by India Millar
I was appalled and spoke vehemently. “I’m not a prize animal to be auctioned off to the highest bidder! And never to one of those horrible old men. I’m not going to do it. Auntie can’t make me!”
Gin shook her head. “Of course she can,” she said crisply. “And does it matter so very much?”
I stared at her in horror. I had thought she was my friend, that—surely!—of all people the geisha in the Hidden House would understand how I felt.
“It matters to me! I’ll run away,” I said wildly. “Find my way back to my own village. If it’s going to stop one of those horrible old men from taking me, I’ll give myself to the first nice young man I can find.”
“Don’t be such a fool, Junko.” Nami looked angry with me. “All geisha have to have a mizuage. We all had ours. And it wasn’t so bad, was it, geisha?”
“Were your danna nasty old men? Men who were old enough to be your grandfather? Men who made you shudder to even think of them touching you?”
“Yes,” Nami said simply. “Of course they were. Young men don’t have the money to pay for a mizuage. Or enough status to satisfy Auntie. You’re really being very silly, Junko. What do you think would have happened to you if Auntie hadn’t bought you?”
The geisha obviously expected an answer. So I considered my response carefully.
“Father would have done his best to find me a husband,” I said dubiously. Would he? With five male children to feed and clothe, where would the dowry have come from?
“Perhaps,” Hiromi said briskly. “And if your father had found you a husband, why would that have been so less terrible than enduring your mizuage? Your mizuage lasts for one night, Junko. Your danna will be a cultured, experienced man who knows how to treat a woman who has cost him a fortune. If you’re very lucky indeed, he might be so enchanted with you that he wants to remain as your patron. So tell me, how is any of that worse than being married to a village boy? Somebody whose idea of charming his bride would probably be getting a sluice down at the village pump before the wedding?”
“And even worse, if there had been no money for a dowry for you, what then?” Nami took over, squeezing my hand tightly for emphasis. “When the crops failed, and your family was hungry, what do you think your father would have done? He would have sold you off for a slave, that’s what. He would have had no option. You would have been just another mouth to feed, and a useless one at that.”
I stared around at my friends, at their serious expressions. They only wanted the best for me, I knew. An idea came to me suddenly, and I grasped it eagerly.
“Gin, could you not ask Auntie if I could join you here, in the Hidden House? If I knew I was going to be amongst friends, here with you all, I could stand almost anything.”
Nami let go of my hand as if it was suddenly red hot. I heard the hiss of breath from each geisha and my face burned. I had made a mistake, clearly. Yet I had no idea what I had said to upset them.
“Are you mocking us, Junko? This is no place for you.” Gin’s voice was ice. Her pale grey eyes were suddenly dominated by her black pupils. Her lips trembled with fury. She looked like an angry goddess, and I was very afraid. “You are normal. We—all of us here—are freaks. Listen to me. I was born like this. I never knew my father. Mother always said he took one look at me and ran away. Mother kept me—not because she loved me, you understand, but because she thought she could make a little cash out of me. She put it about that before I was born, she had dreamed that a river spirit, a kappa, had come to her and ravished her. I was the result, she said. Some of my first memories are of curious strangers peering at me and touching my eyes, to see if the color was real. I hated it. I thought I would have done anything to get away, but just like you, I didn’t know when I was well off. Perhaps the supply of gullible visitors dried up, I don’t know, but one day a man came from the great house in the next village, and my mother said I was to go with him. I did as I was told. What else could I do? At first, I thought my new life was wonderful. I was the same age as the daughter of the house, and I was dressed in a kimono and obi just like hers, except the colors were reversed. Her kimono was cream with dark blue branches; mine was dark blue with a cream pattern. I soon found that I had been bought as a gift for Yukiko-san. I was her slave, and she treated me like a toy. I had to trail around behind her, picking up things she discarded, taking her dog for a walk. I even had to feed her. If I displeased her in any way, she slapped me. At first, I thought it was much better than being in my village, poked and prodded by strangers. Hungry and cold. Here, I was fed and I had nice clothes. Yukiko was to be obeyed, and that was all there was to it. But gradually, things got much worse. Yukiko was very spoiled. She had her father wound in her obi, and as far as he was concerned, she could no wrong. If she tormented her puppy so it squealed, it wasn’t her. The kappa had done it. So I was smacked instead of Yukiko. If she was bored and brushed ink all over her father’s important documents, it was the kappa. That time, I remember, I was beaten so severely that every movement was agony for over a week. Things got so bad that I thought about running away, although I had no idea where I was going to go.
