by Terina Adams
“Jesus, you’re as stubborn as your father.”
I took that as a compliment. The smile creeped in despite my best efforts to keep it hidden. Holden responded with a thin smile.
“What do we do first, fight with our bodies or fight with our minds?”
He hooked an arm around my neck and drew me to one side of the room. “There’s no stopping you.” Still with his arm around my neck, he guided me to one of his sparring dummies and positioned me in front.
“Sable, meet bad guy. Bad guy, meet Sable. These guys are expensive, so I hate to see him die, but it’s for a vital course. Now tell me what you experience before you release your ability.”
“You want me to do it now?” He was joking. Had to be.
“I thought this is what you wanted?”
“Here?”
“No better time.”
And time was running out. I looked back to the dummy. “It feels like doors opening, barriers sliding away, and something is bursting to get out.” With each explanation, the tempo of my pulse increased. Did I really want to do this, face my factional nature, something I saw as an evil side of me?
He nodded. “That’s normal. The shifts will lessen in time. At the moment, your mind is holding it back. It’s been locked away all this time. But once you get good at calling upon destruction, the barriers will disappear.”
“But don’t I need the barriers to hold it in check?”
“Yes, but it’s not how it’s supposed to work. Normally there is no barrier to your ability. It moves as freely through you as any mental thought. But it does mean it will become your desire. You’ll be obsessed with the need for destruction.”
“I don’t want to be like that.”
“And you don’t have to be. But you must first release your ability from the binds of your mind. Only once you’re consumed by the force of its power can you learn to master it.”
“Or it will master me.” And I would become like the monster Jax saw inside himself.
“You’re too strong and stubborn for that to happen.”
Did he really think so?
“Okay.” He moved around to stand behind me and placed his hands on my shoulders. “I want you to focus on those barriers. Find a way to open them.”
“But it comes rushing out when I do.”
“The best thing to do when that happens is to try and channel it down into your body rather than outward. It’s the only way to learn control. Use your body as the barrier once your mental restraints are weakened. Harness it inside.”
I nodded.
He let me go, and I took that as the signal to start. I closed my eyes and focused on that place somewhere inside my mind that hid my factional nature. All I got was a load of mental images and thoughts about how much I was going to suck at this. I bit my bottom lip until it hurt as a way to force my concentration. Still nothing.
“I can’t find it.”
“I expected as much. In the beginning, it’s usually triggered by extreme stress.”
“What do we do?”
“We fight. You and me.”
“That’s not exactly extreme stress.”
“You haven’t fought me for real.”
He took my hand and led me into the center of the room, leaving the dummy behind. “I’m not going to hold back…well, maybe a little, but don’t expect this to be easy; otherwise we won’t succeed.”
“What happens when it comes through? I could hurt you.”
He winked. “Try.”
“Holden, this is serious.”
“This is the best way for you to master your ability. Hold it in or destroy me. It’s up to you.”
“No, I can’t do this.”
“Do you want to help your father?”
“Yes, but there has to be another way. Why can’t we go into Dominus? I can fight bots.”
“Without Dominus, you wouldn’t be this far along, but it’s the worst place to be while you’re trying to master control.” Because I could fry my brain. But wasn’t a fried brain better than killing someone?
I backed up, holding my hands up in surrender. “No, not with you. It’s too dangerous.”
“You pull back and Carter wins.”
“He won’t because I’ll find another way to control it.”
“Ajay’s a ripe age, easily manipulated. Carter plans to replace the vacuum in your family with himself.”
“He won’t get a chance. I’ll stop him.”
“He will make your mother forget about Nixon. She’ll fall in love with him instead.”
“She loves Dad too much.”
“Your dad’s locked away. At some point, your mum will get lonely. She’ll crave company, the touch of a man.”
I shook my head. “No she won’t.”
“Are you so sure?”
“Stop it.”
“You know I’m right. Her life is empty now. Ajay will want a father. Someone who can take his father’s place. Perhaps you will too at some point when your father’s memory slips away.”
“No.”
Holden nodded. “I think so. Perhaps it’s happening already.”
The barriers exploded in my mind, leaving me feeling like I’d been smashed across the head with steel piping. The power tunneled out in a voluminous rush, like a great channel of water. In my mind, something took over, something dark and dangerous. It rode on the back of the wave through my body until it infected my heart—the dark, delicious desire to destroy.
This wasn’t me, this feeling that took over. If I let it become me, I would kill Holden. But the torment in refusing the calling to become my factional nature tore me apart.
I fell to my knees as the dizziness took hold. I was losing control, and in the process of fading, I was going to kill Holden. I had to be stronger than this, had to be better.
The agony on Jax’s face when he told me how much the bloodlust consumed him flashed through my mind. He was better than this.
I fought against my yearning. I grunted with effort as I tried to draw my power back in, tried to funnel it into my body, where I could hopefully contain it, but the effort was enormous. All I felt was the power coursing through me and out. I lost control.
