by Sarah Tobias
“Oh, I’m sure you’ll try. And it won’t be a defeat that will force you to stop. It will be your own choice.”
Derek sounded so sure. Even in the midst of the unknowing, in this fog of uncertainty surrounding who I was, what I was capable of, he was so positive about my choices.
If anything, I needed to fight this just to shove that kind of arrogance right down his gullet.
“Help me up,” I said, holding out a hand.
It was so tempting, with the dark flame beating against my chest, to touch Derek, to burn him and force him to waver helplessly in the air while I prevented him from ever using his human shell again.
But no. I need him.
It shamed more than I could admit that this was my first thought, instead of considering the soul of the real Derek, the one who remained in that body of his somewhere, waiting, begging for release.
The problem was, I still had yet to figure out how to save the human soul.
Despite all Derek had done for me and was still willing to do, and against all the knowledge he was gifting, my ultimate instinct was to shred into him.
It wasn’t the whispers giving me that urge, either. It was me.
The thought didn’t sit well, but … is this the real Emily coming forward? The one my mom always warned me about?
Instead of taking my hand, Derek wrapped the comforter around my form like a cocoon and lifted me up. My shivering must’ve clued him in that I was too cold to shed the blankets, and much too weak to walk.
I wished for Asher’s arms instead of Derek’s. With Asher, the blood under my skin twanged with his presence as I melted into the pressure of his arms, with forbidden, dream-like goosebumps following me into unconsciousness. In Derek’s arms I was stiff, my veins turning into wires going taut.
The aversion to Derek was so different from my reactions to Asher. So … unsatisfying.
“I’ll carry you out of here,” Derek said. “Then we’ll find you a delicious soul to snack on.”
I barely felt Derek’s three-story jump from the windowsill as he landed elegantly in a dark alleyway. The smell of rotting garbage and the scrapes of rat-feet against asphalt immediately assaulted my senses.
“Take me to a fae,” I said against his chest, so wiry and cold compared to Asher’s. “I know you can find them. It’s how you found me.”
“I can’t possibly do that,” Derek said. “I won’t be an accomplice to the disappearance of my own kind. I’ll simply place you back in the abandoned school and bring you a human.”
“Derek—”
“You can't fight another fae, not in the state you’re in.” Derek steered us toward the street.
I struggled feebly against his grip. “We do this my way, Derek, or not at all. And you need me. You’ve made that clear. So, if you want me to live through this night, do it the way I want. Do you hear me, fae? As. I. Command.”
The razor-sharpness of my voice sent shockwaves through both of us. It wasn’t entirely me; I could sense that. In my weakened state, the dark flame had managed to come closer to the surface.
The whispers were becoming a voice.
“Aren’t you a testy little babycakes at the moment,” he said, unperturbed. “Currently, I’m the one walking. You’re the one dangling. So it actually comes down to what I want, whether you like it or not.”
I need him, I said to that whisper-place inside me. Don’t hurt him yet.
The flame tickled the back of my head, but not in assent. It was teasing.
My blood went hot. My bones scorched, and as I blinked, it was like pulling my eyelids over sparks of kindling.
“Uh oh,” I said, my lips moving against the fabric of Derek’s shirt as I uttered the word.
“What’d you say?” Derek asked, only half-listening as he moved stealthily down the deserted alleyway, dodging spilled trash and other questionable piles of filth.
I lifted my cheek from his chest. “Derek?”
“Yes, darling?”
“You will want to let me go now.”
“Hmm?” Derek’s grip on me tightened as we approached the street.
“Really, you need to…” I squirmed, but Derek wasn’t relenting.
“Conserve your energy,” Derek said. “Stop with all these feeble struggles. It’s not a good look on you.”
“Derek, I’m trying to warn you…” I said, the words thick on my tongue and difficult to get out. My head lolled against his neck.
“My fae hearing is above average, but I can’t interpret garbles. Speak up, babyc—”
The dark alleyway ignited.
Chapter 20
“Holy mother of Damos!” Derek cried.
