by Terina Adams
Pushing aside yesterday and the weird moment with Jax was another important reason I agreed to come today. Elva said Holden and Jax hated each other, which made Holden an ally.
Curling his palms as invitation, enticing me toward him, he said, “Remember some of the skills I’ve taught you. Defend, counterattack.”
I would’ve rather stayed back and out of the way, but I didn’t want to disappoint him, so I stepped forward.
“Once you are proficient in your training, and that involves your mental proficiency as well as technical proficiency, then you start to fight on instinct. You stop thinking about your moves and just do them. You embody the knowledge of what it takes to survive.”
“What happens when you’re proficient in neither of them?”
“You learn to become proficient quicker.”
This was what I wanted, right? After all, I’d opted out of taking a break.
I tried for another of the kicks he’d taught me; I couldn’t even remember what he called it. Holden’s counterattack was swift but gentle and would’ve set me on my ass if he’d not caught me before I crashed into the mat. It could’ve been a cozy moment, but he set me back. “Again.”
If I’d wanted to test our friendship for possible potential, coming to his club was the wrong decision. His attention seemed channeled to the mat and technique.
I tried something different from my limited repertoire, to be rebuffed and sent spinning.
“Keep your focus. Believe in your ability.”
“Since this is my first time, I don’t have any ability at the moment.”
“But you have enough. This is me going gentle. You should be able to match my moves.”
Should was the only word I heard. Maybe Holden didn’t mean it as a judgment, but I couldn’t help but take it as one. Dad was good at expectations, but expectations only made me worse. I blew out a long and hard breath and eyed my opponent. What if I attacked first?
I tried for the first kick he’d shown me only to feel a sudden, short pain in the side of my ankle as Holden effortlessly blocked me. I jumped back, favoring my other leg.
He quirked an eyebrow as he eyed my foot. “Did I hurt you?” The tone of his question was neutral, if not tinged a smidge to annoyance. Perhaps reading something in my expression, he snapped out of his fight zone and relaxed his stance. “Sorry, it wasn’t my intention. I’m used to sparring with my students.”
Was that another judgment? “It’s all right. Feels fine now.”
“Let’s take that break.” He came toward me, resting his hand on my upper arm. “I’m being a jerk here.”
“No, you’re being passionate about something that has meaning to you.”
Again with that warm and inviting smile. Holden was a contradiction. Training with him today brought out an intensity I’d not witnessed the other night, and that was all right. My dad was an intense man who held strong passions and ideals. I had always admired that in him, even if it did mean he’d placed heavy expectations on us, expectations I struggled to achieve, expectations that made me feel like a failure.
“Come, let’s get a cool drink.”
I followed him out of the gym and into the reception arena to the slimline fridge behind his front counter. Without asking my preference, he handed me a can of soda, then leaned back on his desk. The club had yet to open, which gave us the peace and quiet to talk and the space to do what we wanted.
“How long have you owned the club?” Hopefully I wasn’t standing too close for him to smell my sweat, and I was not about to sniff my armpits to see if I did smell sweaty.
“Six months. It’s been a dream of mine.”
“How long have you been doing martial arts?”
“All my life. Or so it seems. It feels like I was born doing it.”
“You must really love it.”
“It’s as much a part of me as my personality.”
“It would be good to have something in your life you love that much.”
He ran a finger over the stubble on his chin as he eyed me. “You’ve got something you’re passionate about. You just don’t realize it yet.”
“If I don’t realize it, how can I be passionate about it?”
“Because it’s there inside of you. It always has been. Just because it’s yet to come out doesn’t mean it’s not there.”
“Hmm…I think that makes sense.”
“One day you’ll find out how close this side of you is to who you really are.”
That was a weird thing to say, I think? I couldn’t work out what was his point in all the cryptic talk.
“You have a natural talent buried deep inside, wanting out. All you need is the right trigger and the right person to guide you.”
“Let me guess, you’re the right person?”
It wasn’t until he laughed that I realized my chest had tightened. He was going too intense too soon, not to mention a little weird.
“I want to be.”
A hint stripped of subtlety. A warmth flowed up my neck into my cheeks. “How do you know Elva and Jax?”
Good job flipping the subject. Holden looked as though I’d told him I was pregnant with his child.
He shook his head and blinked. “I wasn’t expecting that bucket of ice water.”
“Sorry, you don’t have to answer.”
“How do you know Jax?” Although he kept his tone light, his eyes said his question was anything but casual.
“I met him at the party.” I didn’t owe it to him to tell the whole truth. We weren’t dating, not really. But he’d hinted that he wanted to be. Hadn’t he? Wasn’t that what he meant when he said he wanted to be my guide?
Lips pressed together, a muscle twitching in his jaw, Holden looked at the wall opposite the reception desk, giving me the chance to flick a look at his grip on the can and the white of his knuckles. Amazing how much Holden reminded me of Dad, the mask, the same wall holding back the anger, which nonetheless pulsed out through his body language and the invisible vibration of energy permeating the air. He placed his can on his desk and pushed off. “Shall we head back through?”
