by Scott, S. L.
“What are you talking about?” His voice is raised as he narrows his eyes pointedly at me.
I have a feeling Evan Ashford is not called out on his actions much. “I’m talking about your girlfriend from the airport. Why’d you do this to me? Why not just fuck me and send me on my merry way like you send every other one night stand?” I hit him on the chest once and then again as I shout, “Why?”
“You’re talking crazy. I don’t know why she’s here, but it’s not because I asked her to come. You really think I’m that much of an asshole?”
“I think you knew what you were doing all along,” I say, pointing at him. “You only pursued me because I rejected you at the airport. You pursued me because you’re spoiled and can’t accept no when you’re told.”
“I haven’t done anything wrong. I’m telling you the truth, Mallory. You’re drunk and blowing things out of proportion.”
There are phrases that men say to women that are sure fire to set a woman off in a rage. ‘You’re drunk and blowing things out of proportion’ is one of those. I close my eyes, attempting to gather my thoughts which are running rampant. When I open my eyes again, I can tell everything we have built teeters on the weight of this conversation. “You should have just fucked me the first day. I expected it then. I wanted it. But you, you had to make love to me and make me feel more than I wanted. This was supposed to be a fun summer. I finally got to be whoever I wanted to be, escaping my life back home. I wanted easy and frivolous. I wanted to have a one night stand and leave it at that, but no. You had other plans, like torturing me until you got what you wanted. Are you happy, Evan? You’ve broken me into a million little worthless pieces, the whole of me lost to the abuse of your charms and good looks.”
I’m tipsy, maybe drunk, but now that we’re laying it all out there, we might as well get the rest out into the open. Every little insecurity and twisted situation aired and in the end maybe we will survive or maybe we won’t, but if we do, it will because we live in the truth.
“If I would’ve fucked you without expectations, we’d still be here today,” he says, his voice much more cautious. “There’s something between us that neither can deny. Something stronger than our will and desires—”
The plan has formed. The solution to our problem lies in the wake of our beginning. We have to backtrack and make this all right, make it the way it was always meant to be. “You may be right, but we can fix this. Since you’re obviously not ready to give up other girls then you can give me up. I’ve got the perfect plan. Fuck me, Evan.”
“What? What are you talking about?”
“It’s so simple. Don’t make love to me. Don’t be gentle. Fuck me without emotion, so we can move on with our lives, knowing that’s all we were. Nothing more. Nothing less. Nothing gained. Nothing lost.” I look down, believing this option is viable. “Just do this. If you ever cared about me, do it.” I look up as the tears pool in my eyes again. “We gave it our best shot, but it’s time to end this like it was always supposed to end.” I hate the plea in my voice as it cracks, my heart warring between strength and devastation.
He holds my arms, squeezing them as we stare into each other’s eyes, and says, “That’s not going to solve anything, baby. Everything would be lost because we’re way beyond fucking each other out of our systems. I’ve tried it and it didn’t—”
“You tried? You mean…” My heart explodes inside my chest, knowing he’s been preparing for my leave all along, plotting out his plan to rid me from his life. This reaffirms my own plan. Yes, I need for him to do this because then I’ll see him differently. He won’t be loving or nice. He’ll be a user, an abuser, and a taker. I’ll be able to walk away with those last images and forget the past and everything I thought we could be.
His grip tightens, and I see his expression change as reality sets in. I’m slipping away, even if I’m physically right in front of him. “That’s not what I meant, Mal—”
“I don’t care what you meant! Let’s just do this and then you can send me off with a kiss and fake goodbye and it will be like the last six weeks never happened.”
“No, it won’t, and I can’t treat you like that. I care about you. Why are you doing this?” Tears fill his eyes as his hand touches my cheek.
I turn away, not able to watch him fall apart. I’m barely holding on myself. I can’t be strong for both of us. “I saw the text. It was from you,” I say, my voice barely above a whisper.
