumping right into the love and feelings. You never know. Maybe you don’t have feelings for her anymore. You’ve changed. She’s changed. You’re holding on to a memory.”
“I’ll try to be friends with her, but honestly, she doesn’t even like to talk to me.”
He laughed again. “Some of the best relationships start out like that.”
Chapter 14
Alora
I needed an exorcism or a magic pill. Something had to give. I could not keep being around Jeff and lusting after him. I was going to embarrass myself something fierce. Hell, I’d already done that countless times, but it was getting worse. I was afraid I was going to do something really embarrassing like touch his ass or caress his chest. Lord knew I had fallen on him enough times.
“Earth to Alora,” Sue said from beside me.
I sucked on my water as we sat at the bar waiting for our session to start. “I can’t do this.”
“Do what?”
“This thing. This program.”
“You can do it. You’ve been doing it. You can’t tell me you don’t notice a change. I sure as hell do. There is nothing you could say to me that would make me want to quit.”
“He is kicking my ass and making my life a living hell and I can’t stop lusting after him. Those are two things that should not go together.”
She laughed and took a drink of her own water. “He is hot. Smoking hot. I have no problem lusting after him and working out.”
“But don’t you feel weird?”
“Not at all. I can see why you are a little flustered. He does look at you like he wants to eat you up.”
“Stop it!”
“I’m serious. He likes you and you like him. Maybe you are made for each other.”
“I don’t think so.”
She checked her watch. “We need to get going. We don’t want to be late.”
We walked toward the group that was gathering in our usual spot. Sue was crazy. There was no way a guy like Jeff could ever look at me and think I was attractive. He was the kind of guy that dated women that looked like Bunny.
“Hey guys,” Jeff said as he walked toward our group. “Who is ready to move some tires?”
I hated him. Fuck how hot he was. I hated the damn tires. They were horrible torture devices. I didn’t work at a tire store. I wasn’t a farmer. I didn’t dare speak my thoughts aloud. The last person that had done that ended up doing extra tire flips.
“Let’s go,” he said. “You know what to do.”
Sue and I always worked together. We got one of the massive tires and started the usual routine. I really, really hated the tires. She dropped it on the floor, and we took turns hopping on the edge.
“I hate this,” I complained.
“We all do,” she answered.
“I would prefer the treadmill.”
“This is burning more calories.”
I did have to admit it was getting easier to roll the thing. I could actually hop on the tire. When we first started, I couldn’t make it up without stepping. There was some slow progress happening, but it was progress. I liked that every day was something new. It never got boring.
“You’re staring,” she hissed when we stopped the workout.
“I can’t help it. He’s sweating.”
“Newsflash, so are you.”
“But he glistens.”
She groaned as we flopped down on the mat to do some stretches. “You are such a freak. You’ve always been a sucker for sparkly men.”
I grinned and batted my eyes. “They catch the light so well.”
“You could always get one of those glitter bombs.”
“Stretch it out, ladies,” Jeff barked as he walked around us.
I watched him move. Every muscle rippled as he walked. He reminded me of a panther all sleek and gorgeous. I wanted to pet him. My thoughts were running away with me. I needed to get my shit together.
“Wipe your chin,” Sue whispered.
“Shut up.”
“I’m serious, you are staring hard,” she hissed.
I knew I was, but I couldn’t stop it. I was falling deeper with every passing minute. “It’s your fault.”
“My fault?”
“You told me he looked at me.”
“Well of course he looked at you.”
“You know what I mean.”
“All right, everyone, you’re stretched out, so now let’s give those muscles a little workout,” Jeff said as he clapped his hands together.
Like good little soldiers, we got up and moved to the grouping of weight machines. I didn’t feel like such an idiot now that I knew how to use the machine. I almost felt like a pro. We moved around, taking turns and sticking in our tight little group. There was a certain camaraderie between us. When there was a bunch of us, we were stronger and could ignore the looks from the skinny people.
“Thanks for kicking ass today, guys. I hope you know you have all made some excellent progress. I’m excited to see what you guys can do next week. Take care of yourselves. Get a smoothie and make sure you are keeping that protein intake high. Feed those muscles. I’ll see you all next week.”
He walked away while we all did our usual after-workout gossip. I had made a couple of new friends and was truly feeling better about myself. It felt good to feel good. I was slowly getting hooked on the feeling of being in control of my health.
“What are you going to do?” Sue asked as we walked toward the locker room.
“About?”
“Him. I saw the way you were looking at him and he was definitely checking you out.”
“What can I do?”
“Flirt with him.”
“What if I flirt with him and look like a total dumbass?”
She laughed as she opened her locker. “It wouldn’t be the first time.”