Conversation over, he left the reception area, drawing me along in his silence and into the cavernous room filled with the all the equipment necessary to turn duds like me into skilled competitors.
Holden returned to our training mat and turned to face me. “I suppose he’s told you we have history.”
“Messy history. But I think he was referring to Elva. She said you and Jax hated each other.”
“She? You spoke to her at the party as well?”
God, I was a hopeless liar. “It was after the party. I ran into them again.”
If I’d shot him in the chest, he’d look less surprised. “This is a friendly warning, Sable. Please take it as one. Jax is not someone you want to be around. Him nor the people he’s with.”
“I’m not interested in hanging around them, but I’m interested in why you said that.”
“They’re dangerous. Jax especially. Please, Sable, trust me. Stay away from them. They’re not for you.”
A bizarre comment to tack on the end. “How do you know them?”
“We grew up together.”
“Did you always hate each other?”
“Yes, it was inevitable.”
I didn’t believe in fate. “What about Elva?”
Like a sharp needle puncturing a balloon, the tension turning his body rigid dissipated. He finger combed his hair as he donned the look of a cornered animal. “Elva.” He shook his head. “It was crazy, stupid of us.”
“She still seems to harbor something for you if the way she looked at you the other night is any indication.”
“She’s a fool if she does.”
“Love’s not meant to be logical.”
He groaned a breath. I couldn’t tell if the groan was for my soppy sentiment or if he still felt trapped. “If you had said lust, you would’ve been more accurate.”
I’m sure Jax said sh
e would never have let him go. Typical guy, they rarely committed as much. But then what would I know? Just bathroom gossip in the school toilets, overheard conversations, which involved a lot of tears.
“But I’m serious, Sable, please promise me you’ll stay away. You can’t trust Jax. He’s manipulative and cruel-hearted.”
I should but I couldn’t tell Holden about my conversation with Jax because I was embarrassed at how easily he’d conned me and manipulated me into playing his game, which was so weird. Why a game? But I could handle playing a stupid online game. I’d get beaten within minutes and he’d grow bored with having me as his gaming partner.
“Did you know his family was murdered?”
“He told you that?” Holden was acting freakishly intense.
“I thought it was too personal a thing to say to a stranger, but…” I shrugged. “He’s on a vendetta.”
Two strides and Holden was on top of me. The sour smell of his sweat rushed over me. “What else did he say?”
On instinct, I stepped back a few paces, which helped soothe my sudden amped heart rate and snapped Holden out of his bizarre mood. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you. It’s… I never expected this. He shouldn’t have been at the party. If I’d known, I would not have invited you.”
“Why? Why would he care about me?”
“He doesn’t. He doesn’t care about anyone but himself. But he saw you with me and that’s what’s made you a target. He’d do anything to teach me a lesson.”
Maybe so but he’d started pestering me before that night, before I’d met Holden.
It was all such a sudden shock, everything unfolding too fast. I didn’t know what to believe, what to say, more importantly what to reveal. Reveal! Why should I think I had something to hide? Why should I think it needed to be hidden?
Dad went to jail and our whole life went to hell, but it didn’t stop there. It seemed the slide to hell was longer and greater than I could’ve dreamed.
Chapter 10
The cold that penetrated chilled me down to my core. There were two people sitting on the bus seat. One small and one big. The small person was Ajay, waiting for me to meet him, but I was late thanks to an accident two blocks away. Ajay talked with his hands, waving them around like he did when he became excited about something. Sitting next to him was Jax, appearing interested in everything Ajay had to say. After Dad’s stranger-danger schooling, Ajay never spoke to anyone he didn’t know. He seemed to have forgotten that fact.
Neither noticed me until I stood directly in front of them. Ajay leaped to his feet and pointed a finger at me.
“You’re late.”
“You all right?”
He scrunched up his face like he thought I was an idiot. “Yeah.”
I didn’t want to alarm Ajay by lashing out at Jax, so I continued to ignore the one who had no right to be here.
“Sorry. There was an accident a couple of blocks back.”
Ajay shrugged and quickly lost interest in our conversation.
I focused on Jax and schooled my voice to calm. “What are you doing here?”
“We have a date.”
Ajay reacted with a jerk of his head toward Jax, his eyes narrowing. His big sister didn’t do dates; she wasn’t allowed to date. Now Dad would know as there was no way Ajay would keep this whopper of a secret to himself.
Jesus, how to get out of this one? “No, we don’t.”
“Did I get my days mixed up?”
This was not Jax, not this friendly guy with the casual smile. But the lie, now that was Jax.
I ignored him. “Come on, Ajay, we have to get home.”
He pulled away from me. “But what about your date?”
“We don’t have a date.”
Jax rose from the bus seat so he was between Ajay and me. “Actually we do. I notified the prison we would be arriving in half an hour.”