The noise was so loud it felt like my eardrums burst. With the blowback of the explosion, I was sent onto my back, an invisible pressure at my chest. Debris rained down on me, across my face, grit sticking to my eyelashes, slipping into my mouth. I coughed through the dust as Holden crawled over and patted my arm, then drew me in for a hug. I turned over to look at him, seeing white in his eyelashes and a fine casting of dust covering his face and shirt.
“I’ll take that as a positive start.”
I looked around us at the aftermath, then up at the sky, which I was able to do because the roof was no longer there.
Chapter 27
When the lift doors swung wide, Jax turned to face me. Seized mid-stride, his body language poised like the guilty, I too froze in the entrance to the lift. What was it I read in the silence surrounding him, the taut twist of his body, and the hollowness behind his expression? Unfamiliar voices spilled from the gaming room. This was not nerves, surely?
“How many new players are there?”
“Six more.”
“I hope they’re on our side.” I managed to find a small smile, not sure where it came from.
“We play together. If that’s what you mean.”
“Is this Carter’s doing?”
“Everything is Carter’s doing. I hope you always remember that.”
Jax was being his usual intense, somber self. No surprises given we were about to enter Dominus, but this time, something in the way he stood, avoiding my eyes, looking like he wanted to be elsewhere, and I wanted to back away to the lift. Most of what Jax said made me feel angry, frustrated, or helpless, usually all three at once. Him standing there, stalled on what he was about to say like the words were a burden to speak, I wanted to be anywhere but in this apartment, alone with him.
“Sable.” Weighted like lead, my name sunk in the air once out of his mouth.
“What?” I could see the effort it took for him to say just one word.
“Carter was right, I did bet against you surviving Dominus.”
My legs itched to turn me around and lead me to the gaming room. The wild beat of my heart said leave now. This was not the conversation I wanted to hear; but this was the conversation we had to have.
What he was about to say would change a lot, if not everything, so I gave him all the time in the world to say it.
His deep sigh carried all my fear and pain along with his. “We’re about to enter Dominus. I shouldn’t have started this now.”
“Don’t you dare. Finish what you were going to say.”
Emboldened by my harsh tone, he fisted his hands then relaxed them by his sides. “Remember when I said I wanted to take everything precious from the man who murdered my family?”
He was right; this was not the conversation to have just before we entered Dominus. Because I knew. I knew what his next words would be, and I couldn’t bear it.
“I thought it would make me feel different. Make everything better. But you were right—”
“Stop.”
“I agreed to recruit you because I wanted my revenge.”
“Stop it.”
“I can’t now, Sable. I have to say this to the very end. It’s why your dad went mental the day he saw me at the prison. He knew I’d gotten to you, and he was afraid.”
“Shut up. Just shut your mouth.”
“I planned for you to fail. Then I planned for Ajay to fail. And I would be the one to tell your father.”
“Why are you telling me this?” It was nothing more than an agonized plea.
“You needed to hear it. You need to know the monster in me. You’ve seen my true nature, and now you know what I planned for you. I’m not the sort of person you should want to be with. No one should want to be with an Aris, especially not me.” His strides ate the distance between us. “We harness fury and turn it into a weapon with which to destroy those who are not like us. We don’t need weapons because we kill with our hands and teeth. We bathe in the blood of our enemies.” He grabbed me by the upper arms, dragging me close. “We crave death in all its beauty.” He rested his forehead to mine. “Bloodlust is a torturous thing.”
Knowing the truth was also a torturous thing. He let me go when I pulled away from him.
“I wanted to see you fail, but instead I’ve done nothing but protect you. I despised your father for what he did, and I wanted to despise you. But I can’t.”
My dad had killed everyone Jax loved, not just his dad, but his baby sister and his mother, leaving him alone, without family.
“Your father punished the innocent, but I cannot do the same. I can’t hate that much.”
My strength drained, with it the will to stay standing. The sofa close by cushioned my fall as my legs weakened under the strain of supporting a body too heavy to keep upright. I sunk down onto the armrest, then curled further until I was hidden behind my hands, but that was not hidden enough.
Behind my wall, I heard the door to the gaming room open. “Are we doing this?”
Normally I would hate for Elva to see me feeling raw, but Jax had peeled everything from me.
Elva gave us both the escape we needed.
There were ten of us in all, three extra Aris and two Persal. The idea was to slowly populate the game with people instead of bots, giving me time to learn how to work with more active players to achieve our end goal. I glanced around at the newcomers, expecting to see another face from school. We all stood off the mat dressed in our regulatory white suits with silver dots.
I flicked a glance at Jax, but he avoided my eyes. Everything was moving too fast. I’d no time to think about any of what Jax had said. For so long I’d believed Dad a murderer. Turned out he was. The courts might have charged him with the wrong murder but it didn’t make him innocent. I’d already been gutted by his lies, learned to harden my heart against him, so this new revelation did not tear me apart, at least not where Dad was concerned. But what about Jax?