“What text? It’s not real. We’re real, baby. Kelly’s nothing to me. She never meant anything to me and you know that. We—”
“It can be quick, fast, and meaningless,” I say and look down the path toward the guest house. “We can just go in there and do it how we should have done it the first time.”
I’m right. I know I am. I saw the text. His silence slices deep as he stares at me. He’s probably having a mental field day trying to psychoanalyze this moment and I’ll let him. Maybe that will make this easier if he feels in control once again.
This is it. I will finally find out why all of the girls leave crying after being with him. I know it’s not from him ‘making love’ to them. Deep down, I already know why. Like all the ones who came before me, they give, he takes, and nothing more. So this shouldn’t be a difficult decision for him. I’m offering what he wanted all along—no strings attached. I try not to think of the one that clings, connecting my heart to his, as I look at his wary face.
His hands hold my arms, his fingers flexing around them. Leaning down until he’s eye-level with me, he says, “I didn’t betray you. I wouldn’t! So if you need to leave with Noah to feel better about a misunderstanding, then do it. We’re done here.” His body leaves mine and the balmy wind scrapes across my skin.
“So you’re done?” This comes out more like I’ve been waiting for it to be over a while now, but I never was. I hoped for more. Our actions and pain have taken over who we were together.
Two tears slide down his cheeks as he looks back, his pain evident as he releases a deep breath. “If you’re choosing to believe her over me, then yes, Mallory, we’re done.”
By texting her, his heart and mind betrayed me. His body would’ve followed soon after. We’re done. It doesn’t matter that he said it. We are done. This is better for me in the long run. She only made the inevitable happen sooner. She didn’t have to show me the text. His past speaks for itself. I could see it, the connection they shared, in the way she touched him. She’s in love with him and I can’t ignore the fact that he’s arguing a lost cause. That girl has proof of his betrayal. “I saw it was from your number, Evan. How can you stand here and lie to my face?”
Noah comes from around a parked Porsche, and says, “I’ve been asked to leave. I don’t know what’s happening here, but I think you should come with me, Mallory. I’ll take you home.”
“I’ll get my purse.” I turn without hesitation.
“You can’t leave!” Evan follows me back to the corner of the house and I note his words are contradictory to what he told me minutes earlier. The music and laughter from the party is a quick distraction from my reality as I grab my purse from the table inside, and turn to make a quick exit back out.
Evan rushes to stop me. “Please. Please don’t go like this. I’m not sure what happened tonight, but I can take you home and we’ll talk.”
“You said I could leave with him, so I’m doing it.” I step around and rush toward Noah who’s standing by the pool. Tears sting my eyes because the hard evidence of that text can’t be discounted so easily. Evan hasn’t questioned her or bothered to see the same thing I’ve seen with my own eyes, yet he’s been questioning me, treating me like I’m crazy.
“Stop! Don’t go!” Evan’s voice carries over the music, drawing the crowd’s attention.
I do stop. The man I hate myself for loving tells me to, so I do. I stop in my tracks and turn back to look at him, hoping he’ll make this whole night go away, that he’ll put us back the way we were yesterd
ay. His face is beautifully pained. Worry creasing his forehead as he searches for the right thing to say. The words won’t come tonight because he’s been caught in his own web of lies, but then he surprises me. “I trust you, Mallory. But Kalei, you better not put a hand on her.”
Noah grips my arm, and I turn to look at him, surprised by the possessiveness of his hold on me. “I would never hurt her. I’m not like you, Ashford. I know how you treat women. We all know what you did to my sister!”
There are moments in life where it slows to a crawl and everything becomes vivid, almost to the point of overexposure. A lump forms in my throat as the bright dots connect—Evan, Noah, enemies, Noah’s sister, Evan’s tragic past, words from Kate – ‘changed who he is’ –and I come full circle, blinded by the obvious truth.
“She’s dead because of you!” Noah yells, pain and fury combined in those five shocking words.