He let go. The burning heat of my body seeped through the comforter and Derek’s clothes, the skin-fed flames licking at his skin.
I landed deftly, my limbs on fire and glowing with power in the shadowed alleyway. My face burned. My lips swelled with the boil. The flame within released its energy, billowing through my hair and rising behind my eyes, piercing the fae hiding inside Derek.
I see you…
I registered his fear. Derek cowered within his human’s body. Yet, he couldn’t look away, and as soon as he met my eyes, his own dimmed and stupefied.
Not him, I yelled over the raging firestorm within. Leave Derek alone!
The whisper-flame kept its promise. As Derek reflexively started walking forward, the flame reacted, my eyes flashing.
“Not you,” it commanded, using my voice.
Derek blinked and stumbled back. He blinked again, shaking himself out of my mental hold.
My body whirled and ran—for I was no longer in control of it—honing in on the nearest fae.
“Emily!” Derek called behind me. “Emily, no!”
The dark flame ignored his panic, pushing my body into a run, becoming a blur to anyone I passed in the city streets. All they’d feel was a soft wind, surprised by such a warm gust on a cool evening, but they would shrug and disregard it, thinking it was just another pleasant weather change.
My senses picked up a nearby fae. In fact, thousands of them prickled against my skin. It wouldn’t be a problem taking one down, but it would be an issue doing what I needed to do privately.
My head cocked to the side despite my rapid sprint.
Perhaps it’s time I show you another trick, the flame enticed. You’ve given over control. I can show you what this body can do.
Don’t hurt a human, I replied. I let you out because I had to, but there’s no need to go after an innocent soul. Don’t kill a person. I beg you.
The dark flame didn’t answer.
We settled into Central Park, and though I could see through my eyes, I didn’t have the agency to move my limbs. I glanced around. What was there to feast on? The park would be deserted at this time of night. There was nothing within range except for bare trees and cracked, decaying leaves.
My body floated, then hovered until my feet hit the wooden planks on Oak Bridge, facing the line of trees that bordered the lake. Its simple iron and wood railings created three little arcs over the water, and a small stream flowed underneath, the gentle current pushed by the wind. Leaves rustled, creating a crest of noise in this otherwise soundless escape in the heart of the city. My lungs inhaled deep, tingling with the cool air, even though the wild fire still raged. So consumed was I, it didn't occur to me that I wasn't the one controlling the breathing.
“You want to come to me,” I said to the trees. My voice, though my own, sounded vastly unfamiliar.
The dark flame’s melody rode on my breath, traveling north before settling onto the ears of my next victim. My body thrummed when my communication reached its mark. As he rustled, turned, and surrendered.
Mere minutes passed before he appeared on the other side of the bridge. A man I didn’t recognize stood on the opposite side, his uniform indicating he was a city cop who patrolled the closed park at night. There was a sense of relief at that. I’d accepted, when I let the dark fl
ame loose, there would be a risk I could attack someone I knew, and I couldn’t help but be grateful a stranger was in front of me.
But is he innocent? I asked myself.
There was no time to ponder. The man—no, fae—morphed his human shell. Shockingly, he didn’t exit the body and my dark flame hadn’t yet forced him out.
His eyes grew larger, the murky brown depths glimmering a dark orange. The beak of his nose grew larger, longer, sharper. It grew out and down, almost reaching his chest, then formed a piercing blade at the tip. His arms popped out of their sockets and extended, his nails sharpening into talons I was becoming ever-so-familiar with.
His salt and pepper hair inked into jet black and grew into long, greasy strings, slinking down his back. Mutation complete, this city cop had grown at least four feet, and the human had already been more than six feet tall.
His transformation occurred within seconds, but in my observant state, time ticked to a stop. Luckily, it wasn’t me in charge of my body, because I was utterly floored by the sight. I wasn’t sure if I’d ever get used to watching a human turn into a creature.
He huffed, his chest rising and falling like a bull’s. This fae was angry and pulsing with tightly wound muscles, ready to pounce.