“Thanks.”
“Ask him out.”
My eyes widened. “I can’t do that.”
“Ask him for coffee. That’s easy enough.”
“And if he shuts me down, I’m going to look like a fool. It’s going to be so awkward. I wouldn’t be able to stick with the group.”
“But what if he doesn’t shut you down?”
I stripped down and wrapped a towel around my body. “I don’t know. I’m not sure what I would do.”
“You would enjoy coffee with a hot date.”
“I don’t know. I just don’t know.”
“What’s the worst that could happen if he rejects your invitation?”
We stepped into shower stalls. “I would be humiliated. He would probably be just as horrified. If he didn’t fire me from his program, I would have to quit. I don’t want to quit. I really like what we’ve been able to do. I feel better than I have in a long time.”
“We could still work out. He has taught us a lot. We could do it on our own.”
“I’m not sure,” I said. “He actually motivated me. I hated him most days, but he was really good at his job.”
“All right, we’ll
work with another trainer.”
We both finished our showers and started to dress. “I am not working with Bunny. Ever.”
“There are others.”
“If my dad finds out I quit the program, he’s going to blame Jeff. Then he’s going to fire him. If he doesn’t fire him, he’ll sell the gym and buy me a new one.”
She burst into laughter. “It’s funny because it’s true. Your parents are more invested in your health than you are.”
“They are, but it isn’t my health they are worried about. My mom is pushing me to get back together with Todd, and in order to be with him, I have to be thin. My dad wants my mom happy, so he is throwing money at the problem as he usually does.”
“Look, just talk to him and get a feeling for what he is thinking. You won’t know until you try. If he shuts you down, you could just walk away and go back to normal. It doesn’t have to be all that dramatic.”
“But it will be.”
“I have to go. I have a tutoring session. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
I finished dressing and went out to the juice bar. I wasn’t getting protein in my smoothie, but I would have the extra banana. I sat down to enjoy my cold treat. I didn’t want to go home. When I did, my mother would ask me a hundred questions about what I did and how I felt and on and on.
Jeff leaned against the juice bar and ordered a protein shake. He glanced over and caught me looking. He grabbed his shake and came to sit beside me. I was suddenly very nervous.
“You did good today,” he said.
“Thanks. You’re a good trainer.”
“Thank you. That means a lot.”
I smiled and leaned against his arm. “You know you’re good.”
“I try.”
“I bet you get told how good you are all the time.” The moment the words were out of my mouth, I realized how bad they sounded.
He smirked before taking a drink. “Not often enough.”
“How long have you been doing this kind of thing?”
He shrugged. “A few years.”
“Really? It looks like you’ve been doing this all your life.”
“Trust me, I haven’t.”
“Are you a cowboy?” I blurted out. Again, I felt so stupid. I didn’t know how to flirt. I could not possibly ask this man out. He was probably laughing inside.
“I am not a cowboy. I’ve never ridden a horse. I’ve been on a farm, but I’ve never wrestled a cow.”
I burst into nervous laughter. “Good to know.”
“Do you have a thing against cow wrestlers?”
“I don’t think I do. I don’t know that I’ve ever met one.”
“I could be a cowboy,” he said, his eyes flashing.
“Would you wear sexy Wranglers?”
“Good and tight,” he said with a wink.
He was flirting. Not well, but neither was I. Maybe this wasn’t so bad. We would never be mistaken for suave, but we seemed to understand what was going on. My heart was fluttering. I couldn’t believe a man like him was actually flirting with me. It was crazy. Sue was going to be so proud.
“I like a man in tight jeans.”
“Why is that?”
“Don’t you like when a woman wears tight pants?”
He shrugged. “I don’t hate it, but I think I like a little mystery.”
“You prefer a gunny sack?”
He chuckled before sucking on his shake. “It’s all the better when taking it off and seeing what’s underneath.”
I was squirming. I felt so weird. Weird and hot. “Do you always get a shake after a workout?” I asked. I felt ridiculous. I was asking such stupid questions.
“I do. I need it to replenish the fluids I lose during the day.”
“Do you just work out all day long?”
He slowly nodded. “In a way. I don’t do hard workouts but it’s more of a constant.”
“Do you like to work out by yourself after all of us losers leave you alone?”
“You are not losers. I do like to do my own workout, though.”
“Because no one else can keep up with you?”
He winked. “I’m a beast.”
“I bet you are. Do you lift a lot?”
If the floor could just open up and swallow me, that would be great. I couldn’t seem to stop saying the dumbest shit in the world. I was acting like a fangirl. He was just a man. He wasn’t a god. He was just a guy that liked to work out. I had to take it down a notch before I completely humiliated myself.
