Tears welled up in my eyes. How could someone be so mean to their son. Jamieson rubbed my arm.
“I know you’re sad, but you need to be strong for him when we get there,” I heard Carter say. “You can break down later, but not in front of him.” He leaned over and hugged me.
He was right. I knew it. I straightened my shoulders back and wiped at my cheeks. Using my phone, I checked my face to make sure it wasn’t blotchy and red.
Taking a deep breath, I rubbed my hands on my trousers, as we stopped in front of his flat.
“Will you be okay? Or do you want us to come in? We’ll probably just go back to the hotel since I have the room, but not the party, of course.” He glanced at Jamieson, who didn’t contradict him.
“Yeah, man. You’re a life saver. Thanks.” I hugged them both and got out. Taking a deep breath, I braced myself for what I was possibly walking into.
25
MARSHALL
I knew I was risking a lot bringing Stuart and showing a bit of PDA. But I really didn’t give a shit anymore. That was my train of thought and I knew there’d be repercussions, but I really thought I was prepared for it. I was happier than I’d ever been with Stuart. That was most important.
As I made my rounds, I’d managed to avoid my mother, but I knew she could be around any corner. And then she appeared and started spitting out hateful and terrible comments at me. I wanted to cry, but I bit my lip and let her have her moment.
Then she became increasingly loud and mean, and a crowd started to gather round. I hadn’t known she could be so horrible. For a split second, the thought passed through my mind that I’d done this the wrong way, but no, I was done hiding and she was the one who decided to make a public spectacle of it. I wondered idly what had set her off.
I was about to retaliate when she slapped me. I couldn’t believe she’d done that. There was a buzzing in my mind, and while I knew Stuart had come over, and I think Carter, I couldn’t fully focus. All that was on my mind was hiding away at home and curling up with Jess.
I didn’t want to go back to life before Stuart, simpler as it would have been. Of course not, but I also didn’t dream of it unfolding that way. I was so happy with him, I guess I foolishly thought that my happiness would mean more than anything to my mum.
And so I found a woman in the lobby getting out of a cab, headed to a bachelorette party with a bottle of vodka in a gift bag and paid her £100 and got in the cab to go home. I cried and drank the quick ride back.
I was such a failure. Apart from the embarrassment of my mum, I’d probably fucked everything up with Stuart. Who could blame him. I’d showed him I was a wimp. I hadn’t stood up for him, for us. God only knew what he thought of me now.
At the house, I threw some bills at the driver and crawled up the stairs. As I fumbled my way in, Jess came and licked my face. Then Brenna appeared. Fuck, I forgot she was here too.
I crawled onto the couch and let the tears fall. Who knows what I mumbled as I sat there. I put my phone on the coffee table, not even looking at it, and downed the rest of the vodka.
“Just go, Brenna. Just go, would you. I’m in no mood for company.”
“I won’t go and I’m worried about you.” She sat on the coffee table by my head. “Tell me what’s going on—as much or as little as you like. But I’m not leaving you like this. And don’t try to brush me off like you always do.”
“I can’t. I … fuck.” I moaned and closed my eyes. Hopefully that would make it easier. I knew she deserved something, if not everything. And I wanted to discuss it. Needed to. Not long ago, I would have shut down. In fact, I had. I never discussed anything. It was easier to just bottle it up and brush it off.
But I’d learned from Stuart to listen, but also to say what I was thinking. It was difficult, no doubt, but important.
“My mum. She knows now.” I rubbed between my eyes. “Yeah, she slapped me in front of everyone. So I guess you could say your damage control will be required.”
I sat up and petted Jess and couldn’t stop the tears. I tried to wipe them away to no avail. Brenna rubbed my leg. “Let me get you some tea. We’re British. That solves everything, so they say.”