Evan is shaking his head, a violence revealing the battle behind his eyes, and I reflexively cower against Noah. Evan’s expression drops when his gaze lands on me—every emotion playing out in a brilliance of spectacular colors. His secret exposed in front of everyone, in front of me. The most dazzling of lights turned off behind his deep blues, and darkness takes over. The window into his soul slammed shut.
Hugh Ashford steps in front of Evan, his hands up, his words direct, but trying to calm as he speaks to Noah. “I know you’re upset, Noah, but you need to leave or I’ll have you removed. This is not the time or the place for that discussion. That matter has been put to rest.”
“My sister was put to rest because of your son. Your money can’t bring her back!”
“Don’t you talk about Lani! I’m dead fucking serious.” Evan stalks toward him, and shouts, “After all we’ve been through, you have some nerve buying Mallory a surfboard. If I hadn’t been there…” There’s a distinct change in tone, but I can’t figure it out before his anger surges again. “…I’m warning you to keep your fucking hands off her.”
“You mean respect her like you do?” He laughs, but I can tell there’s no humor to be found.
“Noah, stop,” I beg, looking up at him, but my plea falls on deaf ears.
To my embarrassment, Noah continues, “Or more specifically, you don’t want me to do her in the parking lot of a party. Is that what you mean, Ashford? Don’t treat her like a whore?”
I stand there shocked, feeling humiliation cover my face as my cheeks pulse with heat, all eyes on me—judging, watching, assuming. Just as my gaze lands on Sunny’s face, her expression showing the pain she feels for me, I’m drawn back to Evan as he lunges to punch Noah.
Murphy jumps in the middle and captures Evan’s hand in the air, blocking the impact with his fist. “We’re not going to do this, Evan, so calm the fuck down. This is a party, man,” Murphy commands, standing between the two former friends.
Noah cups my face, forcing me to look at him. His words are urgent as he stares straight into my eyes. “I will never treat you like that. You mean more to me than that, Mallory.” He pulls me by the arm and as if I don’t have a say in the matter, I go stumbling behind him.
“Mallory!” Evan calls, and though I know better, my heart still aches for him.
Looking over my shoulder, Murphy and Zach have him restrained. My eyes catch movement nearby, and I see his mom and Kelly smiling in their victory. I move forward, needing to be free from the hate of their contemptuous eyes, needing a minute away from everything to do with a future snuffed out. They planted the seed and let us destroy each other. A conversation that should have happened during more sober times, forced itself into our lives, and now we’ll pay the price for the hurt we’ve caused. Both of us walk away wounded in a battle over egos and lies, a battle that should have never been waged.
Just as I round the corner, a strangled cry halts my escape and every breath in my body.
“Don’t leave me, Baby! I love you!”
33
Mallory
I stop, his words halting every muscle in my body, my breath faltering as well, and look over my shoulder at Evan. But with Noah continuing to walk while holding onto one of my arms, and Zach suddenly taking my other, I’m dragged out of sight. But I heard him. Evan finally said what I’d wanted to hear from him. My heart lumps in my throat as mixed emotions play through my head, the realness of hearing him say those three words overtaking all the bad. When I close my eyes, his voice and words repeat in my head, ‘I love you! I love you! I love you! I love you!’ But his words, in this traumatic of a moment, don’t change the reality of the situation we’re in. I’m still living this nightmare and Evan is gone. No matter what words were said in desperation, it’s clear from the actions of tonight that we’re done.
By the time we reach the valet guy, I’m staring at Noah, aiming all of my anger directly at him. “How could you say that? How could you embarrass me in front… in front of everyone like that?”
Stunned by my reaction, he says, “Mallory, he has to know you can’t be treated like that. You shouldn’t be. You don’t have to settle. I may not be rich, but I would never treat you like you’re beneath me or like a slut.”
“You don’t know what you’re talking about. Please don’t make me explain what you saw earlier.” The tears drop from my jaw as his hand graces my cheek. I turn from him, causing his hand to drop away as well.
A gentle squeeze to my shoulder draws my attention behind me. I turn around knowing it’s not Evan, but still wishing it was. “Evan?”