Chapter 15
Jeff
I wasn’t sure it was really happening at first. Alora tended to be a little awkward in general. As was I.
Since moving back, she and I had never had an actual conversation before now. I kept waiting for her to figure out who I was. It hurt that she really had no memory of me. I’d made no impression on her. That was humbling.
“Are you asking if I lift a lot as in weight or in frequency?” I asked.
This was probably the worst example of flirting there ever was. I sucked at it and she wasn’t exactly an ace at it. We were both floundering.
“Um, I don’t know. Both?”
I resisted the urge to flex. “Not a lot of weight. Just enough to keep things tight.”
“It’s all very tight.”
I was certain my cheeks were burning. She was actually flirting with me. It was like my teenage dream was finally coming true. I had dreamed of this moment for years. Hell, over a decade. But now that it was finally happening, I didn’t know how to respond. I felt so foolish.
“How about you?” I asked.
“Me?”
I nodded. “Things feeling tighter?”
She blushed and I tried to figure out how I could fit my foot into my mouth where it belonged.
“Um, I don’t know about that,” she said. “Not yet, but if you keep busting my ass, I imagine things will get much tighter.”
I moved to sit down on the stool next to hers. I stumbled over my gym bag and knocked into the back of her. Of course, it happened at the same time she was taking a drink from her smoothie. She gasped as I jostled her forward.
I righted myself and popped my head around her shoulder. “Are you okay?”
She wiped her nose. “Um, yeah, just the, uh, the straw went up my nose.”
“Oh shit. Sorry. I mean, oh no, I’m sorry. Let me get you a napkin.”
“I’m okay.”
I grabbed her a fresh straw. “Here. You probably don’t want to put your mouth on that straw after it’s been up your nose.”
“Oh, you’re right,” she muttered and pulled it out of her smoothie.
I managed to sit my ass on the stool without completely knocking her out. “Are you sure you’re okay?” I asked when she wiped her nose again.
“I’m fine,” she said and looked at me before looking up. “Is it bleeding?”
I stared up her nose. “No, but there is a little bit of smoothie there.” I grabbed another napkin and wiped her nose.
“Thanks,” she muttered.
I hoped to god no one was watching this train wreck. “Do you like your smoothie?” I asked.
She gave me a tight smile and nodded. “Yes. I prefer it in my mouth. Not so good up my nose.”
“I’m sorry.”
“No, it’s fine.”
“Did you get some protein in there?”
She grimaced like I had busted her doing something terrible. “No. I really don’t like that stuff.”
“There are some different flavors, and if you drink it with a lot of ice, it tends to go down better.”
“I’ll keep that in mind.”
I was making a total fool of myself. “You did good today.”
“Thanks. I’m trying.”
I suddenly realized we had nothing in common except the gym. I didn’t know her anymore. It was strange to sit with the woman I had been best friends with at one point in my life. I didn’t know what she liked and didn’t like. I didn’t know i
f she’d gone to college or gotten married. I knew nothing about her, and I was too big of a chickenshit to ask.
I cleared my throat. I was a man drowning and there wasn’t a life raft in sight. “I should probably get going.”
“Would you like to get coffee some time?” She blurted out the words like she had been holding them back for hours.
I felt like the proverbial deer caught in the headlights. ERock’s words flashed through my mind. Friends. I had to keep it in the friend zone. Coffee was too close to the dating line.
“Um, I—you know, I really like you,” I started. “But I’m your trainer and I don’t want to risk your progress. It’s better we just keep this as friends.”
Her face fell. Her cheeks turned red. “Of course. Yeah, I totally get that.”
The tension between us was thick. I had screwed up. I didn’t see a way back. I dropped a bomb on whatever it was that had sparked between us. I had been praying for this moment for so long and now that it was happening, I didn’t know how to handle it.
“I’ll see you around. I have an appointment.”
I got up and practically ran out of the gym like the hounds of hell were on my heels. I got to my truck and took a minute to catch my breath.
That had been a fucking disaster. Next level horrible. I was pissed at myself. I was even more pissed at ERock. He was the one who told me I couldn’t date. If I could go back and ask her for a redo, I would. But I couldn’t because I was a chickenshit.
Coffee wasn’t a date. Coffee was a casual thing. There was no expectation. I wished I could go back. I couldn’t do it. I probably just ruined a good thing. The start of a great thing.
I drove home feeling bummed. I seriously debated calling ERock and letting him know his advice sucked. Then again, I couldn’t blame him. I was a big boy. I could have made a decision for myself.
I cleaned up around the condo before taking a long, hot shower. I leaned my arm against the tile, resting my head against the back of my hand, and closed my eyes. The water washed down my back and over my head.