What are we going to do? I asked the dark flame. I didn’t dwell on the fact I’d used ‘we.’ In this moment, with this guy, I could do with a teammate.
We will feast, the whisper replied.
No—not on the human. He could still be in there! This cop could be a father, a husband, a—
Weakling, the whisper intercepted. You are all so frail and useless.
I’m not going to let you kill him, I said.
Oh, no? The dark flame, filled with whispers, laughed and laughed.
I tried locking eyes with this fae in an attempt to expel him from the human, like Derek said I could, but I didn’t even break a sweat.
Or wince. Or strain. Or make a simple grunt of effort.
My eyes weren’t mine to move anymore.
And the dark flame had other plans.
My body pressed forward, over the bridge, circling the fae as he breathed heavily and followed my movements as I stalked him. I was worried he had the gift of stealth, like Derek, and could whip behind and stab me in the back with that awful looking nose-sword.
The dark flame was indifferent to my concerns. Trapped within my own skin, I felt my body take a giant leap toward the fae, my arms extended. My muscles swelled and pulsed, catching me, never mind him, by surprise.
He jumped at the last second, rolling into the trees and landing on his feet.
“You are new, and you are stupid,” he said, his words slurred and nasal.
He uncoiled and sprang, his nose flashing silver in the moonlight and lancing at my face. The dark flame’s instincts were better honed than mine and my body dodged, but my heartbeat pounded out of my chest with fatigue. Sweat dappled my brow due to the effort of the fight.
Enough, I told the dark flame. There’s no strength for this.
My lips smiled with amusement. My body flew forward, streaking across the wooden slats of the bridge and attempting to make contact with the fae’s leg and topple him to the ground.
The fae was ready, catching me by one ankle and lifting me up so I was upside down but eye-level with him. My face was so close to his nose that I could make out every greasy pore.
I internally mewled in protest, shrinking deeper into my body. He let out a choked laugh before swinging me in circles. Trees blurred with the lake. My roaring stomach twisted with sickness and air choked my lungs before he released, throwing me so far that I cleared the bridge and slammed into the thick trunk of a tree on the other side.
My back splintered the tree in half and I yelped—though no sound reached my mouth. I rolled across the ground, picking up leaves and debris. Dirt clouded my vision and coated my throat.
The dark flame smiled.
Stop! I said to it. Expel him and go! You’ll kill us both!
The fae took its time drawing nearer. I was useless in this state, and this guy knew it. His talons and beak extended, shining in the patchy moonlight as he readied to to pierce me with one last, bloody blow.
I heard his staccato footsteps as he used his human host to walk forward, an unnatural, eerie rhythm until he stalled beside my prone form.
Get up, I said to the dark flame. If you won’t, then let me. Give me my body back!
My pleas were ignored. My body pulled up into a stand, my head lowered, hanks of hair obscuring my face. Sweat and dirt combined into a sticky, stiff curtain against my vision, and my hands trembled at my sides. My breath came out in short, hard bursts.
You’re a wreck, I said to the dark flame. Just like a human. Just like me.
The dark flame swirled its whispers in my ears, cresting stronger, burning hotter. I. Am never. Weak.
The male fae laughed, muffled and wet.
I sucked in an invisible breath when my body lunged, my fingers spread and hands open. My stare connected with his as I surged forward, and that was his first and final mistake. He watched, stupefied, as I attacked.
I landed on his chest, feet and arms extended, narrowly avoiding his sharp sword of a nose.
“You want to come to me,” the dark flame said through my lips, dilating the dark depths of his eyes. Slowly, methodically, my fingers wrapped around his neck.
He screeched when I burned through his skin, sending a wave of flames into his body and short-circuiting his brain.
The fae within the man buckled, but not from my weight. It was from the staggering pain, his knees crashing to the ground as he flailed, pathetically attempting to shake me off like a feral cat.
He couldn’t escape my dark flame’s gaze. My lips curled back and the fangs extended, each and every one of my teeth lengthening, sharpening. My jaw cracked and popped as it made room for the white blades.