“Yukiko had a brother. Much older than she was. When I first went to the great house, he was away at university and I had been there nearly a year before he came home. He was very courteous to me, and I was so grateful, I would have done anything he asked. I soon found that Yukiko was deeply jealous of the small attentions her brother paid to me. She became nastier and nastier to me, telling tales to her father at every opportunity. Soon, not a day passed when I wasn’t beaten, often badly. I had a tiny hole of a room, next to the kitchen. I didn’t mind it. It was warm, and if I was denied food for some wrong—and that happened frequently—I could usually manage to steal something from the kitchen. And then the brother began to visit me in my little room.
“The brother—Toru-san—told me he was not happy with how I was being treated in his house. He would, he said, speak to his father about it. I kneeled at his feet in gratitude. He raised me up and put his arms around me, resting his head on my breasts. I was very beautiful, he said. He had never seen a girl like me. Now that, I believed!
“I didn’t know what to do. His hand was sliding up my kimono, and I could feel his breath on my neck. I was panic-stricken. If he wanted to take me, then what could I do about it? And for that matter, did I want to do anything about it? I never got the chance to find out. Yukiko’s puppy chose that moment to decide he needed to go out. For some reason, he hated Toru. The dog pawed my door open, saw Toru and began to bark. Loudly. The gods were against me that day. Yukiko followed the dog. She took one look at her brother, holding me in his arms, and screamed the place down.
“Of course, Toru-san said it was all my fault. Yukiko insisted she had seen me slipping a potion in his food. I was truly a kappa. I had bewitched her dear brother. Toru agreed with her. He had been having frequent bad dreams, he said. Dreams where he had been drowning in the river, entangled in the embrace of a kappa with my face.
“The father slapped me, very hard, and had me locked in the storeroom where the winter wood was kept. I think he would have beaten me very badly if he wasn’t beginning to be afraid of me. It was dark and cold, and I could hear rats. They left me there without food or water for three days. By the time the door opened, I would have admitted to being a kappa if it meant I wasn’t put back in there. As it was, I expected I was going to be executed. I was so hungry and cold and miserable, I didn’t even find the idea of death greatly upsetting. I was resigned. If that was to be my fate, then so be it. Perhaps the next life would be better.”
Gin paused, her thoughts long ago. She stared into space, and eventually focused on me. I was hugely relieved to see the anger had left her face.
“The master didn’t have me killed. He told me—standing so far away he had to almost shout at me to be heard—that he had received an offer for my worthless carcass. I was to go to Edo. He had sold me, he said. And he just hoped that I would not br
ing dishonor on his house. But before I went, I was to take the spell off his poor son, or he would reconsider and have the magistrates take my head off my shoulders for witchcraft. I had no idea where I was going, what my future life was going to be, but I didn’t care. Anything had to be better than staying here. I waved my hands and muttered a few words, and that was it. He asked if the curse had been lifted. I nodded. ‘Good,’ he said. In that case, I was to leave his house. Now.