She went and puttered around in the kitchen. I needed the relief. Feeling like utter shit, I stared into space and rambled on again. “And Stuart, I ran off. He’ll see I’m a loser. Like he’d want me anymore. I need him. He’s the only thing that matters. Why I haven’t told him, and now I’m telling you. I’m petrified. My whole life I guess I have been. But I …”
“Here you go,” she said, handing me a cup of tea, exactly the way I liked it. “You know, this is the most you’ve ever confided in me in this whole time we’ve worked together. And while I know you’re emotional and upset, thank you. I’ve always wanted to be your friend, Marshall, but you never let me get close. Let anyone. Til him.”
“What can he see in me. I’m such a fuck up. Even now, there’ll be stories all over the newspaper, rumours, everything I didn’t want. And yet, I wouldn’t change it. Not really. All I want is him, no matter the consequences.”
She stood up then. “Well, those are fighting words. And if you really mean it, we’ll make it happen.” She disappeared somewhere and I continued feeling sorry for myself.
She let me mumble incoherently, and who knew what she was thinking as I droned on and on. Sometime later, someone was at the door. I attempted to look at the time and saw it was maybe 2:00 - 2:30 a.m. Who the hell could that be? “I just want left alone. Leave it.”
A few moments later, Stu was there. I had no idea why. I was sure I’d never see him again. “Stu?” I tried to flatten my hair down and make myself look presentable.
He almost flattened me against the couch and gathered me in the biggest bear hug. “Oh, I’m so fucking glad you are okay.” I breathed in his scent, hardly believing I had him in my arms again. Jess had moved to snooze in her bed. I wasn’t sure where Brenna was.
We held each other and the only sound was the refrigerator buzzing. I rubbed his back and mumbled apologies and random sweet nothings in his ear.
He kissed me and pushed his hand through my hair. I sighed and kissed him back. My mouth opened for him and he slowly caressed my tongue with his own. I’m sure he could taste the strong vodka but that didn’t deter him.
After we parted, I opened my eyes and looked into his. And all I saw was love and understanding. Not any judgement, or hatred.
“I’ve got you, baby. Whatever happens, I’m here for you, okay?”
I sobbed and gasped and still he held me. “You are everything to me.”
“And you are to me. No one deserves to be treated that way. I’m so sorry. And when you ran off, I got so scared.” He kissed my eyebrows. “I was scared that you were running from me too. From us. I know it took a lot for you to even bring me with you tonight.”
I sat up, if a bit awkwardly, and moved Stu to sit on my lap. “No, not ever. That was the best part. You are the best part of my life. Brenna is going to do some damage control or tell me what to do, but are you okay with that? You might get harassed or bothered over the next little while. But I want to be with you regardless of what happens.”
“Yes, yes, of course. It doesn’t matter to me. Hell, I can hold my own, as you know. What about, does it feel weird, losing your mother?”
“She made her feelings quite clear. That’s the end of that. But can we talk about this tomorrow, or later today?”
“I know it ended horribly, but are you okay with it all?” he asked, his voice sounding calm, but still wavering.
I took his hand in mine and kissed his knuckles. I started to talk but my voice sounded rough. “I need some water.”
He jumped up. “I’ll get it. Then …” The option was there. I could say nothing and shut down or tell him all I was thinking and feeling. He looked at me, his eyes questioning. Then he handed me a bottle of water.
I took a sip before speaking and cleared my throat. “Before you came,
I was telling Bren what a loser I am, thinking I’d never see you again. But now …”
He turned to face me. “Come on, get up.” Trying to pull me up, he almost fell over onto his ass.
I tried not to laugh and bent to get up. A searing pain went through my head. “Sorry, I’m a big oaf. And I’m not used to drinking that much.”
I followed him through to the bedroom. He instructed me to get undressed. I pulled everything off, except my boxers. He mostly made all my movements then he put me into bed.
By now I was ready to talk and told him as much. “Stu, you get ready, too, and come back to me, okay?”
He only nodded, looking very serious. “I’d like that very much.” I heard him go out and look after Jess before coming back.
He snuggled in, in front of me so we were touching from shin to head, and I wrapped an arm around him. “It still seems unbelievable that I have you here.”