Having him so close, his scent curling up my nostrils and tantalizing my cravings, I begged my soul not to fall victim to the dark flame’s plans. Because that’s what I was now, right? A simple soul, floating in a body that used to be mine—will be mine again, if only I don’t submit. If only I fight.
The scent within the fae carried, traveling into the darkest recesses of where I lay, nothing but mist as I frantically tried to escape the need.
The smell.
The taste.
The power.
I forgot I was trapped. It didn’t matter I’d given up control. He would go down my throat so smoothly.
I snarled along with the dark flame when my head whipped down and my teeth plunged into the man’s neck, blood pouring through the spaces between my fingers and down his shoulder in dark crimson streams.
The human died quickly, my bite cutting him deep. He sagged to the side and I fell with him, my teeth still embedded, unwilling to let go.
When I no longer felt the pulse of his blood beneath my lips nor heard the beat of his heart, I knew my dark flame had receded. It retreated to the back of my skull, relaxing like it would on a beach chair as I regained autonomy while holding a bloody, human victim. I pulled away from his neck on a hoarse cry and tipped my chin up, my teeth retracting back into my gums and my cheekbones smoothing down into a less angular, human shape.
Blood dripped from my jaw as I rose above the crumpled form of my kill, now a man in his fifties with a giant gouge on the left side of his throat.
Your work isn’t done, Emily, the dark flame said, back to its whispers. What we came for isn’t in our system yet. And you need it desperately, if you want to survive.
“No,” I said, my breaths bursting into the air in white puffs. “I won’t.”
You will. Look. Look down, Emily, and see…
A trail of translucent blue danced out of the man’s mouth, dissipating, then reappearing with the wind. Undulating a mesmerizing dance.
I licked my lips.
Taste it, Emily…
“I can’t.” I took a ste
p back. “I won’t do it. I promised myself I—”
I made to turn away, but an invisible lash whipped across my back, forcing me to spin, pinning me in place. Crying out, I pressed my hands to my head.
If you won’t, then I will, the dark flame said. Either way, we will eat this soul.
“No…” I moaned, but whatever possessed me was too strong. It eased forward, unfurled into my arms and legs, and bent me to my knees, down to his level, a mere breath away from his lips.
The dark flame breathed in.
And, so help me, I inhaled, too.
Oh sweet, sweet bliss, yes, oh yes…
Bright blue smoke snaked through my mouth, up my nose and hit the core of me with such honeyed pleasure that I trembled with the need for it.
My breaths became fast as the mist strengthened and healed, pulsated and sparkled like effervescent bubbles on my tongue. I held my hands out with my head to the sky, almost in benediction, as I let it fill me, save me.
Heat wafted out of my hands and a glittering residue covered the body in front of me. It shined like a galaxy of stars as it coated the man, then disappeared, leaving nothing in its place but smooth, lush green grass.
My job is done, the dark flame said, and I felt its glee. Your turn, Emily.
My ears popped with the transition of control, and I swallowed and glanced around my landscape. I didn’t fool myself into thinking the dark flame would stay dormant. It was merely awaiting its next chance, but I wasn’t about to lose my own chances.
YOU ONLY LEAD ME CLOSER.
Groaning, clenching my teeth, I said, “Not this … not now … you don’t understand. Whoever you are, you don’t understand! I need help!”
I gripped the sides of my head, slinking to the ground, grinding my molars as another strange voice invaded my mind. It wasn’t calm like the whispers, or tantalizing and sweet.
This was male, hard and heaving, leaving bloody ribbons of thought in his wake. In all the action, I forgot about this part. This painful, agonizing chapter where this voice appeared after every one of my kills and would surely end me before my dark flame ever could.
I WILL DESTROY YOU.
I rolled, resting my forehead against the grass and shutting my eyes until the voice and its sharp threats ebbed. Eventually, it would, and I’d be able to sit back up, blinking blearily as the piercing headache vanished.