“I stood waiting, and after a minute or so, two handsome young men walked up to me. They smiled at me and seemed to be very pleased. The taller of the two tossed a fat purse to my master, and then they took one of my arms each and marched me off. I am quite tall, but I had to almost run to keep up with their longer stride. We spent the night at an inn—I slept on the bare tatami between their futons—and in the morning we walked again. By the time we arrived here, in the Floating World, my feet were blistered and dripping blood. I had never walked for such a long time in my entire life. I thought that the two men must have wanted me for themselves, but I was wrong, of course. As soon as we entered the doors of this place—” Gin paused and glanced around the room—“They let me go and simply stood, waiting. The woman I now know is Auntie came in then and dismissed the men with a nod. She walked around me and finally thrust her face so close to mine I could feel her breath on my cheek. I had no fear left. I just sat where the boys had dropped me and stared back at her.
“Auntie started to smile, and then she laughed out loud. She demanded to know how old I was. Did I have any family? Had I always looked like this or had something happened to me? Had I ever lain with a man? I answered all her questions as best I could, and when I had finished she told me to lay back on the tatami with my legs wide apart. She slid her fingers into my black moss and I felt her nails scrabbling inside me. Finally satisfied, she told me to sit up.
“‘Forget your past life,’ she told me. ‘It is over for you. I have bought you. You will be taught how to play the samisen and sing and dance. You will perform the tea ceremony with grace. You will smile at my patrons and make them think that they are truly being beguiled by a kappa. You will service their every need and be pleased to do it. And in return, I will feed you. I will give you beautiful clothes. You will be given a bed and protection. No one will be allowed to hurt you. Except me, should you disobey me. Understand?’
“I was bewildered, and could do no more than nod. That obviously displeased Auntie, as she hit me hard across my breasts with her cane. I whimpered, and she grinned. Then she went out and two maids came in. They took my old clothes away and led me to the bath.
“And I’ve been here ever since. I do as Auntie said I would. I smile at the patrons. I sing and dance for them. I make them feel as if they’re great men whose every stupid remark is the most profound wit. And I please them with my body in ways you wouldn’t be able to even imagine, Junko. We all do. And I—all of us—are pleased to do it.”
“Why are you telling me all this?” I asked wildly. “I don’t understand. What’s it got to do with me? With my mizuage?”
“To make you grateful. To make you understand what you’re trying to throw away,” Nami answered, instead of Gin. “All our stories are much the same, here in the Hidden House. And if we’re grateful to Auntie for rescuing us, then you should be a thousand times more grateful. She’s taken you from a lifetime of slaving from dawn to dusk for nothing at all to a life that’s going to be pure delight.”
“Think,” Gin interrupted. “You have a golden future ahead of you. You’re being sought by some of the wealthiest men in Edo. These men are nobles, Junko. They only have to click their fingers to be showered with whatever they want. And they want you. If they wished, they could simply tell Auntie that they were taking you, give her some gold, and tell her to be content. But they’re not doing that. They’re arguing amongst themselves, offering more and more money for the privilege of being your danna. Can’t you see the honor this is bringing to you? Nothing like it has ever been known before. It’s the gossip of the whole of the Floating World. And all you can do is moan about it and say you’re not going to do it? Honestly, Junko. You should be on your knees, giving thanks for your good fortune.”
I felt a hard knot form between my breasts. I was deeply sorry I had angered my friends. Suddenly, a new fear possessed me.
“But what if I’m not good enough?” I whispered. “What if I can’t please my danna? What will Auntie do with me then?”
Gin smiled.
“That’s simply not going to happen. Your danna will have paid an impossibly large sum for the pleasure and privilege of taking your virginity. He will be looking forward to teaching you about the arts of love. Your role is to be innocent and entirely without knowledge of a man. If your mizuage were to be a failure, then it would be wholly your danna’s fault, not yours.”
The geisha were looking at me indulgently. I felt as if I were a very small child who had confided some silly worry to them. I took a deep breath and managed a smile.
They were right, I supposed. I would do my best to be grateful for my good fortune.
Ten
Every blossom
May hang secure on the branch
Only for a time
The feast was sumptuous. Not only was the food of the very best, it had been prepared so that it was an enticement for the eyes as well as the tongue. And so much! I thought that far more would be wasted than was eaten.