“Marshall, I’m here for you through good and bad. I was the one who was worried sick about you.”
I smiled behind him. “Well, I’m so glad you’re here. I feel like crap, but yeah, it’s hard to believe she did that to me.”
“And how do you feel about it, overall?” he asked hesitantly.
I squeezed him tighter. “Relieved. Happy. Scared, too, though. I didn’t want you to be dragged into my shit show of a drama.”
He turned his head to kiss me. “And how has that changed since the beginning?”
Laughing, I continued, “I love you, Stu, more than anything, and I want to go forward with you if you’ll have me.”
“Of course, I will. You really thought I wouldn’t come find you? Fuck, I was worried sick. And Carter and Jamieson were acting really weird together, but they were wonderful. Really amazing.”
Tears threatened to overwhelm me. “That’s great. I love having you here. Can I hold you?” I took a deep breath. “Don’t leave me, okay?”
“Never.”
“Just thinking. I’m okay because you are here though.” I gave him a kiss. “I’ll try and sleep. Promise.” Eventually sleep came but not before I heard him say, “I love you too.”
* * *
“Wakey, wakey, boys.” I rubbed my eyes and could smell coffee. I felt Stu still in my arms. What time is it anyway? I wondered.
“What’s going on?” he asked.
“I have no idea.” Then a knock came at the bedroom door and I jumped, as if I’d been caught with a dirty magazine in secondary and wasn’t a grown man in his thirties.
“Well, it’s your house. Go find out.” He practically pushed me to the door.
“I’m naked. What if it’s a robber?”
“If they were breaking in, they woulda stole stuff, not called out to us.” Quickly, he threw me a shirt that appeared from out of nowhere. I promptly put it on then grabbed some jogging pants and threw them on without falling over. “There, do I look presentable?”
“For the intruder? Hmmm, I guess so.” He laughed.
“Ha, ha. You won’t find it so funny if they strip me naked and take me away.”
“True. Don’t take away my sexy man.”
I went out to find Brenna there, settled in on the barstool, enjoying a coffee and bagel, surrounded by papers and her computer.
“Ah, new office?” I asked and went over to the Keurig machine. “What time is it anyway?”
“It’s almost noon. I thought I gave you lovebirds enough time.”
“No way.” I pushed my hands through my hair. “Wow. First time for everything.”
“I know, right? So unlike you. And no, this is damage-control central now.”
“Is it? Oh right. Listen, I’m sorry about last night, but thank you for being there. You, ah, phoned Stuart?” I glanced over at her then walked over to give her a big hug.
Just then the man walked in. “Oh, hi, Bren. You aren’t a robber. Wow.” Then he looked over to me and giggled.
“Sure, sure. Laugh it up. I could have protected you. Coffee?”
“Please.” He ran over and hugged me from behind. Normally, I would have bolted a mile with someone else around, but I sank back into him, enjoying his warmth.
“Okay, consider it done.” And I pulled my mug out of the Keurig machine, added some milk and handed it to him. Then got out another mug.
“Aww, aren’t you two adorable,” she said, grinning. Then it seemed it was all back to business. “Now, time is a ticking. So we need to decide what you want to do. There’s paparazzi out there, you know.”
I ran to the window and peeked out, just as Brenna and Stu said in unison, “No!”
“What an amateur,” Stu said, nudging her. “I thought he was a celebrity.”
I ambled back and grabbed my drink. “Ah, that tastes good.” Sitting down, I looked at Brenna. “Okay, give us the lowdown.”
“Well, it’s already everywhere that she slapped you. I’m sorry. I guess someone in the crowd had their smartphone in hand. But she’s the one who looks bad for the most part. Ah, some of her friends are defending her.”
“Can’t say I’m surprised. All those in her circle are the same, trying to keep up appearances.” I cleared my throat. “And Stuart. Ah, I don’t want him getting circled by some hungry vultures.”
“That’s why I’m here. You can choose to name him or not. It’s what I wanted to talk about with the two of you. Hello! Magazine wants to do an exclusive interview.