“You did what?”
“Are we going to see Dad?”
“Ajay…no…” Why was Jax doing this?
I glared at him. There were so many things I wanted to yell at him right now, but not in the street or in front of Ajay. I felt like I’d been maneuvered into this position. He’d manipulated me once again.
“If you want to make it, I suggest we get going.”
Ajay punched the air. “Yay, we’re going to see Dad.” He grabbed my hand and pulled. “Come on, what are you waiting for? Jax’s car is over here. I saw him pull up in it. It’s real fancy.”
I couldn’t take Ajay. There were things I needed to say to Dad without Ajay present. And I needed to think hard about what and how I would say them.
I slipped my hand from his. “Ajay, you go ahead. I need to have a word with Jax.”
Ajay rolled his eyes. “Boring. Just don’t make it long.”
I waited until he was farther down the street, heading for a black sports car, before I turned on Jax. “How dare you. I can’t believe you’re here. You’re invading my privacy. Ajay’s off-limits.”
He remained calm through my onslaught. “I thought it was important. You need to save your mum, don’t you? I’m of legal age, so you can come with me.”
“You’re out of your mind.”
“I’m offering my help.”
“I don’t want your help. You had no right to speak to Ajay.”
“Are you prepared to disappoint him? He’s psyched about seeing his dad.”
The stress of arguing with him made me feel weak. “I can’t believe you did this.” I covered my face with my hands as if it would make the moment disappear.
“I thought it would help.”
“No you didn’t. Since when have you acted altruistically? Besides, I can’t say what I want to say to Dad while Ajay’s around.”
“I’ll wait with him outside somewhere.”
“And let him miss his chance to see Dad? He won’t do that.”
“How about I keep Ajay to start with while you talk, then he can come through.”
His persistent solutions told me he wasn’t going to back down. I needed to see Dad, help Mum ASAP, but, yet again, he’d manipulated everything to turn it in his favor. I had my solution, but I also wanted to claw at him for interfering. “You’ve got to stay out of sight. Dad can’t see you.”
“Sure, anything you say.” I eyed him. Was he making fun of me with his schoolboy compliance?
“It’s useless anyhow. Ajay will tell him.”
“What’s so bad about that? We’re friends.”
“You don’t know my dad. I’m not allowed to have male friends.”
“I’ll have a word with Ajay, ask him to keep it a secret.”
“No you won’t. You have no reason to talk to Ajay again.”
“So we’re on.”
I could strangle him right now. “How did you know where to meet Ajay?”
“I have my ways of finding things out.”
“That’s totally creepy.”
“I’m here as a favor, that’s all.”
“I don’t trust you.”
“Good. Now you’ve got that out we can go?” Without waiting for me to reply, he headed for his car.
Of course it would be a sports car. Ajay leaned against the door, smiling a stupid excited smile as we neared. He might be ten but he was still a boy, old enough to be impressed by a fancy car. I was immune to the sleek beauty of it, having climbed into many expensive cars in my time. The interior smelt new, that leather and upholstery smell that took months to clear. The carpet looked like it had never had feet on it. Ajay climbed in the back without a second glance in my direction, so I retreated to the front. If I wasn’t here, Ajay would probably still jump in Jax’s car, which was wrong.
Jax swung out into the traffic with the ease of someone born behind a wheel then reared in a rally race and wove through the traffic as if the cars were parked. At a set of lights, he pulled headphones from his glove compartment and handed them back to Ajay.
“You’ll hear some cool stu
ff if you put these on.”
Ajay did as directed, effectively cutting himself off from our conversation, Jax’s intention, no doubt.
“You said earlier you weren’t allowed to have male friends.”
I wish I hadn’t. “What makes you think you have a right to ask questions about my life?”
“I thought some friendly conversation would be nice.”
“You’ve done nothing but manipulate me so far. Where’s the friendliness in that?”
“It was some of the things you said the other day at my apartment. I don’t have a family anymore. I just want to help you with yours.”
I looked across to him, but staring at his profile, I couldn’t gauge his sincerity. “My dad brought us up to believe everyone had an ulterior motive, that few were trustworthy.” I didn’t believe he genuinely wanted to help, but I was weary. I felt weary every day now.
“A protective father. Nothing wrong with that. But it’s a sad life if you never trust anyone. It keeps you closed to great opportunities. Great people.”
“Are you including yourself in that description?”
He cast me a sideways glance with a lazy smile but didn’t say anything.
I stared out the window to give me some distance from any further conversation. All I could think of was Dad’s reaction on seeing me. What was I going to say to him?
“Dad’s and my relationship is strained. I can’t forgive him for what he did and for what he’s done to our family.” If only I could cork my mouth. Why tell him these things when I didn’t like him?
“Understandable.”
“I’m not sure how he’s going to take the news about Mum. I almost don’t want to tell him. It will gut him.”
“No doubt. But aren’t you doing this for your mum’s sake?”