Delicious as it all was, I found it difficult to choke more than a few mouthfuls down. I knew Auntie was watching me as an eagle watches a rabbit, so I hid my lack of appetite by fussing around my danna. As soon as he took a sip of his sake, I was at his side to refill his cup. I held his plate for him. Finally, in desperation, I picked up his chopsticks and fed him myself. He ate and drank so much, I hoped he might fall asleep, but he did not.
It seemed no time at all before Auntie was clapping her hands and the maids were taking the remains of the feast away. They would eat well tomorrow, I thought. Although I had seen no signal pass between Auntie and Lord Dai, suddenly the geisha were getting to their feet and bowing deeply to my danna. I watched them file out of the room. If my legs had not been trembling so much that they would not obey me, I would have thrown caution to the wind and followed them, no matter what unimaginable horrors Auntie found to punish me with.
As soon as the geisha had gone, the maids returned, their arms full of futons and bedding. They paused, waiting for Auntie’s signal to transform the reception room into a bedroom.
“My dear Hana.” Lord Dai smiled his old man’s smile, revealing stumps of teeth browned by many years of tobacco pipes. His breath stank of tobacco as well. “I thank you for the hospitality of this house. The feast was wonderful, a delight to the senses, and I know that there are even more heavenly delights awaiting me very shortly.” Auntie smiled at his politeness, bowing repeatedly. She froze into stillness as Lord Dai continued. “But, could I ask you that Terue-chan and I may spend our first night together somewhere a little more intimate? I have a fancy for somewhere, shall I say, a little more private?”
I kept my face blank, but I knew what Lord Dai really meant. Amidst the rest of her careful instructions, Saki had told me bluntly that I could expect Auntie to watch my mizuage.
“She has spy holes almost everywhere in the tea house. And she changes them now and then so one is never sure if she is watching or not. It’s to be expected. She does it to make sure we all perform to her standards.”
“She’s going to watch me and my danna?” I was appalled.
“Without doubt. She’ll watch you very carefully, I promise you. She won’t sleep until your danna leaves you.” She paused, smoothing her already creaseless kimono carefully. “Junko-chan, you won’t do anything silly, will you? I know you’re worried about your mizuage, we all were. It’s only natural. But if you upset your danna, then Auntie will say it’s my fault. That I haven’t trained you properly. And she’ll be even more angry with me than
she is with you.”
I could take Auntie punishing me, but the idea of Saki taking the pain in my place was intolerable. I remembered dear Gin telling me how she had been hurt in the place of her young mistress. I had winced for her, so how could I even contemplate doing the same thing to poor Saki, who had always been kind to me?
“I’ll do my best not to disappoint Auntie. And to be a credit to you,” I promised.
Saki was smiling instantly.
I had my bath. Alone. Once I was dried, I was carefully dressed by Saki in the new clothes my danna had purchased for me.
“You really are the most fortunate of girls,” Saki said. “It’s not unusual for a danna to buy his choice of maiko a kimono for her mizuage, but Lord Dai has even given you an obi and new underclothes as well. I’m sure your chemise has been dyed in the traditional manner, by being rubbed with rose petals. It’s just beautiful. And look at these combs for your hair! All so very lovely. It must have cost him a fortune.”
Auntie fussed around, staring at me from every angle. Saki watched us, her expression fretful.
“No makeup at all, Auntie? And no wig?”
Auntie shook her head. “Lord Dai has commanded that she should be brought to him in the flesh. If that is his wish, then it shall be so.”
“I have failed little Junko as her elder sister!” Saki wailed theatrically, her head bowed to her breasts. “I haven’t presented her correctly.”
“You have not been allowed to present her correctly,” Auntie corrected her firmly. “She’s prepared? You’re sure she’s ready?”
My head swiveled between them. I felt that I was invisible, no more than a piece of fish lying on a market stall as the merchant and the housewife argued about its price. The idea made me feel as if my skin had suddenly grown scales and I longed to scratch at myself.