We were about to enter Dominus at a higher level, so I didn’t have time to think about what this revelation meant for us. If the vendetta was still in his heart, why bother training me and saving me? Why tell me the truth if he planned on using me to crucify Dad? Should I trust him in Dominus or did I stick to Holden?
My eyes dropped to the floor and everyone’s socked feet with silver dots, the safest place to look. At least I could control my emotions better while looking at neutral ground.
“Sable, new to your party are Reg and Malvo. On Aris are Sam, Nuke, and—” Jax said, like he hadn’t just revealed a crucial shocking truth.
“Striker.” He smiled sheepishly at me. “Might as well know my game name. Real name’s Patrick.”
Patrick was on the thin side and not much taller than me, but his smile was genuine, although a smidgeon too eager for my liking. None of the others had bothered to take a new name in Dominus. No doubt he liked to be someone other than himself when playing.
“You got a game name?” He bled excessive energy. No one should be keen to play Dominus.
“No.”
“You should. Focuses your drive. You know what I’m saying?”
Jax came between us, ending the conversation. “We go in at level five. Our task is to capture the Central Airways terminal and lock down the area. No one arrives at the terminal and no one leaves. And I’m setting the clock on this one.”
“Is that wise?” Holden glanced at me.
“Carter’s orders.”
All eyes met mine, telling me I was the reason for the order. Patrick’s smile split his face, as if raising the stakes was the best part about playing.
“And that means?” I said.
“It’s a time-sensitive task. How long have we got?” Tyren said.
“One hour,” Jax said.
“Whose time limit is that?”
Jax eyed me. “Carter’s.”
Tyren slung an arm around my shoulder and led me onto the mat. “Don’t sweat it. It’s as good as done.”
I extracted myself from under his shoulder. “If we’re not successful?”
“We will be.” He flicked me under the chin, winked when I stared up into his eyes.
I knew little about Tyren, about any of them. Since I had to rely on these guys, blanks in my understanding of them weren’t good. Important details, like what brought them to this point, instilled their belief in Carter and his plan, were vital pieces of a jigsaw. I’d have more confidence in trusting them to help me through Dominus if I understood their history, passions, goals, and beliefs. Surely they had family, people who’d be wondering where they were, what they were doing, if they were all right.
The rest followed us onto the mat, finding a position clear of everyone else.
Since the gulf between Jax and me had grown too great, I turned to Holden. “Do we get out if we fail to capture the Central terminal before the hour?”
A smile his only reply, which meant no.
“How many kills do we need?”
“Whoever gets in your way.”
“But I can’t control my ability and that’s the only thing I have. What if one of you guys gets in the way?”
He ran a hand down my arm, a soothing gesture, which fell way short of his intention. “I’ll be there. I’ll help you.”
“It’s time you chose a weapon,” Jax said.
“I haven’t trained with one yet.”
“Start small, like a dagger. They’re easier to wield.”
“And useless.”
“There’s enough of us to keep you covered for the most part. You do need your own kills and that’s where your ability can help. Holden will keep a close eye on you. You also have Reg and Malvo. Both are experienced Persal who can help gui
de you through. Just remember, it’s a matter of keeping control.”
Sure, no problem.
“Yeah, we all want to survive.” Patrick snorted a laugh. Did he know that at least two people had died playing Dominus? Patrick was from my world. This wasn’t his war. Neither was it Sam’s, Nuke’s, or Reg’s, or any of the other hundreds they claimed to have already recruited.
I glared at Jax, which wasn’t going to help. This was not his call. Carter had earned himself some more hate points from me. I glanced at Holden, then around me to each of the others, who were already slipping on their game faces, stoic yet withdrawn, each doing whatever was needed to prepare themselves for entering the game. Had anyone told them the truth of Dominus? If so, what was the bribe that won their loyalty?
Soon I found I was the only one not wearing goggles, the only one who seemed to understand what it was we were really doing. Half the party held no allegiance to this other world, yet they were willing to slip their goggles down and risk their lives to fulfill the ideals of a madman.
The hardest thing for me to do was lower my goggles, commit myself to level five of Dominus.
A row of weapons appeared in front of my vision, blades decreasing in size from left to right. Nothing interested me, but I had to select something.
“Can I see the tri-blade on the far right?”
The blade enlarged while all the others faded into the background. I couldn’t wield a single blade, but perhaps I could throw. Since this weapon had three blades radiating outward, I was bound to hit my opponent with one of them.
Jax walked toward me with the blade flat in the palm of his hand. “Interesting weapon. I hope you have a good arm for throwing.”
It was smaller than I expected, but the perfect size for my grip. The handles were made of jade, cold and smooth to the touch, according to my mind, which was busy fabricating signals for something that didn’t really exist.
“Use a pinch grip, like this. Make sure when you throw it you keep your arm in line with the target. Don’t move it across your body like this.”
“Got it.” Without hours of training, there was no way I would throw effectively, but I listened hard all the same.