I tried not to shake, but still I felt my hands trembling of their own accord. I took a deep breath and Stuart rubbed my back and leaned into me. Turning to him, I said, “I want you and I need you, and while I might not show or tell you enough, I mean it. And whatever these vultures drag up, know that I only want you, okay?”
His smile told me everything and I moved in to kiss him. As the kiss deepened, I heard a cough.
“Okay guys, as much as I enjoyed that, a lot, can we figure this out first?”
“Right, right,” I said, sitting back. “Tell me what to do.”
“So, there’s the option to do nothing, and just hope it settles down.”
Even as she offered that option, I was shaking my head, squeezing the bridge of my nose. “No.” I grabbed Stuart’s hand. “I’m done hiding now, regardless of the consequences.”
“Okay, so like I said, Hello! Magazine want to do an interview, if it’s exclusive. Or I can contact a television station. And I … we, call the shots. About how much or little you want to reveal.”
“Good, good.” I nodded. “Stu, baby, how much do you want to be involved? This is about both of us.”
“I want to be there for you. I will be, every step of the way if you’ll let me. I’m ready, so don’t worry about anything they try and throw at us.” He looked down then up at me again. “I’m so proud of you. So proud.” He got up from his stool and hugged me. “It’s you and me, baby.”
“You and me.” Then I looked at Brenna. “You have your answer. Thanks for everything Brenna. Really. I know I’m a jerk ...”
“Stop, okay,” she said sniffling. “That was so beautiful. You guys—” her voice had taken on a soft, lyrical quality. I went to get her a tissue. “You are who you are, Marshall, and I prefer this you, but I was fine with you before, too, you big idiot. Now, I’ll get everything ready for the interview. They can come here at the weekend.” Then she hugged us. “Love you, guys.”
God, I’d never seen her like that. In all the years I’d been with her, we’d barely even touched. This was better. I hugged her close.
“So,” Stuart said, “I’m so, so happy, but I better go take Jess out.” He walked through to the bedroom to get better dressed to go outside, and I knew this was my moment. No matter that my heart was pulsing a million beats a minute, I could own it and go out for the walk with him, in front of the paparazzi, or stay in and not brave it.
“Hey, babe, I’ll come too.” Brenna’s jaw dropped, and I continued, “You’re welcome to join us too.” I straightened back my shoulders and did the best walk o
f my life—better than any runway moment.
26
STUART
The quick change in Marshall was magnificent but also surreal. I was so happy for him. For us. But I was willing to take baby steps. It would be overwhelming to rush into this complete life change, yet Marshall seemed to be taking it all in stride, better than any of us.
Marshall came up behind me, and snapping me out of my reverie, he rubbed my chest and abs and kissed up my neck. I turned to him. “Hey, start with that and we aren’t leaving.”
“Okay, give me two minutes.”
“Really, you want to come? Well, I guess we don’t have to walk close or anything.”
He pulled me in close again. “Stu, baby, I am gonna PDA the fuck out of you, so be ready: hand holding, kissing, arms tangled!”
“Well, let’s get this party started.” I smiled widely at him and we finished getting ready.
With Jess’s lead in one hand and Marshall in the other, we strolled down the street. I waited for the sky to fall or pigs to fly. Of course, there would probably be rumours and gossip in the papers, but when wasn’t there. They were always fabricating stories. And they had, in fact.
There would be big bridges still to cross, but right here, right now, this felt like the best time of my life. Photographers took photos, and Marshall even gave a thumbs up. It was crazy.
The walk to the park was nothing like previous ones. Marshall reached over and kissed me, wrapping an arm over my shoulder. It really was like heaven.
We sat on a bench together and Jess jumped up, sitting on both our laps. “Stuart.” He looked forward, not at me. I imagined it made it easier for him. “I love you so much. I want you to know. And thank you for helping me see the real me and to be brave. I don’t want … I can’t lose you. I’ll screw up along the way, but please, be patient.”
Marshall: Mayfair Model Series Page 19