“No, but we need to leave right now. Evan needs time to calm down,” Zach says, “and sober up.”
Sunny runs up from behind him, but stays quiet at his side. Her anxious demeanor makes me nervous and I look back one more time, allowing hope to seep into my heart.
Zach is firm in his stance, his shoulders back, protective of both Sunny and me. “Noah, I think Mallory should be with Sunny tonight. We’ll take her home.”
Noah looks between me and Zach several times before nodding. His Jeep is parked behind him and the valet guy tosses the keys to him. He steps closer to me as Zach holds eye contact with him, slowly relenting and moving to the side.
Taking one of my hands gently into his, Noah says, “Mallory, I meant what I said. As if tonight wasn’t enough of a warning for you to steer clear, let me tell you that the Ashford’s have nothing but money and problems. Don’t get—”
“That’s enough, Kalei,” Zach warns, stepping in front of me, between us. “I think goodbye will suffice for now.”
Noah’s nostrils flare and I expect more of a fight by the death stare he’s waging on Zach, but he walks around without another word and leaves. Enough was said to know where everyone stands on the issue of the Ashfords and Evan anyway.
Sunny pulls me into a hug, and whispers in to my ear, “Are you alright?”
I shrug away from my friend, lowering my head in shame. “Can we go now?”
We get into Sunny’s VW, Zach getting in the back and she pulls away. I watch in the rearview mirror, willing him to come after me though I wouldn’t take him back right now—or maybe I would, but he never comes, so no choice has to be made.
* * *
EVAN
I fight for my freedom, but to no avail.
“Calm. The. Fuck. Down. Evan.” My father enunciates each word, whispering close to my ear.
I turn my head abruptly, realizing that was the first time I’ve ever heard him swear and it was at me. When my eyes meet his, I start to calm, but the thought of Mallory leaving with Noah, leaving me, leaving at all, fuels the fire again. I wrangle out of my dad’s and Murphy’s grip and make a run for it almost knocking a lady into the pool accidentally. My focus is set on finding Mallory. Only her. She’s all that matters.
I dash up the path, running faster than I ever remember running, but I never had something worth running after before Mallory. I have to reach her before she’s leaves and ends everything we have going, before ending us.
My phone buzzes in my
pocket, but I don’t stop until the top of the driveway. “Fuck!” I yell, gasping for air while watching Sunny’s red tail lights fade into the distance.
Bending over, I rest my hands on my knees, breathing erratically, and swearing under my breath.
“Do you have a valet ticket, sir?”
I look up at the Valet guy, and ask, “Hey, there was a girl with long dark hair who just left. Did she leave with a guy in a Jeep or a girl in that old van?”
“The van.”
I smile and breathe out, my body finding some relief.
“Cool. Thanks, dude.”
My phone pings, reminding me that I have a voice message, so I drag my phone out of my pocket and enter my password.
“Mallory is coming to my house tonight. Give her the night. We’ll explain about Lani. You need to figure this shit out that I’m hearing about a text.” Zach lowers his voice and continues, “Come by in the morning. You guys need to talk when you’re sober. Later, brah.”
“Fuck!” I fucking want to slam my phone into the street, but I know I’ll need it in case she calls me. Please fucking call or at least text me, Mallory, I pray to the stars above. The sky is way too clear for how muddled my life is right now. It’s as if the universe doesn’t realize how messed up my life is.
I dial Mallory’s number, and of course, it goes straight to voicemail. Double Fuck! I leave a message. “Hey… ummmm… we need to talk, baby. I can explain. This has gotten crazy out of hand. Please call me back.”
I hang up as I walk back down the driveway, down the path, through the partygoers, and straight to the bar. I shouldn’t have shown up to the party buzzed from the pre-party at Zach’s and Murphy’s house. I should have known to have my wits about me. I shake my head thinking that it’s sad that I need to go to these lengths to protect someone I care about from my own fucking family, but once again, they’ve proven my instincts true. Reaching around, I grab a bottle of Jack Daniels.